Hell and Back

Overall Description - You know your family's different when Daddy will probably help bugger up the Apocalypse, your Grampy is called Pest - Pestil - a big long word that means you don't feel good, and your Uncle likes to play Vice City in an actual city... But who cares? They all love you anyways. In fact, they'd go to Hell and Back for you...

A/N - Completely random thought...no idea how much sugar I'd had that day, or what. Anyways, it is cute, non? Or it will be, eventually. Not particularly original, I suppose, but for this particular section, yes, it kind of is... This fic was written purely for the sake of satisfying a random idea.

It will be divided into three sections, Past, Present, and Epilogue, with various chapters within those sections. And the timeline is different than the Good Omens one. Enjoy!

Disclaimer - Don't own. Am trying to come up with a way to successfully capture Aziraphale or Crowley. Am not having any luck.

(Oh yeah! Forgot to mention! NO SLASH! So depending on whether or not that's your thing, make up your mind whether you're going to read this or not! Still here? OK! Here we go!)

-8-

Past

Rrrriiiiiiiiinnnnng!

"Damn!" said Crowley, forced to leave off causing a traffic jam in the street in front of his apartment.

Rrrrriiiiiiiiiinnnnnngg!

Crowley sighed and left the balcony, going back into the apartment. The demon sauntered over to the phone and waited, then picked it up in the middle of the fifth ring, a split second before the ansaphone would have picked it up. He liked to frustrate callers like that. It was a demon thing (1). "Yeah?"

"Crowley! Thank goodness! I've been trying to catch up with you for hours now! Where were you?" Aziraphale's voice sounded far more frantic than the demon had ever heard it.

"Out. Hey, I found this really excellent restaurant -"

"Listen, Crowley, this is urgent -"

"It had better be. I was working."

"Will you shut up and listen to me!" The angel had nearly lost his patience. "I need to talk to you!"

"What is it?" Crowley knew it was time to stop baiting the other before he witnessed divine rage.

"I can't tell you over the phone. You have to come to the hospital."

"Hospital? What the hell are you doing in a hospital?"

"No time to explain. You have to come now. I can't talk much longer. I've got to get back."

"What hospital? What ward?"

"London General. I - I'll meet you at the front. I've got to go -"

Crowley cut him off, sensing something big, something that made the angel...guilty. "Wait a minute. Aziraphale...does this have anything to do with when you phoned me a couple months ago and asked me exactly what would qualify as a mortal sin? Or... perhaps you meant an immortal one? What have you done?"

Pause. "No - I - I'll tell you when you get here," he said finally. "I've got to go, Crowley."

Click.

Crowley stared at the phone in dismay before reluctantly replacing it. "What have you got yourself into now, angel?" he muttered under his breath before heading for his coat.

-8-

Aziraphale had been waiting outside for fifteen very tense minutes before the Bentley pulled up and parked in the No Parking zone. Crowley got out and strode up the walk towards Aziraphale, looking distinctly miffed. "Sorry I'm late. Got caught in my own damn traffic jam. Where's the fire?"

"Follow me." The angel set off at a great pace. Crowley had to jog to keep up. Aziraphale didn't notice. His mind was back in the hospital room already.

"Where are we going?"

Aziraphale didn't answer. Crowley strained to read the names on the walls as they entered a ward. He stopped, and stared, completely bewildered, and then had to sprint to catch up with his friend. "Maternity?! What in Hell's name are we doing here? Are you sure we're going to the right place?"

"We're going to the right place." Aziraphale took a right, then a left, then another left, and then stopped in front of a door. Crowley almost collided with him. He'd stopped very unexpectedly.

The angel put his hand on the doorknob, paused, and turned to look earnestly at the demon. He swallowed hard. He had to explain now, before Crowley saw. "I've got myself into a mess."

"I figured as much."

"I've got myself into a really big mess."

"A big mess that got someone into the Maternity ward. Yeah. I know."

Aziraphale looked miserable.

"I can't believe this. I really can't believe this. I mean, you, of all people -" A wicked smile flickered across Crowley's face. "This is just too rich. You, of all people, getting some woman knocked up -"

Aziraphale turned bright red. "Do not say that," he hissed. "She is my wife. We are married. It isn't anything like what you think it is!"

"Still, I'm impressed, Aziraphale. Really, I am. However, I know someone who won't be. Heaven. Is that why I'm here? So I can help you keep this under wraps?"

"I was hoping you would help me keep this from getting to Heaven's attention, yes. But I also felt that you deserved to know, so if I Fall -" Aziraphale looked wretched. "I don't want to Fall for this. I'd be banished to Hell for all eternity, and Sara and our child would be all alone. So, if I do Fall -"

There was a long, hopeful pause, and then the penny dropped. "Oh no you don't."

"Please, Crowley?" begged Aziraphale.

"No. You are not pinning that responsibility on me!"

"They don't have anyone else, Crowley! You're the only one I trust to do something like this for me! You're the only one besides Sara that I do trust. After all, you were almost in the same position -"

Crowley's expression froze over. "That was a long time ago."

"But still, you -"

"It's history now, OK? And anyways, I'm still not being Replacement Daddy for you, because you are not going to Fall! We're going to keep this quiet and your precious little family together because otherwise I'll be stuck with them! I'm doing this to save my own skin. Are we clear?"

A small smile grew on Aziraphale's face, then wilted and died.(2) "I knew I could count on you. Thank you, Crowley."

"Huh." Crowley snorted. "Yeah. Count on me. That's right. Come on, you might as well introduce me to the rest of your family, before it gets any bigger. Lead the way, angel."

All was quiet in the hospital room. The pale woman in the bed had her eyes closed as though she were sleeping. Her auburn curls were still damp with sweat from the labour of birth. She looked utterly exhausted.

"This is Sara. "Aziraphale reached out and took her hand in both of his. "You made me miss the end of her labour," he added, somewhat reproachfully.

"Aziraphale?" Sara opened her eyes, smiled sleepily up at him. He stroked her hair fondly. "Everything's fine. It's a girl."

"A girl. That's wonderful, darling. Where is she?"

Sara pointed to the bassinet beside her. Both supernatural beings leaned over to look. The child was sleeping. Reddish fuzz covered her head, and her eyes were screwed up tightly. She looked much like all newborns look, really. If Crowley did not have the proof before him he would never, never, never have believed it was Aziraphale's, but there it was.

"She's beautiful," the angel told his wife. She nodded, and closed her eyes again.

"We need to name her," she said drowsily.

"How about Churchill-ette?" said Crowley under his breath. Aziraphale elbowed the demon hard and hoped Sara hadn't heard him.

"No...that doesn't seem right..." she murmured. "Mistaya...? ...or Simone..."

"Don't worry about it now, Sara," Aziraphale said kindly. "You need to rest. Go back to sleep..."

"How about...Adele?"

"Adele?" Aziraphale looked confused for a moment, then he turned to look at his daughter. In a way, she did look like an Adele. "Yes, I think that's perfect."

"Good..." Sara said sleepily. Within moments her breathing was deep and even.

Aziraphale watched his wife and child sleepily tenderly for a long moment, until Crowley poked him in the arm.

"Hey. Does she know the kid's half-angel?" he asked in a stage whisper.

Aziraphale nodded. "She knows everything. I care too much for her to be dishonest with her."

"Very noble of you, I'm sure. Yet, by falling for her in the first place, she'll almost certainly lose you forever, plus she'll be damned to Hell when Above finds out. You know how they are about this kind of stuff, especially when it involves angels. With demons, it's almost expected." Crowley smirked. "You should have been born a demon, angel. It would have made this all much easier."

Aziraphale looked miserable. "I know all that. I warned her at the start, when she wanted to get married. She didn't listen, Crowley. She told me that love's more important than anything."

"More important than eternal torment?"

"Shut up. Above's not going to find out. I'll go to Hell myself, first."

"One of us probably will, before this is over," Crowley predicted gloomily.

-8-

(1) As was the concept of telemarketing, but that's another story.

(2) Aziraphale never did have a knack for plants of any description, even metaphorical ones.