AN:I dunno what I'm getting up to yet...but i dunno its another G/D that i cant see having a happy ending but i think it may be worth reading. This ones for Celeigh and Rae! who read this first chapter first!! DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, nothing do i own..everything is JK ROWLINGS..obviously. In this fic Blaise is a guy, i believe thats what he is isn't it? Cant remember what she said. Summary: Draco wonders what its like to be happy, torn between the decision to end his life or become a Death Eater a game of poker puts him in a situation where he may be able to learn to be happy..even if only for a while
Im trying out this layout..did ANYONE FIND HOW TO INDENT!?!? im going nutso here
She sits at a table in the library, by a sunlit window looking mindlessly over the Hogwarts grounds while twirling a finger around her shimmering deep-red hair. Alone like he is, but there's one large difference, she's smiling.
He watched her from his table, wondering how she can be like that. They are both usually alone, but he wonders how she doesn't seem to mind. He'd spot her time to time just by herself on the grounds, the same innocent and bemused smile on her dusty pink lips, she didn't smile with her teeth, just a slight curve to her mouth seemed to be just as bright as a light in the dark.
When he was alone he was just as miserable as he was around people. He wondered how she did it, how could she always just be so happy? He sat back in his chair running a hand through his silvery-blonde hair and looking back to his studies. He wondered what it felt like to be happy.
Someone whispers to her and she shakes out of her reverie, her smile barely fading. He wonders if her lips ever get tired, does she still smile while she sleeps? What if she got her heart broken? Would she still smile through it? She hands another girl a large red book she had and the girl walks away and still she seems happy even though she's alone again.
Draco felt so immensely jealous. Why does the Weasley girl get to be happy and cheerful all the time? Why couldn't he be like that? He rubbed his arm a little, the Dark Mark would be placed there this summer and the only way he could escape serving the Dark Lord was to die, and to be honest Draco was wondering what he had to live for.
But her. She seemed to have no cares in the world, he had just noticed her this year, not because she was pretty, or one of his worst enemies sister. But he noticed she was happy every time he saw her, and that possibility that someone could enjoy life that much intrigued him to the very core of his being.
But she was poor wasn't she? And didn't have that many friends, sure she had two friends he sometimes saw her with. Wasn't she obsessed with the 'Brilliant Boy Who Lived'? And yet Potter was always watching that Chang girl out of the corner of his eye. Draco noticed things, he noticed everything because he was always alone, and always found others so confusing.
Didn't she have any problems? He wondered as she began to gather up her things. She knocked one of her books off her table and leaned off her chair to pick it up, she glanced up in his direction and her chocolatey-brown eyes met with his cold grey ones. And to his surprise she didn't look at him disgusted, she looked a little pensive, but smiled lightly and looked away putting her book into her bag and getting to her feet.
She joined a couple of her friends, a odd looking blonde haired girl with large glasses and that annoying Longbottom git. He wondered if she ever wanted normal friends, he watched her leave out of the corner of his eye and saw her glance back to him as she was stepping out of the door.
Strangely he felt like studying wasn't possible anymore, but then again he hadn't been studying at all. Well he was, but he knew it was something he was going to fail. He was studying what a happy person was like, and was maybe going to attempt being happy himself.
Draco yawned, he was bored out of his mind throwing down his cards. He was usually excellent at poker but today he had lost over seventy galleons and wasn't up to giving away anymore of his money.
"No more money mates, that was my last round." he thought about how easy it was to call Crabbe, Goyle, Parkinson, and Blaise his mates though he loathed every single one of them.
"No way Malfoy, you lost so I at least get to give you something to do you'll find terribly agonizing." Blaise laughed, though Draco seemed to have a lot in common with the tall Slytherin boy Draco actually loathed him the most.
"Whatever." Draco shrugged stretching his arms above his head, hearing Pansy sigh he rolled his eyes and glared. "To think my father wants me to marry that cow." he thought bitterly. The more he thought about it the more appealing dying sounded.
It wasn't that Draco hated being in Slytherin, he did belong there he was devious, selfish, cunning, materialistic and was a typical 'bad ass.' But the one Slytherin trait that had been played out for as long as he could remember was joining Voldemort. And quite contrary to what anyone thought of him, he had no interest in that.
Draco wanted to travel, he wanted to explore the tombs in Egypt and visit every haunted building and castle he could possibly find. He wanted to get a magic motorbike and leather jacket and travel around England. He wanted to find something he could do in his life to try and fill the empty void inside of him, to put an end to this terrible and annoying self reflection he always did to try and find out what he really wanted.
Draco loved haunted things, the things most people found horrifying fascinated him. He wanted to come across a werewolf, or maybe a violent haunting in some crumbling manor in Wales. But he didn't want to kill people for the mere sake of killing. He didn't see any point in it, to be honest he though Voldemort a coward, a bitter sorry-ass of a wizard hiding behind too many bodyguards and a magic stick.
"Here's what were going to do." Blaise started, Draco yawned again waving a hand boredly telling him to proceed. "Well since you claim you can get any girl, better then anyone else. We're going to write every letter of the alphabet down on a piece of paper then cut em up and then do it again and put the double set of letters in a cauldron. We'll use a random picking spell and pull out two letters to make up two initials and we'll think of the most difficult girl for you to try and get to succumb to your charms."
"Whatever." Draco nodded again standing up. "I have an owl to send I'll be back for your bloody pick of the witch." he said, knocking his chair over carelessly and heading to his dorm. His owl was out, and he didn't care. He touched the lock of his dark black trunk and it magically unlocked and he pulled out of the bottom a long piece of parchment.
On it were all the reasons he should become a Death Eater. He wondered if it could possibly fill the emptiness inside of him. Wouldn't he be a part of something for life? If everyone thought he would become a Death Eater why not? His father seemed to love killing so why couldn't he learn to as well?
Draco closed his trunk again, right now it seemed about his best shot. He had two cowardly options and he didn't know which one to choose. Either he end everything and perform Avada Kedavra on himself or join the Death Eaters. He left his room thinking he had no other choices, giving himself a month to make up his mind since there were only two months of Hogwarts left.
He crossed his arms heading back to the common room, and raised an eyebrow at Blaise.
"Well?" he asked. "Well if it's a plus side if I do pick the killing option at least I might get screwed before I go." he thought, strangely the thought didn't really provide any comfort.
"I got G." Blaise said, he looked to Goyle who was squinting terribly at the small piece of paper.
"Well you idiot?" Draco yawned.
"Uh..well I think its an M." he said in his gorilla like way of speech. Draco sighed.
"Alright pick someone Zambini." he said impatiently. Crabbe looked at the piece of paper Goyle was holding and narrowed his small eyes in his fat face.
"Uh...what's the line over the M mean Blaise?" he asked stupidly. Blaise growled impatiently and snatched the paper out of Goyle's huge hands.
"That's a W you idiots." he snapped. Draco felt his blood run cold, hopefully they had no idea of the person he was thinking of existed. Sure he liked to watch her, but that didn't mean he didn't want to attempt to 'woo' her, to be honest he really didn't want anything to do with her.
"WEASLEY!!" Zambini laughed giving Draco a slap on the back as though reading Draco's worst thought. Draco groaned and hit himself on the forehead wishing he wasn't so cheap not to continue playing with money.
He watched her while playing Quidditch, she was by the lake randomly dancing with her blonde haired friend. Obviously excited about something she spun around and he could hear her laughter from up in the air, he watched her hair and skirt swirl out around her, she didn't even stop laughing as she fell over and collided with her blonde haired friend.
How was he going to pull this one off? He thought to himself. As he caught a Quaffle for his warm up, and tossed it back to another player. He watched her get to her feet and brush herself off, and to his surprise she looked right up at him. He raised an eyebrow, wondering if she even knew who she was looking at. He almost laughed bitterly as she waved at him a little, her friend not noticing confirmed his thought that she didn't know.
But as a Quaffle hit him in the face and he fell of his broom and fell barely twenty feet to the ground landing on a bleacher, well maybe it was then she had an idea.
Ginny crossed her arms as she watched Draco lay on a bed in the hospital wing, he had cut his head open when he had smashed it off several of the wooden benches in the stands. The cut was mainly healed but there was still a nasty looking red scratch across his forehead with small pieces of white medical tape across it vertically in places.
She wondered why none of his friends were here. She pulled a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Why am I even here?" she muttered quietly.
"Because its your bloody fault I'm here in the first place." Draco groaned not even bothering to open his eyes. His head was pounding in agony but he slowly sat up feeling a little cold. "Where the hell is my shirt?" he grumbled finally opening his eyes.
"You had a couple bruised ribs so Madam Pomfrey had to take it off." Ginny explained quietly. He could tell by her tone she sort of did think this was her fault. He smirked, let her think that it was because it was true.
"Bet you loved that." Draco said. Ginny's smile faded for once, and her lips turned into a thin line.
"Oh yes Malfoy, while you were bleeding everywhere and unconscience the first thing I was thinking was 'Merlin I hope they take his shirt off!'" she shot at him sarcastically. "Honestly get over yourself." she added.
Draco blinked. Did she actually just say that? Why would he ever want to do that?
"No thanks I'm fine." he yawned. "So are you going to buy me sweets or something? I mean you owe me since this your fault Weasley." he asked, this was his chance he thought triumphantly.
She laughed a little cruelly. "Course it is, how do you figure that Malfoy?"
"Well imagine how confused and disgusted I was when I spotted a Weasley waving at me, I was so disoriented I managed to get these lovely marks." he gestured to his head. "Therefore making it your fault."
Ginny's cheeks went a very discreet shade of crimson. "Well now you know how I felt when I caught you staring at me in the library." she shot back indignantly.
"You didn't look too disgusted." he said truthfully.
"Unlike you Malfoy, I'm not a totally judgmental idiot and since I haven't spoken to you in like two or three years I thought I'd be friendly. I don't treat people differently because of what house their in..unlike you." she said. He was shocked, were there really people who thought like that?
"Why?" he had said without thinking.
"Well..I don't know I guess I don't believe even the Sorting Hat can guess how people are going to turn out. I mean Slytherins could change just as well as anyone else." she shrugged. Her eyes widened a little. "Well I doubt you could change, you seem quite satisfied with being an unsufferable idiot." she added trying to cover her slip up. Draco smirked this was his chance.
"I bet you your wrong." he said. She narrowed her eyes at him.
"What?" she asked.
"I bet that you wrong because you don't know me. But you are going to get to know me and I'll prove that I'm right" he said stretching a little, his neck feeling insanely stiff, he hated sleeping with large pillows like the Hospital Wing had they made his neck hurt.
"And why the hell would I do that?" she asked in disbelief.
"One, you owe me. And Two if you think that your right then I'll give you two-hundred galleons to make up for your wasted time and if I prove you wrong then your going to do something for me." he said business like.
"Something like what precisely?" Ginny wasn't a total idiot, she knew not to dive into a deal that sounded so sketchy, especially when it was Malfoy that made the offer.
"Nothing cheeky Weasley if that's what your getting at. Nothing you could get in trouble for either so what do you honestly have to loose?" he smirked. She looked rather disgusted.
"Cheeky with you? Thanks for the nightmare prospect." she grimaced. "And my dignity for one. But I do have my eye on a new broomstick that costs five hundred, and I do need only three hundred more galleons." she said, she smirked a little. He glared.
"No way..." he protested.
"Three hundred or no deal." She said her lips in a full on smirk. Draco was surprised how he almost liked her smirk as much as her smile. He groaned and stuck out his hand.
"Fine. Do we have an accord?" he asked. She smiled and shook his large hand with hers, she was startled at how cold it was but nodded.
"It seems we do. I'll meet you in the library at my usual table after classes tomorrow. Feel better soon." she said striding out of the Hospital Wing holding her arm up in the air and waving without turning around at all then letting it drop as she left.
Grimacing Draco let his head fall back down onto the pillow.
"Shit." he mumbled, he had just lost three hundred galleons. And it was his greedy cheapness that had gotten him into this situation in the first place.