A/N: Hello everyone! This is the beginning of my attempt to recover what I can of my poor fanfic from memory, which also means that the plot (or whatever) is going to be drastically different then previously thought. And the turnout of chapters will probably be slower, too. But I am so glad that there are so many people out there who still want to read this fic of mine! I'm ever so happy! It's your feedback that keeps this thing going! So, be sure to review! I love it so much when you do! Besides, I've noticed that my story's getting tons of hits. I have no idea what's going on, but I'd sure as heck like to know why it's going up by like fifty hits a day and nobody's leaving so much as a flame. Geez.

Oh! I just remembered what I really wanted to talk about! Ok, so this chapter will quite possibly be the most plotless, random, nonsensical piece of trash ever written and that ever will be written. Though it helps to think of everything in a literal sense (You'll see what I mean), keep in mind that most of the stuff here doesn't even make sense to the authoress, and read on in hopes of redemption or something, savvy? Good luck!

I lurve you all! Thanks for reading!

Ch. 11x: Literally Speaking!

Just like our last gaiden chapter, the entire world dropped what they were doing to go hang out at Caelin Castle again! Yay! And not unlike spawning salmon, they swam their way upstream to the place of their birth, and that place happened to be the only place in the entire castle that could possibly contain them all. That's right; they ended up in the castle ballroom again! Upon arrival, not only did they have absolutely no idea what they were doing there, but they didn't know what to do while they were waiting for something to happen, either. When they realized this, they decided to sit on their butts and wait, because something ALWAYS happens in chapters like this.

"Say, Canas," Heath began. "Do you find it strange how we all flocked here on our own?"

"Yes," He replied. "Quite strange."

And that's when the conversation fell over dead.

Total silence dominated the ballroom. Aside from the occasional cough, sneeze, and/or the unnecessary clearing of one's throat, almost nothing was happening. Then, luckily enough for them and for Heath's failed conversation starter, Hector kicked the doors open, soaked to the bone and rubbing a large goose egg on his forehead. He wrung his arms out like wet sponges, leaving HUGE puddles of water on the floor, and continued rubbing the goose egg on his forehead until the shell gave out splattering egg all over his face.

Everyone stared at him, at a total loss for words.

Hector took a deep breath and announced, "It's raining cats and dogs out there!"

They all looked out the window, even though they knew it was raining, and weren't all that surprised until they heard what MIGHT be considered a cat go flying by the windows at about seventy-something miles per hour.

"nnnnnnNNNNNYYYYYYAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Their jaws dropped to the ground, which was extremely painful by the looks of it. Then, while they were all tenderly gathering up their throbbing jaws another mysterious beast's yelping shattered the gentle hum of the Ballroom Dwellers.

"yipe yipe yipe yiPE YIPE YIPE YIPE YIpe yipe yipe yipe!"

Nino always loved dogs and cats and naturally was excited. "YAY! I wanna go out and see if any of them survived!" She cheered throwing her hands into the air. A few seconds later, they landed at her sides with a 'plop!'

Harken was so shocked at the sight of Nino's severed limbs, his eyes went as large as dinner plates. "AHHHHHH! MY EYES!"

Sain nudged Kent, "Hey, you know what? All this reminds me of something."

"What?" Kent replied with a sigh. "What could it possibly remind you of?"

"That was Harsh, Kent." Principe Juanito spat at Kent.

Wiping Juanito's comment off his cheek, Kent corrected himself. "Alright, go ahead and tell me Sain; I'm all ears."

A smile spread across Sain's face "Well it reminds me of that one time…" He stopped dead mid-sentence with a look of complete shock chiseled on his face.

"What?" Kent asked. Man, his voice sounded cool today! So deep and manly…

"Umm, it reminded me of how much you freak me out." Sain muttered on accident.

"What did you say?" Kent replied, narrowing his eyes… or something.

"Uh, I've gotta go." Sain said quickly hiding his face, which was now as green as his armor. Kent was obviously not buying it. As a last ditch effort, Sain tried distraction. "L-look over there! It's Marcus and Fiora!" He cried before spurring Juanito into a full gallop.

Kent decided to play along and let him go, so he turned only to see Marcuse and Fiora, just as Sain said. But they were acting weird just like Sain was, standing there, staring at him.

"So? What are you two looking at?" He said. As soon as he opened his mouth (kinda) the color drained from Marcus' face and he scared the pants off Fiora. He noticed a pair of fashionably worn-out jeans settle on the ground around her ankles, though she was fortunately still wearing her miniskirt.

"K-kent…" Marcus said weakly. "You're made of ears!"

He heard down at his arms. "Hmm. That explains a lot." He thought out loud. The creepiest part was when he talked. …Which explains why he scared the pants off Fiora a second time. "Quit that!" Fiora scolded.

"EWWW! Erk, did you see Kent over there!" Serra screeched. "He's made out of EARS!"

Erk rolled his eyes. "I was about to make a witty comment when my eyes escaped from me. Would you find them for me?"

Serra screamed and fled with her tail between her legs and Erk drew a breath of disappointment, which was pretty darn hard because he didn't have his eyes, and he had little or no artistic talent. "She's a thorn in my side… Ow."

With all the commotion around her, Florina became overly self-conscious and began to worry. "I don't fit in here at all! I- I'm sticking out like a sore thumb!" We know the drill by now, right?

Then Nils came skipping by and decided to poke her with a cat, making her cry. In an instant Florina's sisters were all over him like ugly on an ape. "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Meanwhile, Eliwood was brainstorming in the corner, sitting Indian style with his arms folded across his chest. A cute little storm cloud was hovering above him and it would occasionally drizzle some rain on his head or make a few little thunderbolts here and there. Things were going swimmingly until Isadora pranced over and reached out to touch Eliwood, which was a huge mistake. Her fingertips were just inches from his head when a gigantic thunderbolt, the likes of which has never EVER been seen, shot out of Eliwood's brainstorming cloud and gave her the shocking of a lifetime. She then lay at his side in a burnt, crumpled heap sizzling and smoldering like it was her job.

In a corner totally opposite the one Eliwood was in, Canas gave Nils a chummy pat on the back, chuckling like the silly scholar he is.

"Ho ho ho! My how you've grown, Nils!" He guffawed, "Why, I could almost say you're growing like a we--" Nils shrieked and covered Canas' mouth with his hands.

"Nuuuuuuu! Don't say it!" He whispered with a psychotic gleam in his eye. "Don't you know what'll happen!"

Canas pried Nils' hands off his face and chortled, "You mean if I say you're growing like a weed?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Nils howled as his body began to swell to amazing heights and sizes and simultaneously suck all the nutrients out of his surroundings.

"HEY! WHO'S THE RETARD THAT JACKED ALL THE REFRESHMENTS!" Wil's voice whined from across the room. Wuss.

So, since they began to be flooded with Nils' body mass everything went to Hell in a hand basket, making Lucius cry like a little girl. And he would have become a girl if anyone were able to notice a difference, but THAT wasn't about to happen!

"Lucius!" Raven cried, reaching out for Lucius' hand, "We're getting out of here!"

"Why did so many cats and dogs have to die!" Lucius wailed, burying his face in his hands.

"LUCIUS! Forget the stupid animals!"

Lucius gasped, "NEVER! How could you say such a thing!"

Raven rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh, "Lucius, cry me a river, then build a bridge and get over it." He said, thinking he was cool deep down inside. To none of our surprise or astonishment, Lucius did.

They both stood there in awkwardly until they both realized that the three Oompa Loompas from an earlier chapter had unwittingly been consumed by Nils while playing croquet on the refreshments table, making them cry bitter, bitter tears. We'll leave them to their anguish.

Thinking he was all that and a bag of chips, Heath came strutting in with his Turbie-twist all on his head and deciding he was going to save the day, which didn't actually happen. He got his panties in a bunch waiting for Nils to move out of the doorway, which was totally impossible. So, in conclusion, he couldn't hold his horses and they dragged him down the royal hallway, kicked down the royal doors and hauled him to the outer courtyard to be pelted with cats and dogs.

Meanwhile, on the inside Hawkeye's Rainbow clown hackles were raised, ready to tear Nils apart. Because of Nils' size change, he no longer was classified as an annoying child, but as an obstacle in the way of a Neanderthal's Lucky Charms. Hawkeye got in a crouching position, snarling and frothing at the mouth, ready to kill if Nils so much as sneezed.

Well, Nils didn't sneeze, but he shuddered and thought out loud to himself in his deep, monstrous, giant killer weed-child voice, "I think I just felt someone walk over my grave!"

This was WORSE than a sneeze. As soon as Hawkeye got a whiff of Nils' fear, he went ballistic, and his rainbow tresses began to fill the room again. And thus began the battle between clown hair and giant weed.

As a result of this battle, there would be an eternal rivalry and loathing between all garden weeds and multicolor clown wigs all over Elibe. But, I digress.

The clash of the two tyrants, as different as they were, caused a huge release of energy, causing interference and screwing with Athos' satellite transceiver and nuking his TiVo.

His TV screen suddenly went fuzzy. "No…" Athos said in complete disbelief, "No! T-this can't be! I've watched every episode of The Apprentice so far! I'VE WAITED SO LONG TO GET HERE! I CAN'T MISS THE SEASON FINALE!"

Athos' godly rage soared to amazing heights with bright fluorescent colors and many, many sparkles, making a U-turn at the Ozone layer and charging straight down towards Caelin castle.

In a peaceful corner of Lyn's secret garden, she, Guy, and Rath were peacefully grazing on the sweet, rich, flowing grasses of the Caelin savannah when their Nomad sense began inexplicably tingling. They all raised their heads and looked to the east; in the background Guy was heard noisily chewing his cud.

"W-what is it, Rath?" Lyn asked timidly "Did you feel it too?"

Rath nodded with his majestic mane of hair blowing about his face, then he turned to slap Guy.

WHAP! "OW!"

"Rath?" Lyn asked.

"Mm-mm. It's time to move." He grunted, turning to the south and galloping away full speed with his herd trailing behind him.

Nils' and Hawkeye's deafening roars filled the room as they charged relentlessly toward each other. Everyone wet themselves, and ran for cover, cowering and crying for their mothers each time the titans clashed.

Call it divine intervention, or the vengeance of an obsessed reality-TV fan, but the two of them stopped dead in their tracks as soon as Athos' rage tore the ceiling to pieces. Both frightened, and mystified by the sparkles, their brains ceased to function and the great beam of light crashed down upon them, making a huge crater where the castle and its grounds formerly stood.

The Wrath of Athos, as it came to be known, had its pluses and its minuses. For one, it nullified all of the idiomatic literacies that had befallen our heroes. On the other hand, it had completely decimated the only place they had to hang out. So after sitting there cluelessly for a while, they all decided to cram themselves into a mayonnaise jar and sit underneath a heat lamp, just to see what would happen.

The End… Or is it?

A/N: So, that turned out way different than it was supposed to be. There really isn't much more to say.

Remember to review! It's good for the Ozone Layer. … And for Athos' anger problem. Less puppies die that way.