I messed up the first time I tried to put this up and wound up cutting the chapter in half, but I think I figured this out.

Summary: AU. About 7 years post TPM. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker are the unknowing pawns in a race between two Sith as Qui-Gon Jinn struggles to reconnect with his former padawan and keep his current one firmly planted in the Light. Much chaos and hopefully some humor will ensue.

Rating: R- because I like to keep all of my options open for later chapters.

A/N: This is just me having a bit of fun. I love to throw in the occasional bit of spoof/ satire and even a bit of Velveeta every now and then, so cheesy humor is deliberate. You'll have to forgive the fact that I'm not the most polished writer to grace these boards. I really don't have the time or the inclination to obsess over being perfect.

Chapter 1

Power. As both a Sith master and Supreme Chancellor of the Republic nobody in the galaxy wielded more power than Darth Sidious. However, one never achieved such status by being content with his present position, thus no matter how much power and influence he currently possessed, Sideous was always pondering ways to acquire more.

To his reasoning the way to prove himself as the greatest Sith in history was to have the most powerful apprentice by his side, and nobody dripped with more Force potential than a young man named Anakin Skywalker, the Jedi's so-called "Chosen One".

Sidious had sensed the boy's vast potential several years ago on Naboo and had made it a point to keep in close contact with the young Force prodigy after he was taken as an apprentice by the venerable Qui-Gon Jinn.

Much to the Sith's delight it was soon clear that young Skywalker had an exploitable weakness or two. For a start, there was the boy's strong sense of attachment and possessiveness- a trait strongly considered to be taboo among the closed minded Jedi. However, what the Sith Lord truly reveled in was Skywalker's own thirst for power and control.

Gripping the rail of the balcony on which he stood, Sidious peered out into the dark Coruscant sky and smiled. Anakin Skywalker was out there somewhere, and he was no longer a little boy or a Force novice. He was an exceedingly gifted Jedi padawan, and he was ripe for the taking. All he had to do was get around Master Jinn.

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Always the picture of grace and elegance. To anyone who had ever met him it would come as little surprise that Lord Tyrannus managed to keep an air of regality in his quick stride despite the dark dreary surroundings of the Sith's lair located deep in the underbelly of Coruscant.

His master had summoned him and when Darth Sidious gave an order it was in one's best interest to obey it as quickly as possible. However, that didn't mean that one needed to look rushed.

In truth, Tyrannus despised taking orders from anyone- his Sith master in particular. However, being the Sith's apprentice served his purposes-for now. Soon enough, he would take on his own apprentice and make his move to overthrow Sidious. He would then create his own order of Jedi- one that did not fear embracing it's power and influence.

Despite what Darth Tyrannus considered to be his own personal code of honor, the Sith apprentice felt no shred of guilt over his desire to turn on his master- for there was no question that Sideous was merely biding his time with Tyrannus until he could lure the Skywalker boy to his side. Once replaced, Sideous would dispose of Tyrannus by any means he saw fit- but only if the dark apprentice didn't dispose of him first.

Tyrannus pursed his lips for a moment in thought. He grudgingly had to admit that he could understand his master's fascination with the boy. Skywalker did indeed exhibit vast raw potential. The possibilities with the youth were seemingly endless. However, Tyrannus also suspected that the young Skywalker lacked both a connection to and control of his powers due to his late training and unusual upbringing. He was too impulsive and emotional and that made him too risky a prospect to a man like Tyrannus.

Skywalker may have been Sideous' idea of a worthwhile convert, but Tyrannus had quite a different prospect in mind. Someone loyal, someone in control, and quite preferably someone with a bit of class. There was only one Jedi he could think of that was up to his standards. He imagined that it would be difficult, but not impossible. No one was without some weakness he reasoned( though Tyrannus was vain enough a man to consider himself very nearly without flaw).

Reaching his destination, Darth Tyrannus was sure to carefully shield his thoughts before entering his master's throne room and kneeling before the dark lord.

"What is thy bidding, Master?"

"You may rise," Sidious said as he stood from his seat and began to make his way across the room.

In one elegantly fluid move that defied his age, Tyrannus was on his feet and at his master's side.

"Jillian's on her way with the mission report and I desired your presence, " Sidious explained.

A hint of a smile crept onto Tyrannus' face. "No doubt to celebrate the removal of a particularly annoying politician from Dantooine," he replied. "After Bitsma only Amidala and Organa will be all that remain of any serious opposition."

With that, a tall slender woman appeared in the doorway. She was attractive, but far too pale for the dark black hair that hung about her face. Many believed that she had it colored that way for the icy effect it gave her look. Pretty was not something she needed in her profession, intimidation was.

Jillian was regarded by Sidious as one of his more valuable employees- a right hand of sorts. Tyrannus, on the other hand, saw her as little more than a glorified bounty hunter.

"Results?" Sidious questioned impatiently.

Jillian paused for a brief moment. She was one of the few people the Sith Lord had entrusted with his true identity- a sure sign of the value he placed in her. For that reason, she had little fear of the Sith, but she did loath failure.

Finally, she spoke, "Mission failed, my lord."

"I'm most disappointed in you," he scowled. "You're not usually prone to failure."

We had...Jedi interference," she offered lamely.

"That's hardly been a problem for you in the past!" Sidious snapped.

"This one was hardly your Jedi Temple standard issue," she grated back and felt a small tingle of fear creep up her spine as she belatedly realized she had just backtalked a Dark Lord of the Sith.

"Who could have...?" Sidious pondered aloud, "perhaps Skywalker- he's certainly talented enough..."

"No," Jillian interrupted. Relaxing a bit that her transgression was apparently going to be forgiven, she continued, " I would've recognized the kid. The Jedi was a human though."

Sidious and Tyrannus exchanged an exasperated look. That little bit of information narrowed the field somewhat, but not nearly enough.

"What else can you tell us?" Tyrannus pressed.

"Not much," she answered. "Average height, young, slender build...stubborn as a bantha, and...bewitchingly graceful, she finally offered with a just a touch of reverence in her voice.

Sidious clearly snarled in frustration while Tyrannus did his best to stifle the threatening smile that was forming on his lips.

"Lord Tyrannus, you may leave us," Sidious stated. It was a command not a request.

"Thank you, Master." Tyrannus bowed then glided out of the throne room.

"What am I missing?" Jillian questioned the moment Tyrannus was out of earshot.

"The Jedi Knight you encountered was most likely Obi-Wan Kenobi," the Sith spat as if it explained everything.

"Not the one who-"

"Yes, that one," he snapped before she could finish. Sidious despised being reminded of Maul's untimely end. Years of effort and training had been laid to waste all because of Maul's arrogance and one Jedi padawan's refusal to accept defeat.

"So why the little twinkle in your faithful apprentice's eye," she asked with no small amount of sarcasm.

"The fool must think that he can turn Kenobi and rid himself of me," Sidious answered more to himself than to Jillian.

"Can he?" she ventured cautiously.

"Of course not, but I need to rid myself of them both just the same. Unfortunately, I can't dispose of Tyrannus until I have Skywalker."

The Sith paused for a moment in thought before speaking again, "Jillian, it's time to put a permanent end to this Kenobi, and, should you manage to bring me a turned Anakin Skywalker along the way , I can guarantee that you'll never have to take another job."

Nothing spoke to Jillian quite like the prospect of a shipload of hard credits. "Consider it done," she grinned.

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Once outside the throne room Tyrannus no longer bothered trying to conceal his pleasure at the turn of events. It was just as he had hoped. Jinn's old padawan had become quite a force to be reckoned with. Soon, he would make his move to lure the Jedi to his side, but he had to ensure that Sidious didn't get to Skywalker first.

As it was, Tyrannus wasn't above employing the occasional unsavory himself when it served his ambitions. He removed the comlink from his cloak and punched in a code. "Get me Fett," he called into the device. "I have a job for him."