Kleine Weiss Kreuz, Episodes 17 - 24
Condensed by laila
Mission 17: Kritiker
BOTAN
Aya, why have you left Weiss again? Stop being a flighty pain in the ass.
AYA
I will find Aya alone. Now get out of my car.
AYA SEARCHES FOR AYA-CHAN AND IS A PAIN IN THE ASS. BOTAN IS COOL AND BEATS HIM UP.
MEANWHILE, THE REST OF THE BOYS ACTUALLY DO SOME ACTUAL WORK.
YOUJI
This charity worker sets people alight by clicking their fingers.
OMI
And this new absurdly combustible chemical has nothing to do with it?
SCHULDICH'S HANDS
Charity workers! Set more people alight!
AYA IS A TOTAL PAIN IN THE ASS. BOTAN IS SHOT REPEATEDLY THEN SET ALIGHT. HE DIES.
AYA
Oh no! Botan! If I hadn't been such a pain in the ass he might not have died!
WEISS ARRIVE AND KILL EVERYTHING THAT MOVES. AYA JOINS IN.
AYA
Sorry I was such a jerk, Botan.
Mission 18: Schuld
RUTH
I am a kooky ex-nun. Can I buy some flowers, Ken?
RUTH BUYS LOTS OF FLOWERS AND NEARLY SUFFOCATES KEN BY HUGGING HIM. TWICE.
KEN
Why does this kind of thing never happen to Aya?
CGI PERSIA
Farfarello is murdering priests and nuns. Kill him!
KEN
Ruth is in danger! I know, I'll protect her.
OMI
Are you feeling all right, Ken-kun?
FARFARELLO MENACES RUTH. KEN AND OMI TRY TO KILL HIM. THEY FAIL.
RUTH
You killed your family, Jei! Repent and it'll all be fine.
FARFARELLO TRIES TO STAB KEN. RUTH SAVES HIM AND GETS STABBED INSTEAD. FARFARELLO ESCAPES.
RUTH
I am Farfarello's mother.
KEN
Everyone makes mistakes.
RUTH DIES.
Mission 19: Sehen
SOME PEOPLE LISTEN TO BLOODY AWFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC. THEY GO MAD.
OMI
Oh look, there's Sakura-san. Go talk to Sakura-san, Aya-kun.
SAKURA
You're really weird, Aya-san, but I love you!
AYA
I was only interested in you because you look like my sister. Go away and let me angst alone!
CGI PERSIA
Kawaji's bloody awful music makes people go mad. Kill him!
YOUJI AND KEN BICKER ABOUT GIRLS. IT SOUNDS ALMOST AS IF THEY'RE FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER.
OMI
I think this CD is what's making people go mad. Let's play it and see if it works.
KEN
Okay it fucking works turn it off it's doing my head in!
AYA
Kawaji is holding a big concert. I must kill him before he goes onstage.
AYA KILLS KAWAJI BEFORE HE GOES ONSTAGE. SAKURA ARRIVES AT THE WRONG MOMENT AND SEES HIM.
AYA
Now you know why I'm so weird.
Mission 20: Recht
MIDORI
I am cute and my dad is a policeman. Let's go to the court, Omi!
HAZUKI
I arrested today's defendant. He's an evil serial killer! I hope Kinugawa doesn't get him off as well!
KINUGAWA KILLS A WITNESS BY STARING AT HER AND THE EVIL SERIAL KILLER IS FREED.
HAZUKI
Shit!
EVIL SERIAL KILLER
I'm free! I'm going to kill you, Hazuki! And your cute daughter!
KINUGAWA
Omi, I'm going to hypnotize you into a crippling attack of The Doubts. No man is born evil and all that jazz.
OMI
Oh. Okay.
OMI ANGSTS AND KEN IS SERIOUS AND CUTE. MEANWHILE, THE EVIL SERIAL KILLER MURDERS HAZUKI.
OMI
Right, I'm over my doubts. You are evil, Kinugawa!
KINUGAWA
What? I spend all this time freeing serial killers and then I get murdered? How ironic is that?
KINUGAWA DIES.
Mission 21: Trane
NEU GETS HIT BY A CAR. YOUJI SAVES HER. MEANWHILE, KEN IS AN IDIOT.
YOUJI
I knew it! Neu really is Asuka!
AYA
Neu! Where is my sister goddammit?!
YOUJI STICKS UP FOR NEU. OMI AND KEN ACTUALLY DO SOME ACTUAL WORK AND ARE SUSPICIOUS.
OMI
Maybe Neu isn't Asuka after all…
KEN
Hey, Youji? What happens if you're being set up?
YOUJI HITS HIM AND RUNS OFF WITH NEU. OMI GETS INJURED AND KEN FALLS INTO A CELLAR.
NEU
I am not Asuka.
KEN
See? She's not fucking Asuka, Youji. Now get me out of this cellar before Omi dies of… um, something.
NEU TRIES TO KILL YOUJI AND HE STRANGLES HER.
NEU
I love Masafumi!
NEU DIES.
Mission 22: Miteid
CRAWFORD
I am refined, enigmatic and malevolent. Now hand over that comatose Aya-chan.
HELL
No! We're going to use her to lure Aya and resurrect Masafumi! So there!
WEISS INFILTRATE SCHREIENT'S HIDEOUT. NAGI AND TOT KISS AND ARE CUTE. YOUJI SPIES ON THEM.
NAGI
I love you Tot.
TOT
I love you Nagi.
SCHREIENT BEAT AYA UP. KEN SAVES HIM, KIND OF. YOUJI AND OMI SAVE KEN. THEY ALL FIGHT.
SCHULDICH
Haha, we fooled you all. While you were distracted we kidnapped Aya-chan. We're so clever.
SCHWARTZ KILL SCHOEN AND TOT AND ESCAPE WITH AYA-CHAN. NAGI FLIPS OUT.
NAGI
I'm so angsty I'm destroying everything!
THE HIDEOUT IMPLODES. HELL DIES BUT THE GUYS ARE FINE IF A BIT BATTERED.
YOUJI
That went well.
AYA IS EVEN MORE ANGSTY.
Mission 23: Schraube
SAKURA IS AYA-CHAN'S CLONE, EXCEPT HER HAIR IS LIGHTER AND HER EYES ARE A DIFFERENT COLOR.
OMI
Why don't we see you any more, Sakura-san?
SAKURA
Aya-san doesn't love me!
SHE WANDERS OFF AND MOPES AROUND. SCHULDICH PLAYS MIND GAMES WITH HER.
SCHULDICH
Aya is a killer. Scare him by shooting him in the face.
SAKURA
I don't trust you any further than I can throw you, but I'll do it!
WEISS TRY TO KILL ESSET. SAKURA ARRIVES. SHE AIMS A GUN AT AYA AND ANGSTS HERSELF STUPID.
SCHULDICH
Shoot Aya in the face Sakura.
SAKURA
Yes. No. Yes. I don't want to. Yes. Maybe. No! I won't shoot Aya-san in the face! Aaah! My brain hurts!
KEN
Whatever. Make your mind up, please. I'm getting really bored.
NINE SQUILLION YEARS LATER SAKURA FIRES AT AYA AND MISSES. ESSET ESCAPE.
YOUJI
We're a bunch of screwups.
Mission 24: Ende des Weiß
SCHWARTZ ARE COOL.
ESSET GUY
The ritual's nearly ready. I'm looking forward to it. How dare that lackey say it's too complicated?
ESSET GUY WHO IS A LADY
It's not complex at all. Why, it only takes hours, a precise timeslot and one unaging comatose virgin…
SAKURA IS SAD AND MOPES AROUND. MEANWHILE, BIRMAN IS DYNAMIC.
BIRMAN
I don't care how scary and hard Farfarello is, he's not making an entire journey clinging to my wing mirror.
WEISS LOOK FOR SAKURA AND AYA-CHAN AT SCHWARTZ'S BASE. EVERYONE HAS GONE.
KEN
Everyone's gone-- hey! Who stuffed Aya-chan in this locker?!
YOUJI
That's it? All that and she's hidden in a cupboard? What an anticlimax.
YOUJI AND KEN HAVE THEIR NINE SQUILLIONTH ARGUMENT.
AYA GOES TO RESCUE SAKURA BUT IT'S A SET-UP. CRAWFORD IS COOL. SCHWARTZ ATTACK THE OTHERS.
SCHULDICH
Hey, Youji and Ken? I'm going to distract you whilst Farfarello kidnaps Aya-chan. Okay?
YOUJI
Eh, why not.
OMI
Birman? I don't think 'behind the counter' is that great a hiding place.
FARFARELLO
It isn't.
AYA
We must rescue Aya and Sakura! Again.
THEY GO TO THE MUSEUM. AYA, YOUJI AND OMI ARE DRAMATIC AND COOL. KEN IS A COMPLETE IDIOT.
KEN
If we get killed that's it. Yes, I know I'm not that smart but I'm cute, okay?!
ESSET GUY WHO IS NOT THE OTHER TWO
Hey, Mr. The One? We have a body for you! Come get it!
WEIRD SHIT HAPPENS. WEISS KILL ESSET BUT ESSET GUY ESCAPES. AYA RESCUES AYA-CHAN.
AYA
Wait a minute…
SAKURA
You guys aren't florists after all?
SCHWARTZ HAVE AYA-CHAN FOR SOME REASON. CRAWFORD IS SARDONIC AND MASTERLY.
ESSET GUY
You betrayed us!
FARFARELLO KILLS HIM. MANX RESCUES AYA-CHAN AND SAKURA.
CRAWFORD
Aya! I will now talk at you for ages whilst Schwartz kill your friends!
SCHWARTZ KICK ASS. TO RESOLVE THINGS THE MUSEUM EXPLODES. THEORETICALLY EVERYONE IS KILLED BUT AS THIS IS ANIME AND NOBODY IS ACTUALLY SEEN DIE IT MEANS PRECISELY NOTHING.
SAKURA
Oh no! Aya!
AYA-CHAN
My name's Aya.
NOBODY IS DEAD AFTER ALL EXCEPT FOR SOME RANDOM THUGS. THEY DON'T COUNT.
-ENDE-