AUTHOR'S NOTE: Revised, version #2. Forgive me for taking so long to get chapter two, the last one, out. I'm still writing it but the revisions for this chapter took longer than expected and there will be quite a delay before I finish the next one – reason posted in my profile/bio page if anyone's interested. Anyway, apologies for flooding the inboxes of those who have me on author alert but I wanted to get this up before I left – and I hope everyone likes this version better. With some additions it's nearly twice as long as the previous one!
This fic is completely and totally dedicated to my muse and beta for this, Asako. Without her, this wouldn't have been written since she asked for it and I promised.
Spoilers up to chapter 236 of the manga, for those who haven't gotten that far yet.
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Chapter 1: A Matched MeetingoOoOoOo
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There's something to be said about a smart woman.
The wayward thought slid across one ANBU's mind, a line once said that had started it all, as he and two others in his party sped over the grassy lands, each step taking them further away from their homes and loved ones and closer to the destination of their mission. Their movements were silent and swift, their presence concealed by years of practice and experience and the cloaking darkness of night where even the illuminating light from the half-moon was hidden by clouds. The night, the darkness, the shadows, and the many traps that they could conceal did not deter them nor slowed them down for they had a mission, they were committed and would not let such trivial matters bother them.
Such was the ANBU way.
They were the elite, ninjas who had knowingly sacrificed a part of their own selves and given it over to the darkness, to do what was needed to be done whether it was righteous or dirty for the greater good of their homeland. For love, for loyalty, they surrendered a part of themselves, willingly contaminated themselves with their deeds whose methods others might question, if not the goals behind them. They allowed themselves to be tainted, dragged below the quagmire of human morals as the situation required it, so that others could continue their innocent existences, ignorant and blind to the harsh realities that lay beneath the foundations of their peaceful lives.
The ANBU, however, were not ignorant of it. They were aware of every aspect - the good and the bad - of their choices and the reactions of others whom either knew or did not know but, one day, could. By some, they were looked down upon for their methods; by some, they would have been looked down upon for their methods if those 'some' had known. This, the ANBU knew but continued on with their mission even so for possible approval and praise, while welcome, was not important to their purposes and, as such, was not worth concerning themselves with. For them, at that moment, there was only one purpose, one goal, one focus.
Their mission.
They had accepted it unquestioningly, without hesitation, and committed themselves. They would carry it out until the end; nothing else mattered and anything beyond that could wait until their assignment was over - one way or the other.
This, too, was the ANBU way.
Nevertheless, for those that were immersed so deeply in the darkness of human creation...lived in it, ate in it, slept in it, tuned their minds so finely to it that there were times where it seemed that there was no other reasonable way to live...it was a dangerous path to be traveled and not all who took the journey could make it back safely, in mind if not body. Even for these select soldiers that threw away all of themselves as required for the length of their assignment, it was sometimes too easy to give over completely to the shadows and never come back out, though light might find them again with the freedom of mission's end.
And one twenty-something ANBU clung to the faint light in the distant corner of his mind as he raced beside his comrades, his senses open to his surroundings, his mind calculating every possible contingency plan and danger that might suddenly spring up out of the dark and engage them in the all too familiar dance of life and death. But there were still hours to go until their destination, and the senses of his fellow compatriots were just as alert and keen as his.
As he could not detect the presence of any enemy at that moment, a part of his mind felt safe to wander free, free to ponder that one constant and burning bright spot that kept his world from turning completely black. Though there may be times, have been times, when the shadows gathered too large and too dark and the light faded to the barest pinprick of light, it was still there and he clung to it almost desperately, wordlessly, counting upon it to guide him back when the time came to resume the normal flow of his life. Even now, each step taking him farther away from that light, he made sure to carefully guard that smallest bit that flared within him.
There's something to be said about a smart woman.
Too bad the one he had in mind wasn't one of those with him now.
oOoOoOo
"There's something to be said about a smart woman," he told her lazily.
She arched a brow inquiringly as she regarded her opponent's slouched form across the Shogi board. How it had ended up this way was anyone's guess. A moment of boredom, a sudden inexplicable impulse, a brief respite from the past day's stress…either way, when he'd approached her sitting in contemplation outside the hospital where some of the injured members of his team were residing in the aftermath of the failed mission to retrieve the 'last' Uchiha, it was hard to say who had been more surprised when he'd issued a challenge to her for an immediate round of Shogi…and when she'd accepted it.
Don't think anything of it, he'd said. Everyone else I can think of is either injured, on mission, or otherwise busy. Since you're not hurt and just sitting anyway, might as well play a game while you sit.
It was, perhaps, the longest one-on-one conversation he'd ever had with her up to that date. Perhaps the novelty of it was why she'd accepted. Either way, within moments Haruno Sakura and Nara Shikamaru found themselves facing across each other in a battle of wits and strategy.
And she was losing.
Badly.
Well, it was to be expected, after all. To his experienced eye garnered from days upon weeks upon years of Shogi playing, she was doing better than he'd first thought she would, which wasn't really saying much. If there had been anyone else…
But there hadn't been.
He avoided thinking about the reasons behind that 'hadn't' and, in a rare moment of impulse and need that he didn't bother examining too closely, he'd asked before he'd fully thought about it. And once asked and accepted, it was too bothersome to try and take it back.
If he'd been hoping for mental stimulation and exercise, this game certainly wasn't going to do it. Despite the obvious strain and fatigue that lay beneath her sociable surface, she seemed more chatty than concentrated on the game and had already told him that she never spent much time playing Shogi, not like him at any rate. In the end, it didn't really matter for thinking about it wouldn't change the facts. She most definitely wasn't the best opponent he'd ever played against in Shogi.
Then again, she wasn't the worst either.
"You mean the Fifth Hokage?" she asked.
She'd been talking about how she thought Tsunade was an admirable figure as she moved one of her Knights on the board and had even asked him what he thought of her. Since she seemed to be doing so well carrying on what was, for the most part, a one-sided conversation, he was sure that she hadn't really expected a response from him. The partial surprise that splayed itself across her features when he did answer just seemed to prove his supposition. As for why he had stirred himself enough to actually respond…
Geez. He hoped chattiness wasn't catching.
Distracted by the disturbing thought, he simply answered with an absently muttered, "Yeah."
"Oh?" she prompted immediately. "And what's that?"
"They're so troublesome."
Exasperation warred with amusement. The battle was clearly displayed across her expressive features that, in the end, settled on being humored as he moved one of his pieces and she countered with another of hers. Frowning at the move, he concentrated on the board, only listening with half an ear as she continued speaking.
"And here I thought that everything and everyone was 'troublesome' to you."
"They are. But smart ones are especially troublesome."
"Then, what's your definition of 'smart'? That is, if you can exert yourself long enough to give me an explanation."
His put upon expression clearly showed what he thought about that.
"Oh, come on," she wheedled teasingly as pieces continued to shift on the board. "I want to know what the 'genius' Nara Shikamaru has to say. What makes you think that the Fifth Hokage is so smart? It can't just be because she's in a position of power. There are plenty of other people who are in just as high a position, if not equal, that I would have to say are still pretty stupid. So how did you come to your conclusion about the Fifth?"
Figuring it would be less of a hassle to answer her and get it over with as he played another piece, he said, "It was just something she said to me earlier that I've been contemplating on since."
"What was it?"
"When I asked why a medic-nin couldn't have been assigned to our team since it might have increased our success rate considering it's high rank, she agreed with me. But it wasn't such a simple thing to manage because there was no one to spare. Apparently, medic-nin are rarer and harder to train, especially one that's first class."
"Oh?"
"They require specialized skills and knowledge that regular ninjas don't have and may never even be able to acquire no matter how hard they try or work at it."
"Hmm…"
"Since she's obviously a first class medic-nin with those kinds of skills, and achieved the title of Fifth Hokage in addition, there's no doubt that she's a smart woman. Probably, anyone who's able to achieve medic-nin status must be."
"Well, then." Her lips curved in a tiny smirk. "I guess I'm going to be pretty troublesome to you in the near future then."
He gave her a disinterested glance. "Why's that?"
"Because, as of today, Tsunade-sensei's accepted me as her apprentice!"
"WHAT!"
There was no way for his normally laidback and low-key self to control his shock and disbelief, however uncool it was. Though whether the shock was over the fact that she actually wanted to train as a medic-nin, which he understood to be possibly even more difficult than a regular ninja, or that the Fifth Hokage thought enough of her to take her on as an apprentice was hard to say.
And, as if to compound his sudden ignoble position…
"Checkmate!"
In dismayed disbelief, he stared at the Shogi board. But no matter how long he stared or how hard, the pieces did not rearrange and the results did not change. And here he was sure that he'd been on the verge winning but, either he had been more tired than he'd originally thought, or…
He contemplated her innocent expression through narrowed eyes.
"What?"
"I want another game."
oOoOoOo
Three months…The period of passed time weighed upon him, adding to the burden already brought on by the stress and fatigue of working undercover in a foreign country fraught with political corruption and quagmires at every turn. As the events of the past months and the hard action of the past week especially caught up with him, he still continued to run as fast as his tired body would allow for he just wanted to be done with it, report back as a good ninja should and finish it up so he could forget about it and rest.
Until the next mission came along.
It had had been a successful mission. It had, despite the setback of having to adjust their initial plan accordingly when their cover had been blown towards their mission's end and they had suddenly found themselves set upon by the best warriors available to the country at the time. They had adapted to the situation at hand and got out as quickly as possible, fighting with determination as they extricated themselves from the net of defenses thrown up in their path by ninjas as skilled as themselves.
Nevertheless, they'd met the goal set by their mission and the ANBU patted the vest covering his chest as they ran, reassured by the lump beneath that was proof of their efforts. An uprising had been averted, the plans for future ones in their grasp and giving their own Konoha an opening into negotiations with the favor being on their side, and there was enough life left within them to make the return journey home and tell the tale.
All in all, it was a successful mission. It was, though it had not been peaceful, had not been easy…had not been without cost.
Three months…it's been too long.
oOoOoOo
Three choices were open to him: option one was to run away, option two to act and move forward to the next level, or option three which was to remain passive and let things continue as they were. In his mind, he ran through as many possible scenarios he could think of, weighing and judging the worth of risk of each direction he could go in as well as the potential benefits. Finally, he ended up with the only real certain conclusion that he was absolutely sure of.
They were all troublesome.
And the source of all of his troubles was currently smiling brightly at another man. Alright, maybe not a man according to some. He was only just turned fourteen years old like the rest of them, like her, like him. But he was still male.
And she was smiling at him.
He didn't like it.
Granted, he knew the other guy, had even fought alongside him a couple of times, and knew he was good at heart if not a bit clumsy with it at times. Possibly, there was some respect. Maybe even a bit of liking. Personally, Shikamaru had nothing against Lee as long as he didn't go overboard on his hyperactive and enthusiastic speeches whenever they were around each other which, fortunately, wasn't very often; he had no problem whatsoever with him.
Except for the smiling.
And…she's giggling, too?
He scowled.
He had a vague recollection that Lee once had a crush on her. Idly, as he continued to watch the byplay, he wondered if Lee still did.
For some reason, his scowl deepened.
Arms crossed, he slouched even harder against the wooden fence behind him. Glaring at the scene playing out before his eyes, he wondered when his erstwhile Shogi partner would remember him and the promised re-match they were headed to before she had stopped at a store on the way to 'pick up some snacks' as she had said.
Looked like that wasn't all that was being picked up.
To her credit, she had been the approached rather than the approacher. Shikamaru, not wanting to deal with jostling of other potential shoppers, had offered to wait outside while she found whatever it was she wanted to get. So she'd gone in the store and, from his vantage point where he'd stationed himself to best view her exit with the least exertion on his part, he'd caught the exact moment when she'd come out, a moment that had been caught by someone else as well.
He was too far away to hear what was being said. However, there was nothing wrong with his eyes. Though his observation of the interaction between the two conversers had started off somewhat benign and disinterested, the dozen or so minutes that had passed since then seemed to be dwindling by in proportion to his patience and previously laidback mood.
She smiled again and his mood took another nosedive.
Uncomfortable with the correlation, he shifted restlessly as he picked up his previous train of thought, examining his options once again and the implications behind them. No, not just them but snippets of remembered comments cast his way by his father, that nosy Ino, and even food-obsessed Chouji. Hell, even his normally quiet and unobtrusive grandmother had seen fit to put her bit in, too, when she'd dropped by for a visit last week. With a vague sort of detachment, he noted that the remarks passed his way seemed to grow in proportion to the amount of time passed in the company of one Haruno Sakura since that first fateful Shogi match played between them a little under two years ago.
Could he help it if she was the best Shogi player amongst his peers?
Aside from himself, of course.
She kept the game challenging enough that he felt it worthwhile to put up with the inane chatter and pointless comments she frequently made as well letting himself get dragged along in the occasional whim that overtook her. He figured it balanced out in the end as there were just as many times when she unexpectedly provided him with intelligent conversation and insight that roused him enough to actually participate in. Battling wits with her in Shogi, conversation, and other psychological games was helping him sharpen his own mind and abilities; he was benefiting from their interactions, just as he'd told others, so he saw nothing wrong in hanging out with her.
If only other people would quit butting into his business.
Especially when they forced him to think of things he'd rather not be bothered with.
But, with the lovey-dovey scene playing out before his unhappy eyes, he had the feeling that he could no longer avoid putting off serious contemplation of the central topic at the heart of the most irritating comments he'd found directed his way lately by well-meaning but nosy family and friends. Thinker though he was, running the options available to him through his mind in no way made him happy.
Run.
Go.
Stay.
Lips curving in a sneer, he shoved his hands in his pockets as he came to a decision while inwardly cursing friends, family, and his own damn insight that was totally and wholly unwelcome at that moment.
Love…tch, how troublesome…oOoOoOo
He could almost see it, though it was still so dark despite his instincts telling him that dawn would soon be approaching. He knew they were almost there, felt his body unconsciously start to pick up the pace as his nose detected the changes in the air that only came with the nearness to an inhabited city or village. It was a tainted scent, defiling the natural purity of nature. But to them, who had endured so much in a land that was so different, it was a small matter; it was not just a tainted scent.
Unmistakable, it was the scent of home.
Just a little further…oOoOoOo
Perhaps he should have gone with a non-revised option two.
The pieces were laid out before him in neat little rows, the board was organized, and the game was new and fresh. His target was across from him, waiting and gazing at him with that look of hers that he'd become all too accustomed with lately – an odd mix that was expectant and unassuming.
Too unassuming.
Damn her. She wasn't picking up on any of his hints!
It had seemed so simple when he'd thought of it just before he committed the mistake of making a complete fool of himself several months ago in front of that store with her and Lee. Fortunately, he'd managed to stop himself just before he made an unwanted scene with him looking like a jealous idiot or a puffed-up arrogant dog guarding his territory. It was a very good thing, in his opinion, as he had a fairly certain feeling that the 'territory' in question would have been so very much not pleased and possibly very vocal…and violent.
As for him, he decided that he'd be much happier without having to deal with either reaction, or any combination thereof. Thankful for his agile mind and quick thinking, he'd come up with an option four, which was actually just a combination of two and three.
He'd maneuver things to the next level while pretending like he was passive in it all.
It was clever strategy. Constant contact and exposure bred familiarity and affection, after all. Pretty much all he had to do on that score was continue what they'd already been doing, only with more deliberation behind it. And if there was a hint of option one in his newly formed option four, well…that didn't bear thinking about. It was impossible.
He was not afraid.
He was not avoiding the bigger issue, or running away. He wasn't.
He was…just being cautious.
Yeah, that was it. He'd test the waters, so to speak. He was a strategist, after all, and this was a strategic battle; he needed to know the mindset of the opponent to grasp how best to manipulate and shape events to his own favor. Like playing Shogi, the more he became familiar with his opponent, the better he'd be able to predict the other's moves and responses to his own carefully planned actions.
A few extra 'casual' touches here and there, or an unexpected flattering comment to soften her up more. Constant adherence to the plan would gradually sway her emotions to him, changing her feelings from the level of mere friendship to something more as her eyes were opened to his presence in her life in a capacity other than as a fellow comrade. She would open up more, sharing her confidences and a part of herself, allowing him to know her better and vice versa until she saw how well they matched. And, once that happened, everything else would just fall into place in a natural course of events meant to occur. It was a simple plan, not requiring as much effort on his part as he'd first thought it would, and it was meant to work.
It all said so in the Shinobi's Guide to Relationships.
Well, anyway, that was how it was supposed to work. But his carefully devised strategy didn't seem to be…well, working.
Not on her anyway.
He couldn't say the same for himself.
Oddly enough, while his actions so far since his so-called epiphany in front of the store were geared towards getting her to garner more of an interest in him, they seemed to be taking that intended effect and transferring it onto him. Though he'd admitted to himself sometime in between Shogi matches long ago that they unexpectedly fit together like pieces of a well-made puzzle, he hadn't expected himself to come to like that fit more and more since he'd decided on his new course of action.
He'd stuck to his plan, following the outline he'd spent countless hours devising about his intended strategy. Operation: To Get a Girlfriend (the name and purpose of which was highly top secret and divulged to no one but himself and his favorite thinking spot for obvious reasons) was treated with all the concentration and attention to detail that any S-class mission was afforded, for any mistakes could be costly…and really, really humiliating.
Failure was not an option.
Unfortunately, he seemed to be failing anyway. His target didn't seem to be falling into any of his carefully laid traps and it was driving his overly analytical mind crazy trying to figure out what he was doing wrong so that he could adjust his plan of action accordingly. It was frustrating to think and think and still not find a solution to the problem no matter how much thought he was putting into it. Problem solving was his area of expertise among his peers and he wasn't used to not being able to solve a dilemma, his lack of success with this current situation being a low blow to what little ego he had.
Who knew getting a girlfriend would be so difficult? One thing was for certain, once his intended target was captured, he wasn't going to let go because going through the whole process again with someone else was just too troublesome to contemplate.
Maybe he was being too subtle.
Perhaps that was the problem; he needed to change his mission plan. After all, everyone knew about her previous fixation with the famed Uchiha Sasuke. He'd even been reluctant witness to a few uncomfortable examples of such encounters himself. Time could lessen those feelings of hers, but it could also make them a comfortable habit. When one was so focused on something else, it was true that subtle maneuvers could undermine the foundations of that something before anyone realized what was happening until it was too late and the new could take the place of crumbling old. But wasn't there also a point where a shock or a good hard shake was needed before old foundations could-?
Oh.
Damnit! He was outsmarting himself!
He suddenly realized that his subtle maneuverings were too much like what the interactions between them had been before he'd even started to maneuver. In fact, he had a sinking feeling that those 'maneuverings' were one of the things that was becoming a comfortable habit. But nothing beyond that.
For change to come in one place, it had to happen in another as well.
And nothing seemed to be changing.
On any level.
Time was passing, nothing was changing, and the one known as the laziest and most unmotivated of laidback genius ninjas in Konoha and beyond was finding himself feeling –
Unusually impatient.
And very frustrated.
It was an unpleasant combination. One that Shikamaru would be perfectly happy never experiencing again. He just wanted it to stop. But he had a sinking feeling that the only way to achieve that particular objective would be to present her with his intentions in a manner that she couldn't possibly mistake for anything else.
"-maru, Shikamaru. Shikamaru! It's been seven minutes. Are you going to make the first move?"
He flinched. Poor choice of words.
"Are you okay?" she asked with concern, obviously not expecting that reaction or his spacing out.
"I'm fine."
Her expression said she didn't believe him.
"I'm fine," he repeated. "I was just thinking."
"Oh." Appearing slightly less concerned, she smiled at him. "What about?"
He looked at her, ran through several scenarios in his head of how he should respond to that, and in the end he discarded them all. Feeling a headache coming on, he pinched the bridge of his nose as he settled on a course of action. Clearly, his plan up to date was not working, which meant he had to try another tact. Tired, restless, and disgruntled, he suddenly just wanted to get it over with and let the Shogi tiles fall where they would.
He sighed. "Sakura. We need to talk."
"Uh-oh." Her smile faded. "That doesn't sound too good."
The apprehensive expression on her face wasn't making it any easier on him. Feeling unusually nervous and on edge, he sucked in a deep breath, hoping it would help calm his sudden bout of nerves.
It didn't.
"Shikamaru?"
Her voice was tense, agitated. Knowing his continued silence was only making her feel worse, he told himself to stiffen his backbone. He was a ninja after all. He was supposed to have nerves of steel. Forget that those steely nerves were currently jiggling like a bowl full of jelly; he could do this. He could. There was nothing to be afraid of. After all, the worse that could happen was being rejected while she laughed in his face and –
He really, really needed to stop thinking so much.
"Shikamaru!" Her voice was thin, tight. "I know you're normally not the talkative type, but this silence is getting on my nerves. If you're not going to play or say whatever it is you have to say then I think I'm just going to leave-"
"No!"
She fell silent at his outburst, staring back with wide wary eyes.
Feeling unusually awkward and inept, he swallowed to alleviate his sudden dryness of mouth. His ears seemed to buzz from the blood rushing through his body, his hands felt uncharacteristically damp, and his heart was literally in his throat. He felt sick but if he passed up on the chance now, he had a terrible feeling that it would take him another several months to gather up enough courage to even come close to trying this again – or longer!
And that was something he couldn't stand.
He was not masochistic; he couldn't put himself through the torture of another moment like this one and dealing with constant uneasy nerves and the queasy feeling in his stomach that would, no doubt, accompany whatever length of time he had to endure before he felt ready enough to attempt this again. Even the idea had cold chills shivering across his skin and sweat trickling down his back. While he hated his indecisiveness at that moment, he knew he'd hate himself even more if he turned coward by putting it off and prolonging his troublesome torment.
One way or another, it was going to be that day.
Sucking in a breath, he regarded his concerned Shogi partner with a slight smile that he hoped came across as affable rather than sickly. But, from the way the worry in her eyes only seemed to deepen, he was highly doubtful about his success. Nevertheless, he prepared himself to sound confident and approachable, someone she could feel comfortable with confiding whatever her feelings might be concerning him.
In fact, he was ready with a new plan of action consisting of a dance of subtle questions to steer the conversation in his favor, an easy task for a man of his intelligence and skill. Secure with his new tactic, he opened his mouth to instigate his plan smoothly, starting the conversation with all the self-assurance he possessed.
Unfortunately, what one thinks wasn't always what one does.
"Are you seeing anyone?" he blurted.
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he froze. Horrified, he desperately hoped that he had only imagined what he'd said. Surely, he couldn't have really done it because that would be stupid and everyone knew that Shikamaru didn't do stupid things like asking a question that everyone in Konoha already knew the answer to. But the way pink brows shot high to a feminine hairline told a different story.
And Shikamaru suddenly understood the unlikely desire for the ability to kick oneself in the ass.
"Well, uh," he fumbled desperately to rectify his mistake, "what I mean is- That is to say- No, that wasn't what I meant! What I meant was- Do you think- That is, could you possibly-"
"Shikamaru?"
His stumbling words ground gratefully to an immediate halt. Throat clogged and feeling unusually flushed, he responded to the gentle inquiry in her voice by giving her a look that was part hopeful, part wary, and all terrified.
"Shikamaru," she said again with a half-puzzled smile, "are you trying to ask me out?"
Not daring to speak, he gave a jerky nod.
"Oh." She blinked. "I guess I'll have to give an answer then."
Nerves tense, he felt hot and cold all at once. But he dared not make a sound, moved not a twitch; he held his breath and waited.
And felt his heart crack when she started to laugh.
oOoOoOo
It was still dark when they arrived. But dark or light, he didn't care. He just wanted it over and done with. Tired and unsmiling, he only stopped to wait for the guards to confirm their identities before opening the gates. Even when he passed the entrance, returning to the place that had seen him grow from child to man, he did not relax. He trudged though silently, purposefully, his feet going in one direction even while his mind took him through another.
He was ANBU, a ninja, a soldier.
He had a duty to perform, a report to make.
Duty he performed, reported he did. But he kept it as brief as possible while providing all pertinent details. It was only moments, though it may have seemed longer, and then he was on his way again, this time his feet moving in tandem with his thoughts, journeying along the same path towards the same goal.
The door opened before he even touched it, bathing him in the warm light from within as it chased away the shadows concealing his body much as the warm smile and welcoming eyes did to the shadows in his soul, his heart.
It was enough.
And as he stepped into her and her arms wrapped around him, then and only then did he finally allow his body and mind relax and let loose the tension that had carried him back as her murmured heartfelt words flooded through him with their warmth, their promise.
"Welcome home."