Disclaimer: HOW DIDDY HO KIDDIES! I know that you all have been anticipating the next (hopefully longer) exciting and funny chapter of Harry Potter: The Legend of Link…but I'm just gonna ramble on aimlessly about how I can't do the chapter because I have writer's block!
Fans: FOR THE LOVE OF LLAMAS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
D.S.: Just kidding. I love you all so much, I have overcome my mental disorder and have fully reached nirvana so I could die right now and I could go play poker with Jesus and Moses! (Once again…just kidding)
Jesus and Moses: ..U …erm…. (For the final time I'm just kidding)
D.S.: I just want to say that due to many changing events that have happened in the new Harry Potter book that conflict to the happenings of this story I have decided to keep everything just as it was, and just won't be able to say anything that will give away all that is in the actual HP book in case that someone who hasn't read it yet won't be angry that I spoiled something for them…I will say that I did cry at the end of the 6th book and I also was listening to a really sad song while reading so it added to the feel of the book…DON'T EAT LLAMAS! IT'LL DO YOU SOME GOOD AND MAKE YOU FEEL ALL WARM AND FUZZY INSIDE! I guess this means that I must get on with the show…
(POOF!)
Chapter 9: Learn Some Physics! (this is very short…Gomen!)
Link later retreated to his office, beaten, bloody, and severely ticked while being followed by the three fairies that were just going on about random fairy business that Link could care less about. He asked Dumbledore if there was possibly at least one stinking book that wasn't checked out that could help him get home. Dumbledore sighed and shook his head while on the inside his conscience was screaming, "YES! THEY'RE ALL IN MY STINKING OFFICE!" Dumbledore walked away before he actually blurted out what he was thinking; Link sighed in despair.
"I don't know what the heck I'm going to do about getting back home…"
"Maybe you could use Forore's Wind!" Tatl piped up happily.
"Tried it."
"Wizard magic?"
"Trying."
"Use a map?"
"WE'RE ON ANOTHER PLANET…at least I think so…" Link mumbled. Tael jumped up and down (in the air) excitedly.
"How about making a BIG slingshot, aim it in the direction of Hyrule and have everyone here shoot you back?"
"I'd burn up in the atmosphere…learn some physics."
Navi smiled, "Then I guess you just might as well work on acing that citizenship exam because you're gonna be here for a very LONG time." Link glared at the blue fairy.
"YOU'RE NOT HELPING!" Tatl turned around to see Harry approaching the group.
"Professor…" Link looked down from his main point of focus; Harry pulled out a copy of the Daily Prophet.
"Oh! Yes?"
"I was wondering, do you know about a wizard named Voldemort?" Link looked confused at the odd question being prodded from him.
"Erm…I'm sorry, but I don't."
"Do you know a…Ganondorf?" Link's eyes widened in horror, how does he know about Ganondorf?
"…Yes…Why!"
"This." Harry handed the newspaper to the Hylian and waited patiently as the pointy-eared professor read in horror the story that was being unfolded to his mind. Voldemort is rumored to be working alongside a terrible ally, his name, age, origin, etc is unknown; there has been an attack in central Wales where many Muggles and wizards have been injured and murdered. The Death Eaters appeared at 3:04 in the afternoon and started to attack the residents of the area. Accompanying the Death Eaters was an enormous man that could use magic without a wand and is extremely dangerous…
Link stopped reading; he couldn't bring himself to keep going. Ganondorf was doing one of two things: just having fun killing, or was looking for him. Link's knees started to give, Link staggered to the wall and slid down to the tile floor, feeling helpless and alone. What am I going to do? This is just too much for me! Link sighed in despair. Harry sat down next to the hero.
"You can beat him." Link looked up at the young wizard and just couldn't believe what he was saying.
"I've been fighting this guy all my life…I just can't take it anymore, it's too much...I just want it to end." It was Harry's turn to sigh.
"How many times have you beaten the living daylights out of him?"
"I lost count at 7."
Harry laughed, "Then you can do it again! What kind of hero lets the bad guy win just because he's tired!" Link smiled.
"You're right." Link started to laugh. "I guess I'm just suffering from lack of brain cells, must be from getting smacked in the head one to many times from that damned hammer."
Harry looked at the Hylian professor, "The one thing is that you also need to wait in the dark until you see that he may know where you are, then figure a way to throw him off…then let him HAVE IT!" Link realized that Harry was giving him some really good advice without sounding like he was telling him what to do and how to do it. This kid is really something! The castle bell rang for the end of class and the beginning of lunch.
Harry and Link got up and cleaned themselves off as the students poured out from the classrooms toward the Great Hall. Link and Harry looked at each other, smiled, and headed for lunch.
The next day…
"LINK, GET YOUR LAZY ASS UP!" Navi, Tatl, and Tael have been trying to wake Link up for an entire hour.
"Hee hee hee…hellooooooo Zelda!"
"WAKE UP YOU STINKING PERVERT!" screamed Tael, pulling out the Fairy Hammer of Doom and smiting Link with it. (Who'da thought that Link was a pervert!)
"WAGH! HEY! THAT HURT, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!"
"To get you perverted, lazy, ass up!"
"Why are you calling me a pervert?" The fairies looked back at him and stared as they realized that maybe it was the way he was talking because he was asleep that made him sound sick-minded. Link wouldn't dream about Zelda like THAT and be happy about it…Zelda hurts him too much. "Sorry Link."
"Ah it's okay…I'll get my revenge later." The fairies looked at each other wondering what Link's revenge would be.
D.S.: (starts getting pelted by thousands of hate plushies by the fans for the chapter being so short) I'M SO SORRY! I WAS KICKED OFF THE COMPUTER AND NOW I HAVE TO WRITE IN SECRET WHEN MY PARENTS AREN'T HOME! Ooooh! A Garra plushie! I WILL ALLOW YOU TO SMITE ME WITH ALL THE PLUSHIES YOU LIKE, I may keep a few, but that doesn't matter!
Harry: You like the caps lock button too much, you know that right?
D.S.: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!
Ron: My bloody ears are going to die if you keep on using that damned thing!
D.S.: WHAT!
Ron: (sigh) never mind…
D.S: OKAY! (For all who have seen Chapelle's Show…don't know if I spelled that right….)