Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to those whom it belongs to. Shove off.

QY- I swear, I was working on DR. Just a tiny bit. Alright.. I wasn't. But I was thinking about it! So anyway, I gave up, I had to write another Naruto one. I couldn't finish it, but eh. And it's humor again! YAY!! I was all weird the days after I wrote the serious Naruto and HP. All unsettled. I mean, while I was writing it, I felt cool... but yeah...

Warning: An amateur's first crack fiction and of course, there's shounen-ai. Somewhere. And I insulted America. Yes, I am American. Nyah.

Inspiration: One of my friends, Libia, gave me this idea. Well, not really, but the big tree thing is hers. After I showed her my squirrel thing in DR, and on Tuesday when my school's internet was practically non-existent, I told her to give me an idea to write about. And she gave me "Big Tree". It's Thursday, and I wrote it. So if you find this funny (mind you, you need to read the whole thing first before you can judge) you can thank her. A bit. Yeah.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Into the Tree and Down We Go --- QianYun

Chapter I

"Are you sure you should be doing that?"

"Er... what would you do if I said I wasn't?"

A long, martyr-like sigh was heard before a response was created, "I would smack you on the head before I said, 'What else should I have expected?'"

"Hey! I'm not that bad!"

"Oh, no?"

"That's right, no."

"So how do you explain that?"

"Eh? What that?"

A point, "That that."

A loud cry was heard before an even louder thump was sounded.

"Owww..."

"This is why I hate going on missions alone with you, honestly, what's so hard about fixing a light?"

"Oi! If you think it's so easy, you go ahead and do it! That thing is a monster! A monster I say! It's out to get me!"

A roll of the eyes, steps are heard, "Right, it's out to get you. Whatever you say, Naruto."

A sniff, "No need to give me that stupid condescending tone, it doesn't work on me."

"And when did you learn such a big word like condescending?"

"Since before you fell off that ladder."

"What?!"

"Right about... now."

Tumble, tumble, fall, fall.

------------------------

Leaving the house, Naruto made a face at it, mouthed curses and as he always did, threatened it.

"You just watch, house! The Great Uzumaki Naruto never forgets when he has been wronged. You're on the top of my list. You just watch!"

There was a pause from the boy next to him, before he opened his mouth. And then closed it right back. And then opened it again. And then closed it. And then... yeah, you get the point. This process was repeated several times before Sasuke made a wince and said, a little too late, "Naruto, you might want to watch out for that--"

"Agh!"

"--tree."

"Waiiiiiiiiiiii..."

Stunned into silence, Sasuke was only able to watch as his blond teammate apparently got swallowed by... the... tree...

There was something wrong with this picture... Where did that tree come from anyway?

Well, remember the whole part of Sasuke opening and closing his mouth? Since we all know that he's way too cool (yeah, right) to do this simply because Naruto was about to walk into a tree - because it was a rather common occurrence, provided they weren't on a mission - there was indeed another reason.

And it's a very simple reason, so simple that you will probably wonder why you didn't think of it.

Yes, quite simple.

And that simple reason is that the tree started materializing out of nowhere as if sent by the very devil himself, or god, or God, or the cosmos, or whatever else you believe in.

It was a rather slow process, it almost seemed as if it was growing, except... backwards.

As if it was a tape rewinding itself, the tree materialized as a stump, then suddenly, the rest of the tree came back, minus all the leaves.

Slowly, leaves picked themselves up, one by one, colors stretching from the lightest yellows, the deepest reds, the most dreary crunchy browns and then lastly, vibrant, shimmering green. Sort of like how your hair has a vibrant, shimmering color after you use Garnier Frutiese™. Or whatever you call it.

After the bright, zesty green leaves picked themselves up, the tree itself sort of just... shrunk. All the way until it was just a little tiny stalk that you could've just stepped on and vóila, a dead tree... that never existed... erm.

So anyway, this all happened within the span of a few seconds, so Sasuke was still on his third opening of his mouth. As soon as that cute, pouty, thin-lipped, lushly dark pink lips closed once more, the tree was stopped in its rewind mode and apparently, put into fast forward.

Up and up it grew, it shed and grew leaves like an ant queen laid eggs. Expanding larger and larger until it was several times the size that it was at the first moment that it was whole. It towered up and over anything and everything, stretching above even the oldest of trees in the forest the two ninjas currently stood in; it was a wonder that nobody noticed.

Because no one did except for Sasuke, and then, of course, Naruto. Which is why this story even exists in the first place.

So unfortunately (actually, it's more fortunately than unfortunately, but we'll stop talking now), Sasuke had no time to ponder the whole shrinking and growing tree and Naruto disappearing into it thing, as at that moment, an invisible force seemed to push at his back and with a stumble and a curse, Sasuke also... fell into the tree.

Remember, into the tree.

Which had no visible hole to speak of, no opening whatsoever that would explain where he went. If you walked around the whole circumference of the tree - which would probably take you about half an hour or so - no path existed. Putting your hand on the tree to see if it was really just a genjutsu - not that it would help if it was a really good one - or perhaps just some mysterious power (authors and authoresses and the like) playing around with you won't help.

Because it's as solid as the United States of America's freedom of speech.

Well, perhaps that wasn't the right thing to compare it to.

It's as solid as America's reason to go to war!

No... no that either.

Ah-ha! It's as solid as the fact that Sasuke and Naruto make a hot couple.

There we go, now wasn't that a nice comparison?

Ahem, so going back to our original story...

------------------------------------------------------

As soon as he felt himself near the tree, Sasuke immediately scrunched his eyes together and prayed for the best. After feeling nothing but a sight displacement of air - and certainly no head trauma from banging into a tree - he opened one eye slightly. Then immediately closed it again.

I did not just see that. I did not just see that. I did not just see that. I did not...

Deciding that repeating that statement as much as he did helped him to not see what he most definitely did not see, he peeked his eyes open again and soon sighed in relief.

Not knowing that the saying of you exhaling your height potential was really true - in this place anyway - and that he was in danger of growing shorter than Naruto.

The horror! He might have to be uke now!

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Hmm... uke-Sasuke...

Unaware of the conversation going on regarding to him being an uke, Sasuke continued to look around the strange place with trepidation.

You would too if you just hypothetically fell into a tree sent by some higher being (or lower being, depends on your perspective) that spanned some city blocks which was apparently completely hollow...

And filled with snow.

This wasn't what Sasuke didn't actually see, but we'll get to that later.

With no other reaction at hand, Sasuke rapidly blinked in confusion, tilted his head cutely and was immediately awarded with a squeal that sounded around the whole area.

"KAWAII!!!" (1)

Startled, for yet another time in the span of... five minutes, Sasuke gave a mini jump before crouching in a defensive position, backing up slowly, slowly, slowly- into thin arms that immediately wrapped him up in a tight, suffocating hug.

Suppressing a strangled scream, Sasuke brought his arms up and back swiftly in an attempt to force his captor to release him, with little result as he met nothing but air. Eyes widening in surprise, he tried even more frantically to break away from the embrace, but to no avail.

Several winks later, his body completely relaxed, as if giving up. Realizing this, the one who held him released their hold slightly, only to whine moments later.

"No fair!"

For Sasuke had taken the opportunity to slip out of the hold and out of reach.

Turning around as fast as he could, and unable to widen his eyes further, his eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"What in the world...?" He trailed off, finding nothing to say as his eyes met a sight unlike any other.

Vines. Long thin vines stretched across the walls in front of him, to his left, to his right. A major portion was covered in snow, but at the exact spot that he stood a few scant minutes before were a pair of tangled, dangling vines that waved in mid-air.

Sasuke was left with no time to think about it, yet again, for at that instant, something pounced on his back and yelled excitedly.

Thankfully for Sasuke's heart, it was a full-body real human being that jumped at him. Yup, that's right, it was Naruto.

Except... it wasn't, not really.

Or was it?

It couldn't be, because the... person in front of Sasuke - assuming that he managed to escape from this not-Naruto's grasp - wore the most outrageous clothing and had on the most weirdest non-Naruto facial expression.

He was... cute and hot at the same time.

How the hell does a person do that?!

Quite easily, as the person that Sasuke determined was not Naruto wore slim, not tight, simply slim, form-fitting, soft, cotton, dark-colored pants that clung to his hips. A trademark orange shirt wrapped itself around Naruto's torso. Clinging just enough to see the slim muscles, but loose enough that it flowed around him a little ways around. What made him cute was the sleeves that fell past his fingertips. Naruto constantly tugged at the shirt's hem and the shirt's sleeves, giving himself an appearance of nervousness.

The thing that touched it off was the soft blond hair that fell loosely around his face, yet still retaining its original spiky form. His lips seemed fuller and pinker than usual... And one couldn't forget the orange fluffy earmuffs that apparently were the only winter apparel that he wore in the cold weather.

Speaking of cold weather, Sasuke was pretty sure he should've been shivering to some extent, but he felt strangely hot after seeing Naruto...

To Be Continued....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

(1) I do not condone Japanese words when they are already supposed to be speaking in Japanese... but whatever. Humor story and all that.

QY- Erk, it's not actually long enough to make into a full story, but I just wanted to post this up before I went to sleep. The next and final chapter comes up tomorrow even if no one reads/reviews this and/or everyone flames this. So nyah, you can't bother me!

Written: 12/9/04 9 p.m. 10:12 p.m. (I drifted off to read ghostninja85's story, Progeny ::plug!::)