Yes, I know that this isn't an update of one of my earlier fics, and I'm sorry!! But, the idea just popped into my head and I had to roll with it, you know? Now that I have it out, I can move on to my other stories, promise!!!
And yes, as the summary indicates, this is Neji/Hina. If the idea of these two together makes you uncomfortable, then DO NOT READ THIS STORY.
Hollow
She stood on her balcony, clad in a white nightgown that, a few years earlier, she never would have dreamed of wearing. The velvety soft material clung to every curve and contour of her body, leaving very little to the imagination. Draped over her shoulders was a knitted shawl that her sister made for her some time ago, to celebrate the coming of age of a girl once believed to be a weakling, only capable of lurking in the shadows, a sickly pale creature who shied away from the light. Oh, how surprised they all had been when she proved them wrong!
The light breeze of summer whispered through her blue-black hair to kiss her upturned face, and she breathed it in deeply, feeling as if she could be carried away on phantom wings, lifted high above all of her troubled thoughts. She pulled the shawl closer to her skin as the light of the full moon shone down upon her, creating an iridescent sheen against the surrounding darkness. Eyes devoid of pupils rose to greet that light, struck by how beautiful a sight it truly was. No matter how often she looked, the moon never ceased to weave a spell over her.
The balcony was not an uncommon place for her to occupy whenever sleep refused to come; she always found comfort here, with no one else around but nature's hands. Here, she had no fears of failure, no anxieties over how others would judge her; here, her head remained clear of burdens, of remorse, of pain. Even on a night such as this, there was nothing.
Or, at least, there should not have been. Try as she might, the reality of what had occurred today refused to leave her heart, and, deep inside, she knew that it never would.
Today, her fate had been sealed.
Her eyes fluttered shut, a few tiny, crystal-like tears trickling from the corners, though she made no move to wipe them away. How many years had passed since she allowed herself to cry?
So many things changed when Naruto went off to train with one of the Legendary Sannin, Jiraya, the man who had become his sensei before the final section of the Chuunin exams. As she watched from afar the retreating back of the boy she admired so, she vowed to herself that she would become stronger for him, do all within her power to make something of her life as he strove to do with every day of his.
And so, while Naruto focused on achieving his dream away from them, she began to break free of the chains that bound her, slowly moving forward step by step. At first, she flinched from the idea of allowing her father to train her once again while he also mentored her cousin, but the more she watched the two of them, analyzing their movements as a tactician would, the bolder she became. It was not long before she began to spar against her dark-haired cousin, and then her father. While she still had a long way to go, her skills began to improve.
Along with mastering control over her physical self, she also learned to keep her emotions on the inside by schooling her mind through intense meditation, an exercise she practiced diligently at the beginning and end of each day. No longer would she show any outward signs of fear or sadness, for such folly had been used against her before, and she was determined not to let it happen again, which was the case for quite some duration.
But other things changed as well. The distance that existed between herself and the cousin whom she feared as she respected started to close ever so gradually. While it cannot be said that past wounds were magically healed, and that the two traveled on a path heading towards friendship, she and he were finally able to cohabit a room together without the atmosphere radiating hatred on his part, discomfort on hers. Whatever their relationship was, the strain that had plagued it lessened to a considerable degree, so much that others began to notice, though comments were usually kept silent.
As for the rest of her family, she was affectionately referred to as a Phoenix, having shed off her previous skin and rising up as a new being from the ashes of her former self. Yes, her spirit was the same, but the body and mind that housed it were not. She had found her way of the ninja after years of searching blindly, a fact that her clan, and more importantly, her father and sister, acknowledged. She cherished their acceptance of her more than any earthly possession, and, for a time, she was at peace.
Events passed quickly after Naruto reappeared, a calm, calculating warrior in place of the fumbling, inexperienced Genin he had once been. The second attack of Akatsuki rained down on Konoha with more force than the first; many brave ninja lost their lives during this wave, taken down defending the village that they loved. Orochimaru, secretly pleased to have so convenient a diversion, began sending units of his Sound-nins to flank the Leaf on all sides, his newest acquisition, the traitor Uchiha Sasuke leading his own special cell of elites.
The fighting was brutal at every turn, and all able-bodied ninja were expected to do their part to ensure the safety of their village. The Hyuuga clan banded together for what would be the first time, those of the Main House shedding blood and sweat with those of the Branch House.
In the presence of all whom she loved, the shy, timid girl made her stand, and proved her worth. Later, she would hear the details of the final battle between Naruto and Sasuke, of the fall of a cursed clan, a driven organization, and a corrupted Sannin. Later, she would mourn for all who had been slain, attend a solemn gathering for those left behind, but not now. At this moment, she fought like she had never fought before, for herself, for her clan, for her home, for a young man with bright blonde hair and a cheerful, honest face…a young man who was destined to become Hokage.
He did not get to glimpse her as she risked all on the field of battle, for he was already engaged with a greater foe, one who had been his friend, his teammate, his rival, one who had betrayed them all in order to attain the power which, he believed, would enable him to kill his brother and avenge his family. Sasuke did not see that he was becoming the very thing that he despised so in Itachi, but Naruto did. As much as it hurt him, he forced himself to regard Sasuke as he would an enemy, and did not hold anything back.
Because of that, she unleashed everything she had in her own arena, drawing strength from Naruto's courage.
After the War concluded and the dust had settled, no one who still lived was ever the same again. The years that followed were sober, the villagers doing the best they could to hold their heads high and reconstruct themselves, even as they began repairs on the scattered remains of Konoha. But they were also healing years, where those who would not normally reach out to each other providing a helping hand, or a shoulder to cry on. Instead of weakening spirits, the opposite happened, and, with time, things began to progress smoothly once again. However, none would forget that the War had taken place, for there were too many reminders in the once occupied chairs now left vacant, the battle scars that more than a few bore, the absence of buildings that had stood tall and proud. Godaime, wounded in the leg, would walk with a limp for the rest of her days, though she did not allow her disability to halt her plans. Under her sharp eye, reform programs began springing up all over the village, bringing about much needed changes in defense, and the way affairs were conducted.
Naruto moved up in rank faster than anyone expected, and, while he appeared happy, the shadows beneath his eyes that had not existed prior to his final confrontation with Sasuke betrayed his true feelings. He carried on day after day, however, his abundance of smiles and wisecracks doing wonders for all those who served under him, and even for those who did not. He was noticed now more than ever before, acknowledged as a fine shinobi and a capable leader. She continued to watch him as she did when she was a girl, her heart almost bursting with pride. He said that he would never give up on his goal, and look at how far he had come! Now, others would see him as she always had, a good person despite the Kyuubi who was sealed beneath his skin.
Never had she expected for him to notice her, for his eyes to meet with hers as a smile lit his face. How often had she dreamed about this, of finally being worthy of that beautiful smile? Of course, she had no idea that his heart would never belong to her, that it had already been given to another, Tsunade's pink-haired apprentice and Naruto's other former teammate, Haruno Sakura. He had loved her since their Academy days, even though he knew that she was more interested in Sasuke. At some point, however, he began to doubt that she would ever return his love, even after Sasuke disappeared once the War ended, and he could not help but despair.
Perhaps he showed her affection because of this, to ease the pain of rejection…
Whether or not she knew that he was using her to some degree, she decided not to make an issue of it, and enjoyed the time that they spent together, even if it was not meant to last. He talked to her about many things, about his life, about his dreams, about his fears and weaknesses, and she listened to him with an attentive ear, occasionally voicing a comment or two when she felt it necessary, though, most of the time, he was the one to carry on the conversation. Sakura was never spoken of, though she was always at the back of his mind, just beyond his grasp. He did try to transfer his feelings to the Hyuuga girl, because he understood how wrong it was for him to string her along when she cared for him as much as she did, and for short period, he was able to fool himself into believing that he could make things work.
At least, until Sakura reentered his life.
"Naruto-kun," she said in her soft voice, her hands folded in her lap. "Is something wrong? You haven't been acting like yourself today…"
He turned his head towards her, the expression on his face unreadable. He had run into Sakura that morning when he went out to pick up some groceries for his near-empty cupboards. Right when he caught sight of the familiar pink tresses that could only belong to his Sakura-chan, his heart began to flutter as it always did whenever he thought of her, and all of the forbidden emotions that he locked away came tumbling out into the open. They exchanged words and an embrace, as well as a promise to see each other again soon to catch up. And now, no matter what he did, he was unable to erase the image of her face from his mind…
"Don't worry about it. I'm fine," he replied absently, giving her a smile that did not quite reach his eyes.
Normally, she backed down whenever he indicated that he did not wish to discuss a subject any further, but her lips moved before she could stop them. "Then why do I feel like you're lying to me?"
Tension hung in the air between them for a moment, neither saying a word. She put her hand to her mouth after the words left it, instantly regretting what she said.
"I told you," Naruto broke the silence, eyes fixed on the ground. "I'm just a little out of sorts, that's all. I didn't get much sleep last night."
She looked at him, though he did not look back.
"Oh."
After that, things rapidly spiraled downhill. Naruto did meet with Sakura, at a tiny park near the Borderlands, the same place he had taken her years ago before he departed with Jiraya. It was peaceful being out there with her, sharing a picnic lunch and talking as if they had never parted. Naruto found himself opening up to her completely, telling her all of the details of his troubled relationship while she twined her fingers through his, their eyes locked together.
"Naruto…I…I need to say something to you, even though I probably shouldn't, especially not now…" She said after he'd finished, her hand tightening around his. "But if I don't get it out, I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life."
His heart began to beat a mismatched rhythm against his chest, though, by a miraculous show of willpower, he remained calm. "Go ahead. I won't bite ya, promise," he grinned. "Haven't done that in years."
Sakura giggled, and smacked him playfully on the arm. "Oh Naruto, you never change."
"Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?"
"Good thing," she replied, her features becoming soft. Tentatively, she reached out her free hand and began tracing the whisker-like markings on his cheeks with a fingertip. "Do you know that a day doesn't go by when I don't think of you?" She whispered, unshed tears swimming in her eyes. "I've been an idiot, Naruto…a complete and total idiot. I let you walk away from me without a word, made you believe that I didn't care at all…" A single tear escaped to trickle down her face. "I don't deserve you, not after all of the things that I've done to you, all the things that I've said…I don't, but she does. She's always believed in you…and…if she is the person who will make you happy, then I can't come between you."
"Sakura, what are you getting at?" Naruto asked, taking hold of both her hands and squeezing them.
His heart was in his eyes.
"I…" she began, but bit her lip.
"Go on," he urged. "Please…"
"I love you."
The birds amongst the trees twittered as the sun began to set, the sky filling with a brilliant array of color. A few golden leaves spiraled down from overhanging branches, blanketing the ground around them. Before either could stop and rationalize over what they were doing, Naruto and Sakura were in each other's arms, their mouths pressed together in a heated kiss, the first real kiss for both. When they finally broke apart for air, Naruto crushed her to him, her body fitting snugly against his own. She clung back with all her strength, not wanting to let go.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered into her hair, his own tears falling. "You little fool! I've always loved you, always. How could I ever love anyone but you, huh?" He pulled back and cupped her face between his hands. "I'm not a good man, Sakura. I…I thought that if I gave her a chance, I would get over you. What does that make me?"
"Human," she answered honestly, resting her forehead against his. "No more, no less." Her lip trembled. "Oh Naruto…what'll we do? It's not fair to her…"
"No, being with a guy who doesn't love her with all his heart isn't fair. She is one of the sweetest human beings on this earth, and as long as she's with me, she'll only wither. I couldn't bear to see that happen to her."
More leaves fell, harbingers of new season to come, a season of cold, of snow, of ice.
Winter.
As soon as she saw him, she knew that what they had, or pretended to have, was gone, even before he sat her down to explain. The emotionless mask she wore only lasted for a few minutes before it cracked, the tears flowing faster than she could stop them.
"I'm sorry," he said, and meant it. "I'm so sorry…I wish I could make this easier for you." His arms wrapped around her, though she did not return the embrace. "I love you like a sister, and I'll always be here if you need me. Don't ever forget that, do you understand?"
All she could do was nod against his chest, her heart broken. A part of her wanted to scream at him, to throw things, to take out all of her anger and frustration and sadness on him, though she did not. She was as much to blame as he, after all. Even though she had an inkling that he was still in love with Sakura, she allowed him to reel her in, hoping that, by some miracle, he would come to love her instead. She had been wrong.
That was the last time she cried.
"Hinata."
A deep, male voice roused her from the memories, and she was on the balcony again, the wind cool on her skin. Her eyes opened, and she swiped at the tears in order to get rid of any evidence of weakness.
"Couldn't sleep, I see," the voice drifted closer. "I'm afraid I couldn't, either." Two large, lithe hands rested lightly on her shoulders. Hinata breathed deeply to still the fluttering of her heart, praying that he could not feel her tremble beneath his touch. Angling her head to the side, she stole a quick glance at her cousin, though she averted her gaze when he noticed.
"So, you heard, then."
A pause.
"Yes. Uncle informed me this evening."
"I see."
Her eyes traveled toward his face again, trying to make out his expression. Though it was dark, she could tell that he wore the same, blank mask that she had become accustomed to wearing. She waited for him to speak, but when he did not, she decided to take the plunge. His silence unnerved her.
"And? What do you think of it?" Why is my heart pounding? I can barely breathe…
Neji tensed ever so slightly, the muscles in his jaw going taut as he ground his teeth together, only to relax seconds later.
"From the time of my birth, it has been my duty to serve the Main House." He stared off into the distance. "I have been asked by your father to unite our clan. That he considered me at all is an honor."
A very eloquent answer, but not at all personal. It was exactly what Hinata did not want to hear. If they were to be bound together, shouldn't they at least be able to communicate with one another?
"But how do you feel, Neji?"
The honorary ni-san she had dropped some years past at her cousin's insistence, when he claimed that it made him feel old.
There was another pause as he collected his thoughts. Did he really want to make this personal? Did he want to pretend that he had any connection to this woman other than by blood? He no longer resented her as he did when he was a boy, but did that change anything? Soon, she would become his wife, and he her husband. Their marriage would signify the beginning of a new chapter in the Hyuuga legacy. Two separate Houses would be replaced with one unified House, the need for a curse seal eliminated. He supposed that he should be happy, even if only for the fact that no child of his would ever have to suffer the same deprecation as he, but was that enough?
Neji had never been much of a romantic. He had no preconceived notions of what love was, or what it felt like to be in love. However, he was not sure on where he stood about being forced into a marriage, one that he was positive did not include love. Though his fight against Naruto during the Chuunin exams had changed his views concerning fate, a part of him believed that perhaps fate was at work now, challenging him, and he never backed away from a challenge.
"I will do my duty," he responded quietly, answering both himself and Hinata.
Her brow furrowed at his reply. Neji…
"Do you really see this as only a duty?" She said just as quietly, curling her hands around the edges of the shawl. Unlike her cousin, she did wish for love, the same passionate, giving love that Naruto shared with Sakura. It appeared as if that door was being closed to her, but she could do nothing to stop it.
Duty…
"Come in here, child, and close the door behind you," Hizashi motioned for his daughter to enter, and she stepped into the room, doing as she was told. The slipper-socks she wore on her feet shushed across the floor as she went to kneel before her father, who placed his hands on either side of her head and kissed her crown. "Look at me, Hinata."
Obediently, she raised her head, and was greeted by her father's solemn face. He smiled.
"Your resemblance to your mother is undeniable now," he said as he brushed a strand of her hair, which reached about mid-back, out of her eyes.
A lump rose in her throat at the mention of her long-dead mother, whose beauty had been legendary, though she swallowed it.
"Thank you, Father," she whispered.
Hizashi's expression changed then. He took his eldest daughter's hands in his and gave them a light squeeze.
"Hinata, you have made me so proud, do you know that? Prouder than any father ever could be. When I look at you now, I don't see the frail, frightened little girl that you once were, but a confident young woman." He brought one of her hands to his lips and kissed it. "For the past few months, I have been speaking with the Elders. They, along with myself, believe that it is time to make whole what was divided. You are my heir, Hinata, and so, the burden rests on your shoulders. Do you understand?"
Her ears heard the words, though her mind refused to register their meaning. She felt as if she had been punched in the gut. No…he isn't serious…he can't be. This is all just a misunderstanding…a joke…
As soon as she thought that, reality sank in. Her father never lied, never. Why would he choose now to start, when the subject was of so much importance?
"What must I do?" She asked, eyes focused on the grains in the wooden floorboards.
"Consent to a marriage between our House, and the Branch House."
He did not need to say any more for her to know exactly whom he intended her for.
"Neji," she whispered.
Hizashi nodded. "I do not pretend to think that you are happy about this, and if there was any other way…" he trailed off. From the look in her eyes, he could tell that he had already caused his daughter enough pain, and he did not wish to further it by prattling on about what could have been, or should have been…
"I ask you, not as clan leader, but as your father, to do this for me, for our future. Will you, Hinata?"
"Of course, Father," she replied, looking back up at him with a smile, though on the inside, she was numb. "I have failed you before. It shall not happen again."
Later on, when she tried to sleep, her eyes remained open. Even though Naruto made it clear that there was nothing other than friendship between them, she had always allowed herself to dream that maybe, just maybe, he would change his tune. Now, however, even that tiny, irrational hope was torn to cinders. Her engagement had a finality to it that did not leave room for fantasies.
"Neji's wife…his wife…"
Aggrivated, she got out of bed and went to the balcony, where she stood until he came to her…
"Do you really see this as only a duty?"
"Yes."
Hinata stiffened as he removed his hands from her shoulders and turned from her. The warmth that the close proximity of their bodies created disappeared when he began to walk away, leaving her cold…alone…she would have let him go, but for whatever reason, she didn't.
"Stop!" She cried, and spun around on her heel, the shawl falling to the ground and landing in a heap. "Please…stay."
He was halfway across the room before she called to him, and it was only the pleading tone to her voice that made him halt. Two arms were wrapped around his waist, and a head burrowed against his back. Moisture from her tears seeped through the cloth that covered him, though he remained still, arms hanging limply at his sides.
"I'm sorry, Neji," she sobbed, her composure completely gone. "I'm selfish! I've always been selfish! I never once stopped to think of how you might feel…all I worried about was how to make myself happy! But you…having to deal with that curse, a slave to the Main House, my House…and now you're being enslaved all over again, yet I still thought only of myself!" She was unable to continue as the sobs wracked her frame, and she clung to him tighter, no longer caring about how this display would appear to others.
Neji blinked in shock, but he allowed her to cry on him until she calmed a bit, finally prying her hands from around him and turning to face her.
"I don't want to hear such nonsense come out of your mouth again." He said, and brushed his thumb over her lips as his hand cupped the side of her face. "You are the most selfless person I have ever known."
Whispered words…so close…she could see every one of his eyelashes…
A hungry mouth claimed hers, leaving her breathless, disoriented. Neji poured all of his frustration into his kiss, desiring to rip a piece of her perfection away and claim it as his own. He wanted to take from her what had been taken from him, to be a thief, to steal…
Tearing himself away from her, he left without a word. This time, she did not try to stop him, but sank to her knees, one hand pressed to her lips. Her eyes burned with unshed tears, but she could not cry any more.
I deserve this. I deserve all of it. Who am I to judge him? Who am I to wish for happiness, when he has had nothing but grief all his life?
Neji flung himself on his bed, his skin flushed and heart rapping against his chest. He had come so close to losing control…too close. For that, he was ashamed of himself.
"I cold have hurt her," he whispered to his ceiling. "What is wrong with me? Why does she do these things to my head? I'm a shinobi…I can't afford to let her affect me like this!"
He did not hear the door open, or the soft footsteps that approached him.
"Neji."
Silence.
Hinata…He looked at her. She had exchanged the silk nightgown for a matching silk bathrobe, one that she allowed to slide from her shoulders, revealing her naked body to him.
His eyes went wide.
"Hinata—"
"This is what you need now, right?" She asked quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Take me, Neji." She touched the seal on his forehead. "I'm giving myself to you."
The only sound that could be heard in the room was Neji's breathing.
She came to him of her own will, offered him all that made her who she was…a gift that she had intended to bestow upon a man with blonde hair and blue eyes…
In an instant, she was pinned beneath him, his hands holding her wrists captive above her head.
Their eyes met, his questioning, hers clear.
Later on, as they lay tangled together under a thin sheet, Hinata spoke.
"Can we ever learn to love each other?"
The question hung in the air.
A clock chimed midnight.
Officially, a new day had begun.
"I don't know," Neji replied drowsily, his eyes already beginning to close. "Perhaps."
It had been an unfair question, and so Hinata settled for that answer, she too drifting off into a contented sleep.
Perhaps…WOO!!! FINISHED!!! ::happy dancing:: Let me know what you think, eh? Hopefully it wasn't too confusing…