Winter's Rime

Chapter One

It was chilly outside on the patio. Sara felt the goose bumps on her skin as she shivered a bit. Her dress bore more skin than what she intended, and she didn't want to buy it when she saw it, but Catherine would not let her leave the store without buying it, so she did, too tired that day to argue.

Sara looked fairly decent: she received many lustful side long glances from the men in the party at the long slit in the dress up to her thigh. The color of the dress was a striking lavender color that brought out her skin. The fact that it was strapless was what made her feel uncomfortable. Plus the slit.

Her hair was done up to, compliments of Catherine.

Sara was never one for parties. Office parties she could deal with, but bigger affairs such as banquets and the like she never liked. She hated dressing up and she couldn't stand the food. But somehow, her crafty coworkers convinced her to come to the Thanksgiving banquet the mayor was throwing at the Bellagio. Catherine managed, using her social ingenuity, to get them seated with the sheriff at his table. Sara admitted that it was a pleasure because the current sheriff was more down to earth and less egotistical than the last. He enjoyed drinking and eating as much as the next person.

Grissom, Nick, and Greg were seated at a table next to them.

But all of the above wasn't the reason why Sara retreated outside after dinner.

"Oh look," Catherine pointed out to Warrick. "Isn't that Sophia? What is she doing sitting next to Grissom?"

Sara looked over and saw the blonde haired vixen sitting unnecessarily close to Grissom. She felt the burn in her cheeks when Sophia began to whisper into his ear.

"She worked with Gris on that case with the missing hotel heiress," Warrick explained. "Apparently, they're still getting acquainted."

"How do you mean?" Catherine asked.

"Look closely," Warrick said.

When Sara watched with Catherine and saw that Sophia's hand was inching its way up Grissom's thigh, she felt fury rise within her. But perhaps the thing that made her most upset was that Grissom wasn't objecting, nor did he look uncomfortable.

Sara felt her breathing become labored and she felt the sting of tears in her eyes.

"Um, excuse me guys," Sara said, trying to sound natural.

"Wait, where are you going?" Catherine asked.

"I just need to get some air," Sara said.

"You want my shawl? It's freezing out Sara," Catherine offered.

"No, I'll be fine," Sara said as she headed quickly out to the patio.

So now, she was out in the cold, clear night, wishing that she hadn't seen what she just saw. She couldn't understand why she was so angry. She had not expressed as much interest in Grissom over the past year because she was simply trying to move on and cope. She figured, why should she expect any better of him? Hank had done the same thing to her. He juggled both she and Elaine, switching in and out of roles and worlds just to be with the both of them. Grissom was always transitioning from Sara, to Lady Heather, to Terri Miller, and now, to Sophia. It didn't make any sense.

It was some twisted game that he insisted on playing with her and she was getting sick of it. She could find no closure on his part. One day, he would be interested in her, then the next, he would shun her as if she wasn't even in his presence.

Sara felt her heart sink and she sighed.

Why did I even come out tonight? It's not worth it anymore. I'm not worth it, she thought to herself. All the time, effort, and courage even, it took me to come to this silly thing, and now, I feel like a reject. Damn this all to hell, she thought to herself.

Sara took off her evening gloves and stuffed them angrily into her purse. She took out a tissue and began to wipe her lipstick off.

"Hey Sara," she heard Nick call from behind her.

She turned and looked at him expectantly, trying to hide the hurt in her eyes.

"The party's inside girly-girl," he chuckled. "We miss you in there."

Sara smiled a bit before looking away.

"I'm sorry Nicky," she said softly. "I'm not feeling well. You go and have a good time okay?"

Nick smiled sadly.

"You sure?" He asked.

"Yeah," Sara said with a fake assuring smile. "Go on."

He smiled at her then disappeared inside.

Sara looked into the party and sighed forlornly.

Why was it so hard for her to have fun and be happy? Was it some unfortunate gene she inherited from her parents? Sara didn't know, and she didn't care to know either. Her social anxiety had gotten progressively worse over the years, and she guarded herself closely around people who already had a foot in the door about her life. Her privacy was simply a part of who she was as a person, and if it was violated, she'd lose the very essence of herself.

She felt guilty at the fact that she completely wasted Catherine's time as well. She helped her pick out a dress, fixed her hair, did her makeup, fixed her nails. She was so grateful and she wasted Catherine's efforts. As a little girl, she never liked to be primped and proper. She preferred exploring in the woods to having her parents plan her own birthday party. What was it about her that made her so peculiar?

"Nice night out," she heard a familiar voice comment behind her.

For a second, she wished that she could have at least one minute of privacy to think about some things before turning around.

"Hey Vartan," she said casually before looking out into the pool area again.

He came up to her and stood beside her, smoking a cigarette. Sara smiled.

"I thought you quit?" She asked.

"Yeah well," he said before taking a long drag then blowing it out. "My ex-wife has been on my ass lately."

Sara nodded.

"So why aren't you in there?" He asked.

"Oh," Sara shook her head. "Formal parties aren't my thing."

Detective Alex Vartan hadn't known Sara for very long, nor did he know her that well, but there was a certain vulnerability about her that he sensed from their first meeting. Either that, or he found her extremely attractive at the time. That night he first came on, she was wearing a crème colored blouse with a v-cut that dipped low and it clung to her body like a second skin, showing the outline of her bra. Complimenting the shirt was a pair of dark blue jeans that fit just right on her. Her hair was straight yet full of body and it framed her face. If this woman had any doubts about being beautiful, she had serious problems.

"They aren't really mine either," he said, flicking his cigarette to the ground and crushing it. "But hey, I didn't want to pass up a chance for a free meal and free drinks."

Sara chuckled a bit.

"I know what you mean," she said. "I'm always too tired to cook."

Was she really doing this? Was she intimating her personal life to Detective Vartan? She admitted that she felt a little attraction toward the man, but she barely knew him, and yet she felt relaxed talking to him. She furrowed her eyebrows whilst looking at him. He gave her the same expression.

"What?" He asked. "Is there something on me?"

"No," she said. "It's just that, you're so easy to talk to."

Vartan looked down in bashfulness.

"No one's ever said that about me before," he chuckled mirthlessly. "In fact, most people tell me quite the opposite Sidle."

"That's hard to believe right now," she laughed.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked around. He was unsure of what to say to her now. She looked gorgeous in her evening dress (purple was definitely her color) and he was trying not to stare at her too much.

"Do you want to go back in there?" He asked.

Sara shook her head.

"No," she said, thinking about Sophia and Grissom. "Just…no."

"Do you want to go get some drinks or something?" He asked. "On me?"

"No, I better not," Sara declined nervously. What was she? Fourteen? She could handle drinks with a male. She'd done it before.

Somehow, in some perverted trick of her mind, she felt like she was betraying Grissom somehow. The thought of possibly moving on with her life without him scared her to death. Grissom practically took her under his wing and taught her things that she held so near to her heart. She couldn't fathom the idea of testing the waters with another man. Yes, Alex Vartan was oozing both emotional and sexual relief, but she knew that she still had to work things out with Grissom.

"By your stunned silence, I'll take that as a no," he sighed.

"No," Sara piped up quickly. "I mean, yes I would love to have…coffee with you in the lounge. But I'd like to just stay out here for a few more minutes."

"Okay," he said. "How do you like your coffee?"

"Oh, um, two Equals and two creams," she said. "Thanks."

He nodded before going inside to the lounge.

Sara sighed and stared out at the serene pool area. She was thankful for the solitude. She wasn't enjoying herself very much at the dinner. She felt too out of place. She envied Catherine. That was a woman who could fit in easily to that kind of setting. Already so proper and prim, Catherine could mold herself in to Vegas's next socialite if she didn't work so many hours. She and her daughter could be so much happier. Sara wished she had that kind of social affinity.

As a child, Sara was never one to enjoy other people. Especially people she didn't know from Adam. The years in middle school were the most awkward for her. Her menarche came when she turned eleven, she grew tall and lanky, she had long, unruly hair, small breasts and secondhand clothing that barely fit her. She was always teased and she delved into books, music and track to keep her mind occupied and to help tune out the teasing. She was a loner, and her parents tried desperately to get her out of her room on weekends. They tried trips to the beach, outings into the city, eating out for dinner. Anything to get their daughter to connect with the world outside.

Sara chuckled thinking about her younger self. She had grown into a fairly decent, fairly pretty woman she supposed. She had enough admirers to assure her of that. Looks weren't everything. She wanted people to see her for who she was inside. She wanted them to see the hard working, dedicated, passionate Sara Sidle.

She heard familiar footsteps and she turned around. It was Grissom. Sara gulped audibly as he strolled out onto the patio.

"Sara?" He asked. "What are you doing out here?"

Sara scrunched her lips together and shook her head.

"Just came out to get some air," she said, turning back around.

She looked stunning, and Grissom couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"You look beautiful Sara," he said almost in awe of her appearance. "Are you having a good time?"

"I was," Sara said plaintively.

Grissom nodded.

"It's freezing out here Sara," he began. "Why don't you come back inside?"

"No thanks," Sara said, making her way across the patio into the pool area. "I'll see you later."

Grissom looked at her as she left.

Catherine was walking around the banquet hall with Warrick in tow searching for Sara.

"She's nowhere to be found," Catherine growled. "I feel guilty now. Maybe she wasn't having a good time."

"Don't feel guilty Cath," Warrick said. "She's Sara. You know how she is about crowds."

"I know, but I really was hoping that she'd have a nice time out tonight," Catherine whined. "I did her makeup for her and everything."

Warrick shook his head and took her hand, ending her search.

"You did a nice thing for her," he said. "I'm sure she appreciates that, but just give Sara some time okay?"

Catherine looked into his beautiful green eyes and nodded with a smile. He smiled back and squeezed her hand. He let go of her hand when Greg came by.

"Hey," he said, noticing their bashfulness. "Where did Sara run off to? I wanted to ask her to dance with me."

"We were just looking for her," Catherine said. "The poor girl just up and disappeared."

Greg furrowed his eyebrows for a second then he leaned in to whisper.

"Don't think I didn't see that hand hold," he said.

"Get out of here Greg," Catherine hissed.

Sara sipped at her perfectly made coffee, letting its warmth bring her body temperature back to normal after being outside in the air. The lounge was casual, and passersby were looking at she and Vartan strangely because of their formal attire.

They were seated near the window overlooking the nearby golf course. Sara was glad to be far away from the banquet now. She put down her coffee and took down her hair and mussed it a bit to get the tangles out. Vartan sat back in his seat at this action. Her move was overwhelmingly sexy and he had to look at something else before he lost control of himself.

Sara put her hair clips away into her purse then she picked up her coffee and sipped at it some more.

"So, what made you leave the party so soon?" Vartan asked.

Sara turned her gaze from outside to his eyes and shrugged.

"I just," she paused to sigh. "I guess it was just too much interaction for my liking."

By saying that , she meant seeing Grissom being nearly seduced by Sophia.

"What made you leave?" She asked.

"Bad seating arrangements," he said.

Sara chuckled at his agitation at that fact.

"Was it that bad?" She asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Bunch of rookie cops and their wives."

"Oh, I see what you mean," Sara sympathized, rolling her eyes.

A waitress came up to them.

"Can I get you all anything else? Some water, or some fruit and pastries?" She asked.

Vartan turned to Sara.

"Did you want something else?" he asked, taking out his wallet.

"Oh, no, coffee is just fine for me," she said. "Thanks."

The waitress nodded with a smile before leaving.

Sara noticed Vartan twisting his wedding ring around his finger, lost in thought.

"I thought you said you weren't married?" Sara asked.

"I'm not," he said, still looking at his ring. "I just keep mine on. Keepsake, you know? To help me remember the good times. You ever been married?"

"No," Sara said quietly. "I don't really have a desire to. I mean, if the right person comes along, if it happens, it happens, but I'm in no hurry."

"My parents rushed me into it," he admitted.

"Mine too," Sara said. "It was like they had my whole life planned out for me. Getting married at a young age was out of the question though."

"Marriage is overrated," Vartan chuckled mirthlessly.

There was a few minutes of silence as they both sipped at their coffee. Sara's hair had framed her face naturally and with the dim lighting, she looked majestic and exotic. Vartan chanced a peek at her over his coffee, and when he did, he met her eyes and he quickly looked away.

Sara noticed that he was glancing at her and she felt self-conscious.

He was fascinated by her. The way she looked, how her voice sounded, her job. He wanted to know every part of Sara Sidle. The question was, however, was she interested in seeing him beyond this tranquil retreat from a party?

This is interesting, Sara thought to herself. But I don't think now is the time to start seeing other people, Sara thought to herself.

"Sara," he began.

"Hm?" She answered.

"Would you like to go out to eat after shift some time?" He asked a bit nervously.

Against her better judgment, she nodded.

"Sure," she said with a bit of a smile. "I'd like that very much."

Vartan nodded.

"Okay," he said before glancing at his watch. "Do you have a ride?"

"Yeah," Sara said. "Do you have to leave so soon?"

"Yeah, chief is gonna be on my ass if I'm late to work again this month," he sighed. "But, I guess I'll see you later? I mean, you can call me and set up a time to go out. Or I can call you or whatever. Here's my cell number and my home number if-"

"Vartan," Sara interrupted with a smile. "I have both of your numbers in my cell and you have mine, remember?"

Why did he feel so nervous around this woman?

"Oh, okay," he said. "Bye."

"Goodnight," Sara said.

She leaned in rather awkwardly and hugged him.

"Thanks," she said.

He nodded then turned around and left, regaining his composure.

Sara smiled a bit.

"Sara Melissa Sidle!" She heard Catherine's shrill voice call.

Sara turned with furrowed eyebrows to Catherine.

"How did you know my middle name?" Sara asked abruptly.

"Never mind that," Catherine growled angrily. "Where the hell have you been girl? I've been looking all over the place for you! And you took down your hair?"

"Catherine, I really appreciate what you did for me," Sara explained. "I just was uncomfortable…I planned on coming back, but-"

"Was that Detective Vartan that just left you?" Catherine asked with narrowed eyes.

"Well," Sara began. "I was outside on the patio when he approached me. We started talking and he asked me to have some coffee with him."

Catherine nodded, looking a bit forlorn at the fact that Sara had taken down her hair. Catherine took a strand of Sara's hair and sighed.

"You don't give yourself enough credit Sara," Catherine sighed.

Sara sighed and hugged Catherine.

"Thanks so much Cath," Sara said. "I really was having a good time."

"Good," Catherine said. "Are you ready to leave?"

"No, I'll be ready whenever you, Nick, and Warrick are ready," Sara said. "Don't let me spoil your evening. I think I'll just walk around a bit."

"Okay," Catherine said.

Sara walked along in the small courtyard at the hotel. She made sure to turn her cell phone on so that she would know when Catherine was ready.

She sat down on a bench and took off her heels. She winced in pain as she took them off and she massaged her feet.

"Mind if I sit?" She heard a familiar voice ask.

It was Grissom again.

"No," Sara said, moving over to let him sit by her. She resumed massaging her feet, still wondering how Catherine found out what her middle name was.

"You look cold," He said, beginning to take off his jacket.

"Yeah, well, looks can be deceiving," Sara snapped.

Despite her obvious objection to him offering her his coat, he put it around her shoulders anyway, and she back off, letting the warmth off it seep into her skin. She could smell his cologne on the jacket and his soap. A smell that she was familiar with. It filled her senses and made her feel even warmer.

Why does he have to be so wonderful? She wondered to herself

Conversation used to come easy to them. Now, he wondered what had gone wrong in their relationship to where they couldn't talk or banter like they used to. Not that he wasn't taking any blame for the decline in their ability to work together, but sometimes, he could almost see Sara withdrawing into herself and it scared him because she never used to be that way. The opinionated, passionate, and compassionate side of her had disappeared. Or was that her real self? The Sara these days was intensely guarded and reserved, bottling up her feelings until she imploded.

He'd seen her when she walked into the banquet. She looked ravishing. She looked like she belonged in that kind of setting. Suddenly, she walked out, a look of hurt written all over her. He wished that she could be happy.

"Shouldn't you be heading back in?" Sara asked. "You are a supervisor after all. Someone important might want to speak to you or something."

He smirked.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" He asked.

"Maybe," Sara said, not looking at him.

He decided not to take that conversation to the next level and changed the subject.

"I saw you and Detective Vartan in the café," he began.

"And?" Sara asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you two…" He paused, unsure of what phrase to use.

"Why are you asking?" She asked rather bitterly. "Because the last time I checked, my personal life was none of your business."

"And because you wouldn't open up, your personal life almost got you arrested," Grissom snapped, then, by the look on her face, he immediately hated himself.

"Me not opening up?" Sara asked incredulously.

"Yes!" He growled. "You're so damn uptight and you let whatever's bothering you consume your life!"

Sara was plenty furious with him, wanting to shout and hit him upside the head, but she couldn't do that. He was still her supervisor after all. Instead she looked at him with disgust and stood up, pulling on her shoes.

"Go to hell Grissom," she hissed as she threw his jacket at him.

She walked off, her heels clicking on the floor harshly from angry steps.