Disclaimer: I don't own Friends.

A/N: Well, since I've been taking my time writing the wedding part of 'TOW Everything's Changed', I decided to write this. Wednesday evening I figured, hey, I'm off from school for almost five days, might as well watch the Friends DVDs in order!

Yes, I realize it's a sad thought. And yes, I do have a life.

So I got some inspiration from past episodes (I'm already at season five. I'm not watching every episode, though, and I'm fast forwarding through some storylines. I'm sure you guys care.) and I came up with this, another Rachel musing, this time taking place during Monica and Chandler's wedding in the season seven finale.

XXX

The One Where Rachel Reflects

Everything had really happened all at once. It was as if the whole year had been building up to this very day. And, in actuality, it has been.

Monica and Chandler's wedding. Two of my best friends getting married. They're the first ones out of the six of us to do it (if you don't include me and Ross's accidental trip down the aisle), and everything is supposed to be perfect.

It is, in some senses. It isn't in others, however.

I don't know why or how Ross and I got to the point where we slept together. I guess it must've been because of the upcoming nuptials of Chandler and Monica, and the stress it had added to my life, and his. Maybe I was still recovering from my break-up with Tag. Now, all I'm really sure of is that he was there, I was there, some wine was there, and it had happened.

Sometimes I've felt like we've always been on the brink of breaking; of letting go of our stubborn ways and just getting over our pride. The chemistry has always been there, that's for sure, and I know everyone sees it. We broke up over four years ago, and yet still we've both had trouble letting go.

I had really thought we were finally at that place where we could both be happy for the other, without actually being together. Judging by how well that idea turned out, I think it's going to take a little longer for us to reach that place.

I'd never admit to it, but I know I was the one who really started the whole thing that evening, with the story my friend Irene told me. He may have kissed me first, but I know he wouldn't have if I hadn't given him some sort of opening to. Or maybe he would have anyway. I guess we'll never know.

It was a great night. It really, really was. I had almost forgotten how much I love the way he holds me close and kisses my neck. Almost. Sometimes I think about it. By mistake.

We'd decided early the next morning (before Joey was up, of course) to not tell anyone about it. They'd get ideas in their heads, or make assumptions, when we'd only considered it a "bonus night" and nothing more.

So after that night we went on with our lives, and no one found out anything. Ross had left his red sweater, which I discovered a few days later. I keep meaning to give it back to him, but whenever I remember, it's always when someone else is around. I don't want them to get suspicious.

Of course now it doesn't really matter.

One month. Four weeks. That was how long I was oblivious to what was changing; changing so much that none of our lives would ever be the same again, especially mine. Especially Ross's.

I was late, which is never a good thought to start your day with. But, that's how my day began: with me realizing I was practically a week late. I'd wanted to blame it on stress, or on lack of sleep, or on anything but the scariest possibility that was out there.

In my heart, I knew better. But I was terrified, so I kept putting off the inevitable.

The toughest part was acting normal around everyone, especially Ross, while I struggled inside with this. I've spent the past two days debating over whether I should take a pregnancy test or not. By now I've lost count of the number of times I've longed to tell Monica or Phoebe, and have one of them there to talk to. Having the wedding as a distraction was helpful, though.

I ended up picking up the pregnancy test right before I started getting ready for the rehearsal dinner yesterday evening. Joey was still at the set, and everyone else had gone home to change. I left it safely hidden in a sock, in my bureau, in my room, just in case the guys felt like snooping. I knew there wasn't time to take it before the dinner, and then Phoebe and I spent last night in Monica and Chandler's so the girls and guys could split up.

Then Chandler had gone missing, and Ross had spent a good portion of the night searching for our friend. Phoebe and I convinced Monica to go to bed soon after we all had gotten into our pajamas, but not before she forced me to take the trash out, saying she didn't want to come home from her wedding with the apartment smelling like crap.

I woke up early this morning. I've always liked to sleep in, but I knew I wouldn't have been able to anyway, since Monica probably would have tackled me the moment she awoke. Plus, I had tossed and turned so much last night that I hardly slept. My mind has been going a mile a minute for two days.

I had snuck into my apartment, making sure not to wake Phoebe as I quickly left and returned. Ross had left a note saying he'd gone to check a few more places and get some coffee, and Joey was still at the set. When I re-read Ross's quick scribble, I couldn't help but think about him, and what could possibly be growing inside of me at that very moment. It would be partly his.

Phoebe and Monica were both still sleeping when I came back to the apartment in a matter of seconds. I had rushed into the bathroom and closed the door quietly.

Then I took the test.

I cried. I cried like I hadn't in a long time when I read the result on the test. I don't know if they were happy tears, sad tears, nervous tears, or what. Here I am, hours later, and I still don't know how exactly I feel about the whole thing. It's not like I have much of a choice.

A baby.

I used up all of Monica's tissues.

And then Phoebe was awake, and Ross had returned, and Monica had wanted to start getting ready, and I'd tried to put the life-changing news that was left pounding in my brain on the back burner.

Didn't work that well, considering Phoebe found the positive test in the trash. I just went along with the idea that Monica was pregnant. Right now, I sort of wish I had just told my friend the truth. They're all gonna find out eventually, right?

The rest of this morning and afternoon were crazy. I mean Chandler was finally found, then supposedly lost again (I hadn't been there when it had happened, but Phoebe told me about it), Joey almost didn't make it (he just showed up), and everyone thinks Monica is pregnant.

But she's not. At least, not to my knowledge.

A baby. My two best friends are getting married only a few feet away from me at this very moment, so I should be focusing on them and their joyous moment. But I can't. I can't stop my mind from wandering, or my eyes drifting to look at Ross across the altar.

Because he doesn't even know it yet. I haven't done or said anything near him that may alert him to think something might be bothering me. I don't even know what I'm supposed to tell him, seeing as I'm only just starting to get over the initial shock myself. Sure, if this were five years ago when he and I were still dating, it might be something incredible that we'd both be thrilled about. Together. But now, in present day, we're definitely not together.

Monica and Chandler are kissing finally, and I feel horrible, because I didn't give my full attention to them at all.

Phoebe and I watch from our places off to one side. "Look at them," she says, teary. "Oh, and they're gonna have a baby."

The tears are forming in my eyes now, but they're not just for my newlywed best friends. "Uh huh," I agree, taking a deep breath and clapping quietly.

I glance at Ross, who's talking to Joey with a big smile on his face. He shoots a grin at me, and I send a shaky one back. He thinks I'm only emotional because our friends just got married.

A baby. He doesn't even know it yet.

We're having a baby.

XXX

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And coming soon to Kate's story archive: a "what if" fic taking place in the college years!