BREAKING THE HABIT

I don't want to be the one
Who battles always choose
'Cause inside I realise
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit

Tonight

-Linkin Park

Chapter 1

Desperation, Battles and Smart Comments

The dim-lit room belonged to an imposing house that most sane people were terrified to enter. You'd be even more scared to enter the room, as a perfectly silent and motionless woman sat there.

The drawing room of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Although she was used to the darkness as she had lived in it for about 14 years, the idea of being a prisoner of the Order of Phoenix didn't appeal to Bellatrix Black Lestrange.

She was looking the raining landscape of London out of the sole window of the room. She was furious at herself. She knew that she and only she was responsible for being locked in that dark room, in a house she hadn't set foot in for more than 20 years.

For about the hundredth time she stood up and started pacing the room up and down vigorously. That was what she used to do in her cell in Azkaban trying to ignore the other hopeless prisoners. But she wasn't hopeless. The Dark Lord would soon come to her rescue. Or not? After Sirius' death and her mission's failure she had to admit she was going down the heel...

"Bellatrix, Bellatrix..." said a tall figure sitting on a ivory throne. "You have disappointed me."

"I'm sorry, Master. I confess I made an unforgivable mistake. I should have brought you the prophesy but I failed. I promise this will not happen again," she said feeling distressed at disappointing her Master.

Voldemort sighed but it was obvious he was amused by Bellatrix's apologising to him. "Oh but Bellatrix we can't afford such mistakes made again..."

She opened her mouth in order to say something but he interrupted, "No, I won't punish you. At least not with your favourite curse but I can't let that pass like this."

That was the start and everything that followed showed that her punishment was much worse for her than the Cruciatus Curse.

She was no longer considered one of the best Death Eaters. She had made everything for that title and she had lost it in a moment's notice. The time the Prophecy broke.

This started becoming more obvious when Voldemort summoned all the Death Eaters for a meeting in order to see what they were going to do after the Prophecy incident.

"After the bitter disappointment all of you were, I have to fix everything to its right place," Voldemort announced with a sigh and just for a second it became clear how old and tired he was. "Thankfully, the Dementors helped and now all of you are here out of Azkaban," he continued shooting a glare at Lucius Malfoy.

"Some of you made terrible mistakes during that night in the Department of Mysteries. It is inexcusable for the best of my Death Eaters to be beaten by a team of fifth-year Hogwarts students. I won't let anything of the sort happen again. In the next mission I will arrange, some of you will not take part." he said all these while looking either at Lucius Malfoy or Bellatrix.

He turned at Rodolphus Lestrange. "But those who made their best and adhered to their purpose will be rewarded." Rodolphus nodded and flashed a smug smile at his wife who glared.

"Rodolphus you will be in lead of a team of Death Eaters that will enter the Ministry of Magic once more and try to find that room Dumbledore protects so much."

After the meeting, and after all the Death Eaters had left, Rodolphus approached Bellatrix.

"Hey, Bellatrix!" he called. "Do you remember that divorce you have been begging me for ages?"

"Yes, of course I do. What is it that you want?" she snapped not really being in the mood of talking to him.

"I decided that it is a good idea. I no longer benefit from being married to you," he said "You see, Bellatrix, even though you come from the best pureblood families, you are a useless Death Eater, and now that even Master has understood that, I don't want the others to say that I'm married to a useless woman."

Bellatrix clenched her fist around her wand in her pocket but veiled her anger with a sneer. "I will give you the divorce with one condition," she said.

"And what might that be, Bellatrix?"

"I want you to take me with you to the Ministry of Magic," she said. "If you ask Master he will allow me to come with you."

"I can't do this. Master's orders were very explicit. He doesn't allow me to take you with me. He says that this will be yours and Malfoy's punishment for doing all these mistakes last time," he said, trying to keep a straight face but failing. He smirked.

Bellatrix opened and closed her mouth desperately trying to find an excuse. "I want to come! I have to!" She just hated begging Rodolphus but she wanted to do something that would make Voldemort forget about the Prophesy.

"I'm sorry, Bellatrix," he said a smile now clear on his face. With that, Rodolphus left the room leaving an alone and desperate Bellatrix behind him.

Bellatrix snorted and said to herself, "Very well, I don't need company. I will go there either they want it or not."

And the same night when they were supposed to get into the now well-guarded Ministry of Magic, she was there too. Much to Rodolphus' annoyance.

In the team of the Death Eaters she heard some of them mutter to each other: "Didn't the Dark Lord say that Lestrange couldn't come? Why is she here? Does she want us to FAIL? AGAIN?" or "Isn't she the worthless Death Eater that Master had forbidden to come?" and other comments of the sort. This made her feel ever more desperate than she was last night. And, when they were about to break into the Ministry, she decided that she no longer wished to belong to this team. She no longer wanted to be a Death Eater.

She wanted to be on her own. For the first time in her life never have to obey to someone else's commands. Not her parents' neither Voldemort's. But it was too late now. By the time she was thinking all these the battle had already started between several members of the Order and the Death Eaters. She decided to take out her anger on some members of the Order.

She raised her wand screaming, "Avada Kedavra!" at Nymphadora Tonks who missed it just because she tripped on her foot.

Remus was in the team of the members of the Order that had to guard the Ministry along with some other Aurors that haven't come yet to 'save the day'. For the time being, chaos ensued but they didn't have any fatalities. After Sirius' death the only thing he had exclusively been devoted to was the Order. It was basically his life.

He had lost all of his best friends to Voldemort. James and Lily, Peter, who had joined them and, now, Sirius. He would take revenge. There were two things in his mind: the Order and Revenge. The Order would help him take his Revenge and that's why he was so devoted to it lately. He ducked to avoid a curse from Rodolphus Lestrange whom he was fighting with at the moment. He couldn't see Bellatrix Lestrange anywhere. She must have been at the other end of the room fighting with Tonks as he could see some green flames there.

He walked determinedly towards the place where a woman was heard shouting the Killing Curse. He shook his head in disbelief. This woman was trying to eliminate her whole family.

He started running to that place. He didn't want another good member of the Order to die from that insane woman. What was in her mind? He run faster this time as he heard another "Avada Kedavra". He pushed Tonks down at the last minute saving their lives.

Bellatrix's eyes were flashing with anger and madness. "Stupefy!" she cast at Tonks who fell to her back unconscious. Now she turned to finish the last of the Marauders.

"What is it with you Lestrange?" he said after sending a curse to her which she ducked easily. "Are you trying to kill all of the family members and friends left that are not supporting your 'Master'?" he asked with a frustrated voice. "What will you earn from this? Another night in Voldemort's bed?"

Bellatrix never thought she could get even angrier. "HOW DARE YOU!" she screamed furiously. "Crucio!" she cast the curse aiming at his chest.

He wasn't quick enough and the curse hit him. He fell to the floor screaming from the sudden pain. He tried to resist it but it was taking over him. He wondered if he would end up like the Longbottoms but he didn't care. All that he thought at the moment was the pain and suffering.

Bellatrix walked over to Lupin watching him writhe in pain. She sneered at him. "You really thought you could beat me?" she asked with a smile but didn't expect any answer.

Remus could only feel the pain and hear the most hated voice in the world echoing in his ears, He couldn't die now. He had to take his revenge. Finally the pain stopped. She had lifted the curse and he slowly tried to get to his feet but failed.

She would kill him now and everything would end. But she couldn't just resist laughing as he tiredly struggled to stand up. She raised her wand but to her utter surprise Lupin bolted up as if he had found new strength and shouted a curse. She saw silver ropes being wrapped around her arms and waist tightly so that she couldn't move at all. And the worst of all Lupin was the one sneering now. "You really thought you could beat me Lestrange?" he asked.

"It's Black. Black," she grumbled.

"You don't deserve to have the same name with Sirius, Lestrange," he said, a serious a expression on his face now and flames burning in his eyes.

Bellatrix had never seen him like that again. For the first time, she realised she had really lost the battle, "but not the war" she thought.

That thought made her smile. "Well perhaps he didn't deserve the name Black. It's too good for Sirius. So I got rid of him!" she said brightly teasing his anger.

"What's so funny, Lestrange? Being in my mercy, being a filthy murderer that everyone hates or being under the command of a man that is just using you to achieve a certain purpose and then leave you alone and without any support, living only to serve him and trying to please him in any way possible?" he said coldly.

Bellatrix smile faltered for a moment but did not fade. She knew a part of what he said was true but she would prefer to die right then than admit it. "In your mercy Lupin? I'm never or ever will be at a loser's mercy. That's what you want to believe just to forget your miserable unimportant life."

As she said that other members of the Order approached looking at them. "Lupin? You've done excellent! You captured Lestrange!" said Arthur Weasley.

"It's Black," she said again.

"Where should we take her?" asked Remus. "Not in the hands of the Ministry, that's settled. But..."

"We'll take her to Grimmauld Place," Arthur said. "These are Dumbledore's orders," he added noticing the uncertain look on Remus' face.

"So, that's where the Order's base is! Very smart of my cousin to suggest that house. No one would ever think of this. The House of the Blacks. Not the most common place for a Blood Traitors' gang to have its base," Bellatrix said with a smirk.

Alastor Moody glared at her. "Lestrange?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"I think we live in a free country, sir!" she said.

"We live in a free country, Lestrange. You are a prisoner now. You are no longer free," Moody said as if trying to explain to a 4-year-old.

"Just ignore her, Alastor. She is just an attention-seeking woman," Remus said.

"Oooh yes! I am worth some attention, aren't I?" Bellatrix said faking a cheerful tone.

The members shook their head. Firstly they made sure Tonks went to St. Mungo's and then left the Ministry and went out to the streets of London. "Lestrange those years in Azkaban have made you lose any trace of sanity you ever had," commented Lupin.

"It runs in the family. Didn't my dear cousin have the same problem?" she answered.

"Don't get Sirius in that stupid-things-coming-out-of-it mouth of yours," he said.

Bellatrix laughed instead. Now all the members escorting her were persuaded she was crazy. "You're such a drama queen Lupin!"

Remus' mind ran back to all of these times he had heard the same thing coming out of his friends' mouths and remembered how much he hated that woman. "Wow Lestrange," he said sarcastically, "I didn't think you could ever say something so complex without your master helping you!"

She shot daggers at him. "I don't need anyone's help to do anything. Is that clear freak?" she asked.

He laughed "The pot calling the kettle black! When did you last look yourself in the mirror, Lestrange? Have you seen your clothes and your hair lately? It's so crumpled that you're like you've been sleeping and waking up without changing your robes for a month!"

Bellatrix opened her mouth to reply but Mr. Weasley cut her off. "Would you mind stop talking? Both of you? We don't want Muggles finding us out."

So they stayed silent for the rest of their way to Grimmauld Place.

"Finally!" Bellatrix exclaimed. "Why did this house have to be so far away? I guess I can make myself at home now." she said.

"Yeah. What may the queen want?" asked Remus with a sarcastic tone in his voice.

Bellatrix snorted but didn't answer to his comment. Moody did some kind of secret code so the front door opened. She entered to the place she hadn't set foot for many years. But now she was a prisoner of the Order of the Phoenix.