YOU DON'T SAY …?

Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns the characters. Some of these are from websites (which I cannot find right now and will mention in the furture) but most are my own! I hope you enjoy, and feel free to submit your own for characters that are coming up in future characters!

Author's Note: Written in a hurry at 9pm – so its crap – sue me… Oh and thanks for your reviews.

Summary: You've all been in agony, waiting for me to rewrite, reformat and repost YDS – Now its back! What you never thought they'd say. Chapter 2 – Jonathan of Conte – "In truth, I am nothing but a useless pretty-boy pansy"

Thank-you to Lindsay, my new beta for this fic – Chapter 3 will be on its way to her tomorrow. This will be the last unbetaed chapter. If you're interested in betaing, let me know in a review anyway.

Chapter 2

"You said you wanted to be useful." Jonathan pointed out.

Alanna had to grin. "Thank-you Jonathan" She whispered.

"You won't regret it, or at least, I won't." he gathered everyone's attention. "Let us move on and discuss the situation at hand. I refer to-" The King-to-be paused momentarily, before continuing, "I have an unhealthy obsessive-compulsive disorder when it comes to wearing the colour blue." Jon nodded vigorously as his councillors traded confused looks.

Gary tried to ignore Jonathan's unusual admission, clearing his throat. "Well then - I've been reviewing the prices of iron for the past-" He was interrupted by the King cursing loudly.

Jonathan was frantically looking over and around his seat and table. "Who cares about the poor, the homeless and the hungry? I've lost my colour contacts – How will I ever be able to show my face in court again!"

The Dukes Baird and Gareth traded concerned looks. "Jonathan, are you sure you are feeling alright? Did you not sleep well? Have you been eating properly?" Duke Baird ventured.

Jonathan paused from his frantic search to glare at the Chief Healer. "Do I look alright? Do I look alright?" Jon's tone was aggressive, "I mean, everyone thinks Roger killed my father, but c'mon, think about it – who was next in line for the throne?" He tapped his temple to emphasise his point.

Shocked silence met this revelation as all the councillors dealt with Jonathan's behaviour in their own ways. Raoul shifted in his seat uncomfortably, staring at his hands. That was when he felt a pressure on his thigh. He froze at what could only be a hand slowly stoked his upper leg, and was then lifted away. To his left sat Gary, to his right The Lord Provost. The Provost's hands were folded in front of him on the table, logically leaving Gary (incidentally, with his hands under the table) as the one stroking his leg.

Jonathan, meanwhile, continued with his tirade, "I hate Thayet, but marrying her is the only way I can get a sane wife and still sleep with Buri."

Gary felt a hand stroke his leg, and tearing his worried gaze away from his royal cousin, he looked around. Raoul was looking at him strangely, with a mixture of disgust and awe. Gary squirmed in his seat, pulling away from the hand that was now resting on his knee. He glared at Raoul, who raised his eyebrows. Confused, he mouthed 'What?' to the Knight Commander, only to get a shrug in response.

"I'm feeling depressed. I haven't seen myself in the mirror for fifteen minutes!" Jonathan wailed.

Turning back towards the King, Gary realised that his father was giving him a look that mirrored the one he had received only a moment earlier by Raoul. Staring defensively from one to the other, he was relieved when the attention was diverted back to their king, who had taken that moment to inform Alanna that "women can't fight for peanuts!"

She gasped with indignation. "Jonathan, what are you talking about? Several minutes ago you appointed me as your Champion! Now I can't fight?" Alanna's famed temper was rapidly rising at him, King of Tortall or not.

"Alanna, sleeping with you was the only way I could act out my homosexual fantasies but still stay straight!" He smiled blandly at the woman whose face was turning was turning a rather dashing shade of red as a result.

Alanna jumped up. "Right, that's it. We're taking this to the practice courts Jon." Baird and Myles sprang up to restrain her.

At that moment, Raoul noticed the figure crawling out the side door. "Hey! Stop" He attempted to heroically vault over the desk to catch the girl, who was now scrambling up and beginning to run from the room. Instead, he got his foot caught, tripped, smacked his head and rolled over the surface. By the time he got up she was out of the room and halfway down the hall.

"Raoul, where are you going?" Duke Gareth demanded as the Knight Commander rushed from the room.

As he parted, Raoul distinctly heard his friend wail, "I miss Roger." Shaking his head, he quickened his pace, in hot pursuit of the girl. The other's stayed to restrain both Alanna and Jonathan. "In truth, I am nothing but a useless pretty-boy pansy."

He caught her several minuted later. She fought as he pulled her into a side room, servants casting their eyes aside from the noble and his struggling captive.

Raoul let go of her to lock to the door. Katrina eyed him lazily, drawling "Well, you're not really one to waste time on courtship now, are you?" She snicked.

Ignoring her, he drew himself up to his full threatening height, and demanded forcefully. "Who are you, and what was your business in the King's Council Chambers?"

"You've got rather nice legs, you know." Smirking, Katrina only infuriated him even more. "Now, as much fun as this has been, I'm not supposed to get involved with the characters, strictly speaking." Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a black box. "Dead useful, you know?" Pressing the vivid pink button, she waved.

"What do you think you're-" Raoul stoped as she vanished into thin air, utterly confused.

Gary and The Lord Provost burst into the room a moment later. They glanced around, but one except Raoul in the room. Gary rolled his eyes at his friend. "Now Raoul, I know you don't like Jon's long winded meetings" he began crossly, "but that's no excuse to go gallivanting around the Palace, creating a ruckus!"

"But- but, the girl, she was here…" He protested earnestly, glancing frantically around the room for a sign of her. Resignedly, he searched the room once, and then accompanied Gary and the Provost back to the chambers.

Be nice (review) and I'm tempted to update sooner!