Take the Long Way Home

(written nov. 13, 2004)

by Adelie

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I needed a ride home. That was how it all started. I hadn't planned it out, or maneuvered myself so he would cross my path, as I had so many times before, and so unsuccessfully—I was just stuck at school on a late afternoon, with no way to get back to my house. It was winter and getting dark already. No one else was home. So I called him. I just didn't know what else to do.

It didn't take him long to get there, but by the time he arrived on his motorcycle my fingers had already gone numb. He was just wearing a leather jacket; it was all he ever put on in the wintertime. He said that he just didn't notice the cold.

But he didn't say anything when he pulled up at the curb, just looked over at me and gestured for me to get on. The engine was warm. I sat down in front of him, and he had to reach around me to steer. I could feel his arms encircling me, warm and strong, and it was almost as if an electric shock went through me. I bent my head back, and looked up at him; he was staring off into the distance, trying not to look at me, keeping his eyes on the road. And then I did the most daring thing I had done in my life so far: I leaned back into him, and rested my head against his neck.

"Don't do this to me," he murmured, roughly, but I just closed my eyes and put my hand to his cheek. Even though my hand was stinging with pins and needles, he felt so cold to me.

He only needed one hand to steer.

It was a cold winter that year; the thaw didn't come until March. In the middle of the night, I used to sneak out of the house, barefoot, and up into his room. It was always so cold up there; there was barely any insulation, and all he had was a space heater. But he said he didn't need it when he had me there. He didn't say much else: he said stay or forgive me or something else, and I didn't really talk either. I didn't need it. I loved the way he would run his hands through my hair, and moan when I touched him. And afterwards, before I left, I would hold him, gently, kiss his mouth, and feel the best warmth of all.