WARNING: This story deals with sexual assault. It does not occur in the context of this story and is referred to in a non-graphic manner. Therefore, I think that PG-13 is an appropriate rating for this story. If reading about sexual assault bothers or offends you, do not read this story.

By Starzki

The battle hadn't gone well at all. The especially heinous youkai, after shedding his semblance of humanity before taking his true insect visage, mosquito-like, proved too fast for us to kill quickly.

With the kazaana still healing, I was prohibited from using my greatest power. Resorting to flinging my ofudas at the darting specter, my aim failed to be accurate enough.

Beside me, a light sheen of sweat covered Sango as her lithe body absorbed the rotating energy of the haraikotsu as she caught the boomerang for the dozenth time.

Kagome's arrows proved about as accurate as my ofudas and Inuyasha was dealing with an injury to his arm which had been run through by the youkai's s spear-like proboscis. The strike had caused Inuyasha to lose his sword down the slope of a ravine.

Rather than face this enemy unarmed, Inuyasha retreated down the ravine to fetch it, leaving the demon to Sango, Kagome, and me. Kagome fitted her last arrow into her bow and let fly the arrow at the same time Sango flung the haraikotsu. Unfortunately, the mosquito demon dodged the simultaneous attack and the arrow struck the boomerang, deflecting it off of its lethal course. The insect youkai turned its attention to me, flying at me with all the ferocity it could muster. Sango screamed in concern as I brought up my staff to deflect the attack. I was thrown back several feet, toppled, but uninjured. Then, the haraikotsu made its return trip, slicing through the demon's wings and knocking it away from me, sparing me from its assault.

Instead, the insect demon flew headlong into Sango, landing on top of her and pinning her before she could draw her katana or spring the hidden blade along her forearm. Fear turned by blood to water as I helplessly watched this filthy youkai uncurl his needle-like nose and take a deep inhale of the young demon hunter. He was preparing to drain her blood, as he had several maidens in the area before we got involved in tracking him down. I clumsily struggled to stand and rush to her aid, but my robes seemed too heavy and tangled. The time around me moved too slowly to allow me to make it to her in time. My eyes stung with the sudden threat of tears as I heard the creature rasp.

"So pretty, yes. But not so pure, yes? I drink only the blood of maidens to keep me quick and young. Yes. I smell the other one. Yes, she'll do nicely." Then, rather than spear his proboscis into her neck, as he usually did, he leapt off of Sango and at Kagome who was rushing to her friend's help.

Kagome screamed, eyes widening in fright as the demon's attentions focused on her. She skidded to a stop and threw up her arms to shield herself. The demon's segmented body glinted in the sun as he flew raggedly on what remained of his wings with his single-minded purpose. But before he could strike, a flash of silver and red appeared and the youkai lay on either side of Kagome, cut in half by Inuyasha.

I continued to run to Sango. I needed to assure myself that she was unhurt. Though she seemed paler than normal after a fight, she didn't' have a mark on her that I could see. I offered my hand to help her to her feet, which she took, but avoided my eyes.

"Is Kagome okay?" I asked Inuyasha, who was similarly helping the young woman to stand.

"Looks like," he replied proudly. "Good thing one of us actually had the skills to take out this damned bug."

"Ah, but that's only because Lady Sango was able to injure it first," I said, looking at Sango, hoping to win at least a smile from her. Instead, she was scowling into the distance, looking past the mutilated corpse of the insect demon.

Inuyasha huffed, turning to Kagome for her tacit understanding and the support he had grown accustomed to receiving from her. Instead of rewarding him with a smile or other reassurance, Kagome was looking at Sango with empathetic concern, guessing at something that Inuyasha and I had obviously missed.

"Sango?" asked Kagome quietly and simply.

"Yeah," answered Sango, her voice coarse and flat, still glaring well beyond the corpse, I realized, into the past.

"What's going on?" asked Inuyasha, suddenly annoyed that the girls seemed to be keeping something from him. A brief moment of confusion overtook me as well before I replayed the last two minutes in my mind. The demon spared Sango at the last second, claiming a taste only for maidens. A cool realization spread through me, making me feel wooden and rooted to the spot. Frozen.

Sango wasn't a maiden, a virgin. Shocked, my mind flew to the heartbreaking scenario where she had given herself to one of the young men in her village. A woman as beautiful, smart, loyal, and superb as she is must have had handfuls of suitors. Yet, I still couldn't imagine Sango falling to the temptation of one of these silly young men before being fully and officially committed. And I was sure that Sango would have mentioned an intended husband, a lover, someone else along with Kohaku to avenge in the fight against Naraku.

No. The next scenario that flashed in my mind was that Sango had not consented to her first sexual experience. Momentarily, I despaired in the images. Sango was my friend, my comrade, and the reason I smiled at the morning sunlight. I remained frozen, the terrible thoughts preventing me from the slightest movement. Inuyasha saw my tentative understanding and snarled at me for not sharing my insight. But boiling anger and overwhelming sadness prevented me from doing anything but betraying my shock.

Sango snuck a glance at me before frowning deeply again.

Kagome had guessed the same thing I had. "You didn't want it right? It wasn't what you wanted?"

Sango mumbled, "Stupid youkai had a big mouth." She pointed her gaze toward the horizon, her jaw clenched and her look pained. "No," she whispered. "It wasn't what I wanted, but it's what happened."

Realization was quickly dawning on Inuyasha and he wisely kept his mouth shut. It was a good thing, too, because any comment from him might have sent me into a rage against him, attacking the only other male in my presence. I began to pray that I was mistaken, that I had misheard. A young lover for Sango was nothing to worry over, to be ashamed of, to regret. But an assault would have involved pain and powerlessness that no one should have to endure, especially someone I had grown so close to. But I could feel, I knew, that this hopeful denial was wrong.

Even having my staff to lean on, I was unable to support myself as the sudden nausea caused by memories of my own sexually provocative behaviors toward her overwhelmed me. My reaction to my memories of stolen touches was so physical in nature that I actually clutched my stomach and retched in deep regret. What was wrong with me to do such things to a woman who had been through too much already?

Even though I knew that Sango saw my reaction, she pointedly ignored me. Luckily, Kagome seemed to know what to do to help our friend. She strode over to Sango and embraced her in a bear hug and whispered, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

Sango smiled sadly, but with genuine warmth, at Kagome as she said, "I know. It's okay." I saw the two young women share a kind of dialogue with their eyes, communicating a unique understanding between women that knew no human tongue. Kagome took Sango's elbow to lead her to a nearby hillside to talk privately and Sango followed quietly. She cast another look at Inuyasha and me, noting our shocked appearances, and looking disappointed in us. Kagome and Sango left to talk and watch the sun set over the meadow.

Inuyasha came to me and gripped my bicep and lifted me to my feet. He read the pain and guilt in my eyes. "You didn't know, bouzou," he said gently, forgivingly.

I wanted to argue with what was true, what had already happened. "But she's so strong." But I also knew that strength came from challenge and strife. I couldn't rationalize this away; I couldn't take it back for her.

"She is strong," Inuyasha confirmed, his voice belying so much more understanding and sensitivity that I had ever given him credit for. "She's done okay. She'll do ok."

I tried to nod, to move again. I tried to adjust to the new knowledge that was suddenly thrust upon me.

"Gather wood," instructed Inuyasha. "We'll need a fire." I suspected he was just giving me something to do to occupy my hands. I was grateful to him.

Two hours later, tearstained and exhausted-looking, Kagome joined us beside the fire. Sango was still contemplating the night sky from the hillside.

I couldn't bring myself to ask the question, but Kagome answered me anyway. "It's what you think. It wasn't good. But she's mostly okay. Right now, she's concerned with what you two, what Miroku-sama thinks."

I frowned at the fire, unsure myself at what I thought. "Is she really okay?"

"It was a while ago and she had a lot of support at the time."

I nodded, glad. But the aching pain of guilt in my stomach prevented me from looking squarely at Kagome. "Do you think it would be alright if I talked with her?" I asked.

"I think she's waiting for you," she said, settling down next to Inuyasha and patting his hand tenderly. She then looked sharply at me. "Just don't be an asshole."

"I won't," I promised. I left Kagome to be consoled by Inuyasha while I went in search of Sango.

I found her, as I had on so many occasions, at the foot of a hill regarding the star-filled sky. She did not look at me.

"May I sit?" I asked as I approached.

"Yes," she answered. I could see that she was tense. Normally, I would reach out to grope her to diffuse the situation, gladly taking any lumps to see her comfortable in her role in the act we always played. But I would no longer resort to such tactics with Sango.

I sat and realized that I had no idea what to say to her. Se we sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes that seemed like days, lifetimes.

Sango broke the silence. "You don't like me any more." She formed her words as a statement rather than a question. "You looked like you wanted to throw up when you looked at me."

"I was sick at my own past behavior toward you," I answered. "Sango…" I began, still unsure of what I should say.

She tore her gaze away from the heavens and turned to look straight at me. Into me. Into the depths of me to see how I felt. She found caring and concern for her. She saw my sadness, anger, and guilt. "What?" she asked me. She needed me to say what I had intended to say, to finish what I had started.

"Sango, I wish it hadn't happened." It was all that I could think to say. It burst out of my chest on its own accord and there was nothing I could do to stop it, as insignificant and trite and useless as it sounded.

Sango's worried expectation melted into softness and sad warmth. "Thank you, Houshi-sama," she answered.

"What happened?" I asked. I wanted to know, but I dreaded the details. "If you want to tell me, that is."

"It was a couple of years ago. He was older than me, a pretty good fighter in our village. Most of the village found out. My friends and family were all good to me. They helped me to realize it wasn't my fault. He was well-liked in the village, though. He died a few months later in an extermination. Those who did not know me well blamed me both for what he did to me and how he died. Even though I know in my head that I didn't do anything wrong, I can still hear all of the bad things people would say to me. I became very careful about who I told." Her voice was fragile as she recounted the memories, her look pensive and far away. But she didn't look weak. She was as strong as I'd ever known.

"Is that why you have kept this to yourself for so long? You thought we might blame you?"

"Yes. No." She chuckled dryly and looked at me with a slight smile. "I try not to think about it too much. And it was nice to have some friends who didn't know that about me, who would look at me without pity. I deal with it on some level every day, but it is in the past. It is a part of who I am that I can't change. It has made me stronger. I wish it hadn't happened, but it did and I deal with it." She sighed and drew up her knees under her chin and looked toward the stars again.

My heart ached. She was so strong that it knocked the wind out of me. I aspired to be like her one day, as noble and proud. I reached out to place my arm around her shoulder, to try and be of some comfort, but I stopped myself. I was afraid to touch her, that she might think I was trying to take advantage yet again. She saw me, saw me stop. She took my still outstretched hand and placed it against her cheek, smiling at me and blushing slightly.

"You are the best person I know, Sango," I admitted to her. "You are loved. If you need anything, I'm here. Ask me. I'll always be here for you."

Still holding my hand, she shifted closer to me and wrapped my arm around her shoulder and leaned into me. "Thank you," she softly whispered to me. We both stared out into the night. We gradually relaxed into one another, confident that we could both deal with the past as long as we had the support of the other.

The End.

Author's Note (mini-rant): I was really conflicted about writing this story. I cannot bring myself to read most of the stories out there that deal with sexual assault, even those that deal with the subject with sensitivity. It is just a subject that I can't take when it is a part of my leisure reading. This is to say nothing against the authors who use it as a part of the story, but I don't like reading about it, having it happen to characters that I like. As a part of my job, I deal with survivors of sexual assault every day. Part of my problem with them is that most of the stories that I read about sexual assault did not come close to matching my own experiences in working with survivors. Everyone reacts differently, but the women I encounter, for the most part, eventually do okay. I wanted to put that perspective out there: someone who survived, deals with it, is no longer in the throes of devastation because of it, and eventually came through stronger than she had been. It is important for survivors to have emotional support from those around them. Friends and family are especially vital in helping someone through this. Rape crisis counseling centers are also another place for people to turn to. They have specially trained staff that are usually good at helping women through their experiences, even years after the assault. A Google search of rape crisis counseling centers and the city, town, or state will provide contact information.

A/N 2: Now that I've descended from my soapbox, I'm still not sure how I feel about this story, my first (and probably last) attempt at an Inuyasha fic. I probably wouldn't read it if I came across it, myself. It's pretty trite, it's missing characters, and it suffers from my lack of writing talent. But, like I wrote above, I had never seen this particular perspective and thought that it should be out there. I'm interested to know what you think about this.