Title: Our Dying Day
Fandom: Yu Yu Hakusho
Characters/Pairings: Botan.
Rating: K+ (Mentions of suicide.)
Genre: Dark, angst.
Word Count: 531
Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho does not belong to me.
Notes: This is the final piece of the Apocalypse Trilogy. It is not, however, necessary to read any of the others in order to understand this.

I sit on my oar, high above Ningenkai and I just... watch. I watch the stars and the sky.

I just close my eyes and let the other senses take over.

I'm so alone sometimes. I don't know why.

No, I'm lying to myself. I know why.

I look down now, see all the bright lights of Tokyo. How many people live down there?

How many will die within this week?

I will have to carry away a few of them, I know.

In between my duties as a Spirit Detective's assistant, I am still a ferry girl, a deity of death, a navigator of the River Styx, just like my Greek counterpart, Charon.

I have such a bleak, depressing job.

So now I must face the truth. I have a very specific reason for being so alone, and it is because of my profession.

I have friends, wonderful friends—human and demon. And yet, I don't wish to get close to them. Why? Because one day, I may be the one to take them to Reikai—and to their final resting place.

I know how real this fear is. How is it that I got to know them in the first place? Yuusuke's death, that's how, and from there everything just spiraled on up and down and every which way.

Part of my training as a ferry girl gave me rules and guidelines for me to follow. I was told to choose one of two options: Either I learn to be impassive or I learn to be overenthusiastic, chipper, and never down. This is not so that the dead souls will be comfortable—no, instead, this is so that we don't lose our minds.

And the unspoken rule that I broke so many times, that I had never thought was important: Never, ever befriend a mortal soul. For, when they die, you will find yourself questioning everything that you are.

I am death. I can be nothing else. And yet, I want to save them, I want to keep them from falling into my clutches.

When I brought Genkai to the Spirit World for the first time, I was wrought with enough pain. When Yuusuke, Keiko, Shizuru, Yukina, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei—when they die, how will I be able to live with myself?

If I am the ferry girl who has to take their soul—how will I cope?

I will not.

And that is why, tonight, I feel like I am dying.

That is why, tonight, I will dream of falling and falling and falling, with no end in sight—and I will welcome that dream.

It is a dream that cannot come true, because... Death dying? Who ever heard of that? It's impossible; I would know. My suicide attempts have been many.

As I look down at Tokyo, I shed my thousands of tears.

As I look down at Tokyo, I see not the Tokyo of Yuusuke's time—no. I see the Tokyo that has been turned to a desolate waste.

The Tokyo that none of them inhabits.

Because Tokyo—and they—were destroyed so, so many years ago.

It's amazing what an apocalypse brings, isn't it?

Review. Or flame. Or rant, as the case may be.

Thanks for reading.

(revamped on 6/29/05 to comply with anti-songfic rules) (reformatted on 12/10/11)