Taboo

Chapter 1: realization

Notes Disclaimers and Bullshit: Yuri, need I say more? I own not CFG.

I walk through the solemn hallways of the station known as GOA mainly in a predicament. Mainly, why do I feel this way? I am... excited, worried, troubled, happy and sad; all at the same time. These feelings are centered on one person. This much I know. What I don't know is one simple question. Why? And who is that one person? Every time I feel these feelings, there's more than one person in the room. I've already ruled out all the guys. That... troubles me a little. See, until now I've never had any thoughts that I might... you know ... "swing the other way." But now, I'm surprised I didn't think of this sooner. I've always thought of myself as someone who could distinguish feelings quite well. Well... I still say that I can tell what others are feeling. I can't tell what I'm feeling at all sometimes. But who, and why? Those are my main concerns. As I walk in to the dorm I'm met by the biggest headache of the four girls I share a room with, Wrecka. "Morning Kizna-chan!" she said airily, as if I couldn't feel anything but happy and cheerful.

"Morning Wrecka-chan," I said, "How's everything?"

"Oh you know, Saki complaining about the brainiac of a boyfriend she has; Tukasa being her, and Ikhny is sulking in the rec. room."

The feeling rushed over me as the name of my closest friend on this station was mentioned. Ikhny Allecto. She's so... "About what?" I asked.

"Oh, Hiead called her, and I quote, 'A fucking dyke that should keep her mind on her job instead of what girls she wanted to screw.' Honestly that was a little harsh but she has been..."

I dashed out of there as fast as I could at that point.

Now, Ikhny is not someone who would say something about herself freely; she's very shy and private. My guess, Hiead forced it out of her. That good for nothing son of a bitch. He's done shit like this before. I finally think he pushed the limit this time. When I finally burst into the recreation room there wasn't anyone in there that I could see. I did hear however the quiet sound of a girl sobbing. I looked around the room but couldn't find where the crying was coming from. Then I saw Ikhny's trademark auburn hair behind one of the artificial trees planted in the room. I walked over towards her and asked, "Ikhny? Is that you?"

"Go away!" she screamed.

I took a step back. Ikhny usually wasn't that mean or unfriendly. I silently swore that Hiead was going to pay for this one. I decided to try again, "Ikhny, it's me. Kizna."

"I said go away! Leave me alone!"

I cautiously continued my walk towards her. She was hunched over herself covering her face. My gut instinct told me to keep going, "Ikhny, please talk to me..."

"You wouldn't understand! Everyone hates me now!"

"Not everyone hates you," I said as I knelt down and hugged her, "I'm still here. Now come on tell me what's ..."

It was then when she lifted her head and I gasped. Written across her face were several derogatory remarks. Gay, whore, faggot, lesbo, dyke, anything and everything you could think of was written on her face. Some of the handwriting was easily recognizable, "Hiead!" I yelled.

"No Kizna! Wait!" Ikhny said pulling me down, "I deserve it. Hiead caught me looking at someone."

"I didn't know that you were..."

"You never asked. Now the whole station knows because Hiead blabbed it to some of the other candidates. Some of this was younger candidates doing."

"And you didn't report this to Azuma?" I asked.

"What was he going to do?" she said full of cynicism and sarcasm that was so unlike her, "Make them run laps?"

"Don't stoop to Hiead's level!" I said, "You're not like that and you know it!" Ikhny sat there looking shocked and scared so I calmed down, "Look, I'm sorry. Even if you are a lesbian I'm ok with it."

"Really?" she said with a slight glimmer of hope in her voice.

"Anyone that messes with you will have to come through me."

Ikhny started to mumble under her breath, "Would you say that if...?"

"If?" I asked.

Ikhny then blushed the brightest red I have ever seen and ran out of the room. I stayed there a few minutes to digest what happened and then left the room myself. I started walking to the observatory; I do my best thinking there. Ikhny still didn't tell me what happened. And that thing she mumbled under her breath was starting to trouble me. I looked at the keypad for the observatory. "Good, no one's in here," I said as I opened the door. I walked in and sat on one of the benches. Sitting in deep thought I kept thinking about Ikhny. She must be feeling very confused. Kinda like... "YIPE!"

"Sorry Kizna!" A male voice said, "Penny for your thoughts?"

I calmed down as the owner of the voice sat next to me, "It's just you Roose."

"Who did you think it was? Hiead?" That set off an obvious nerve as I think I growled, "Ok, bad idea to bring his name up."

"Have you heard what he did, or at least what I think he did, to Ikhny?" I asked in a rage.

"Heard and saw with my own two eyes," Roose said, "It was after you girls and most of us had left the training room. He threw her against the wall and asked what she was staring at. She said something, I don't know exactly what. Then Hiead called her a 'fucking dyke' and grabbed a pen and wrote all over her face. I followed Hiead to a class filled with younger candidates, those under his influence, and they helped demean her too. I wrote it all down." And with that he went into his pocket and produced a piece of paper.

Reading it gave a lot more detail than what Roose told me. "We can..."

"Nope," Roose said, "Ikhny has to bring the charges herself and she ain't buying."

"Man..."

The room was quiet for a long time as an uneasy pause settled between me and Roose. Then I asked a question that has been bugging me for a while, "Roose, What caused Ikhny to think she is a lesbian?"

"I don't know..." he said, "You're the one that knows her best."

Then it felt like a light bulb went off in my head. "Roose, what does it feel like to be gay?"

Roose gave me a little smirk, "How'd you know I was gay?"

"Well, the fact that you and Yamagi make it completely obvious is good enough for me," I said returning the smirk.

"Well... it feels like being straight, I think. I mean they teach us what it feels like to like a girl and vice versa for girls it's just that I feel like that towards Yamagi."

That explanation added to the feelings in my head gave me a little realization of my own, "Roose, I think I like Ikhny."

END OF CHPT. 1