The Secret Diary of Yuki Sohma
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Thank you everyone for your kind reviews! I haven't gotten one flame, which I am very proud of. Here's your fourth chapter, and I hope you enjoy the insanity of Yuki-kun's mind as he tries to kill and/or main, Baka-san, my slutty OC. Mweh heh heh.
On with the ficcie:dun dada duuun:
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Entry Four
6:23 AM
Good morning, Pinky! That's my name for you now, because you are pink! Now, Pinky, we shall do what we do every day…
Try to take over the world!
Pinky, Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!
Narf!
Sugar rush baby!
Cocoa Pebbles ROCK!
7:07 AM
Whoa, my head hurts, partly from the sugar high and partly from the noogie Shigure gave me this morning. That guy's noogies hurt like the dickens!
I just said that out loud and I sounded like an old person…tee hee hee!
Oh no here comes Baka-san, she's made a new adjustment to her school uniform. She has made it a v-neck so it shows her booby-crack. Hee hee, booby-crack, that's a funny word.
Now she latches onto my arm and it hurts so much. She left a bruise from yesterday and I swear it is cancerous. No offence to people with cancer. It's just a big knot there where she had practically cut off the circulation to my beautiful arm.
Oh, how I wish she would burn, burn, BURN!
8:00 AM
Well, now the school is holding a beauty pageant for all the girls. It is being held tomorrow in the gym, and I am one of the judges! Yahoo! Of course I shall vote for Honda-san hands down. She shall win! Unless Baka-san decides to be a slut and make beautiful and occasionally painful love to everyone on the panel…I will decline from this offer, of course.
Baka-san thinks she is sexy, but well…I don't think she is, but Honda-san showed a picture of Baka-san to Shigure and he said, "She is a very well developed young lady…I love high school girls!"
Great, now I have that song stuck in my head…I'll sing it for you.
I'm too sexy for my shirt…
You already know how the song goes.
9:37 AM
Baka-san is clinging to my arm…again…I can only pray that she will stop, but not even that will help the situation.
Honda-san is a sweet person and she just pretends like nothing is wrong. How I would love for her to just come up and slap Baka-san. Meow! Cat fight! Ha, ha, ha! I wonder who would win, though. Let's size up the opponents, shall we?
Honda-san: Kind, sweet girl. Not too muscular. Shorter than I am. Her weapons would probably be her sweetness or something of that matter. Maybe she could cook a cake and put laxative in it, then she could feed it to Baka-san! Mwa ha ha! Perfect. I'd love to see Baka-san's face go all screwy and she'd run to the bathroom as if she'd been chased by millions of her prized Kurama plushies.
Wait…she would probably drag me into the stall with her! Oh, nooooo, that is not something I would like to see. I would rather be nibbled on by fifty hamsters!
Baka-san: Well, her skirt is shorter, which allows for more mobility, even though it is beyond gross. She has big assets…like I said in a previous entry about that man dieing because a stripper shoved her breasts in his face and suffocated him.
I just hope that is not Honda-san's fate as well…
10:54 AM
Ways to get rid of and/or humiliate Baka-san (or myself in the progress):
Plan A: Pretend to be gay – failed miserably.
Plan B: Suicide with rubber band – still testing, I will find a way…
Plan C: Laxative in cake – tempting for Baka-san and that stupid cat…
I'm carefully going over all the backfires of Plan C.
11:13 AM
It's set. I will ask Baka-san to come to our house for dinner tonight. Honda-san will bake a cake, and, without Baka-san knowing, I shall slip some laxative into it and only tell Honda-san about it, so she won't eat any. This way, I can get back at the stupid cat, Shigure and Baka-san.
Sometimes I'm so smart, I surprise myself.
Mweh heh heh…
12:01 PM
It's all ready now. I just got done talking to Baka-san, and she agreed to come over to our house tonight. Mweh heh heh…she won't know what hit her.
Maybe I can invite my retarded brother over and it will be a quadruple whammy…
Oh, well, I'll think about that later, here's the conversation me and Baka-san had just moments ago…
"Baka-san?" I asked, walking over to her.
"Oh, what is it my dear, sweet Yuki-kun?" She asked or rather…purred. My assumptions were probably wrong; she's not related to a Yeti, she is related to a very stupid cat…err…something like a cat at least…
"Honda-san asked me to invite you to dinner at our house," I replied, smiling my most princely smile. Well, I am the prince, so I have to have a princely smile!
"Oh, Yuki-kuuun!" She squealed, breaking several windows in the process. "I'd love to!" She then did the inevitable…
…she hugged me…
POOF!
"You said you were a zodiac member yesterday!" I yelled, "Why did I just turn into-"
"Oops…" She muttered, bending down and scooping me up in her arms and pressing me against the two large – well, you know…I felt just like the man who got suffocated by the stripper… "I was faking it, sorry, it's fanfiction after all, my sweet Yuki-kun!"
She sat me on the windowsill and smiled, "I guess you'll just have to wait and turn back,"
I stood up on the windowsill and looked down at the school grounds. We were on the second floor. Honda-san and the stupid cat were canoodling under a tree. They looked like they had just laughed at something. I wondered what it was when suddenly…
POOF!
There I was, standing on the windowsill, as naked as the day I was born, people squealing with delight from outside the window. I blushed and turned around, exposing my bottom to everyone. "Baka-san, hand me my clothes!" I shouted at the girl, but she just got a mischievous look in her eyes and scooped up my clothes.
She pretended to give them to me, but then snatched them away as soon as I was about to grab them, "Nah ah ah!" She laughed playfully, running down the hall, scattering my clothes this way and that. She left my boxers right in front of me.
"Damn it," I muttered, picking up the boxers and putting them on. I then began on the chase after Baka-san.
She had scattered the rest of my clothes in a very tall tree. Very tall. Once I had put them on and regained my composure, I carefully explained to all of the school that I had spilled Hawaiian Punch on my uniform and had basically taken it off and dried it and my wet underwear. I stood naked in the window to cool myself off. Thank the Lord they believed it.
Now everyone in school knows something secret about the "Prince" Yuki Sohma:
He wears boxers, not briefs.
1:00 PM
Baka-san is scheduled to come to our house for dinner at exactly five o'clock tonight.
I can't wait to see the look on her face as she rushes to the bathroom, desperately trying to not dump a load in her pants.
Mweh heh heh…
4:52 PM
Ahh…Baka-san had just arrived. She is wearing a rather skimpy outfit if I do say so myself. It looks like on I have seen on sale at Ayame's shop. It's a nurse's outfit that comes to her thighs and she is wearing a hat on her head. I have one last thing to say:
Let the fun begin.
7:03 PM
How chaotic that dinner was! I guess I'll have to tell you about everything, now don't I?
Baka-san arrived and immediately clamped onto her usual place. My arm. She was very flirtatious and, as usual, it got on Kyou's last nerve. Well, everything, gets on Kyou's last nerve, doesn't it?
It started off normal enough, with the exception of Shigure cracking jokes about Baka-san's – well, you know…
"I can't wait to climb those giant mountains!" He exclaimed, throwing an arm over our guest. Baka-san got a mischievous grin on her face.
Kyou rolled his eyes, and then Kagura, who decided to drop by as well, grinned. "Shigure-san, we're in the presence of young people," She said, forcing a smile.
"You're young yourself, stupid!" Kyou snapped. Kagura sent him a glare that immediately shut him up.
"Oh, don't worry Kagura-kun!" He laughed and placed his other arm around her shoulders.
At this moment, I'm thinking, 'Does he think he's a pimp or something?' Which I hope to God isn't true.
Honda-san then arrived through the door with our meals which were a bowl of miso soup for everyone. She had placed a bowl in front of everyone and then went to go give the last bowl to Baka-san. She was walking over to Baka-san, when some of the hot soup sloshed onto her finger and she dropped the whole bowl all over Baka-san and her skimpy outfit!
Baka-san let out a scream to end all screams. She stood up and screamed some more. "My favorite outfit! You peasant! You ruined my favorite outfit!"
"Eh! I'm so sorry, Baka-san!" She exclaimed, grabbing a towel and beginning to wipe Baka-san's skirt off.
"RRRAUAGH!" She roared, flailing her hands about, as if to make Honda-san stop. "I only weigh eighty-seven pounds! It hurts!" She was referring to Honda-san's desperate attempts to dry her off, which were failing miserably, for it only hurt her.
"I'm really sorry!" Honda-san apologized, her eyes welling with tears.
"Shut up!" Baka-san yelled.
"Listen," Kyou's harsh voice said, "You are our guest here," He glared daggers at Baka-san, "So don't come here like you own the place or I will do something about it." I swear, I was actually agreeing with Kyou in my mind!
"What. Did. You. Say?" Baka-san said, turning to face the stupid cat with rage in her eyes. Now her eyes had decided to change colors again. They are rainbow colored instead of purple once more.
"You heard me," Kyou said, his tone deathly serious.
"How dare you talk back to me?" Baka-san yelled, clenching a fist, "I will kill you!" She reached in her hair, flipping his over her shoulder and pulling out a rose.
"What're you gonna do?" Kyou smirked, "Poke me with a thorn?"
Baka-san's eyes narrowed, "No," She said, holding the rose firmly in her hand. With a swift motion, the rose turned into a thorny whip like a vine, "Rose whip!" She said, slashing the whip at Kyou.
Then it hit me, she was pretending to be Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho!
Except she obviously didn't have the charm and charisma of the dear old spirit fox.
The whip tied around Kyou as the stupid cat struggled, "Hey! What the hell?"
"Ha ha ha!" Baka-san cackled as she walked over to a rafter and tied the other end of the rose whip around it, leaving Kyou suspended above the floor about a foot or so.
Kagura stood up, protesting the fact that the slutty Baka-san laid hands on her precious Kyou-kun. "Hey!" She shouted.
"What is it, Mrs. Piggy?" Baka-san snapped, turning her head to face the boar.
"Don't treat Kyou-kun this way!" Kagura yelled.
"Me?" Baka-san said innocently, but then her eyes narrowed evilly, "But you're the one who always beats on him just because you feel like it!"
"That's it!" I swear if Kagura was like Haru, this would be Black Kagura. She literally snapped and charged toward the nurse clad female. She punched Baka-san in the face and sent her flying through the door and into the backyard.
She ran out the broken door and into the yard, where Baka-san's motionless body was located.
"K-Kagura-san…" Honda-san said meekly, "You d-didn't kill her, did you?"
"No." Kagura said, her voice dead serious.
Baka-san opened one of her eyes and stood up. Blood dripped from the corner of her mouth, she wiped it away with the back of her hand, "That all you got, bitch?" She smirked.
Kagura's eyes narrowed dangerously, "Die!" She screamed as she picked up Baka-san by the collar and raised a fist to her face.
"Kagura-san, stop please!" Honda-san pleaded, her hands clasped in front of her chest.
Kagura's fist stopped centimeters from Baka-san's face. She dropped Baka-san to the ground and she landed with a thud. "Fine, Tohru-kun," She sighed. But suddenly, Baka-san's hand shot up and clenched Kagura's throat.
"Never…ever throw a punch at me again, got it, Mrs. Piggy?" She said, her tone icy. Her fingers dug into Kagura's throat around her windpipe, making her breathing ragged. I admit, I was scared for Kagura, even though I know she can take care of herself, but she was gasping for air! Who wouldn't be scared!
I ran over to Baka-san and tapped her shoulder, "Baka-san, leave Kagura alone."
"Yun-chan…" I heard Kagura whisper.
"I have to deal with this bitch properly, Yuki-kun," She said venomously, "Go away."
I couldn't stand it. Her arrogance. I hate it! I straightened out my hand flat and hit her it the neck with the side of it. She fell to the ground, unconscious. I don't know what came over me, as I normally never hit girls.
Kagura was free from her iron grip, thank goodness. Honda-san ran over to Kagura and held her up, "Are you okay, Kagura-san?" She asked, her voice filled with worry.
"F-Fine…Tohru-kun," She smiled weakly.
So after that, I had to carry Baka-san home, but I really didn't carry her to her house exactly. She was too heavy and I had no clue where her house was, so I simply laid her unconscious body on a bench besides the bus stop.
Hopefully, the bus will pick her up and take her far, far away from me.
10:56 PM
Well, I am about to go to bed, so I'll see ya in the morning. Plan Laxative failed miserably, but I will live to exterminate Baka-san another day!
I swear I will!
Or…I'll commit suicide with a rubber band…
…I will find a way.
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Finally, chapter four is done and posted! Sorry for the long wait, guys. I hope this chappie was funny. The next chapter will probably be about Yuki and the beauty pageant with Baka-san and the other girls from his school.
It'll be hilarious, don't worry!
Now, please press the pretty purple button and review!
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