What to do? Chapter 1: Jou, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

Author's note: I know it's a bit cliche, but the songs inspire the content. Story is told from Jou's point of view.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, or "How Far" by Martina McBride.

Warning: Shounen-ai

Part 1 of 2

There he sits in his chair, typing away on his computer, oblivious to everything except his precious work. Standing in the doorway, I can see him frustratedly swipe his chestnut bangs out of his face. As I silently observe him, the love I have for this man nearly overwhelms me. I feel hot tears run down my cheeks at the thought of ever being without him, but I can't do this anymore.

There's a boat, I could sail away
There's the sky, I could catch a plane
There's a train, there's the tracks
I could leave and I could choose to not come back
Oh never come back

He asked me to move in with him about a year ago, but I told him I wasn't ready. The way he made me feel and the deep love that he went out of his way to express to me caused me to finally give in. That was 6 months ago. Apparently he used up his entire supply of love and kindness by persuading me to live with him, because for the last few months he's either been treating me like he did when we were in high school, or he's been ignoring me altogether.

There you are, giving up the fight
Here I am begging you to try
Talk to me, let me in
But you just put your wall back up again
Oh when's it gonna end

Every night I come into his study and I watch him. For hours I'll either stand or sit in the doorway and contemplate how things became like this. Tonight I've finally decided that there's no place for me here. I'm convinced myself that everyone will be better off if I leave. As much as I want to be with him, I know he doesn't need me. I warned him things would be this way and he just shrugged it off. I'd tell him, "I told you so," but I don't think either of us would appreciate the humor. Bracing myself for however he would react, I decided it was now or never.

How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far

"Seto," I began hesitantly, "I really think we need to talk." He didn't so much as stop typing as he ground out an icy "I'm busy."

"If you won't talk then you're at least going to listen!" I shouted as I spun his chair around to face me. "Since you apparently no longer give a damn about my feelings, I'm not going to take the time to consider what you think right now." God, I was shaking so badly. I had to go through with this though.

There's a chance I could change my mind
But I won't, not till you decide
What you want, what you need
Do you even care if I stay or leave
Oh what's it gonna be

"I love you so much that sometimes I can't even think straight, but I can't do this anymore. I always believed that what we shared would be enough for me but..." What could I possibly say? How was I supposed to make it clear to him that this couldn't continue any longer? 'Say something please... anything,' I thought.

"What would you like me to do about it?" he asked me quietly. "How would you like me to fix the problem?" This time his voice was raised a bit.

"Seto I -"

"Am I supposed to quit my job and spend all my time with you? Maybe one day I'll be the perfect caring partner and we can be happy together for the rest of our lives.... living on the street! Is that what you want, some ridiculous fairy tale life?"

"No! All I want is for us not to be so miserable together but apparently you don't care. If you could suck up some of your pride and admit that we both need to change then maybe things wouldn't be this bad. I thought maybe we could work things out, but I guess I was wrong. There's nothing else that can be done, so at the very lest I can say..." My breath caught in my throat. 'Can I really do this?' I asked myself. 'Do I really even want to?'

Out of this chair, just across the room
Halfway down the block, or halfway to the moon

By the time I finally worked up the nerve to look at him and tell him what I needed to say, he'd already turned back to his computer. That was what gave me the final push.

"If you ever understand why I'm leaving now, you should also know that there is a slim chance I'll be waiting for you. But I can't wait forever." I'm not even sure he heard me. If he did, he didn't react. I braced myself, this was it. " I hope you live a happy life Seto Kaiba." At that I slowly began to move to the door. 'Come on Jou, make your feet move faster. Don't turn around now.'

With my hand on the doorframe and my back to the only person I'd ever love, I whispered my farewell.

"I love you Seto. Good-bye."

Yeah I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far

Hope you liked it! R&R and come back for the second part.