Three years before the destruction of the Star Forge . . .

Jedi Keena walked through the corridors of the Storm, trying to balance the conflicting emotions of being back on Revan´s flagship.

The decision to disobey the masters and follow Revan´s call to arms had not been an easy one. She, like all padawans, had been brought up to trust in the wisdom of the masters and follow the way of the Jedi peacekeepers. And who was she to question her teachings? Despite a strong connection with the Force she had no illusions about her own importance or wisdom.

Then the Mandalorians came. And as the warlike savages started tearing through Republic territory the Senate´s calls for aid from the Jedi became more frequent and more pressing. And the high council sat on it´s hands. And the death toll kept mounting. And the council insisted on patience. And worlds were crushed for nothing more than being in the path of Mandalore. And the council did nothing.

How could she not answer Revan´s call? Was she not sworn to protect the Republic and the sanctity of life?

Those two opposing factors had clashed deep within Keena. Loyalty and concience. Teachings and instinct. Until one finally won over.

But finally making the most difficult choice to join Revan´s forces hadn´t ended her inner struggle.

The next struggle had been between the exhiliration and joy of saving innocent lives, to liberate worlds from crushing occupations or sieges, and the utter horror of what that entailed. The endless conveyor belt of death and misery. Watching comrades and friends, Jedi and soldiers alike, fall in the savage war. The endless lists of casualties. Reporting deaths to families. And the dark, oppressing aura that seemed to fill the Force as Revan´s fleet pushed deeper into the devestated territories in the wake of the Mandalorians, as the war turned into a rout.

It had been difficult. Terribly, terribly difficult. Eventually the joy of defending the ideals of the Republic started losing out to the endless grief and battle fatigue.

Now that she thought back the only good memories the war´s second half had to offer were those of her friends. Her combat skills and devotion early in the war had impressed Revan and much to Keena´s surprise she found herself attending the strategy meetings between Revan and her generals and closest circle of Jedi followers. The people who became her friends.

Despite everything Keena managed a small smile.

Bandon had never failed to lighten the often heavy atmosphere with his easygoing manner and seemingly neverending optimism.

Malak believed in leading by example and was invaluable in his efforts to inspire the troops and remind everyone what they were fighting for. It was often said, outside of earshot from Revan, that she might be the brains of the Republic war effort but Malak was the heart.

And Eskon, a padawan who had joined the war at the same time as Keena, was a competent enough tactician and ground leader to provide second opinions to Revan and work with her on strategies. Which said a lot. They had been acquaintances before the war. Now they were . . . friends. Very good friends. Although she had always been instructed to avoid overly close emotional attachments, Keena and Eskon had been through too much together, saved each other too many times, to truly care.

And then there was Revan.

Revan who never seemed to run out of energy or devotion to the struggle. Revan who turned the war on its head and started beating back the invincible Mandalorians. Revan who always had a shoulder for Keena to lean on when the weight of the war threatened to break her resolve. Revan who had more faith in Keena than Keena herself and made her a field commander of a battalion of ground troops. Revan who drew people irresistably to her and seemed to stand as a shining beacon for the ideals of the Order. And amazingly she had never seemed to let the adoration of others or success get to her head. Keena had expected to feel intimidated and insignificant next to such a leader. But Revan´s seemingly endless charisma had put her at ease immediately.

Keena was proud to call Revan her friend, for that was exactly what they became.

Amidst all the needless death and horror the presence of these four friends had eased Keena´s mind and held back the darkness.

For a while.

The war dragged on. The casualties mounted. And ever so slowly, but surely, the feel of the Force became heavier, more oppressive. She hadn´t mentioned her own feelings to anyone but from the ever growing moodiness of her friends it seemed they too felt the same. Still young and just a padawan as far as the Order was concerned her understanding of the Force was still limited and she had tried in vain to analyze the cause. More and more frequently Keena had found herself wishing for the presence of her old Master and his wisdom. Was it the lingering aura of death and pain from the billions of deaths caused by the merciless enemy? Were the battles and all the lives she had taken starting to weigh her down?

One theory seemed to stand firmer than the rest, in an unpleasant, looming way that made her shiver every time she couldn´t busy herself enough to ignore it. That there was something out there, just beyond the horizon. Something bad.

Keena had found herself waking up from nightmares more frequently than usual lately, drenched in sweat, but could never remember the details.

Despite the growing sense of unease all the battles and sacrifices and deaths had paid off. The Mandalorian fleet had been crushed over Malachor. The surviving Mandalores had been stripped of everything they had and banished to the outer rim, utterly defeated. The Republic was saved. For now.

Revan hadn´t been as convinced of the end of the Mandalorian threat as the admirals and had led a third of the fleet into unexplored space after making an impassioned speech about the importance of making sure the sacrifices that had been made would not be in vain. The safety of the Republic had to be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt.

So here they were, exploring far beyond the borders of known space, with Revan sending out scouts in every which way, sometimes even taking a private shuttle with Malak and disappearing for extended periods.

No one had found anything. And yet Revan kept searching. And yet the uneasy feeling nestled deep in Keena´s gut lingered.

Two months ago Revan had called Keena and Eskon to a private meeting. She had a scouting mission for them both, she said. One she could only trust her closest people with. She had handed them each a different set of coordinates and explained that it would be quicker to send them in different directions and piece together the data they brought back.

The mission had been lonely and dull. But on the other hand it had been a welcome relief from the oppressive air that seemed to hang around her friends and fellow Jedi of late.

And that was the source of her current struggle with herself. She couldn´t ignore the signs anymore. There was something wrong. Now that she was back on the Storm after a lengthy absence she felt it even more keenly. There was something very wrong and she had ignored it far too long.

She would have to speak to the rest of Revan´s inner circle about this, break through the wall of silence everyone seemed to have silently agreed to build around the subject. Revan and Malak had become more and more insular, spending most of their time in private meetings. Bandon had lost the look on his face that always seemed to suggest he was about to laugh. And Eskon was . . . worried. Several times now he had walked up to Keena and seemed about to say something but changed his mind.

This could not continue.

Keena stood outside the door to Revan´s private quarters. Her awareness of the Force had always been strongest around herself, and she felt her aura being probed by a presence that was unmistakeably Revan. The doors slid open.

´´Come in.´´

Revan sat on the edge of her bed with her back to the door. The room was poorly lit and she was wearing the hooded cloak and battle armor she´d replaced her Jedi robe with in the latter part of the war. Keena´s heart sank a little at the sight. Although she´d never confronted her friend about the increasingly day-to-day wearing of the armor and even mask it had seemed to her a way for Revan to distance herself from and cope with the no doubt enormous strain and crushing pressure and responsibility she was subjected to. At least the mask Keena had grown to loathe was on the nightstand. She´d be able to look her leader in the eyes for once.

´´Welcome back Keena.´´ Revan said in a quiet voice without turning around. She was studying something in her lap quite intensly.

´´Thank you Revan. It´s good to be back.´´ She tried to sound chipper but couldn´t help but feel slightly disappointed. She had been expecting, hoping for, a warmer welcome. For the last two months of solitude she had maintained a weak hope that the progressive aura of gloom would be lifted in her absence. She´d hoped that at the very least she could find Revan stripped of her cold, metal shell in the quiet safety of her own quarters.

No such luck.

A few seconds of silence passed until Keena remembered her two objectives. She held up the datapad with a full and detailed report on her scouting mission. ´´I think I found what you wanted me to, although Eskon´s report will have to fill in the holes. Have you heard from him yet?´´

´´Hm? Oh, yes. Just put it on my desk. I´ll look through it later. And Eskon has been delayed somewhat. I´m not sure for how long.´´

Keena put down the datapad. ´´What about you and the Shiny Headed Titan?´´ she asked, trying to lighten the mood with one of Malak´s less favorite nicknames. ´´Have you found anything yet?´´

´´In a manner of speaking, yes we did.´´

In a manner of speaking? ´´What do you mean?´´ Keena walked over to her friend and saw what she was fiddling with: The personal warblades of Mandalore.

One was a huge vibrosword of absolutely highest quality, no doubt a custom job built from scratch in accordance with his specifications. In his off hand he had wielded a much shorter regular blade which had clearly seen much use. Judging by the elaborate design of the hilt and various symbols it had most likely been a valued heirloom of his clan.

Mandalore had wielded these as he engaged Revan in single combat as the Storm´s crew had boarded his flagship over Malachor. The image of the huge warrior disgarding his blaster for the blades and charging his enemy with a bellowing war cry would no doubt be immortalised by those few of his people who had survived.

Revan had made short work of him.

Now seeing those swords again she thought back on the perverse sense of satisfaction she felt when the monster responsible for billions of deaths took Revan´s lightsaber across the torso, the upper half falling on top of the arm she had severed earlier.

Jedi weren´t supposed to enjoy death. She knew this. And yet the feeling had been there. Along with a deep sense of disappointment for not getting her own shot at him.

´´They did nothing.´´ came Revan´s voice from within the face-obscuring shadows of the hood. ´´Billlions of lives and the Republic itself stood upon the brink of annihilation and the Council did nothing.´´ The hood did not move but Keena got the feeling that Revan´s gaze had moved from the swords to herself. ´´What else could I . . . we have done?´´

Keena was confused. They had moved past this long ago. A nod was the only reply she could think of as she fought back the urge to snatch off the hood to look Revan in the eyes.

´´And with only the support of those Jedi willing to disobey their masters this whole war was more difficult . . . more costly than neccessary. We have fought and bled, sacrificed and grieved. All because of their inaction. Do you know how many men and women I´ve sent to their deaths?´´

Keena shook her head.

´´Many. But it was of course neccessary. Sometimes sacrifices are unavoidable in order to achieve a higher goal. Some are merely larger and more painful than others. Don´t you agree my friend?´´

The sullen gloom had vanished from Revan´s voice, replaced by the strength, conviction and seductive charisma that had first drawn Keena to her cause. It occured to Keena that perhaps Revan´s most powerful tool was neither her command of the Force or brilliant strategic mind or combat skills, but her voice and presence.

She sighed. ´´I . . . I suppose you´re right. There are times when there are no good options and one must settle for the least costly one.´´

Revan stood up and put a gauntleted hand on Keena´s shoulder. ´´I´m so glad you see it that way. There was a time when I found the weight of these choices unbearable. All those lives . . . But I am at peace with it now. Those deaths were an unpleasant neccessity.´´

There was a moment of silence and Keena felt Revan´s unseen gaze appraising her.

´´And yet for what? The Republic has fallen from it´s old glory. Reduced to a pack of bickering politicians with no foresight or concern other than their own immediate political survival. Just think: This whole mess could have been avoided if the senate hadn´t ignored the threat of the Mandalorians and struck the first blow. Can it continue like this? What happens when the next possible threat comes along? Will they once again turn a blind eye until the enemy is at our borders? Does the Republic have the strength to maintain order in the galaxy? I think the evidence speaks for itself. What about you . . . my friend.´´

Keena once again felt like Revan´s unseen eyes were digging into her, capturing and analyzing every movement of the eyes, every twitch of a muscle. She didn´t like the feeling, and liked even less the picture that Revan was drawing. Mostly because it held a ring of truth for the battle-weary padawan.

´´No,´´ she admitted after a while, ´´the Republic is far from perfect. But what other option is there? How could it be made to change? And into what? A military machine like the Mandalorians? We have fought for peace Revan. I couldn´t bear to see all that wasted.´´

Revan´s hand tightened on her shoulder. ´´But don´t you see Keena? What good is fighting for peace when we just go back to leaving ourselves open for attack? And it will all be wasted if we don´t do what is neccessary. We have seen what the ways of the Republic lead to, we have seen war and death. The fat politicians sitting on their behinds in luxury back home have not. If any should have the authority to decide the fate of the galaxy it should be us, Keena. What say you, my friend?´´

Keena squirmed. Revan had always been so good at convincing people, had always known just what to say. And her words seemed so right. They called out to the feelings and bitter thoughts she had kept buried for so long. She looked down at her own feet. She felt like she was on a threshold, on the verge of something huge and fateful. Balancing on a decision even greater than to disobey the Council.

Keena thought back on the ever growing gloom of the last few months. On the building sense of dread in the pit of her stomach. On the grief and horror of the war. She brought those feelings back now, used them as weapons to pit against Revan´s seductive voice.

´´Revan . . . no. We have done enough. More than enough. Individuals aren´t meant to make decisions like that. Don´t you remember why we started fighting? Why you rallied us around you? We are defenders of the Republic, no matter how fallible. We have saved it´s present. Let others decide it´s future.´´

Revan stood stock still and appraised her for a few more seconds. ´´Do you truly feel that way, Keena?´´ she asked in a low voice.

Keena reached out and put her own hand on Revan´s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeese. ´´Yes Revan. This war has done so much to us all. I´m tired of it. I barely recognize Bandon and Malak anymore. Let´s go back to the Order and enjoy the peace we have accomplished.´´ Moved by her own words Keena looked sincerely into her friend´s shadowy hood and lowered her voice. ´´Let´s go home Revan.´´

She gasped.

Her eyes moved back down.

The hilt of Mandalore´s short sword was sticking out of her belly.

After her first major battle Keena had found a deserted hallway on the Storm, curled up in a ball, and tried to shut out the sick feelings of despair and pain radiating through the Force. So much death. So much suffering.

Her bunkmate, a cheerful young Telosian named Anna, had lost everything below the navel in an explosion. She was reduced to gurgling and moaning after she ran out of strength to scream. Keena had held her hand as she felt the Force drain out of her body. And for what?

She couldn´t find the peace to meditate. The Jedi Code felt hollow on her lips.

Before she knew it the young padawan was sobbing.

´´Hey.´´

Keena looked up, startled. She hadn´t heard footsteps.

´´First time, right?´´ Revan said in a soft voice.

Keena couldn´t summon the strength to speak and merely nodded.

Revan didn´t ask any questions or make any lectures. She simply sat down next to the younger woman, wrapped her arms around her and offered a shoulder to cry on.

Keena didn´t know how long they sat there, but eventually her tears ran dry and the grief and horror had receded to a dull ache.

´´Thank you´´ she said in a low, sincere voice. ´´I needed that.´´

Revan smiled slightly. ´´Just glad to help.´´

´´Shouldn´t you doing something more important? Managing the fleet or something?´´

´´This is important. We must never get too caught up in the grand scheme of things to show small kindnesses. In the end it is those small things we are fighting for. What all those people gave their lives for.´´

They stood up together.

´´My name is Keena.´´ She held out her hand and Revan shook it.

´´Nice to meet you Keena.´´

´´I´m sorry to hear that.´´

Keena fell to her knees and a gauntleted left hand closed around her windpipe and squeesed with mechanically enhanced strength.

Revan . . . her lips formed the word but nothing came out.

´´I really hoped you would respond to reason, my friend.´´ Revan said, still in that strong, compelling voice.

Keena tried to call upon the Force but could not focus with her increasingly oxygen-hungry brain. Then she felt a strong surge of Force power and blue lightning coursed out of Revan´s left hand and into Keena´s body. She spasmed helplessly in Revan metal grasp, in the horrible agony of her screaming lungs, severed small intestine and burning flesh.

´´I suppose we´ll have to do this the hard way.´´

The world went mercifully black.