This is A Story Of A Girl

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, guys. I wasn't sure what I was going with this fic but now I'm pretty sure how I want it to be! Thanks for your constant support.

Act 7: Of Very Disturbing Matters- A Loss Of Womanhood?

How do you stop being on your own?

The heart is a girl's parachute

While waiting at the park, I realized

On my way home (a detour)

Dropping in (on everyone)

Is what I want to do

-The Heart Is A Girl's Parachute-

I am so shocked that i did not write in my journal (which is supposed to help me regain my feminity) for eight days. Now, what could've shocked me to such extents that I would willingly give up talking to myself? What terrible thing could possibly have forced me to accept the fact that I am going to be eaten by the evil masculinities that haunt my daily life?

Well… the whole thing is… THERE IS NO POINT ON ACCOUNT OF THE FACT THAT I AM NOT A GIRL ANY LONGER. Yes. That's right, folks. I, Sakura Haruno, the resident bald flat-chested plant person of Konoha has lost all rights to being a girl. Apparently, Tsunade-sama decided that I, of all people, would be absolutely perfect to take up this exciting new mission that involves… Oh my god. I cannot even force myself to say this word out loud. Cr-cr-CROSS-FUCKING-DRESSING.

Don't get me wrong here. I am not against crossdressing at all. I honestly do not give a damn if there are men out there who like to dress themselves up all pretty and ladylike. Or if there are girls who like looking manly and butch (which is a very comfortable lifestyle, indeed). I don't even care that the men probably look better in a dress than I do! Okay. Maybe I do care about that last point. But that's not the issue, here. The whole issue is the fact that I have to pretend to be a boy. Why do I have to pretend to be a boy? Why can't she just get some other guy to do it? Preferably a real one? I cannot be a boy. It is impossible for me to be a boy. I have a hundred and one reasons on why Tsunade-sama has chose the wrong person and I can list them all here in this little book.

One- Even if I am as flat as an airport runway, my anthills cannot be mistaken as well-built pectorals.

Two- I am lacking body parts down there.

Three- My physique is far too delicate and frail to be one of a manly man.

Four- I have pink hair. Um.. Hello? Have you ever seen a man with pink hair? They have green hair, blue hair, blonde hair, brown hair, black hair, red hair but never pink hair. Well…With the exception of that singer from Bad Luck. But then he is a) a rock star and b) gay with the hottest soft porn author in the world. Not that I read them.. No, my virgin mind still remains innocent and pure without images or word-painted images of people humping like happy bunnies.

Five- My fingers are girly. So are my toes. Manly men do not have girly fingers or toes. They have gnarly toes and calloused fingers. This is a fact of life. If anybody should happen to steal a glance at my fingers or toes during the mission, my cover will be blown and hence… Tsunade-sama will not get the money and I will be slandered as a perverted siren for the rest of my life.

Six- Even if I look as if I have not entered puberty yet, I have. Therefore, once a month, I bleed out of my non-manly parts and become incredibly irritable and monster-like. Naruto (that twit) has nicknamed me the « Hulk » but he has no idea why I become the « Hulk » on account of his lack of maturity and brain cells.

Seven- Men smell bad when they are sweaty. I don't. I have yet to experience the symptoms of B.O hence my sweat smells like flowers.

Eight- Men take baths together, especially in an all-boys school. I do not wish to view any part of the anatomy that is usually censored in children's films. Excuse me for not having the hormones of a lioness in heat like Ino, who goes on and on about how supple and round Brad Pitt's butt was in Troy. Although, it was a nice view, I highly doubt that any other human being on this planet would have as nice and more roundly supple a butt like Brad Pitt's.

Nine- I do not snore. Thus, my roommate will start being suspicious of my gender when he realises that he can sleep peacefully at night.

Ten- I talk in my sleep. According to Ino, that is. Apparently, I yell out things in frustration, such as: "DIE, SASUKE, DIE!" and "NARUTO, YOU DAMN TWIT, GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING RAMEN!". Hence, if I am suffering any issues during my daytime disguise as a man, I will most likely yell it out in my sleep.

Eleven- I am scared of porn. You do not meet a boy who is scared of porn. A prime example of this is Kakashi-sensei, who grips onto his erotic novels even during a battle for his life. This is how attached most men are to their porn. I squeal in fright whenever I see other women's Botox-injected boobies. They are most vulgar and I hope to never experience it again.

Twelve- My name is Sakura. That is after a flower. Men don't have names after flowers. You don't see a guy walking around with a name like "Rose" or "Lily" or "Daffodil".

You see what I mean? I can go on and on forever about this subject but I'm wasting paper and that's not cool since there are only so many trees on this planet. What will happen if one day, we suddenly run out of trees? We would have no diaries to keep people sane, no toilet paper and no tissues. People would walk around emotionally deranged and smelling like poop. Other people will have snot dribbling constantly down their faces at springtime. That is how important paper is important to our society and how I am doing the society a large favour by not completing my list of one hundred and one reasons on why Sakura Haruno is not and cannot ever be a man.

When I tried to defend my feminine honour to Tsunade-sama, she just chuckled at me.

"You'll do fine, Sakura. Besides, if you finish this mission successfully, you won't even have to take the Chuunin or Jounin exams. You automatically pass, as this is rated a S-level mission."

Damn bitch. Using power and authority to bribe me. So what was I supposed to do? I mean, come on.. I won't have to endure the three days of hell that is the Chuunin exam. As tempting as going without sleep for three days sounds, I'd much rather sleep in a nice comfortable bed. But then, I'd rather go three days with sleep than disguise myself as a boy for an undefined period of time. But obviously and as usual, my brain wasn't working so I automatically answered yes. After all, this seemed to be a piece of cake, right? Unfortunately, when i had regained my lack of brain cells (after eating some very brain-cell-increasing food at dinner), I thought over this whole situation again and realised the many cons to this mission. If I was going to be living the life of a boy for who knows how long, how the hell am I supposed to get married? How am I supposed to make little Sakuras with my dream husband? Not that I think about these things but seriously, what about my MARITIAL future?

As if any guy with his sanity intact would want to enter a long term relationship with a girl who posed as a man for a few years. Oh my lord. I have just realised this. I'd be transsexual because I'd be so influenced by my daily manly routines that I'd completely forget how to be a girl. It'll practically be like I have the missing body parts down there, as well as the boobs but the boobs are unnoticeable and I'd be so manly that the missing parts would actually be there but they're not. I'm not making any sense aren't I? Well… WOMEN who are currently having their feminine rights invoked from them are usually in frenzy. This is hypothetically normal but then there has never been a study on this subject because women aren't usually forced to become men.

Oh my god, why is this happening to me? Only nine days ago, regions of rabid fangirls chased me around Konoha. Now I'm forced to play the lead in a never-ending play? What is with me? It must be the karma. Oh my god. I am never killing another person ever again. I'll just stun them with my needles or something and get the birds to eat them. Or maybe I'll kill them off nicely so that their bloody family members won't curse my life it is. I don't even want to know how my life is going to be if another family curses me. Maybe by then I'll have to resort to being a homosexual prostitute. Oh lordy. I don't want to do this. Why me?