Title: Jak and Palace-stalk
Author: Quick-demon
Disclaimers: I own nothing
Rating: PG-13 (rated for language)
Genre: General, Humor
Game: Jak II. Anytime during the game. Best to know the whole thing...
Warnings: SILLYNESS
Summery: Jak and company are in a famous Fairytale and of course Daxter's in control. Be afraid, be very afraid... First of the Fairytale series.
Author Notes: Had to do this! My muse needed me to write! I know this is a poor version of Jack and the Beanstalk so don't kill me over this. This is suppose to be fun. F-u-n. :) So it will be silly.
Since now I realized I can't write script format his will be done properly but nothing will be changed. Sorry for the inconvenience
Characters are: Daxter is the Narrator. Jak is Jack (obviously). Jack's mother will be played by Torn. The Yakow for sale is going to be played by the old Samos. The evil Merchant will be Erol, the Giant is played by Baron Praxis and his daughter, ashelin plays the Giant's daughter. The golden Goose is played by Kiera.
Lets begin.
Somewhere in on a white canvas in the cyber game world...
Narrator/Daxter rocks up, "Hello out there. I'll be reading all you people a story called Jack the the Beanstalk. Due to budget cuts and the fandom it will be called Jak and the Palace-stalk. We couldn't afford the 'c' in Jak"
Jak appears, "Could you get on with it?"
Narrator/Daxter shoots a glare at Jak, "Hey! This is my time! You speak when your lines are up!"
Jack/Jak folded his arms, "I speak when ever the hell I want to!"
Narrator/Daxter yelled, "I'm the Narrator! I have the ultimate power (moohahaha!) So shut up or I'll make you!"
Jack/Jak protested, "You can't do that! I'm the main character!"
Narrator/Daxter grins evily, "So I'll replace you!"
Jack/Jak folded his arms, "With whom? A Metal Head?"
It was Narrator/Daxter turn to fold his arms, "At least it wont interrupt"
Jack/Jak shook a fist at the orange rat, "Why you-"
Mother/Torn comes in with his hands on his hips, "Would you two shut the hell up and get on with it?"
Narrator/Daxter threw his hands up in the air and returns to his Narrator's box, "Ok ok. Don't get you're dreads in a twist! Ok Once a upon a time in a land far far away, there was a bare dessert wasteland. In this wasteland stood a giant city called Haven City. In the Slums lived a boy called Jack"
Jack/Jak grumbled, "I'm hardly a boy..."
Narrator/Daxter rolled his eyes, "Who cares! You grew muscles and hair, big deal. Anyway he lives with his mother. They were poor and owned a Yakow"
Jack/Jak raised his green eyebrows, "A Yakow in the Slums?"
Narrator/Daxter exclaimed, Yes! A Yakow in the Slums! Will you quit interrupting?"
Jack/Jak shrugged, "Whatever"
Narrator/Daxter took a moment to think, "Where was I? Oh yes, they were so poor that his mother decided to sell the Yakow for some dough. So they can eat and live another day"
Mother/ Torn appears on the slum scene wearing a pink dress, "Why do I have to be the mother? Do I look like a freaking hag? My pink dress doesn't even match my shoes!"
Narrator/Daxter growled, "Quit your nagging! You have hair long enough to be a mother! Plus you look just darling in a pink dress! Geez what's wrong with you people! I am the Narrator! Anyway Torn this is payback!"
Mother/Torn exclaimed, "Payback?"
Narrator/ Daxter said levelly, "Yeah. You're such an ass to me, now its your turn to suffer under my wrath (moohahaha!)"
Jack/Jak inputted, " I think the power has gone to your head..."
Mother/ Torn threatened, "You'll pay for this you little mole-fur orange rat...! I'll make sure I'll skin you alive..."
Narrator/Daxter cleared his throat, "ANYWAY! Jack's Mother decided to send Jack to the Bazaar to sell the Yakow!"
Mother/ Torn read the line on a piece of paper, "Jack, you got to sell this Yakow so we can have some money. The damn Baron decided to put in back taxes again. If I see anything less I'll shoot your scrawny hide!"
Jack/Jak folded his arms, "That's no way to treat your son!"
Mother/Torn growled, "Don't push your luck! Just consider it as 'tough love'. Now go before I shoot anything else of your anatomy!"
Jack/Jak sneered, "Yeah, yeah, I'm going... Mother Dearest"
Mother/Torn shivered in anger, "That's it! You are so screwed!"
Narrator/Daxter commentated, " Jack ran away from his mother in fright, dragging the Yakow with him"
Yakow/Samos woke up, "Wha? What are you doing!"
Jack/ Jak turned to the Yakow, "Running from Mo- Torn. Hey I thought Yakow's don't talk"
Yakow/Samos growled, "I'm no Yakow! Who put me in this costume? I don't remember put it on..."
Narrator/ Daxter interrupted, "Suck it up and work with it Old Greenie!"
Yakow/Samos yelled, " DAAAAAXXXTTTER!!!"
Narrator/Daxter said smartly, "Yeesum?"
Yakow/Samos shouted, "Your going to clean this Yakow suit as soon as this is over! And you are going to clean the city too! Being humiliated has gone far enough!"
Narrator/Daxter chuckled, "Not a chance! I'm the Narrator-"
Jack/Jak interrupted, "You have ultimate power, yadda, yadda, yadda"
Narrator/Daxter made a gab between his finger and thumb, "Your a hair's breath away from being kicked off buddy!"
Jack/Jak protested, "I'm main charter. There's no story without me"
Narrator/Daxter reasoned, "I can just get you younger self to fill in the part"
Jack/Jak: protested, "But he doesn't talk!"
Narrator/Daxter smiled, "Exactly! Jack took the Yakow into the Bazaar and met a Merchant. He looked devious and would get anything that was worth big"
Merchant/Erol exclaimed, "Holy Yakow! That's a big Yakow!"
Yakow/Samos sounded offended, "Excuse me!"
Merchant/Erol shouted, "Hey Eco Freak, I'll trade you that Yakow for some money!"
Jack/Jak growled, "What? No way! You 're my rival. I'm not selling my Yakow- who happens to be my Guardian since I was little- to the like of you"
Merchant/Erol said slyly, "What if there was a big bag of Gold for you?"
Jack/Jak thought about it, "Hmmm... Well Mother did needed some money! Oh ok fine but take good care of him."
Yakow/Samos said warningly, "Jaaaak"
Merchant/Erol grinned mischievously, "I believe you wont be disappointed"
Narrator/Daxter commentated, "And so Jack traded the Merchant the Yakow for a large bag of gold"
Jack/Jak commented, "This bag is awfully light..."
Merchant/Erol snarled, "Get lost Eco Freak. I see you at the races and I'll make sure I leave you're body in my compressed air tracks!"
Narrator/Daxter comentated, "The Merchant left with the Yakow and Jack went home to show his Mother the fortune he'd made"
Jack/Jak ran up to his mother, "Mother! Look I've got a big bag of gold for the Yakow!"
Mother/Torn smiled his trademark smile, "Great. (Snatches bag and looks in) You dumb blond! You got a bag of beans!"
Jack/Jak blinked, "What? Shit!"
Mother/Torn growled, "More than Shit. Your in deep Yakow shit!"
Narrator/Daxter comentated, "Mother threw the bag away, pulled out her pistol and pointed at her son. Jack jumped in fright, picked up the bag and did a runner. Mother shooting after him."
Jack/Jak protested, "This wasn't in the story!"
Narrator/Daxter replied, "It is now"
Jack/Jak cried, "Where's my gun!"
Narrator/Daxter simply replied, "You don't have one in the story"
Jack/Jak yelled, "Daaaaaxxxter! At least can I have my Jet-board?"
Narrator/Daxter snapped, "No!"
Jack/Jak asked sweetly, "A vehicle to hijack?"
Narrator/Daxter snapped, "No!
Jack/Jak growled, "Hey I saved your ass plenty of times! Wait until the next time Metal Heads come and attack. You'll be you're own buddy!"
Narrator/Daxter gave in and snapped, "Fine! Jack hijacks a vehicle to run away from his estranged Mother. Happy?"
Jack/Jak sighed, "No but I'll live"
Mother/Torn saw Jack getting on a parked Zoomerbike, "What! Come back here! You... Wait until we get out of this you orange rat! I'll make sure I send you and your two faced friend on a suicide mission!"
Narrator/Daxter shouted at Torn, "Silence tattoo face! Or I'll get the Metal Head leader to rip you to shreds"
Jack/Jakasked astonished, "You can do that?"
Narrator/Daxter smiled, "Yes indeedy"
Jack/Jak shivered, "Can you stop that? You're scaring me"
Narrator/Daxter smiled, "Okie dokie. While running away Jack accidentally crashed into another vehicle in the middle of the city"
Jack/Jak was on the ground in obvious pain, "OWWWW! Aawww... You did that on purpose didn't you!"
Narrator/Daxter: No... uh because in the middle of the city was a large dirt patch. During the accident the bag of beans fell in the middle of the dirt patch and was buried in the soil. Suddenly the ground started to shake and out grew a large metal stalk. It kept growing and growing until it was high above the city. On the top if grew a bulb and at the same time on the side grew support towers. They grew and attached themselves to the building.
Jack/Jak folded his arms, "I still think you did it on purpose..."
Narrator/Daxter sneered, "So, what do you care? You have some climbing to do!"
Jack/Jak exclaimed, "WHAT! I'm not climbing THAT!"
Narrator/Daxter challenged, "And why not?"
Jack/Jak explained, "Because it will take me forever!"
Narrator/Daxter tried to convince, "Well the Baron is in there, gloating and thinking he's great!"
Jack/Jak growled, "What!"
Narrator/Daxter kept on convincing, "He's up there doing evil Baron stuff. Quick! Go up there and get him!"
Jack/Jak smiled evilly, "Yeah! I'll kill him and get my revenge"
Narrator/Daxter said off handedly, "Heh, heh sucker!"
Jack/Jak growled. "What did you say?"
Narrator/Daxter feigned innocence, "Nothing! I said nothing. Anyway Jack climbed the metallic Palace-stalk, his anger for the Baron fueling him"
Jack/Jak asked, "Don't I get a safety rope?"
Narrator/Daxter replied, "Nope"
Jack/Jak frowned, "Why not? I could fall and die!"
Narrator/Daxter smiled, "I'm the narrator! I can ensure that you don't fall and die"
Jack/Jak said flatly, "Gee that's comforting..."
Narrator/Daxter said sinisterly, "Do you want me to make you fall and not die so you can be in horrible pain?"
Jack/Jak's eyes wide with panic, "No, no. Its fine"
Narrator/Daxter growled, "Quit your complaining and climb! Those muscles need to be good for something!"
Jack/Jak grumbled, "Bossy boots"
Narrator/Daxter commentated, "Jack climbed the Palace-stalk until he finally reached the top. On the top was a large palace. It was a giant ball shaped thing. Jack sneaked inside and entered the Throne Room"
Jack/Jak puffed, "Man that's tiring!"
Narrator/Daxter agreed, "Yup. You should of taken the elevator"
Jack/Jak shouted, "THERE WAS AN ELEVATOR?!!!"
Narrator/Daxter blinked, "Uh yeah..."
Jack/Jak vowed, "Now you tell me! You are so going to cop it Daxter!"
Narrator/Daxter teased, "Oooooh I'm shaking in my orange fur!"
Giant's daughter/Ashelin sees Jak at her feet.
She put her hands on her hips, "How did you get in here?"
Jack/JakJumps and turns, "Ashelin?"
Giant's daughter/Ashelin asks, "Jak. What are you doing here?"
Jack/Jak thought about it," Hmmm.... I don't know. Hey Dax why am I here?"
Narrator/Daxter rolled his eyes, "Because that's how the story goes. Stick with it"
Jack/Jak looked up at Ashelin, "Wow Ashelin.... you're so big..."
Narrator/Daxter purred, "Rooooowww. Ashelin! Looking hot as always. And when she's a large giant the parts of the anatomy can really stand out..."
Giant's daughter/Ashelin growled, "Can it rat. Get on with this stupid story so we can all go home"
Narrator/Daxter said cheekily, "But you are home!"
Giant's daughter/Ashelin just glared at the Narrator Daxter.
Narrator/Daxter sighed, "Alright! Alright! So Ashelin invites Jack for dinner. There is a large wooden table in the middle of the Throne Room and Ashelin gives him some food after his long tiring climb to the top"
Jack/Jak grinned, "Thanks Dax. I was starving"
Jack starts slurping the soup.
Narrator/Daxter grinns evilly, "But unfortunately the Giant's daughter is an awful cook"
Jack/Jak spits the soup out, "Gah! This is awful!"
Giant's daughter/Ashelin shurgged, "What can I say? I'm a gun girl"
Golden Goose/Keira made her noise on cue, "Honk!"
Jack/Jak turned to the goos and blinks, "Keira?"
Golden Goose/ Keira smiles, "Yup that's me"
Jack/Jak blinked again, "You're a goose?"
Golden Goose/ Keira frowned, "A Golden goose, mister and don't you forget it!"
Jack/Jak put his hands up, "Ok! Sorry!"
Golden Goose/ Keira smiled, "So going to save me from the Giants?"
It was Jack/Jak turn to frowned, "What's there to save you from?"
Golden Goose/ Keira counted off her list on her fingers, "Ashelin's bad cooking and my exploitation of laying golden eggs"
Jack/Jak blinked again, "You lay golden eggs?"
Golden Goose/ Keira smiled, "Yup"
Jack/Jak smiled, "Wow Mother would be pleased"
Golden Goose/ Keira pleaded, "Please Jack! I can't stand this! I'm a mechanic! You know how hard it is to sit here laying eggs all day for his hin-e-ness? I'm sick of laying eggs. Anyway, we need to build the Rift Rider to get home"
Jack/Jak sighed, "Oh ok. You made your point. I have to sneak you out somehow..."
Giant/Baron Praxis entered and roared, "Fe, fi, fo, fum, I smell Dark Eco!"
Jack/Jak protested, "Hey that doesn't rhyme!"
Narrator/Daxter shurgs, "Who cares! He wants to eat you"
Jack/Jak blinked, "Really? I didn't know Praxis was a Hannibal"
Giant/ Baron Praxis smiled, "I'm a man of many talents, Jak. And you were foolish to climb up here claiming revenge on me! You're not even half my size..."
Jack/Jak smiled, "Oh yeah? I have a secret weapon and I can rip you to shreds!"
Giant/ Baron Praxis snorted, "What your alter ego?"
Jack/Jak trailed, "Yeah..."
Giant/ Baron Praxis laughed, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I love to see you try!"
Jack/Jak turns to the narrator box, "Ok then. Daxter if you do the honors!"
Narrator/Daxter protested, "But this is not how the story goes!"
Jack/Jak growled, "Who cares! Just do it!"
Narrator/Daxter grumbled, "Look who's bossy! Fine I'll do it but I'm expecting the same favor in the future. Jack had a secret- which is not so secret. He had a hidden power that can turn him into a killing machine. He converted to his alter ego Dark Jak... or Dark Jack... Ah it sounds the same"
Dark Jack/Jak roared, "Prepare to die!"
Giant/ Baron Praxis laughed, "Ha! Ha! Ha! You're still puny!"
Narrator/Daxter smirked and kept telling the story, "Thanks the Oracle's gift Dark Jack can grow in Giant Dark Jack. And so Dark Jack grew and grew until he was the Giant's height"
Dark Jack/Jak laughed, "Look who's puny now!"
Giant/ Baron Praxis panicked, "Ahhhhh! Guards! Kill this thing!"
Narrator/Daxter said teasingly, "Sorry Praxis, old chum. All your guards aren't Giant sized so they're easily knocked off by Jak"
Giant/ Baron Praxis vowed, "I'll make sure you're subjected to torture after this rat"
Narrator/Daxter rolled his eyes, "For Mar's sake! Everyone suck it up and just do the story! I'm the Narrator and I can make you do what I want you do to so don't mess with me!"
Dark Jack/Jak growled, "No one tortures Daxter but me!"
Narrator/Daxter comentated, "Dark Jack attacked the Giant. After a one sided battle the Giant fell backwards and smashed through the giant windows. He fell to his death"
Dark Jack/Jak pouted, "What? No gore? No savoring his suffering?"
Narrator/Daxter rolled his eyes, "You had you revenge now lets go! Jack returned to himself grabbed the Golden goose and did a runner. The Giant's daughter was after him"
Giant's daughter/Ashelin cried, "You killed my father! You are so going to pay!"
Jack/Jak blinked, "I thought you hated him"
Giant's daughter/Ashelin shrugged, "So? He's still my father. You killed him. Now I have to move with my weird cousin!"
Jack/Jak blinked, "You have a cousin?"
Giant's daughter/Ashelin put her hands on her hips, "Yeah so? Is that a problem?"
Jack/Jak feigned innocence, "No, no. It's fine... I think"
Narrator/Daxter comentated, "Jack took the elevator down, with Ashelin unable to follow because she was too big for it. Jack ran all the way home with the Golden Goose in hand"
Jack/Jak ran towards Torn, "Mother! Mother!"
Mother/Torn snapped, "There you are! Now I can shoot some more holes in you!"
Jack/Jak exclaimed, "What? No wait! I brought a goose that can make Gold!"
Mother/Torn growled, "Bullshit! Don't screw with me!"
Jack/Jak exclaimed, "It's true look!"
Narrator/Daxter commentated, "At that moment the Golden goose laid a golden egg"
Mother/Torn cheered, "Alright I'm rich! Finally I can buy shoes that match this pink dress! You're a great asset to the Underground Jak"
Golden Goose/Keira protested, "Hey! I want to be free! Not going into another egg laying business"
Narrator/Daxter commentated, "Soon Jack and his Mother was rich. They brought the Stadium and the Golden Goose got to build the Rift Rider. Jack defeated the Merchant at the races, since he was owner of the place and rigged the whole thing. The Yakow was returned to Jack after the Merchant's defeat
Since the Giant was over thrown Ashelin became Governess of the city. Torn became second in command again and led the city beside Ashelin.
So they all live happily ever after. The End!"
Jak cheered, "Thank Mar!"
Torn growled to Daxter, "Now you're going to pay rat!"
Ashelin joined in, "I'm with you!"
Keira shrieked, "I can't believe he made me a goose! The only animal here is you! Go get them you guys!"
Samos shouted, "Daaaaaaaxter! Clean up the city! I want it spotless!"
Daxter screamed, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm the Narrator! "
Torn smirked, "Not anymore. The story ended. Lets go Ashelin!"
Daxter shouted, "Noooooooo! Jak! Jak! Help!"
Daxter ran around with Torn and Ashelin hot on his tail. Jak stood around looking bored.
Jak shurgged, "Sorry Dax, you're on you're own"
Daxter cried, "Jaaaaak! Ahhhhhhh"
Baron Praxis growled, "Now if you don't mind. I'm going back to rule the city"
The Baron got up from the ground after returning to normal size. He entered the palace and left.
Jak blinked, "Wow talk about dead man walking. Well see you folks later. I hope you enjoyed the story. I know I didn't. Daxter is such a bossy boot"
The End
Did you like my parody? I know its not accurate but its not meant to be entirely! It's the first of the series! I hope you enjoyed it.
Review! Please review, tell me if you liked it or not. I like to know your opinion :)