Ha! I bet you all thought I had abandoned this fic, huh! Well, unfortunately for you I was just taking a little sabbatical and now am ready to begin another chapter! Hoorah!
But on a more depressing note, I can't believe how many frickin' rules this site has come up with in my absence. I mean, they got rid of the whole play-script format, which was my favorite to write parodies in! At least this fic falls within their boundaries. But I think after I finish this (And yes, I do plan on finishing it sometime in the next century) I probably won't write fanfics for a while. I must move on with my life!
So, without any further ado whatsoever, let the fic… BEGIN!
DISCLAIMER OF DOOM: I do not own any of the characters in this fanfic. They belong to their creators Matt Silverstein and Dave Jeser.
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Spanky had a delightful time passing that extra cheese through his bowels. Cheese always made him feel so… tingly. He didn't know who had ordered it, but he had gone through all the trouble to get up and answer the door so he deserved it.
And now that he had finished all of his afternoon movements, it was time for a little e-mail. He tried to think if there was another Internet animation who answered e-mail on a regular basis… but he quickly pushed the thought aside and returned to the screen.
After scrolling through all of the spam and porn (which he was careful to examine) he finally got to the survey. And, since it wasn't yet time for his second bi-daily masturbation, he decided to fill it out as a way to kill some time.
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From:
To:
Subject: E-mail Survey
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Personal
First name: Spanky
Last name: Ham
Nickname(s): Lubemastrer
Gender: Male, and damn proud of it!
Age: 31
Hair color: None
Eye color: Kinda yellowish with black pupils.
Race: Pig/Flash animation
Do you wear glasses or contacts: Hell no! Those're for nerds.
Is you hair long or short: What's with all the hair questions? Do you got a thing for it or somethin'?
Bad habits: The term "bad" is subjective.
Piercings you have: Nothing visible
Piercings you want: I'm good with what I've got.
Where: Kinda redundant, ain't it?
Tattoos you have: Again, nothing you can or would want to see.
Tattoos you want: I don't know more. That one I've got says it all…
Where: Are you trying to piss me off?
Ready for tons of more questions: I hate you.
Pets
Do you have any pets: Not unless you count Ling-Ling. Which I don't. Ever.
What are their names: I'm gonna jab a knife right in your eye.
What kind of animals are they: Hell if I know. It's never come up.
Do you want more animals: HELL NO! All animals do is eat, sleep, and lick their nutsack. Wait a minnit…
What kind: Twisting! The knife!
School
Are you still in school: Naw. I dropped out first chance I got. And never regretted it, baby!
Did you drop out: I'm not gonna dignify that with a response.
Favorite teacher: The one who let us watch porn videos because it "let us record the effect of the female body on the male psyche".
Least favorite teacher: Everyone else.
Favorite subject: Recess.
Least favorite subject: Again, everything else.
Are/were you popular: The kid with the access to all the porn and drugs is always popular.
Most embarrassing moment: They caught whackin' off in the toilet to a sixth grader.
Favorites
Number: 69. Bow chicka bow wow!
Color: Pink. If you catch my drift.
Season: Winter. Seeing naked chicks in the snow is SO HOT!
Holiday: Valentine's Day. The day that everyone gets some!
Band: Music isn't really my thing.
Rapper: Not really, although I do like the innuendos.
Thing in your room: My gallon tub of petroleum jelly. Even though Captain Asswipe mooches from almost every freakin' weekend.
Place to be: Stripclub
Junk food: Yes.
Food in general: Anything that'll clog my heart and bring me that much closer to my dream-death.
Restaurant: Mickey-D's. For the same reason as above.
Shape: I dunno.
Time of day: Night. When the men are men and the girls are whores.
Shampoo scent: CoughGay! Cough
Board game: The kind with a wooden board.
Computer game: Those "hentai" games are sumthin' else. So glad Ling-Ling introduced me to those.
Car: Monster Trucks.
Phrase: Nothing can possibly go wrong!
Sport: Too easy. Next please.
Team: Ones where I'm the "Team Captain." Heh heh heh.
Possession: Didn't I already answer thins?
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear…
Dog: Gy style..
Hot: Sexy
War: Commando
Red: Panties
Choice: Oral or Anal.
Gay: Xandir. (I bet everyone's said that.)
Fuck: Yes please.
Bisexual: Hero. I mean, GOD DAMN!
Black: Latex
Ice: Ice, baby.
Insane clown posse: Are you?
Jack: Off. Which reminds me…
Rainbow: Gay.
Cherry: Lost that old thing a loooong time ago.
Leather: Domination.
Water: Skinny dipping.
Private life
Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: Hey, the Spanky doesn't settle for one chick. He likes to keep his options open.
Do you have a crush: Nah. Just raw, primal urges.
Are you in love with anyone right now: Hell no. Only losers fall in love
Who was your first kiss: Uh. You mean on the lips, right?
How many hearts have you broken: Let's see, last weekend made about… 1001.
How many people broke your heart: None. I'd never let myself get THAT far into a relationship.
So what is your bf/gf/crush like: Urge to kill… rising.
Do you have a picture of him/her: Rising!
Do you have a picture of yourself: Why would I want one of those?
Ever kiss a friend: If you can call them friends.
Are you still friends: More or less.
So… moving on. Do you smoke: Hell yeah! Doesn't everyone?
Do you smoke weed: All the time.
Are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: You've GOT to be kidding me?
Do you drink beer: Nectar of the gods.
Have you ever…
Flashed someone: Yep.
Gotten really REALLY wasted: Uh-huh.
Skinny-dipped: Oh yeah.
Stolen anything: Every chance I get.
Wanted to kick my ass for making this so long: If only I knew where you lived.
Pegged someone in the head with a snowball: Yes, yes, and more yes.
Kissed someone of the sex: When you play Spin-the-Bottle with two other guys, it's inevitable.
Gone on a road trip: Once or twice.
Been to a concert: Been to a few raves…
Got pulled over: Yeah, but thanks to Sweet Lady Chloroform, I've never gotten a ticket.
Dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyway: Me? Cook? Hahahhahahahahahaha!
The last…
Thing you ate: A very excellent pizza.
Thing you drank: Soda.
Thing you wore: My clothes.
Person you saw: Little Spanky. In all his glory.
Person you kissed: Uh… I don't know.
Song you heard: That crap that Xandir plays.
Movie you watched: X3. I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch!
Random Questions
If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be: Moon Pies.
Do you remember any of your dreams: Only if they're good.
Do you dream in black and white: Huh?
Do you admit when you need help with a problem: I don't have problems. Other people have problems.
Can people read you like a book: No way, no how, no sir.
What's your biggest fear: The curse of… IMPOTENTY! Gasp!
Do you talk a lot: Not like some people I could mention.
Do you like spiders: Don't care either way.
How about kool-aid: Sallright.
Do you see dumb people: Mm-hmm.
Do you see dead people: What the hell are you smoking? And why aren't you sharing?
Any last words: Cockbite
Now that this is over, what are you going to do: Move on to more fun "projects."
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Once all that was over, Spanky hit "Send", deciding to send it to Toot. That bitch deserved it after that Bacon-fest she held last Tuesday. There was grease EVERYWHERE! It was still a recurring theme in his nightmares.
He chuckled silently to himself but was interrupted by a shriek of terror that appeared to come from the bathroom.
Damn, he thought, I knew I should remembered to flush…
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That is all for now! I give you no promises of when I'll update next because I'll probably break them. As always, I appreciate your comments and feedback.