Bloodlust confused with desire

Want confused with need

There's something so appealing about the dark, Subaru certainly had to admit that. The kind of reckless abandonment. The feeling of being constantly flying in the air and no support below for safety. The kind of heady rush when a person does something exciting, something exhilerating, more often than not something illegal or wrong.

Not that he had any chance of experiencing that feeling at all.

Yes, Seishirou had certainly put an end to that possibility. Since Subaru had finally decided to put an end to his 'slipper act' and stopped 'flip-flopping' in his decision about Seishirou, it seemed that he was right back at square one. Now he not only could not get rid of the feeling of wanting Seishirou, it was a more serious question of Seishirou not wanting him.

That's certainly a blow to anyone's self esteem.

Sometimes you really should not fight the inevitable. To get yourself lost in the moment and just enjoy what life was offering was a much better philosophy than living in the past of regrets and despair.

Subaru walked on, away from his sadness, his silent footsteps becoming louder as his rage over what he saw as Seishirou's insipid stupidity translated downwards.

-----------

'I really do find pleasure in pain'

Not a sudden revelation nonetheless but a revelation. Seishirou had, in truth, hated seeing the look on Subaru's face. Of stunned surprise. Turning into defeatism. While Subaru had walked on, he had listened shamelessly. Apparently Subaru felt more rage than anything after the shock had worn off. Seishirou could hear him, the defeatism turning into undisguised fury and a hot debate of cursing.

'You don't know what's good for you. How dare you accuse me of not knowing what I want when that clearly applies to you.' Sudden desire of Seishirou to claim him because Subaru's fire had stirred him.

He was a killer. He didn't need complications. His interest in Subaru as more than a toy was beginning to become a complication.

He was ashamed. When had his want of Subaru really manifested itself? Had it existed all along and was helped by Subaru's recent change of style? Or was he merely fascinated by the new Subaru and this fascination would fade with time?

He was being a coward. He was skirting the issue. It didn't look likely that he was going to face the issue anytime soon.

For a week there was silence on both fronts. Neither side had any contact with each other. Each wondered if that was the better way to deal with the issue.

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Seishirou made the first move

Subaru turned up at his apartment-his first move.

Seishirou was slightly disappointed in a rather sadistic sense.

"You asked me to come. Why?" Subaru did not hesitate to mince words. He turned and met Seishirou's gaze head on. He was tired and exhausted after raking his brains trying to come up with excuses for Seishirou's behaviour. The bravado was all there, his face was a mask, he had enough of Seishirou playing around with his emotions.

"Let's stop this game play. I'm tired of it."

Nothing could have prepared Subaru for this. It was always in Seishirou's nature for games. Some part of Subaru's mind wondered if this was yet another game but he really was too tired to dissect the implications.

So he simply replied "Okay."

There was no explanations, no reasonings. It was the response of two tired souls. It had gone beyond want and desire, beyond lust and the physical to something deeply rooted in all that possessed even an ounce of what made them human- the instinctive desire to be touched and loved in the soul. It was undeniable that no matter what deeds each had done, they were, at the core of their being, doing so for a reason, proving that no matter how deeply they tried to hide it, they were human.

When they met in each other's arms, Seishirou hugged, Subaru clung. There was no other form of body contact. There was an unspoken nature about it. There had to be more than just the kissing, just the touching of flesh. It was the maturity of the mind and the relationship that both wanted, not some simply teenage longing that could be over and done with in a matter of minutes of mindless mating. They had gone beyond that, it was something, though not quite love, that had forced them to content with each other even as the years slipped by.

Seishirou smiled into Subaru's hair and then pressed a kiss that is heartfelt and genuine onto Subaru's lips.

"This is all I can give. One day at a time." Seishirou turned and left his own apartment.

Subaru feels like crying again. This time however, his weeping is of a different nature. It is one of silent gratitude. He understands that by doing what Seishirou did, it went against what had formed a part of him, the ability to care, to feel, to… love?

Deep down, he knows that's the magic in their relationship.

There's something so tantalizing about the primal, the mix of blood and tears and hands that slick that reach the edge of no tomorrow. The vulnerability riddens the bravado and only true emotions are present in the dance. The satisfaction can't come from the flesh, only from the darkenings of the mind. It's the soul that sings with triumph at the feeling of being truly alive.

"One day at a time."

Stalemate.

-The End-

A/N: Yet again I apologize for the long wait in updating. This chapter is very much different from the previous ones where I focused on the emotional aspect of their relationship. I didn't want to have an ending where it's completely spelled out and you know they'll live happily ever after since I don't want this fic to mirror past writings. I confess I'm not sure how this will be received as I feel very out of practice in writing so do review.