This Man's Army

A Mulan Fanfic

By Brenna "Snakelady" Dawkins

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: Mulan and all subsequent characters are owned and copyrighted by Disney Studios. I have made no money off of this or any of my other fanfics... pity!

Summary: Ling pines after Ping/Mulan and is disturbed by certain thoughts. Hints of slash, that is, male/male relationships.

Ling supposed he should have been relieved upon discovering that Ping really was a woman. It should have made it easier for him to lie to himself, saying that somehow, he always knew it. Yeah, right. But Ling knew better.

He always knew something about him was different. It terrified him. So much so that he did everything possible to the contrary. Of course, joining the army wasn't his first choice to prove his manhood. Not that he'd had much of a choice in that matter. But one thing he did know, was that he had to blend in.

Being a jerk sort of came naturally. It was also a perfect cover. He wasn't even really sure how he came to befriend Yao. Boy, now there was someone who had issues! It made him feel somewhat better about himself. He sort of just followed Yao's lead. It was good to find someone to follow. He never was a leader. Ling hated being in charge. And not long after, they added Chein Po to their little dysfunctional family. Everything seemed to have finally settled into a nice routine that he could handle until that fateful day when Fa Ping arrived.

That was when his whole world was turned upside down. It was a given. To pick on the new guy, especially someone as odd as Ping had been. For Yao, he knew it was just his way. For him, it was more like pulling pigtails and name-calling, something you did to the girl you liked back in grade school. But what disturbed him was that he was doing these things to a guy. It was a good thing he could disguise it as something else.

And then they had to go and befriend Ping. That confused him all the more.

He found himself unable to think of much else. Ling could hide it well though so that none would suspect. He'd had much practice trying to hide it from himself before then. It had gotten to the point where he just put the blame on nerves. Going to war made him nervous. It gave him nightmares. There was no way he could tell the guys these things. Yao would hit him, or do much worse. Chein Po would just pity him and he wouldn't be able to handle that. He wasn't really sure what Ping would have done if he'd told him his fears. Ping didn't seem like the coddling type, but still wasn't cold and heartless either. It seemed if he needed a shoulder to cry on, Ping would be the one to do it with, if he ever had the guts to, that is.

One thing he noticed about Ping was his unwillingness to have much physical contact with his friends. Even the good-natured slapping around freaked Ping out.

"What's up with you?" Ling felt brave enough to ask Ping one evening when he found himself alone with him by chance. They were both sitting on a crumbling stone wall that was barely knee high by the lake.

"What do you mean?"

"You never had any brothers before or something? Daddy Fa never let you climb trees?"

"I climb lots of trees. And no, I'm an only child." Ping told him uneasily, wondering where this line of questioning was going to lead. "What?"

Ling shrugged, picking up a stick and dragged a line in the dirt with one end of it, "Just, you're--- well, downright jumpy sometimes. Is Yao giving you a hard time? I can try to tell him to cool it."

Mulan bit her lip. She couldn't ever tell him the whole truth. "Just haven't ever had any real friends before." Well, that at least was true. She didn't want to lie any more then she had to to her friends.

That surprised Ling. "You in the field all day or something? But that doesn't hold much water, even a rice farmer's got buds."

She shook her head, "I just never did."

"You afraid of us?" His gut clenched hoping that answer would be negatory.

Ping didn't answer right away, making Ling look over at him anxiously. He ached to put his arm about the other man's shoulders. He'd tell himself he was just being companionable. But the moment passed by and he missed the opportunity.

"No."

Joy! "So why we make you nervous?"

"I come from a small village. Not used to all--- this." Another small truth to disguise the lie. She didn't like Ling pressing her about her home life. He may come up with a question that she couldn't cover neatly with a lie.

Ling seemed to buy that one, thank the ancestors! Mulan reflexively checked to make sure her happy coat was properly covering everything. She was becoming hyper-aware of things like that. It just wouldn't do to be sitting there chatting with Ling and have her cover blown by her--- cover.

She wished she could become fully comfortable around her new friends. But she was afraid if she let her guard down for one moment that she'd be discovered.

"Well, long day tomorrow." Mulan stood, "My feet are killing me and I need to catch up on my sleep."

"Wait. Your feet are bothering you? My mom gave me something for mine. Old family cure for blisters and corns and such. I can loan you some."

Ping turned and smiled at Ling and his heart leapt for joy.

"Thanks, Ling. I'd appreciate it."

Despite his happiness at making Ping happy, he had to wonder, "You sure are the nicest guy I've ever met. Even more polite then Chien Po. You're not going to last long in this place being so nice."

Ping frowned at him.

"Just some friendly advice." Ling said unhappily. "I'll drop by your tent with the ointment."

Ping nodded, not sure if saying thanks would be the right thing to say after that. Ling watched the man walk away, wishing he hadn't said that last bit about Ping being too nice. He saw the boys face crumble and his own heart crumbled along with it. He didn't want Ping's spirit crushed by the unfeeling war machine. It was what he loved about him. But Ping would get hurt if he didn't toughen himself up.

Just as promised, he delivered the ointment.

"Um, need some help with it? It's so awkward to apply to feet." Ling said hopefully, amazed at his presumption.

He saw Ping hesitate, "Thanks, but I got it."

Ling sighed inwardly. Oh well, it had been worth a shot. He went back to his tent and dreamt disturbing dreams of marching feet and a certain soldier walking away from him.

"We're moving out! Break down camp and assemble into marching ranks!" Captain Chang had shouted at them one day soon after.

That did not bode well. Yao took it in stride. Chein Po followed orders in his mild way, without complaint as usual. Ling's stomach churned. This was it! They were heading out to war. It was what they were training for, after all, but it didn't make him feel any more confidant.

He noted Ping's tent, off on the outskirts of the rest of the camp. Being the straggler in everything, including arrival didn't give you first dibs on where you set up your tent. Ping was methodically breaking down his meager tent as ordered. Ling realized he was staring and quickly looked away, checking to see if any noticed his rubbernecking before trying to concentrate on his own orders. He sighed. It wasn't fair! The one place where men were packed tighter then eggrolls and every one of them were off limits.

Yao punched him in the shoulder and he grimaced, then he realized where he was and punched Yao back--- hard. Yao just shrugged it off.

"What?" Ling said, barely covering his annoyance.

"Aint'cha done with that yet? We're all gathering around the dining tent. Last one to come down."

Ling snorted, "Just making sure everything's in it's proper place."

Yao rolled his eyes, "Anal retentive flake."

"Fowl tempered dwarf." Ling shot back.

"Anyway," Yao glared at him, "when you're done, get your skinny butt down there. Ole Captain Pretty Boy is going to give us a speech about a whole lotta nothin'."

"Someone should tell Ping." Ling found himself saying absently before he could stop himself.

"I'll tell the kid. You get your crap in gear." Yao said gruffly and then strode off, unaware of the glare Ling shot at his back.

At the mention of their Captain, Ling got that sinking feeling. His favorite thing in the world at the time was to sneak quick glances at Ping. During quite a few of those indulgences, he noticed Ping giving those very same glances to Captain Shang. It just killed him to know that the only one in the camp he found interesting only had eyes for the Captain. Of course the Captain. His body was a temple. Muscles popped out in all the right places while he had none really to speak of. Also, the man was an officer. He was just a recruit, rankless, financially sunk, and a nobody. How could he possibly compete?

He tried his best to ignore those depressing thoughts during the march. He sang that silly song, he charged a hoard of Huns, then the biggest disaster ever--- Ping wasn't Ping, but--- Mulan.

After Ping had been dragged from the medic tent barley able to keep a cover about him to shield from the cold--- little did he know the real reason--- all he could do was stare in shock. The one he had lost his heart to, the one he'd felt the most connection with in the whole camp, was a woman! No woman he knew of ever had male friends outside the family. No woman he ever knew was able to hold her own in the company of men. No woman he ever knew held his attention like this one did.

That foul little minion of the Emperor ordered Shang to take Fa Ping's sword. It seemed all unreal to him. Shang held the sword, preparing to deliver the deathblow to the traitor. Ling's heart ached with dread and he was very glad he wasn't the only one to try to protest the necessary outcome. Yao and Chein Po rallied with him. But they were torn between obeying their commanding officer and coming to the aide of someone who had been their friend.

Relief--- Ping was spared. But he'd never see him again. Her! His mind spun trying to put things into perspective. Things were moving too fast! They had to get to the Forbidden City. They were leaving Ping behind. Ling managed to look back before being shoved onward by a tired comrade. There was nothing he could say. Nothing he was allowed to say. Ping was only a girl after all.

He thought that he'd seen the last of Ping. He had dragged his feet tiredly as they marched up to the Emperor. His mind was on Ping. On something he could never have. Ling was still trying to come to terms with the fact that Ping wasn't Ping and all the things THAT meant.

Then Mulan was there, riding Kahn as well as any man and was speaking openly to an army officer in public. She was a bold one, he gave her that. Bold or stupid.

And somehow--- somehow, she managed to get them all into dresses and into the inner gates of the Forbidden City. He eagerly followed her, if only to be near even though he really thought the entire idea was crazy. They were running about the center of the entire Chinese empire looking for the bloodcrazed leader of the Huns in dresses trying to save the Emperor. Was that sane?

It all had happened so fast and before he knew it, he was saying goodbye to Ping, er, Mulan all over again. He was glad he wasn't the only one to shed a tear at her departure. Ling knew he'd never see her again. He watched the way Shang had said his goodbye. It disturbed him. He didn't know why.

Well, he was used to being alone. He'd go back to his little village a hero--- big deal. Maybe get the best maiden in town. Ling sighed. He thought he once knew what he wanted. Now, he just was back to not having a clue. Yup, he thought to himself morosely, just more of the same.

The End