Disclaimer: Prozac is overrated, and I didn't invent the Nerima crowd. Thanks for your support.

Hazards of Redemption Chapter Two: Oni in my Dreams

Happosai, Grand Master of the School of Anything Goes Martial Arts had been called many things in his long life. Most of them had something to do with his perversions, and not a few had to do with his less than handsome appearance. But never had he heard anyone that seemed to be in his right mind call him cute.

Of course, this still didn't happen. "Fascinating,"
said Kenchiro, the reformed Oni. "I though the Bakemono had left Japan three hundred years ago."

Jumping off Ranma-chan's heavenly bosom, and bouncing around as he dodged the punches, kicks, tables, chairs, and bookbags the redhead directed at him. Such a playful thing, really. "Hmm? Look, whoever you are, I'll have you know I am most certainly not a goblin." He would have continued, but an unfortunate deli counter had just impacted with his head.

Kenchiro turned to Ranma. "Do you mind? I am attempting to have a conversation with this Bakemono."

As Happosai twitched, Akane smirked. "He's not a goblin, Kenchiro. He's the pervert who invented Ranma's and my style of martial arts. He's totally human, no matter what he looks like."

Shrugging the student off of him, Happosai faced Kenchiro, eyes narrowed. "Do I know you? You look oddly familiar."

The oni nodded. "I am the On..."

"He's the only cousin I have," interrupted Ranma. "An he ain't a martial artist, so don't go doin nothin' to 'im!"

"Ranma-kun, this is your sensei. Should you not let him know the tru..."

"The truth about your job, hehe?" blurted Ranma. "I don't think so, the government could get angry, ne?"

"You're hiding something," growled the old pervert, "and I intend to find out what it is!" Stopping only to cop a feel on one of the younger Freshmen, he bounded out of the lunchroom, and into the noonday sun.

"Just can't stay away from water, hmm, Saotome?" asked Nabiki as she walked up. "Just this once, I'll let you get by on credit," she said, producing a kettle.

"Why bother?" asked Kenchiro. Placing one hand on Ranma-
chan's drenched shoulder, he closed his eyes. Seconds later, steam rose from the Chinese shirt, which now was wrapped around a male body.

Nabiki studied the Oni. "You know, it wouldn't be good to go advertising like that. Someone might come up with the right - or wrong - answers." Thinkng about what he did, she thought, 'The big question for me, is are you good or bad for business?'

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Happosai sat on the roof of the local mall, reclining on a bed of silky darlings recently liberated from the lingerie store in the mall. No, not the ones on the rack, the ones left on the bench in the changing room. He had to figure out what this 'cousin' of Ranma's, whatever his name is, really meant to do.

He had known both Genma's and Nodoka's families for seventy years, though he only knew Nodoka's by reputation. The fact that both of Ranma's parents were only children meant that this interloper could not be a first cousin. He might be a distant cousin, but, somehow, the old pervert doubted that. That, plus Ranma's pathetic attempts at lying to him, piqued his curiosity.

He was not Ranma's cousin, that was pretty certain. And what was the 'truth' they were trying to hide?

"Let's see," he muttered. "One, this fellow is rather handsome, and was sitting next to Ranma in the lunchroom.

"Two, he didn't bat an eye when Ranma changed. If anything, he looked interested.

"Three, he called me a Bakemono, a goblin. He'll pay for that one.

"Four, Ranma was defending him, of sorts.

"Five, Akane didn't seem angry when this 'cousin' called him 'Ranma-kun' in front of her. Okay, so maybe that doesn't mean anything."

Sitting up, and tapping one finger against his chin, he stewed over the evidence before him. Soon enough, his twisted little mind put two and two together to get 54.

"He's after my Ranma-chan! Waaagh! Don't worry, Ranam-
chan!" He stood, raising one fist in the air as he placed the other firmly against his hip. "I will protect your virtue!" Swiftly wrapping up the sweet nothings in his sack, he adjusted the mask below his nose, and bounced off towards the Tendou Dojo.

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The walk home that afternoon started out relatively uneventful. Kuno still hadn't returned from his trip to the Shinjuku district from earlier that morning, and the China crew was stuck at the Nekohanten for a busy lunch crowd. Kenchiro stayed in the area for the afternoon, so he could accompany his sensei's sibling and her fiance back to the dojo.

About halfway there, however, a familiar battle cry rang out across the Nerima skyline. "RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!"

Jumping back out of the way of a torrent of razor-sharp bandannas, Ranma replied with, "Heya, pig-boy! Ain't seen ya in a while, how's it goin'?"

"Shut up and fight, Ranma! For what you are doing, you deserve retrib... retrobi... er, justice!" called out Ryouga.

Kenchiro reached out, and gently pulled Akane out of the street, and out of possible danger. "Another unique individual of the area?" he asked.

"Yes. He's Hibiki Ryouga. He has a problem with his sense of direction, and seems to have a grudge against Ranma," she said. "But he's a sweet guy, otherwise."

Meanwhile, the two martial artists had closed to hand to hand combat. Most of the roundhouse swings of the more powerful young man swept right by Ranma, but his own quick jabs had very little effect on the stone-hard skin of his rival. "Whaddya know, ya actually made it back to Nerima in less than a week, pork-brain!"

"Stop calling me that!" growled Ryouga, as his punches began to blister the very air with their force. One dropping axe kick hit the pavement instead of Ranma, sending large chunks of concrete in all directions, including that of Kenchiro and Akane.

Realizing that his sensei would not be pleased if her youngest sister were hurt by this, Kenchiro simply grabbed her, picked her up, and turned his back, taking a rather large piece of concrete to his back. Despite his own supernatural strength, he was knocked to the ground, Akane beneath him. "Get off of me," she said, struggling to extricate herself from out from under him.

Ranma caught all this in a glance, and understood what Kenchiro was trying to do. Ryouga, unfortunately, only caught the tail end, and did what any good resident of Nerima would do, and immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. Jumping back from Ranma, he yelled, "Hey, you! Leave Akane alone!" Snatching a handful of bandannas off his head, he tossed them at the Oni as he slowly stood.

"Oh, crap," cussed Ranma. Reacting with all the speed he could, he sprinted in front of his erstwhile cousin. Darting his hands in the air, he intercepted all of the bandannas but one, which cut a long gash across his ribs.

"You're helping this rapist?" asked Ryouga. "That's even lower than I thought you'd go. Prepare to die!"

Akane had recovered herself by this time, and tried to intercede. "No, wait, Ryouga, it's not what it looks like!" Needless to say, it was little more than wasted breath.

"Boy, P-chan, you're even more clueless than I thought," grunted Ranma as he crossed his arms to block a particularly powerful straightarm punch.

"Shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP!" roared the Lost Boy, redoubling his assault on his rival. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the steady flow of blood from Ranma's side, and narrowed his mouth to a tight-lipped grin. "Bakusai Tenketsu!" His finger thrust out just past Ranma, to the wall behind him.

"ARRRGH" groaned Ranma, as the shrapnel and the force of the explosion knocked him forward into Ryouga. Bouncing off his chest, the pigtailed martial artist rolled backwards through the wall, and brought himself up to one knee. "Dammit, Ryouga, you've really lost it this time!" With a kiai, he sent the burst of chi that was his Moko Takabisha at the other young man, which caught him square in the chest, and knocked him across the street.

Kenchiro, by this time, had almost literally dragged Akane further down the street towards the dojo, the better to be out of the way. "Why did he do that?" he asked.

"Do what?" asked Akane.

"Place himself between the cloth projectiles and my own form?"

Akane tried to hide a half smile. "He's like that. He doesn't like anyone but himself getting hurt when he's in a fight."

Meanwhile, Ryouga had managed to extricate himself from the wall he had impacted with. Head still spinning, but ready for anything, he roared, "Now you Die!" before running the wrong way down the street.

Ranma staggered out of the yard beyond the destroyed wall, holding on to his injured side. "Hmph. Couldn't even finish our fight," he complained.

Kenchiro eyed him critically. "Nether could you," he remarked, "if a few more blows had landed. Is there an apothecary nearby?"

"Well, Doctor Tofu's place is about three blocks that way," pointed Akane. "He just got back after several months studying abroad."

"Aww," said the pigtailed boy, "I ain't that hurt."

Leaning over, Akane poked him in the side, and Ranma doubled over in pain. Standing suddenly, she said, "Whoa, Deja Vu! Anyway, I think you are, and you at least need a couple of stitches. Now, come on."

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As they arrived, Kenchiro started shuffling his feet. "Erm, do I have to enter the premesis?" he asked.

Akane, helping Ranma stand, asked "Why?"

"Something feels... uncomfortable. As though there is very little negative chi that has not been focused and channeled away." The Oni scratched the back of his neck. "Needless to say, it is not the most conducive environment for me."

"well," said Ranma, "If ya don't wanna go in, you can wait out here."

"I shall do that," he said.

Doctor Tofu met them at the door, face grim. "Akane, Ranma, hello. First, looks like you need a lot of help; however, I also want to know why an Oni is walking with you."

Kenchiro actually blushed. "With all due respect, Tofu-
sensei, I am being taught the way of Inner Peace by Tendo-
Sensei."

The doctor blinked a bit, then looked at Akane. His stern face slowly relaxing, and starting to crack into a grin, he asked, "Tendo-sensei? You mean Akane's teaching you about inner peace?"

"No," said the Oni, "Tendo Kasumi is."

'Oh no,' thought Ranma. 'He's said her name! An' I'm in arm's reach!' He struggled against Akane, trying to get away before it was too late.

"K-K-Kasumi?" asked the doctor, glasses fogging over. "Well isn't she just peaceful?" One arm snaked out, and caught an unfortunate martial artist.

As Ranma's screams echoed through the district, Kenchiro muttered, "What talent! He'd go far in the service of the Yama Kings!"

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Five minor demons sat around a rather large table, playing poker. "I bet six souls," said a red, cockroach like thing.

A green slug with six lobster claws carefully considered his cards. "I'll meet yer six, and raise ya two."

A blue one that resembled a human with mouths all over his body dropped his cards in disgust. "Too rich fer my blood," he said in polyphonic stereo.

The others laughed. A grey minotaur snorted at the blue one. "Wimp. I'll meet, and raise another soul."

"Wimp yerself," said the last one, a black, shadowy shape vaguely reminiscent of a pile of cottage cheese. "I meetcha, and raise ya twenny!" It quivered slightly, a broad white grin stretching across his face. Even its teeth looked like cottage cheese.

Everyone groaned, and dropped their cards. "What?" asked the black blob.

Before any of the others could answer, a large Oni, with six horns, appeared in their midst, holding an ancient, robed human. "SILENCE!" it bellowed.

The black blob looked up. "What's up? Is he a snack? Ya want in on the game?"

ZARK! A blast of eldritch power lanced out from the eyes of the Oni, vaporizing the disgusting thing. The other lesser demons considered cheering, but decided it would be hazardous to their health. "This mortal has command of you, slaves. Listen to him as if he were the High Yama King, himself!" With that, he vanished, leaving the human in the company of evil.

"I am Takamaru Yoshi," he began. "I have been sent by the High Yama King, King Chuan Lun Wang, on a mission to reclaim a stray Oni."

"So?" asked the minotaur. "Whazzat gotta do wit' us?"

"You will accompany me to the mortal realm, where we shall take him, screaming, back to Hell." He looked at them, and saw a slight bit of trepidation in their faces. "Oh, and we're also going to kill a lot of people." Yoshi sat down in the still rather slimy seat the black blob had occupied, and basked in the cheers of the demons.

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Okay... it's at this point that I must pause. I hope you enjoy it so far, because it is going to become quite hectic very soon...

- Valandar the Red of the Empty Tankard