Midsummer Night's Heat

Kendall lay in bed with her eyes open. She had pretty much given up on trying to sleep.

Sometime earlier that day the air conditioning in the condo had died, and while Kendall had reported it as soon as she could they wouldn't be able to send a repairman until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest. And of course this happened on the hottest first day of summer in recent history, when the daytime highs had been in the 90s and the evening lows were still in the upper 70s.

And the humidity had to be about 3000.

Kendall sighed. She had set a fan in the bedroom window, but it didn't seem to be putting up much of a fight against the stifling air in the room. She had been tossing and turning on the bed for over an hour and had made no progress toward getting any sleep. It just wasn't going to happen.

She finally got up and went to the kitchen where she stood for a while in front of the open refrigerator. Unfortunately there was little inside it other than cold air; she hadn't been to a grocery store in quite a while. Aside from a wilted salad, moldy cheese, and some expired milk there wasn't much to be found. At least the icemaker in the freezer was working, and she picked up a cube and rubbed it against her skin. How in the world did people survive before air conditioning? she wondered. They didn't miss what they never had, she supposed.

And that made her think of Ryan. If she had never been with him, right now she wouldn't be feeling even more miserable than the heat alone could make her. Part of the night's misery was missing Ryan - which was part of every night's misery since he had decided that peace with Greenlee was better than chaos with her.

But could he really have peace if he wasn't with the person he truly loved? Kendall knew she didn't have any, and she didn't really believe Ryan did either. His marriage with Greenlee was an escape, not a solution. The only way for the two of them to find peace was to settle their issues together.

Kendall closed the refrigerator door. Ryan didn't want to work things out though; he had made that very clear. He wanted to try to pretend that everything was going to be OK for him married to Greenlee. Kendall wondered how well the self-deception held up on hot nights like this when he turned off the light and lay waiting for sleep to come.

Did he think about all the moments they had shared and all the plans they had made? Kendall did, and she thought he did to.

She decided to go for a walk. Maybe that would help her relax, and she could try to sleep again. There might be a breeze outside. Kendall opened the door and stepped out onto the front walkway. It was a dark night as well as a hot one - there was no moon and no stars could be seen. But thankfully there was a slight breeze. Kendall took a few steps forward and stood with her eyes closed letting the hint of wind caress her face.

And then a hand grabbed her shoulder, and Kendall screamed.

"Pipe down for goodness sake," a very familiar voice said from behind her.

Kendall turned and looked at Ryan. "What in the world is the matter with you?" she asked. "Have you lost your mind sneaking around here in the middle of the night?"

"Well, at least I'm not out here half dressed," Ryan said, his gaze on her knee-length nightgown.

Kendall stared at him...and forced herself not to smile. That wouldn't have been such a bad sight to see. A couple of her neighbors had opened their doors. "Everything's OK," she said. "I was just surprised by...a friend." The doors closed.

"What are you doing here?" Kendall asked.

"Walking," Ryan said. "Same as you it would seem. Though you need to be a little more careful. An attractive woman like you out on a night like this... Heat makes people do crazy things, stupid things. It's not a good idea."

"Is that why you came here?" Kendall asked. "The heat?" She could barely make out his form in the darkness, but she didn't need to see him. She knew everything about him by heart. "There are plenty of places to walk closer to where you - and your wife - live," she said.

Ryan was silent for a long moment, and Kendall brushed her long hair back from her face. The breeze had passed, and the humidity was starting to get to her again. Maybe she could ask Ryan to let her stay at his place for the night. Sure, Greenlee would love that.

"I wanted to be near you," he said.

Kendall just looked at him for a moment, speechless, the heat forgotten. She could feel the soft beating of her heart. "Why?" she asked finally.

"You know why," Ryan said. "Because I love you."

"You told me..."

"All of that stuff about loving Greenlee and needing peace," Ryan said. "Yeah, well I almost convinced myself that stuff made sense."

"Ryan..."

"Can we go inside?" he asked. "It's getting a little uncomfortable standing out here."

Kendall chose to interpret that as a comment about the heat. "It isn't any better inside," she said. "My air conditioning broke, and it's as hot as the surface of the sun in there."

Ryan was silent for a moment. "Do you want me to go?" he asked.

"No...I...it's the truth," Kendall said. "The place is unbearably hot. That's why I came out here...half dressed."

She saw his lips curl in the darkness. "You still haven't invited me inside," he said. "So, do you want me to go or..."

"Enter at your own risk," Kendall said softly, walking back to the condo's door.

Ryan followed her inside. "It really is nasty in here," he said.

"Thank you," Kendall said.

"Did you call someone to repair the..."

"No, I didn't think of that," Kendall said. "I'm so glad you came over and told me."

"Sorry," Ryan said. "It's nice and chilly at my place."

Kendall interpreted that to include Greenlee. "Then..."

"Do you mind if I have a glass of water?" Ryan asked. He walked into the kitchen.

"Help yourself," Kendall said. "And get me one too."

"Yes, ma'am," Ryan said. He put ice cubes from the freezer into two glasses and then filled them with tap water. "You need to get some supplies in this place," he said. "Things like food and beverages."

"I've had other things on my mind," Kendall said.

Ryan walked over to her and handed her a glass. It felt good in her hand, and she took a sip. The water wasn't really cold yet. "You're flushed," he said.

"Excuse me?" Kendall asked.

"The heat," he said. "It isn't good for you." Ryan sipped his water. "Don't you have any fans or..."

"I pay to have central air in this place," Kendall said. "I don't expect it to break down when I really need it."

"That's when things have a tendency to break down," Ryan said.

"You didn't," Kendall said. The words were out of her mouth before she even knew she had been thinking them.

"I tried to do my best for you," Ryan said.

"I couldn't have made it through the trial without you," Kendall said. For a long moment they stared at one another in silence. They were standing too close; Kendall knew that, and she knew Ryan had to know it. She expected him to suddenly come to his senses and take a step back and finally excuse himself and wander off into the night. But he didn't move. He just stood there, staring at her, and she didn't take her gaze from him.

"I'm going to have to kiss you," he said.

"If you have to..." He closed the space between them and pulled her against him, then met her lips with his, softly and firmly. All of Kendall's nerves tingled as he pressed his hand to her back and pushed her closer; her senses were on fire.

"Crazy and stupid," Ryan whispered in her ear, and then he brought his lips to her neck. Kendall held him close...until he finally stepped back. "What are we doing?" he asked.

"We...I..." Kendall just gave up and pulled him back into an embrace and another kiss that set every cell in her body ablaze. He responded to the kiss both passionately and tenderly. I love you, Kendall thought. I love you, I love you, I love you...

The kiss subsided, and they stood looking at one another. Ryan took Kendall's hand, and led her to the sofa. "What do you want to do?" he asked, when they were both seated there.

"I want to be with you," Kendall said. He put a hand against her warm cheek, and she closed her eyes.

"I don't want you as my mistress," Ryan said. "I want more than that for us."

Kendall opened her eyes. "You said there was no us," she said.

"I tried to make that true," Ryan said. "I tried everything. I thought marrying Greenlee would have to work. It would have to finally sever the bond between you and me. But that bond is still as strong as it always was. It almost seems stronger."

"Then what do you want?" Kendall asked.

"I don't know," Ryan said. "We've tried to make this work over and over and it never does."

"So where do we go from here?" Kendall asked.

"I don't know," Ryan said. He stood up and took another sip of water. "Maybe..."

"Don't say that," Kendall said.

Ryan smiled. "I've missed you so much," he said. "Even arguing with you is better than being without you."

"I don't want to be without you, Ryan," Kendall said. "We belong together. We have to try again."

"And if we strike out again..."

"Then it happens," Kendall said. "But isn't it worth it to try?"

"Greenlee..."

"Will survive," Kendall said. "That's what she does. She survived losing Leo, and that had to be a hundred times worse than this will be. It might be hard for her, but she'll bounce back."

"It almost sounds like you respect her," Ryan said.

"Let's just say I know her pretty well," Kendall said. "I don't think she's going to fall apart over this."

"Probably not," Ryan said. He sighed and sat back on the sofa. "But if we do this, we have to really do it this time. We have to go all in," he said. "It has to be everything, all the way - no walls and no secrets. I need you to be my partner as well as my lover."

"I want that too, Ryan," Kendall said.

"OK," he said. Ryan held out his hand. "Let's shake on it."

"No," Kendall said.

"No?"

"No." Instead she drew him into an embrace. "Our relationship is not going to be a business deal," she said. "It is going to be something organic based on real love." Ryan held her close. "Now you should go before I ravish you."

Ryan laughed. "Are you going to be OK here in this heat?" he asked.

"I think I'll survive," Kendall said. "Come back here tomorrow - after you've talked with Greenlee."

Ryan nodded and stood. "I should go," he said.

"Tonight," Kendall said. "There will be other nights."

"Yes, there will," Ryan said.

Kendall smiled and opened the door for him, and Ryan kissed her again gently before walking out. Kendall smiled and took the two glasses to the sink where she dumped them out. Then she went to the bedroom. In less than a half-hour she was deeply asleep.