Know Your Stars: Smashers Style Chapter 6: Chapta Zes, a super smash brothers fanfic

Know Your Stars: Smashers Style

Polska — Buahahahaha! This is the last chappie of the story! Thank you to all my loyal reviewers who reviewed the last chapter, and reviewed the other chapters, which have reviews, that I like to read because I like to read reviews, which are totally review-tastic because I like to read reviews!

:silence:

Whoot! I'm such a loser xD. Please review!

(By the way, I own no Smashers, no Announcer and…er, no…well, I don't own anything that has to do with Nintendo. I do kind of own the Cameraman though…and the Donut Boy who lives on Sprinkle Lane. XD)

And the Smashers being burned here are: Mewtwo, Captain Falcon, Fox, Falco, Mr. Game and Watch, and Kirby. 'K?)

Don't forget to review! (Let's go for 65.)

By the way, even though my new username is xxlovely-, I will still refer to myself as Polska, mm'kay? Mm'kay.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"

Camera shows a black director's chair in the middle of a room, spotlights shining on no one in particular.

'Where's my next victim — I mean guest?' the announcer thought.

Meanwhile…

"I'll have eight cheeseburgers, five Big Mac's, six large fries, seven orders of chicken nuggets, three apple pies, two large Oreo McFlurries, and a extra-large coke," Falco said, pointing to the menu while ordering. "Better make it a diet coke though, I'm trying to watch my weight," he said to the cashier a bit more quietly, his eyes darting to the people around him. They did nothing but stare at him.

He was at the local McDonalds, completely forgetting that he was supposed to be at the local 'Know Your Smashers' studio.

"Here ya go!" the cheery cashier said as she handed him a tray. She adjusted her visor and looked at the bird, her wide-to-the-ears smile remaining on her face. She looked as if she'd been smiling like that for the past year. "That'll be thirty-seven eighty."

Falco dropped a couple of bills on the counter and peered at her nametag, which read 'Bob' in tiny white letters. "Thanks Bob," Falco said in a cheery voice to match "Bob's". "Bob" tried to frown but her face muscles wouldn't let her. Falco turned and marched to an empty table, when a large beep emitted from the pager on his belt, causing Falco to drop his tray, curse inwardly and yank the pager from his belt.

"'Meet at Smash Studio'," he read and narrowed his eyes, trying to remember why. Then he jumped and cursed again.

"SHIT!" he yelled and zoomed from the greasy fast food restaurant, ignoring the looks spectators were giving him.

At the 'Smash Studio'

The door to the studio suddenly burst open, letting in a huge wave of light. The cameraman dropped the camera and covered his eyes which his hands.

"THE LIGHT! IT BURNS!" he yelled dramatically, and unshielded his eyes once the door closed and Falco was sitting on the chair.

"Ahem… Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…" the announcer began, acting as though nothing had happened.

Camera shows Falco sitting neatly on the director's chair.

"Falco Lombardi…" the announcer continued. "He flies south for the winter…"

"No I don't actually. I mean, I did once, but that was just to see how it was, and I aint never doin' that again," Falco replied calmly.

"Er, Falco Lombardi…he wishes he were a cat…" the announcer continued awkwardly.

"Nope. Never have, never will," Falco told the announcer, shrugging.

"Sure you haven't…"

Falco shrugged. "Whatever you say."

"That's right little birdie. Whatever I say."

Falco shrugged.

"Falco Lombardi…he's secretly in love with Fox…" the announcer said smugly.

THAT made Falco mad.

"HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY SEXUALITY! I AM NOT GAY, I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL, I WILL NEVER BE A HOMOSEXUAL! YOU NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY PIG!" Falco yelled and stood up from the chair, and stalked off through the studio door, ignoring the "THE LIGHT! IT BURNS!" yells from the cameraman.

There were several minutes of silence.

"Now you know…Falco Lombardi, the homosexual wannabe cat…" the announcer finished, once again acting as though nothing happened.

•••

Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"

Camera shows Mewtwo hovering seven inches above the chair.

"Mewtwo…he's too stupid to understand what I'm saying right now…" the announcer started, jumping to the conclusion that Mewtwo was like all other Pokemon.

"And you're are too stupid to understand that I am not like other Pokemon."

The announcer was shocked by Mewtwo's reaction. 'Hmm…he's not as dumb as I thought he was. Time to get nasty…' the announcer thought.

"Mewtwo…he secretly does the 'cha cha' when nobody is around…"

"The announcer…he secretly does the tango when he's not making fun of simple-minded Smashers, unlike myself, because he has no life…"

The announcer didn't reply for several seconds. "That is not true you idiotic Pokemon."

But Mewtwo just sat there, oblivious to the fact that the announcer was trying to make fun of him.

"Mewtwo…he's married to a hobo…" the announcer tried.

"Poor, poor Andrew Billy Carter Dominique Edward Ferdinand Greg Hart Isaac Jordan Kyle Lionel Max Norbert Oliver Patrick Quinton Randy Steve Thomas Unger Victor Wyatt Xylophone Zion. This was the only job a man such as yourself could get, wasn't it. You would prefer to be selling women's clothing and perfume at Sears, don't you."

The announcer was shocked that Mewtwo knew his real name. He tried to remain sane (Whoot! I made a rhyme!). "Who is Andrew Billy Carter Dominique Edward Ferdinand Greg Hart Isaac Jordan Kyle Lionel Max Norbert Oliver Patrick Quinton Randy Steve Thomas Unger Victor Wyatt Xylophone Zion? That name is not familiar to me," he started.

"Do not lie to me Andrew Billy Carter Dominique Edward Ferdinand Greg Hart Isaac Jordan Kyle Lionel Max Norbert Oliver Patrick Quinton Randy Steve Thomas Unger Victor Wyatt Xylophone Zion. We both know that this man is you."

The announcer chose to ignore this. "Mewtwo…he's really a banana."

"Don't try to ignore the fact that you are Andrew Billy Carter Dominique Edward Ferdinand Greg Hart Isaac Jordan Kyle Lionel Max Norbert Oliver Patrick Quinton Randy Steve Thomas Unger Victor Wyatt Xylophone Zion. You cannot lie to Mewtwo. As for the fruit, I am not a banana."

The announcer choked. "N-Now you know…Mewtwo, the Pokemon that has reawakened my conscience."

There was a few moments of silence, and Andrew Billy Carter Dominique Edward Ferdinand Greg Hart Isaac Jordan Kyle Lionel Max Norbert Oliver Patrick Quinton Randy Steve Thomas Unger Victor Wyatt Xylophone Zion burst out laughing.

"Man, I can't even hold that up for two seconds!" he said, still laughing. But not too long afterwards, Andrew Billy Carter Dominique Edward Ferdinand Greg Hart Isaac Jordan Kyle Lionel Max Norbert Oliver Patrick Quinton Randy Steve Thomas Unger Victor Wyatt Xylophone Zion began bawling. Mewtwo smirked and hovered out of the studio, ignoring the "THE LIGHT! IT BURNS!" yells from the cameraman.

•••

The announcer choked and then announced, "Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"

Camera shows Mr. Game and Watch sitting on a chair.

"Mr. Game and Watch…" the announcer began, trying to remain strong, "when he's alone, he dresses up in old woman's clothing from the nineteen thirties…"

Mr. Game and Watch let out a long ominous beep, and shook his 2D fist in the air.

"Mr. Game and Watch…he wishes that his skin was made of jell-o…" the announcer announced.

There was silence.

Then there was whispering and the announcer cleared his throat.

"Mr. Game and Watch doesn't have any skin!" Roy yelled from nowhere in particular.

"I knew that you stupid redhead!" the announcer barked. "I was just testing."

"Sure you were…" Roy said, smirking.

"Mr. Game and Watch…" the announcer continued, completely ignoring Roy. "He likes to do the disco."

And, all of a sudden, there was a flash of light and the floor Mr. Game and Watch and the cameraman were standing on became a dance floor, and the two were standing there wearing large black afros, shiny white bellbottom pants, flared-sleeved shiny turquoise shirts buttoned to only the chest, and high white platform shoes.

Around Mr. Game and Watch were women and men wearing similar outfits, and large disco ball suspended from the ceiling, shining spotlights on the crowd. (If you've ever seen that episode of Family Guy where there's that little flashback or whatever and you see Peter, Lois, Quagmire, Cleveland and everyone else doing the disco, this is a similar scene.)

"Disco!" everyone chanted as they danced around the disco ball and the spotlights, as seventies' disco music played in the background.

"Oh Lord," the announcer murmured.

There was another flash of light, and the two were back in regular clothes.

Mr. Game and Watch let out a long ominous beep, hopped off the black directors' chair, and flew out of the building, his 2D fist stuck out in front of him as if he were a superhero.

"Now you know, Mr. Game and Watch…" the announcer concluded.

There was another flash of light and the seventies' disco crowd was back, this time dancing around the cameraman, who stood in the centre of the crowd, completely confused.

•••

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…" the announcer chanted monotonously.

Camera shows Captain Falcon sitting on a chair.

"Captain Falcon…" the announcer stared. "He—"

"Excuse me," Captain Falcon interrupted. "Where's my money? I only came to this thing 'cause someone said I was gonna be paid."

There were snickers coming from the back after he said this. Falcon whirled around and glared at the laughing Roy.

"OH 3M G33! 1 LYK C4N7 B3L31V3 U F3L 4 747!11111" Roy said laughing.

There was a blank pause as the cameraman and Falcon exchanged odd looks.

"What?"

Roy's Translator: He said "OMG! I like can't believe you fell for that, exclamation times six, one, one, one, one, one. "

"Oh."

"Ahem."

"Oh, sorry."

"Captain Falcon…he wears frilly pink dresses in his spare time…" the announcer continued.

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"NO!"

"Yes."

"NO!"

"Yes."

"LYK N00000 W411111!11111"

There was another silent pause.

Falcon's Translator: -sigh- he said, like no way, exclamation times ten, one, one, one, one, one.

"Oh, right. Captain Falcon…" the announcer said. "He got plastic surgery."

There was a cough from Captain Falcon.

"Oh my God, you did?" the announcer asked, shocked. "I was just making that up! Wow, what are the odds? One of my burns is actually real!"

Captain Falcon stood up and stomped out of the studio, muttering about Michael Jackson under his breath.

"Righti-o…" the announcer concluded. "Now you know, Captain Falcon. The Pink Dressed Plastic Nose Wearer…"

There was a moment of awkward silence, followed by a random cough from the cameraman.

•••

"Knowyourstarsknowyourstarsknowyourstarsknowyourstars…" the announcer said hurriedly.

"What?" came several loud voices.

"Never mind."

Camera shows Fox sitting in a chair.

"Fox McCloud…" The announcer continued, "he made out with a hotdog…"

Fox gasped, outraged. "Like no censored way! I so did not censored do that! Stop telling censored lies!"

"Ah, the wonders of cable television. Censoring. Ha, what will they come up with next?" The announcer muttered under his breath. "Anywayssssss, Fox McCloud…he chews on Kleenex for a bedtime snack…"

Fox cleared his throat. "Actually, that is completely false. I like to chew on gummy worms for a bedtime snack, but not Kleenex. Have you ever tasted Kleenex? It tastes like cardboard."

"And how would you know how cardboard tastes? Not to mention Kleenex."

"I have sources."

"Yeah, just like my mother is Bigfoot…"

"…"

"Uh, that was a joke…"

"Oh."

"Yeah…"

"…"

"Fox McCloud…" the announcer said, "he has a shrine dedicated to Samus in his closet."

Fox gasped. "Don't you dare mix me up with Falcon! That perverted bastard has a shrine dedicated to Samus, Peach AND Zelda."

Falcon popped onto the screen. "Don't believe him! I may have perverted thoughts about them, and I may dream of foursomes but I do NOT have shrines dedicated to them!"

Three gigantic wooden hammers appeared out of nowhere. The first one had ZELDA written on the top in bold, CAPITALIZEDand underlined script. The second one had PEACH written on the top in bold, CAPITALIZEDand italicized script. And the third one had U PURVURTD N00B!1111 written on it in bold, italicized, CAPITALIZED and underlined script. Then, with a loud bang, they banged Falcon on the head all at once.

"Ahem…now you know, Fox, the Obsessed Kleenex Chewer…" the announcer concluded.

"Nuh uh! Oh no you didn't!" Fox called in his most flamboyant, stereotypical gay man voice. "That is like so not true! Stop making up lies!"

"Yeah, sure buddy. Well, you like, gotta go now…" the announcer said before the screen faded.

More television wonders, hey?

•••

Kirby was sitting at home, watching that really funky Pepsi commercial with Jimmy Fallon and the really funky techno music (Newton – Streamline, download it now. Such a FUNKY song) when suddenly he was whisked away by a shining, golden warp star.

THE WARP STAR OF LOVE!

It whisked him into the Smashers Studio and dropped him ungracefully onto the black directors chair. Clearly upset, Kirby flipped himself upright and glared into the camera in front of him.

(-insert Kirby taunt here-)

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…" the announcer said sounding terribly bored. Oh dear.

Kirby taunted again.

"Kirby…he's a fat pink puffball…" the announcer began.

There was complete and utter silence.

"WAY TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS!" Roy shouted from nowhere in particular. He was then banged on the head by an oversized wooden hammer.

"Er…Kirby, he works at the too-happy-go-lucky-it's-a-small-world-castle in Disneyland…as an African robot…(I went to Disneyland for spring break and that castle is freakin' scary…)" the announcer said.

Suddenly a herd of it's-a-small-world robots came chanting into the room, all holding hands and singing the song. Roy jumped out from nowhere in particular and began singing with them. They sang for thirteen million bajillion hours until an UNDERPAID ACTOR IN AN OVERSIZED MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME came in and plucked them out of the room one by one…

Once again, the announcer showed no clue that he had noticed.

"Kirby…" he began again. "He wants to marry Peach."

"NUH UH!" Kirby shouted angrily, momentarily forgetting his cutesy act. "That bimbo is so stupid, it's a wonder that Mario even saves her! Forget that, it's a wonder that Bowser even kidnaps her! How can he stand her whining and annoying-ness?"

"MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!" Roy shouted from nowhere in particular. Unfortunately, it's-a-small-world music also came from nowhere in particular. The UNDERPAID ACTOR IN AN OVERSIZED MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME plucked Roy into oblivion from nowhere in particular.

Confused, Kirby regained his cutesy act, gave one last

(-insert Kirby taunt here-)

to the camera and left the room.

"Uh huh…and now you know Kirby, the Pink African Happy-Go-Lucky Robot Peach Lover…" the announcer concluded…

But unfortunately, just as he did so, the entire horde of Smashers zoomed into the studio with their

WARP STARS OF LOVE!

and filled every nook and corner of the oversized room.

"THAT GUY IS A BIG FAT LIAR!" Samus shouted.