The Bad Beginning Uncut

Disclaimer- I do not own this

I worked hard on this so please do review, if i get enough reviews i will write chapter 2 quicker and better, also if something is wrong tell me so i can fix it

1

If you wish to read a story that makes you cry or laugh (depending on weather or not you think a cracked up baby, an evil inventor, and a psycho bookworm is funny or sad) then keep reading because that is the only thing you will find in this story. I'm happy.. I mean sad to say that it starts in the very next paragraph.

Violet was the first Baudaliare to be born and from the second she was born was evil. Only when she was two did she figure out that she could manipulate her evil to build things… and then kill people with her inventions.

Violet picked up the rock that she found on the beach(they were at the beach without their parents) and tried to skip it in the water. She watched it fall in the water with a "plop" not skipping the water once.

"Son of a bitch", she murmured under her breath. Violet was the oldest of her two other siblings so she was allowed to curse.

The middle siblings name was Klaus. Klaus had many difficulties (such as being a loser and a lowlife geek) so by the time he was two he was completely psycho as well as addicted to books (on account of him being a nerd).

Klaus looked at the crab in the water and picked it up. Because he was psycho he pulled its claws off. It obviously died a painful and horrible death because otherwise Klaus wouldn't have laughed as he did now.

"Hahahahahahahahah", he laughed. At this his baby sister looked up.

"Poope", Sunny said which probably meant "Where's the crack I NEED CRACK". Sunny, sadly, was addicted to crack. Sunny was addicted to crack because there was something wrong with her other two siblings so it would only be fair if there was something wrong with her too.

Just then a figure appeared in the fog but the children couldn't tell who it was because they couldn't see them stupid.

Violet picked up a rock and threw it at the figure.

"You bastard!!", the someone screamed. The person emerged out of the fog and they could see it was Mr. Poe. "What the fuck, I mean why did you do that?'

"Sorry I thought you were the boogieman," Violet said. She looked at Mr. Poe waiting for what he was going to tell them (even though she already knew what it was).

"Your parents died in a terrible fire that seemed to be caused by some sort of bomb, very unfortunate," Mr. Poe said.

"Yes," Violet whispered evilly, "the invention was a success with the added bonus of mom and dad being blown to tiny pieces, too."

"What was that you said Violet," Mr. Poe said in between twenty-three coughs.

"Nothing," Violet replied.

"Ok, because your parents are dead and because I am in charge of what happens to you, you with spend the next few days with me and myself and my wife and my two animals, I mean children."

"Whatever," Klaus said manically.

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