Lord of the Rings: Middle Earth High

Summary: Merry and Pippin troublemakers, Aragorn and Arwen going to the prom, Legolas, Faramir and Éowyn in drama club, Boromir and Éomer football players, and Gandalf a science teacher? It's Middle Earth High, of course!

Disclaimer: All I'm doing is borrowing the characters, playing with them a bit, and then putting them back. Maybe…

Chapter 17- Fool of a Took!

The victory had been well celebrated with a party the night after the victory. Said party involved much dancing, music, drunken hobbits, and several pizzas ordered to Imladris. The festivities, sadly, ended with students jumping out the window at sight of a parental figure. Pippin and Merry, totally drunk, were more falling out the window, when Elrond pulled up in his Ferrari, returning from his karaoke night with Thranduil.

However, the author digresses.

It was 5th period, and English class with Denethor. As usual, he was busy lecturing and all the students were busy doing whatever activities kept them occupied during that class.

Suddenly, Merry got an idea. He scrawled a short note on a piece of paper and folded an airplane from it. "To Pippin," he wrote on one of the wings and sent it off to Pippin's desk.

Pippin quickly unfolded the note to reveal the message: "Hey Pip—wanna see who can make Denethor die first?"

Pippin immediately wrote a response. "Loser does part of winner's Elvish report?"

"Fair is fair," replied Merry.

"Then BRING IT ON!" challenged Pippin.

He raised his hand. "Excuse me! Excuse me! I was wondering," he said, standing up. "If x equals six and x is the square root of y, and y plus x times two equals z, then what is the value of z?"

"What? This isn't math class!" Denethor exclaimed.

"If x is six, and the z is y plus x times two, and- oh, I'm lost!" Sam said sadly.

"Where's Pippin and what have you done with him?" Faramir joked, as everyone just stared and wondered how Pippin could have asked such a complicated question.

"Never mind! Pippin, take your seat! I will have no more of such interruptions," Denethor said and he continued his lecture.

Merry raised his hand. "Denethor, sir?" he asked. "Can I go to the bathroom?"

"No," Denethor replied flatly.

"But I really gotta go," Merry said.

"How do I know that you're not going to just skip class or smuggle drugs onto campus or something?" he asked. Under his breath Denethor muttered, "I wish I could retire…"

"Skip class? I only do that on Tuesd- I mean… please?"

"No."

"PLEASE?" Merry looked up at his teacher with puppy-dog eyes. "PleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasePLEASE?

"ALRIGHT, FINE!" Denethor surrendered as Merry ran out of the room and slammed the door, with just enough time in the middle to cast a smirk in Pippin's direction.

A while later, Merry was still gone, and Pippin was still trying to win the so-called contest. He was fishing around in his pockets, looking for something remotely interesting to use, when he conveniently pulled out stick of bubble gum. Getting yet another idea, he popped the gum into his mouth, and started chewing. No, not chewing, popping.

A battle began between teacher and student, each trying to speak or chew louder than the other.

"AND THE PAST TENSE OF THE WORD WOULD BE-" Denethor was screaming when Pippin burst a particularly large bubble of gum with a loud POP.

Suddenly, Merry burst into the room and slammed the door. "What'd I miss?" he said coolly as he strode into the room, taking the long way to his seat.

And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. "That's it! I'm tired these interruptions and this nonsense!" Denethor yelled.

"What interruptions? We've all been sitting here doing nothing for the past hour!" Pippin exclaimed.

"PIPPIN!" every student yelled, because Pippin had just revealed that they never listened to Denethor's lectures.

"You were what? I knew you never listened!" Denethor exclaimed. "And it shows from your dismal test scores," he muttered. "You kids need some disciplining! Pippin, go press that black button on the wall there! I'm calling Gandalf!" Pippin, upon hearing the command, got up, went to the wall and pressed…

The red fire drill button. Immediately, the fire alarm went of, a loud RING resounding throughout the school, most unfortunately for Aragorn, who sat right by the bell.

Pippin smirked. "I win," he bluntly stated.

"Abandon your posts! Run, run for your lives!" Denethor shouted.

"What?" the students replied in unison.

"It's a fire drill, go out to the field!" Éowyn said, giving out the clearer directions. Upon hearing this everyone ran to the door, trying to get out of the classroom. They burst through the door, and then, proceeded onto the front door, from which they rushed out onto the field. But, it being mid-December, the students, cold and jacketless, immediately wished they were back inside the heated school building.

"Back inside, back inside!" Aragorn instructed, turning on his heel. Led by Aragorn, the crowd of students sped back towards the door. Once there, Aragorn immediately tried to open the door to find that… it was locked. Unfortunately, there were about 15 other students rushing at him, instantly pushing him smack into the door.

"It's LOCKED!" Pippin screamed in panic.

"NO DUH!" Merry screamed back, equally loud.

"YOU two!" Arwen yelled, pointing at the two hobbits.

"This is ALL your fault!" Aragorn added shamefully.

"US!" Merry and Pippin cried. "It was HER that told everyone to go outside!"

"Say WHAT!" Éowyn exclaimed. "How can you blame this on ME!"

Suddenly, the students forgot all about the bitter weather and focused more on whose fault it was that they were in it. Everyone erupted and started shouting. The yells, blames, and insults flew back and forth like food in the cafeteria many weeks before, and the fire bell still ringing only added to the din. Finally, Faramir came to his senses and yelled "QUIET!" Everyone shut up very quickly and looked up expectantly at him.

"Now," he began calmly, "we're getting nowhere yelling at each other. No matter how loud we are, the cold will not go away."

"Um, we're not in first grade, Faramir," Aragorn retorted.

"Alright, then, what do you propose we do?" Faramir asked him.

Aragorn thought for a moment. "You know…" he finally said to everyone, "we could just, y'know, go home," he suggested.

"You know," Haldir said, "that is not such a bad idea."

"I mean, if they're going to just leave us here…" Frodo began.

"Then why not just leave?" Legolas finished. Everyone enthusiastically nodded and there came a chorus of "yeah" and "let's go!"

Just as everyone was about to start off, the Witch King spoke up. "But what if we get… caught?" he asked meekly. Suddenly trying to save face, he followed his statement up by coolly saying, "And, y'know, all our stuff's still inside."

"Who cares!" Elladan said nonchalantly over his shoulder. Everyone agreed, and started off a second time, when suddenly the fire alarm stopped and Gandalf angrily burst through the doors.

"FOOL OF A TOOK!" Gandalf shouted at Pippin. He picked up the hobbit up by his shirt, bringing him to eye level. "Do you know what you've just done?"

"Well…" Pippin started, looking for a clever way out. He squirmed around in his shirt, obviously uncomfortable at being suspended in midair. Gandalf didn't seem to notice. "You see, Gandalf… SIR!… Denethor's class… it's really boring… and…"

"I don't care if he beats you with a stick in that class! You pulled the fire alarm, and that is bad," Gandalf finished.

"Oh," Pippin replied, not really listening but still struggling in Gandalf's grasp. He was suddenly dropped, but the wizard still menacingly glared at him. These were the times when Pippin wished he was taller.

Gandalf continued. "We've been trying to get the fire alarm off for ten minutes, and it could take ALL DAY to get the bell system back into working order!" This last point was emphasized by a particularly loud blast from the outside speakers. "And meanwhile," he gestured to all the students, "have been planning to, to… skip school!" He sighed and looked to Merry and Pippin, who were now cowering in fright behind Boromir. "You two," he said to them, "will be staying here until the bell system is fixed…or longer. The rest of you," he said to the other students, "can go. School is dismissed."

Each student emitted a small "yes!" under their breath as they all watched Gandalf, Merry, and Pippin trudge back into the school. As soon as the door clicked closed behind the three, they all whole-heartedly yelled "YES!" and laughed and chattered, with a whole day of nothing to do. As the crowd took off, only the Witch King looked back at the school reluctantly, then he proceeded to follow the group out of the parking lot.

A/N: Yesterday was this story's 1 year anniversary! (Wipes away tear) I'd like to thank everyone who's put in something to this story, a review, a suggestion… You've been great! (Wipes another tear) I'd especially like to thank my bff Ylime, whose provided support and encouraging words (Ex. "If you don't continue, your ass is mine!") Thanks Ylime! Ok, now that my Oscar speech is over, I have a lot of credits to give. Denethor wishing to retire was suggested to me be the7bells. When the fire bell goes off, Denethor shouting "Abandon your posts! Run, run for your lives!" was submitted by Lady-Eliwen. And my friend Lady Varda owns the upcoming phrase "purple gerbils."

And, of course, thanks to:

Countess Jackman, Thrae Elddim, Norma Jean…, One Feather, Faerlas, empath89, kingmaker, Amalita, LATMC, Hypolitian Warrior, catwraith, Primavera Took, daydreambeelievr, InterLinea, Rana Ninque, NicNac-Farwyn, Alex Hemming, Legolas fan, Evenstar and Elessar, tiz02uk, ElvenRyder, person, mz-turner, and Fiona McKinnon.

And now, time for a special segment: MATH WITH BILBO! And you'd better thank me for doing that math, as it's my least favorite of all subjects!

Bilbo: Good morning, students. Now today we are going to be learning about algebra!

Students: (All groan)

Bilbo: Now, Pippin, repeat your question.

Pippin: What question?

Bilbo: What do you mean "what question?"

Pippin: Oh, that question. If x equals six and x is the square root of y, and y plus x times two equals z, then what is the value of z?

Bilbo: Alright. Now, the first variable is x, which we know equals six. Now, our ultimate goal is to figure out the value of z. But to get to that, first we must find the value of y, because, y plus x times two equals three…

Aragorn: (whispers to Faramir) I swing a sword, I shoot arrows, I ride horses. But I do NOT do algebra. (Lays head on desk to sleep)

Bilbo: …so basically your work should look like this:

(On the board:)

x6

z?

yx2

y+x(2)z

y62

(62+6)(2)z

(36+6)(2)z

42(2)z

Bilbo: And so, Aragorn, can you tell me what the value of z is?

Aragorn: (startled out of a daydream) WHAT? PURPLE GERBILS!

Bilbo: (sighs) Aragorn, I should've known not to call on you. Anyone else know the answer? Éowyn?

Éowyn: No.

Bilbo: Boromir? Faramir?

Both: Don't look at us!

Bilbo: Anyone?

All Students: NOPE!

Witch King: (very annoyed) GOSH! HOW STUPID ARE YOU PEOPLE! THE ANSWER'S 84! 84! 8 tens, 4 ones! E-I-G-H-T-Y F-O-U-R! 84! AAAAH! (storms out of room)

Haldir: Well, some geek woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Witch King: (from outside) I HEARD THAT! (mutters) stupid, air headed freaks…