Title: Honey and Vinegar

Author: Saadia Mirage

Pairing: Wolfram x Yuuri, sorta Konrad Yuuri

Genre: Romance, humor, character interaction

Chapter Three: The Way to a Man's Heart

---

Yuuri sat at his desk, pen in hand, but unmoving. There was a stack of papers in front of him waiting to be signed, but his mind was wandering. He was staring vaguely out the window at the castle turrets on the other side of the courtyard. He could hear the drills going on below his window, perhaps lead by Konrad, but he could not see them. The sun was shining and the sky was blue. A perfect day for baseball.

He sighed.

There was a knock at the door, and Gunter entered looking puzzled.

"Your majesty?"

"Hmm? Oh. Hey Gunter... Another proposal come in?"

"Oh, no... Not yet." He said, closing the door behind him. He stared at the doorknob thoughtfully.

"Is something bothering you, Gunter?"

"Oh, I am fine Heika! Thank you for your concern!" He said, turning around and beaming at the boy. "I was just a little curious... Do you know what Wolfram and The Great Sage are up to?"

Yuuri blinked. "Wolfram and Murata? I haven't seen either of them since breakfast."

"I saw both of them carrying stacks of books from the library." Gunter mumbled thoughtfully, hand at his chin. "When I asked what they were studying, Wolfram nearly bit my head off."

Wolfram biting people's heads off for no reason wasn't particularly out of the ordinary, but studying with Murata Ken? Yuuri hadn't thought the two of them even really got a long that well. Perhaps he was mistaken.

"I have no idea, Gunter." He said, shrugging. "Though I bet we'll find out soon enough."

Gunter gave the door one last concerned look, before switching into schoolteacher mode. "Speaking of studying, I thought today we could go over the main imports and exports of the kingdom and the surrounding areas."

"Sounds fascinating." Yuuri said lamely.

"Oh, indeed it is!" Gunter said happily, completely missing the sarcasm. As he went to the wall to pull down the correct maps, Yuuri gave the clear blue sky outside another wistful look.

---

"First lesson." Murata Ken said, standing in front of the board, chalk in hand.

Usually this room was used for battle or trade route planning, but today it was "Human Courting 101" with Professor Murata.

Wolfram sat sulkily at the table, books and paper and quill spread out in front of him. He reluctantly dipped the quill into the inkpot and made ready to take notes.

"First some guidelines." Murata begain, "Courtesy is always a good idea. In the old days, back on Earth, there was a concept called Chivalry. This was an idea that women are fragile creatures that men must protect and adore, but never sully. Of course, times have changed and many find this sort of attitude a bit condescending. But many also find it considerate when men do polite things for them – such as opening doors and letting them pass though first, or sliding out their chair when they are to be seated. These things are still considered romantic."

Wolfram began to write slowly. "Opening doors... Pulling out chairs..."

"Humans also have what is called "dating" where one person approaches another and asks if they would like to accompany them on an outing. This outing is called a "date" - because it is planned before hand for a specific time. The couple will meet, often with one person coming to pick up the other at their place of residence. Then they will share dinner or some other activity, enjoy each other's company, then part. Another important part of a date is the end. When one person drops off another, it is customary after the couple is comfortable with each other, to give one and other a 'goodnight kiss.' And, if both parties are willing, the date may even end in the bedroom!"

Wolfram was scribbling furiously, now. "Date... Kiss... Bedroom..."

Murata grinned. He really was rather enjoying himsed. He turned and began to write on the board, chalk squeaking. "There is a Earth Human saying that goes – fill in the blank now – 'The way to a man's heart is through his...' What?"

Wolfram looked clueless. "Through his sternum?" He supplied.

"No, no... We're speaking metaphorically here. Though, it is a part of the body."

"Through... His nose?" Wolfram tried again, trying to think out of the box.

"Nope, wrong again!"

"I certainly hope you're not suggesting something perverse!" Wolfram said, sitting back and crossing his arms. Not that he would personally be adverse to something a little risque... But it seemed a bit early in the lessons to resort to that sort of thing. Plus, the nightgown didn't seem to work on Yuuri, anyway.

Murata laughed. "No, not that! The answer is: his stomach!"

"His stomach??" Wolfram repeated, confused.

"Yes. It means that feeding a man is a way to get into his good graces. You get it?"

"You're saying I should try and seduce him with... Food?"

"Exactly! Earth Humans value a good meal above many things. If you can feed a man, he'll stick with you through and through."

"Are you sure about this? Food? It doesn't seem very romantic to me."

"Oh, on the contrary. On Earth, there is actually an entire holiday devoted to lovers exchanging sweet foods. It's called St. Valentine's Day. In Japan, where His Majesty is from, it is customary for hopeful girls to give the object of their affection handmade chocolate. There is nothing more romantic and delicious than receiving food made with a young girl's love!"

Wolfram looked thoughtful. He wrote a few lines quickly on his paper. He looked up. "What about the guys?"

"One month later on White Day a man is supposed to return the gift. White Day is exclusive to Japan, however. In the Western World, men and women both exchange gifts on Valentine's Day. It doesn't always have to be food, but it's part of the custom. Chocolate especially. There is also the common gift of flowers or jewlery – though that something that Mazoku custom shares."

Wolfram nodded. "Food, huh...?"

---

Sometime later he found himself in the kitchens, feeling a bit overwhelmed.

"Whatcha doin?"

Wolfram started, looking across the kitchen table to where the curly-haired head of his adopted daughter peeked over the opposite edge, her eyes wide and curious.

"Ah, Greta... You startled me." He said, smiling in relief it was her and not anyone else. He reached for her. "Come here and I'll show you."

She smiled and bounced over to him, crawling into his lap. She looked down at the book laid out in front of him, and the several utensils laid on the table.

"You're... going to cook?" She asked, skeptically.

"Indeed."

"You are?" She asked, incredulous now.

He frowned at little. He had been hoping for a bit more enthusiasm about the idea. "Why not?"

"Have you ever cooked before?" She asked boldly.

He felt slightly deflated. "Well, no. But this book has some pretty thorough instructions. People cook all the time. It can't be that difficult."

"Can I help?" She asked.

He smiled down at her. "Of course you may."

"What are we cooking?"

"I haven't decided yet. Perhaps you can help me with that first..."

"Sure! You should make a cake!" She offered readily.

He scratched his head and flipped through the book to the table of contents. There were quite a few types listed. "Cake, huh... What sort of cake?"

"Chocolate of course!"

"Is that what Yuuri likes, you think?"

"Who doesn't like chocolate?" She asked.

"Well... That's true. It's just that I wanted to make him something special. But I'm a bit stumped."

Murata had mentioned that chocolate was part of the Earth Human custom, but he was still a bit hesitant. Did Yuuri even like sweet foods? He had to admit he had never really noticed his eating habits...

"Why are you cooking for Yuuri, anyway?" Greta asked curiously, "Don't Doria and Lasagna and Sangria usually do that?"

"Ah... Well. Apparently there is an Earth human saying..." He started, feeling a little silly. But this was just Greta. He didn't need to feel embarrassed if it was her. "Something like... 'the way to make a man love you is to put food in his stomach'..."

"Oh! I see." She said, nodding sagely. "You're trying to seduce him."

He started. "Where in the world did you pick up the word 'seduce'?!" He sputtered.

"Huh? Oh... I think it was Ms. Cheri."

"Mother. I should have known." Wolfram sighed. "I think I might have to have a chat with her."

"It means you want to get him to kiss you, right?" Greta said, grinning.

Wolfram hesitated. "I guess you could say that, yes."

"Wow! This is a great plan! I would kiss anybody if they gave me a cake!" She said cheerfully.

Wolfram made a mental note for future reference to never allow her to date any men in the culinary field.

"Well, let's get started then, shall we?"

"Yeah!"

He turned to the page indicated in the listing. He read over the ingredients carefully, and felt himself break into a sweat.

"Uhm... What's shortening?" He asked. "And a... a 'Tsp'?"

"You know, maybe I should get Doria to help us." Greta mumbled.

"Good idea."

---

TBC...

Next chapter: Trial and Error