Here's Your Letter
A JtHM Songfiction
By Hikariness and Kawaii-cha
Disclaimer– Well, this is for all the stupid-ass morons who are really convinced I own JtHM. But if everyone would like to think that I do... well that's okay too 3.
Song is copyrighted by the band Blink 182, but do I really care? No, 'cause I'm using it anyways. So everybody go to hell.
This will be a one shot songfic. Do not request for more chapters, as I will have to rip your arms off and hang them on meathooks. I like eggs. Thank you. Yes, I know my head is on fire.
italics - song lyrics
bold - put emphasis on the word
/in dividers/ - Johnny's thoughts
in asterisks - Devi's thoughts
' in little air coma thingys and in italics' - any fictional creatures such as Reverend Meat, Shmee, etc.
Cut the skin to the bone
Fall asleep all alone
Hear your voice in the dark
He huddled, alone, in the absolute darkest corner of his rarely used bedroom, crying silent tears from eyes won cold and tired over time. Shuddering, he folded his body upon itself yet tighter, clutching his legs to his chest and rocking back and forth. His face was completely buried in his chest, his silvery tears soaking the front of his ragged Happy Noodle Boy t-shirt and blurring the ink. For the first time since he was born, Johnny C. was truly crying. Not just over a Cherry Doom Brainfreezy or some small, pointless tears that might have accidentally escaped. This was different. Way different.
Lose myself in your eyes
Choke my voice say goodnight
As the world falls apart
He could see her clearly in his sharp mind's eye - Devi D., the one that got away. Lately she was all he could think about. How she smelled, the way she looked, hell, he even remembered the way she used to laugh when he got a brain freeze from drinking his Brainfreezy too fast. Ironic, wasn't it? His body convulsed in silent, choking laughter. /I am so pitiful, crying like this,/ he thought tiredly, leaning his back against the wall and releasing his numb legs from his iron grip. God, was he sore now. But he did feel a bit better.
Fuck, I can't let this kill me– let go
I need some more time to fix this
He shook himself violently, attempting vainly to fling this unwanted emotion from his lithe body. / You are Johnny C., / he thought. / You have no room for emotion. Hell, you have no right to have any emotion. You should have absolutely no sensation of that calibur by now. You need to do something about this, Nny. Now... /
Johnny stood up slowly, taking his hardly used car keys from his pocket with no longer shaking hands. He knew what he had to do now. He had always known the answer, ever since he had met her. It was now or never.
He wiped the remnants of now-cold tears from his newly awakened eyes. It was time to finish this.
Here's a letter for you
But the words get confused
And the conversation dies
Devi focused on her painting again as another car door slammed. It was so damn noisy in this god-forsaken neighbor hood. Children crying, Tenna snoring, gang shoot-outs, women screaming about child abuse... but if she blocked them out there was always enough silence to paint.
The hours of the night were the best time to paint. Making this even better was the fact that Tenna was gone at her parents' house for the week. Her butt-ugly prick-ass older sister was getting married and her parents had absolutely insisted that Tenna (and of course Spooky) come. Devi smiled to herself, finally content. At last. She slipped into her dreamlike state again, not even fully aware of what she was painting anymore. If there really was a heaven, this was sure to be it... she was absolute on this fact.
Not even the clinking of two steel-toed boots scraping against the outermost wall of the flat could awaken her from this. And for that a certain homicidal maniac was very happy. He didn't want her to spot him, not yet. He needed to be inside her apartment. He wanted– no, needed her to do something for him. Or else.
When he was 6, one of his many foster families had bought him a South Park Cartman -Tested Actually Works! Breaking and Entering Kit, and he had been so proud. He had learned everything there was to know about breaking and entering during the 13 months he was with that lame-ass family. Then he found out that the brother and sister were committing incest and, with the parents not wanting anyone to find out, they kicked him out at the age of 7. He went and told the cops anyways.
He was quite glad for those skills right now– he was having a difficult time making his way up the flat, vertical plane that was the side of Devi's building. God, he wanted to strangle Tenna for having an apartment up this fucking high. Well, maybe that could be arranged, he laughed evilly.
Apologize for the past
Talk some shit– take it back
Are we cursed to this life?
Finally, panting with exertion, he reached his goal– Devi's windowsill. As he sat there, watching, it became apparent to him how strikingly beautiful she was. Her well- defined features, bright green eyes, her purple hair caught into two small pigtails on the back of her shapely head... what a godsend she was. Damn, how he loved her. And that smell, God, that smell. Her scent was like no other's– like a mix of acrylic paint, rain, and just something about her made her smell like the night. The sweet scent of midnight, the colors of the stars and the sky, the wind rustling though the trees... and it was all perfectly combined into the perfect scent of one Devi. His Devi. And he'd be damned if anybody else could have her.
She had left her window wide open. A good thing for the maniac, possibly a bad thing for her. He gently pried it open, knowing she wouldn't hear anyways, but he didn't want to break anything. He was on her turf now.
He carefully slid his skinny form in through the window space, able to see the full form of Devi now. And as he stood there, motionless, in her living room, he realized that if she didn't kill him now he would have to try killing himself again, turning himself into the police, or just begging on his knees to please be able to stay, just for a little while, with her. And that was the point when Johnny C. realized something that would become the turning point in his life– his life was nothing without Devi. And she was here now, with him again... he felt he could die happy. Which was what he was here to attempt to do.
Fuck I can't let this kill me– let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this–
She was painting him for what seemed like the 87,000,000th time since that fate-filled night over 7 months ago. The contours of his face were so familiar to her now– eyes rubbed dark by insomnia, silky hair colored raven, delicate yet jagged facial structure that seemed so close when she closed her eyes... but so far away when she opened them.
She painted in another familiar figure right next to him, and at first she wasn't sure who this person was, sitting on the hood of the T-Bird while he leaned off the front fender. She painted for a while in silence, trying to figure out who this person was. And she didn't figure out who it was until she painted in the last sliver of a silvery moon, bright tears sliding down her face.
"Such a beautiful night..." she whispered, half expecting someone to answer the words that had been spoken gently so long ago, the other half expecting to hear the deafening silence encroaching.
And someone answered. At long last, someone answered.
"Yeah... it is." a familiar figure said quietly, stepping out of the shadows with a soft, almost warm smile gently gracing his beautiful features, the ones she so vividly remembered from a tragedy so long ago.
"N-Nny?" she choked out, not believing the one she had so long wished for but so feared was here.
"Yeah, Devi... it's really me."
As Johnny took a step closer, Devi took a step backwards. "D-Don't come any closer. Please..."
I'm talking to the ceiling
My life just lost all meaning
Do one thing for me tonight
I'm dying in this silence
"Devi... why are you so afraid?" he asked her composedly, showing her his hands, turning around in a full circle and even taking off his shoes to show her– he meant no harm to her, he hid no weapons.
"It's not that easy to forget what you did, Nny! You tried to kill me! I hate you, you fucker! I've hated you for so long, damn it, I hate you, I hate you...."
Devi's voice trailed off and she sank to her knees. "I-I don't hate you..."
Johnny sank to his own knees in front of her and stared intently at her. "Devi... I need you to do me a favor..."
Devi looked up at him, her eyes swelling with tears. "What?"
Johnny pulled a razor blade out of his pocket and she jumped back. "Oh God no, you're going to kill me, oh Gods..."
The man smiled and stood up, walking towards her and gently restraining her as she tried to punch him. "No, Devi, I won't kill you.... I need you to kill me."
Devi stood there, shocked, her hand hanging limply in his light grip. " W-wha...?"
He let go and she slumped dazedly to the floor, her eyes loosely focused on him.
Johnny began to pace the room, starting his spiel.
"I've always wanted to be the one they found, the body hanging off the bridge, the corpse in the street; the maniac who jumped from a building. At one point, I thought I was going to be okay, I didn't want to die anymore, I felt no remorse for what I had done, no repent for my many sins. That was up until I met you, Devi."
She stared at him with those eyes he loved so much, her bright green eyes shining with disbelief, not speaking.
"When I met you, I began to feel again, I mean really feel. I felt... happiness, joy, and I began to feel remorse for everything that I had done. The pressure was weighting me down inside. So I had to get rid of you to become cold again, therefore I tried to kill you. Yes, I see how that could possibly be construed as a bad thing. But they were also pressuring me, Devi, the voices– the Doughboys, Reverend Meat... all of them. To kill you. But things didn't go as planned, obviously– you bashed my head in (causing severe hemmoraging, by the way), and escaped. The flaw was, even before you almost killed me, that I knew I could never really kill you. I was, and am, in love with you. And... I figured you'd never feel the same way anyways, and... and..."
The last star left in heaven
Is falling down to Earth and
Do you still feel the same way
Do you still feel the same way?
He sat down in front of her, tears spilling silently from his dark eyes, and tilted her chin up so her eyes were locked with his.
"Devi... do you love me?"
The tears spilled over onto Devi's cheeks as she nodded her answer silently.
He smiled gently. "I-If you really love me, Devi... then you have to let me die. I can't take this anymore, I can't live life, I can't take this emotion, I can't live with this remorse I need to d–"
He was cut off as their lips finally locked, ending what they had started so long ago and the finality of this, the moment of this final happiness was so overwhelming to Johnny that the tears overflowed and he sank into her, finally and truly happy.
Devi broke off the kiss, grinning radiantly through her tears.
"You know I could never kill you, Nny...."
He enveloped her in a hug. "I was kind of hoping you wouldn't anyways..." He kissed her again and the magic flowed through the two maniacally, twisting and seeking every crevace to fill, every wound to heal. For the first time in his life since the incident, Johnny C. was finally happy.
She couldn't believe this was Nny, the Nny who avoided all contact, the Nny who tried to kill her, the Nny who actually loved her, kissing her in the middle of her living room floor, with only a dimming fluorescent light for company. And she couldn't believe he was a homicidal maniac anymore, not after this– but she knew he could never stop being a flusher, not really. He would always kill, she would just have to accept that, but she knew in her heart she already had.
Fuck I can't let this kill me– let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
The light flickered out and the maniac and the artist were enveloped in the dark, Devi curled up against Johnny, with only a shaft of white hued moonlight for company.
"Devi," Johnny said, "thank you for everything..."
There was no reply. Devi had finally fallen asleep, curled against the man.
Johnny only smiled and pulled her closer, curling his arm around her waist and burying his head in her shoulder, and began to drift off to long-awaited sleep. He knew now, in the end it would all be okay.
I need some more time to fix this....
The pair fell asleep, meshed together on the wood floor, as they were always meant to be. Finally at peace.
Finally, the girl and boy sitting together in the picture could smile and gaze at the stars together, finally happy, as they had never found it before, but on the canvas of the night everything was perfect.
The light glinted softly off of the long forgotten razor blade laying at their heads, never to be used again but always in memory, for this night was the turning point for two lives.
While life may look perfect in the movies, it is rarely or never perfect on the real canvas of life, stretched out over so many long years. But the years of their youth were the ones they had to enjoy the most, and that was a lesson they both still had to learn. And while life would always, always be punishing and cruel to the two, Johnny and Devi, at every twist and turn, they could not help but look forwards to what was coming next. Together.
fini.
please review!!! this is my first Johnny fanfiction and I really want reviews!!!!! onegai? Be kind to the insomniac! (No, really, I am.) (Sweatdrop)