X-men: Evolution: "The Mightiest assemble!" An original fan fiction based on the Misfits Universe (Thanks for Red Witch for letting me use her universe, if you haven't checked her stuff…well, you wouldn't be reading this if you hadn't already!)

Legal Notice: I don't own X-men Evolution (if I did, it would be on the air right now), or GI-Joe, or "Avengers", and I don't own the Misfit's Universe series of fan fiction work either. Once again, thanks to Red Witch for allowing me to use her wonderful universe…this time to pay tribute to earth's (and comic's)mightiest heroes.

Chapter Five: "Group therapy means we all suffer as a team"

Somewhere inside Ultima Base…

"Okay you little nightmares that come along with the American dream soldier…we all wish we were on a less tense location, like the Balkans or Afghanistan right now, but this is part of trying to make this team at least PR friendly"-Agent Drew (First name Jessica, but since she was rather stuck up and tightly winded, no one called her that) said as she looked around the huge training room.

All the members from the "Avengers" project were sat in chairs in a circle like order, except for Captain America, who had somehow managed to get sent on a solo mission deep in the Middle East…Jessica suspected Cap had bribed Fury into sending him just to get away from the group therapy session, leaving her all alone.

It was also downing on Agent Drew that maybe making costume and codename use mandatory to the session may had been a rather bad idea.

"PR friendly? With Miss Psycho over there?"-Hawkeye said as he pointed his finger at Warbird…who was using a metal chair as a stress device, crushing it into a small ball of compacted metal.

"Shut it, you carnie reject, unless you want to become my new "stress relief" device!"-Warbird snapped back, as she threw the ball of metal towards Clint, who dodged it with a smooth movement of his head…the fact that the ball had buried itself deep into the metal wall behind him was completely ignored by everyone.

"Is there a hidden meaning to that sentence?"-Hawkeye smirked.

"You pig! Its all ego and libido inside that fat head of yours, isn't it?"-Wasp said in disgust.

"Not really, I mean, these two DO fight all the time like a married couple…"- Iron-Man added.

"Or an engaged couple…"-Ant Man coughed.

"Did you say something?"-Wasp glared at him.

"Nothing, I was just thinking out loud about what a lucky man I am to be engaged to such a fine and noble woman as you"-Ant Man lied in the worst way possible to man.

"Wow…even Tigra was able to figure out that lie!"-Tigra chuckled…she seemed to be the only one enjoying this.

"If my half brother Loki and I weren't in such bad terms, I would as him to give you lessons in the arts of deceiving and trickery, my friend! You could use such training to deal with your bride to be!"-Thor bellowed.

"Thor, I swear that if you use the phrase "bride to be" one more time, I WILL shrink to wasp size and deliver a bio sting to that small brain of yours from the inside of your thick head!"-Wasp threatened.

"SHUT IT ALREADY, YOU INMATURE FREAKS!"-Jessica exploded in one single shout that left everyone cold on their seats.

"Look, how about we make an honest, sincere attempt at taking this session seriously, for once? Is that too much to ask?...lets start with last week's assignment, "Compliment a random member of the team"…you all took a card with the name of a teammate, now I want each of you to compliment that person in an honest and mature way…Tigra, you first"-Jessica calmly said as she sat down and looked at the young cat-girl in hopes of a sane start for the session…the fact that Tigra was her only logical choice for such goal to be accomplished was depressing beyond words.

"Yay! I got Wasp…"Wasp, I think it's really cute how you keep standing by Ant-Man's side all the time, like a good life mate. Ant-Man is lucky to have such a strong and caring female at his side"-Tigra read out loud from a card.

It took a whole silent minute for everyone to realize Tigra actually wasn't kidding…

"Oh boy…she really does see the world in a pink light, does she?"-Warbird asked.

"With sugar, spice and everything nice on top, too!"-Hawkeye added.

"Tigra…I don't know if I'm going to cry or laugh…"-Wasp said, her face red with both embarrassment and the effort of containing several emotions…and possibly some hurling.

"I think I'll go for crying…"-Ant-Man whispered.

"I also wrote about how I think you two will have a lovely sling of kids when you get married and all that, and live in a big house with lots of wasps and ants for the kids to play with! I even drew a picture!"-Tigra chirped as she took out a huge sheet of paper were a crude series of drawings of toddler level artistic quality showcased a wedding, a picnic, watching TV and several other activities neither of the subjects pictured would do, even with small crudely drawn children.

"I think I'm going to be violently ill…."-Wasp said as her face became green and she hurried outside in a rush.

"Okay Tigra…that was quite nice of you to do, I think"-Jessica said, trying hard not to notice that Ant-man seemed to be even more miserable and depressed than usual.

"Wheee! Do I get a star?"-Tigra asked.

"She's going to get something alright…"-Warbird moaned.

"Silence! Okay, how about you, Warbird…Id like to believe you can actually say something nice about someone"-Jessica said.

"Sorry, but I got Hawkeye…anyone else I could had just lied, but carnie-boy here annoys me on an existential level"-Warbird said.

"What a coincidence, I got your name…and unlike some Hot Topic sell out, I actually came up with something!"-Hawkeye snapped back.

"Hawkeye…please tell me you have a compliment for her"-Jessica moaned as she buried her face between her hands.

"I do…ehem: Warbird, I always thought you were always in a bad mood and violent about everything…however, after seeing you on a PMS rampage like the one last week, I actually praise the heavens for your normal self being the way it is"-Hawkeye read from his card.

Jessica nearly passed out of sheer horror as she watched Warbird chasing Hawkeye around the room even with Thor, Iron-Man and Tigra trying to hold her down, with barely enough effect on the berserk girl to give Hawkeye an advantage.

"Agent Drew, is this a good moment to mention I got Wasp?...Agent Drew, are you crying?"-Ant-man asked.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Several minutes and much destructive bickering later…

"Well, that went as awfully wrong as I feared, so we'll skip everyone else and do the second part of the session"-Jessica sighed as she ignored the SHIELD agents carrying out the debris and broken equipment outside. The group was again sat in a circular fashion, except for two people who were sat in the middle space.

"Agent Drew…why is it that Thor and I are sat here…while TIED BACK TO BACK ON THESE FREAKING CHAIRS?"-Iron-Man yelled, as both he and Thor were tied with several chains and restraining equipment to said chairs.

"I agree! The god of Thunder did certainly not come to Midgard to be treated like a common cur!"-Thor yelled in anger, surprised at the resistance of the chains.

"Indeed, the god of Thunder came to earth to just get drunk and cause more property damage than a herd of frat boys!"-Jessica yelled.

"Oh dear…this is that "intervention" thing Jarvis has been threatening me with all this week?"-Iron-Man said in cold fear.

"Oh yes…although Fury, Cap and myself agreed after you two sneaked out and trashed every bar, pub and tavern in Dublin!"-Jessica exploded in rage.

"Hey! It was St Patrick's Day! It's the sole day of the year were you can be legally drunk as a fox!"-Iron-Man snapped back.

"It was St Patrick's Day alright…for five whole days! You inebriated monsters managed to get every man and woman in Dublin to keep celebrating for 120 hours straight! Especially when you had Stark cargo planes importing beer from every Guinness brewery in the world!

"True, that was q wise decision, my friend…"-Thor chuckled.

"And you are being a total bad influence on Thor!"-Jessica added, already aware that she was the only one participating in this.

"Come on! Thor comes from a place were all they do is battle all day, then feats and get their freaks on all night, all on an endless loop! I'm just trying to make my buddy feel like he's home!"-Iron-Man replied.

There was a moment of silence, as Iron-Man was the sole member of the team that believed on Thor's divine origins, since the rest of the group wasn't going to admit that the gods were worse than mankind as a whole.

"Look, Tony…its just that you two cant control yourselves…I trust none of you has seen yourselves while drunk out of your gouts?"-Jessica smiled evilly as she pressed a button on a remote, and a screen materialized in thin air, running footage.

"Ohhhh, she's going to show them the clips from the weather channel's satellite!"-Warbird grinned.

"Tigra has popcorn for everyone!"-Tigra squealed as she passed around a huge bowl of popcorn around.

"I never get tired of this one…"-Hawkeye smirked.

"Uh-oh…I have a vague, fuzzy memory of this…"-Iron-man gulped, as the image showed a weatherman with an image of Ireland seen from outer space on the background.

"As you can see from our new and extremely expensive satellite's live feed, it looks like Ireland is having the best weather for St Patrick's day since…."-The man turned around and went pale as a strange shaped object grew larger and larger as it approached him, or better said, the satellite the video was been transmitted from…

"SWEET MERCIFUL BEEP!"-The weatherman screamed in horror as the object slammed into the camera, resulting in static.

"Let's use SHIELD's extremely high tech image enhancement technology to get a clear view of what destroyed a huge satellite worth its massive weight in thousand dollar bills, shall we?"-Jessica said as she pressed a series of buttons…the image blurred and played back, eventually setting in a rather peculiar shape…and even more familiar words above said shape…still readable while on fire.

"Admiral Nelson's Fish & Chips! They are out of this earth!"-Wasp read the words…

"Please tell me it doesn't say that, because Id hate to live in a world were such things are true…"-Ant-man moaned.

"Me too, but its true…these two drunken idiots not only stole a thankfully deserted traditional restaurant from London and brought it to Dublin to set it on fire, but they also decided to throw it into space! Are you aware of what you two actually did?"-Jessica snapped.

"Yeah, yeah, bid deal, I'll but the Weather Channel right away and cover the whole thing up…"-Iron-Man tried to say.

"That won't be necessary, as not only did Psychic division already managed to erase the memories of every single witness…"-Jessica interrupted.

"Which I heard wasn't that hard, as everyone was so drunk, they would had forgotten on their own"-Warbird added.

"…while our broadcast control team has covered everything as a joke advertising campaign, while our England crew managed to create a perfect replica of the restaurant in a few hours time"-Jessica continued.

"To the delight of the owners, who last night were on the verge of bankruptcy, and found hordes of people outside the place this morning…they already opened six other restaurants all over the city just to keep with the demand"-Hawkeye interrupted.

"What do you have to say about all this?"-Jessica demanded.

"Uh…that the god of Thunder hates the offense to food that is this "fish & chips"?"-Thor asked.

"That picking on the English for having lousy food is wrong?"-Iron-Man asked.

"That this therapy session only further traumatized me?"-Wasp added.

"That Miss Drew owes Tigra a star?"-Tigra pitched in.

"That my life sucks?"-Ant-Man moaned

"That this could all may had been avoided if you just allowed us to have fun once in a while?"-Hawkeye interrupted.

"That you probably are wishing you hadn't started this session at all and wished you were dead?"-Warbird finished.

"I don't know what makes me more depressed and desperate…the fact that you are all right or that I agree with you on all of those!"-Jessica moaned as dropped to her knees...and realized someone was pulling at her uniform…and came face to face with Tigra.

"So can Tigra have her star now?"-Tigra asked

It was at this point that Agent Jessica Drew burst out in tears…

End of chapter five.

Next: Cobra finds out what U.L.T.R.O.N is…and faces the terrible consequences!