Chapter 1: A Slight Sense of Humor

I've never understood people like him.

I mean, we've all met the type before, right? The stick-straight, got his panties so much in a bunch he can barely walk, sort of guy. Stone faced and silent, not letting a bit of joy or happiness come into his misrable life, or so he would like us to think.

Why do I think differently, you ask?

Because I'm Rikku, and that's why.

And anyone who wears sunglasses like that on a daily basis has to have a sense of humor. I don't care if you're an Al Bhed, a maester of Yevon, or the Legendary Guardian, Sir Auron, yourself. Which he happens to be, by the way.

I snapped back to reality as my eyes followed his thick, has-to-be-a-million-degrees-in-there, red coat flapping in the breeze. Maybe that's why he wears one of his sleeves off of his arm, because he would fry like an egg on a black surface during a hot summer day without some bit of skin showing.

Uh oh, why is he stopping?

"Rikku, you need to focus. You haven't paid one bit of attention or have been any help in the past two hours," he turned, staring me down with his only eye that wasn't covered with a huge, almost scary looking scar. That scar just gives me the heebie jeebies. Once I start looking at it, I start thinking about how he got it, and then I have a huge storyline going in my head, and by the time my mind finally gets back to Spira, I've been staring at him for ten minutes.

My mind started spinning off into The Adventures of Auron and the Huge Scar before I even had the chance to catch myself. I shook my head wildly, trying to clear my mind, but when I looked back up and around at the rest of the group, I found that everyone was staring at me, again.

Maybe that whole focusing thing would be something to work on. I'll just put it on my to-do list under saving Yuna from herself and smacking Wakka in the head with his own blitzball.

"Uh... what did you say again?" I asked, hands behind my back, toes curling up in my boots. Maybe if play it like I'm totally innocent, he'll never notice I was staring at him again. Right? RIGHT?

"Hrmph. Exactly my point," he grunted as he turned away from me.

I watched as that man, the Almightly Legendary Guardian Sir Auron, Mr. Wonderful himself, walked away as if he had a stick up his pants holding him straight up and down. And my mind, and everything in me, including that wonderful "resolve" that Mr. Wonderful keeps talking about, snapped.

"Stupid, stupid, grrr....." I mumbled, stomping a bit as I started walking again. I was towards the back of the group of us, so I figured that no one would really mind me talking to myself. The only one really in hearing distance was Kimahri, and he doesn't talk much anyway, so it was all good.

Unfortunatly, my being in the very back of the group acting like a crazy person didn't stop my many worried admirers from slipping back to check on me. Okay, maybe not many. Alright, alright... Yuna, my dear cousin, was the only one to halt her steps a bit to move to the back of the group.

"Rikku," she smiled, watching me slam my toes into the dirt. "Are you okay?"

"Sure," I grumbled, kicking stones and dirt all over. "It's always great fun to be scolded by him."

She put her fingers up to her cheek and tilted her head to the side a bit, and I grinned, knowing she was thinking. My cousin has a few little body signals that she uses when her mind is on something, and that was one of them. "I don't think he was trying to scold you, Rikku. I just think he's concerned, like the rest of us."

"About?" I asked distractedly as I noticed a perfect sized pebble sitting innocently in the middle of the path. I paused for a minute and looked around for any obstructions in my way. Yuna was walking beside me, and the rest of the group were so far ahead of us I couldn't even hear them talking. Then again, they probably weren't talking other than the occasional pestering by Tidus to whoever would listen to him.

I stepped back a few steps, then took a bit of a fast start as I pulled a Super-Duper-Rikku-Karate kick on the little round rock. The rock soared into the air, and I admired my wonderous job.

That is, until I heard a thunk, and a deep yell from far ahead on the path.

"Shit," I breathed. Yuna let out a small snicker beside me, but quickly covered it up.

"RIKKU!" I heard as I saw the flash of a crimson coat stomping in my direction. I glanced wildly around me, searching for somewhere to hide. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I found somewhere. I looked at Yuna, mouthed "sorry", and dove behind a large bush on the side of the path.

Sticks poked my eyes, and leaves tickled my skin, but my hiding spot worked perfectly.

"Rikku, you're wearing bright orange. Do you think I can't see you?"

Alright, maybe not. But it was a nice try, wasn't it?

"Yes, that's true," I said, standing up and trying to stall for more time before dear little cutie wootie Aurie ate me for dinner. "BUT..." I added, an idea forming in my head.

His eye rolled behind his sunglasses. I could tell that he was completely exasperated, but I still needed to stall, considering I saw the start of a daintly little red lump on the side of his forehead.

I was a dead girl walking and I knew it. But I figured, why not enjoy my last few minutes of life?

"But, what?"

"My shorts are green, Auron. Therefore..."

I could hear a snort come from Yuna as she covered her head in her hands. The rest of the party had made their way back towards our little showdown, and I noticed them all standing near our summoner, silly grins on their faces.

Auron's mouth twitched, almost into a smile. But it only happened for a second, and before I knew it, it was gone. "Therefore..." he repeated, trying to get the rest of the sentence out of me.

I stalled, trying to figure out the rest of what I was going to say. "Therefore... therefore, you couldn't see... my..."

"Butt," Tidus called out.

My face must have turned seventeen different shades of red while the entire peanut gallery over there busted into laughter. "I was going to say eyes," I mumbled.

Auron gave me a disapproving stare, and I felt it all the way down to my toes. "Have you wasted enough of our time yet?" he asked pointedly.

My eyes shifted towards the ground, and I felt the onset of tears coming, but I held them back the best that I could. "Yes, sir," I mumbled.

"Good," he said sternly, as he spun away from me again. The rest of the party shrugged at each other, then turned on the path towards Guadosalam.

Yuna started off too, but then she stopped, and looked back at me. "Maybe, Rikku, if you just tried to be a little bit more agreeable with him, this pilgrimage will be a bit more peaceful."

Now, if anyone else would have said that to me, I would have had their head. But let's face it, I love my cousin to death. I would do anything to her. And if that means playing nice with Mr. Meanie Auron, then fine. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

"Done," I said, then I turned towards the front of the group and started walking. And there he was, just as stick-straight and panties into a bunch as usual. I started speed walking until I reached just in front of him, and then I glanced to the side.

Sure, call me nosy, but I just had to know.

And just as I thought, Mr. Meanie had himself both a huge lump on his head and a slight smile on his face.

I knew that man had a sense of humor...