AN: Written one night last year when I was reflecting on how horrible Vader's reconstruction must have been. This is not my normal style of poetry – I usually prefer very controlled meters like iambic tetrameter, so playing around with blank verse was new for me. And because obaona bugged me about it, I've been slowly turning this into a song. Enjoy!
Within a Room Somewhere
I am broken,
frag
ment
ed
pieces
slipping through my fingers
into an abyss,
a world without
reason and sanity-
falling,
dropping,
diving,
past sense
and honor
and right
and wrong-
where is my brain?
lying on the table,
harsh lights overhead-
the surgeon's blade approaches-
sharp-
quick, merciless reconstruction-
a jab
a cut
and something is gone
the world burns in my eyes
a holodrama in faded hues-
I see myself
and yet I don't
that can't be my body
scarred
shattered
battered
I was young
did he steal that too?
was he the one
who unraveled the seams
binding my mind and soul as one?
a pity, really
destroying his own handiwork
another stab
keener, deeper
they remove my morals slowly,
snipping loose wires and searching
for something
anything
to fill its place
perhaps lust?
no, too fickle-
never content with the present,
always looking for improvements-
but power - yes, power-
is solid enough
and hard enough
just one push and it's in
cemented
stuck
all gaps filled - except one
a tiny hole, really
it'll never do harm
unless-
unless-
oh Mama, it hurtsI can't handle the pain
stop them
please, Mama, make them leave
where have you gone?
I need you
I want you
close beside me
comforting, calming
please chase these monsters away
I don't understand why they're here
such agony
save me, protect me
oh, please-
the knife strikes again
probing for weakness - what more needs to go?
ah - compassion-
sympathy for others is
useless
a waste of energy
I feel a twinge, but only that
fast procedure-
drop it in the trash before I begin to miss
those feelings-
so sweet-
life was so much brighter
when others cared
perhaps, happier too
in those days-
false
all false
it can't be so
they hated me all along
jealousy
envy drove them to desperation
and they attacked me,
stole my gifts
yes, they tried to murder-
oh Mama, it hurts
I can't handle the pain
stop them
please, Mama, make them leave
where have you gone?
I need you
I want you
close beside me
comforting, calming
please chase these monsters away-
something new arrives
control, the label reads
it will fit
so load it in
cram it among soft tissue
hardwired to power's demands
but something else must go-
they poke
study
and find
justice
what garbage-
victims die, murderers go free
the truth lies
deception wins-
they tug it out,
cause groans of pain
but I don't care-
then it's gone
vanished
tossed into the darkness of the night
searching for another-
a new owner-
while strength takes its place
strength that will never falter,
never fail,
protection against emotions-
brute, fierce, invincible-
oh Mama, it hurts
I can't handle the pain
stop them
please, Mama, make them leave
where have you gone?
I need you-something remains
blocking perfection
ethereal,
weightless
floating past all attacks-
love is swift,
folding itself into tiny crevices
hidden from vicious scalpels
so box it in
wall it up between hatred and anger
a mighty containment center
yet not as great as I hoped
cracks remain
leaks
tiny openings for possible escapes-
but it doesn't move
still
motionless
is that resignation in its inactivity?
it is controlled,
bound by vehement force
raw, unrestrained
more power than I can wield-
oh yes, Mama
come save me now
you never answered-
selfish
fragile
misled
you thought you followed the truth
poor fool
I helped myself
self-surgery
a reconstruction of broken dreams
and here I stand-
terrifying-
terrible-
who needs you
and your circle of error?
I've found true might,
the true Force-
darkness-
on my own.
FIN