A Typical Day In Sunnydale

Buffy found herself suddenly at Gile's house.

"What am I doing here?," she asked Giles in greeting.

"Ah, well you see, the, uh, producers of, uh, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer insist on starting every, uh, episode with you at my, uh, house, which, incidentally, I seemed to move into from my old place without any objection whatsoever, because it saves time getting into each, uh, storyline." Giles explained calmly, with only a few stutters.

"Oh, I see. Me Slayer. Monsters baaaad. Me kill demons," Buffy attempted her usual style of joke.

"Ah, yes, uh, my response to that is how do you Americans say? Whatever." Giles said, American customs and language still seeming completely alien to him, despite him living there for several years.

Willow walked into the dorm shared with Buffy seemingly in the middle of the day when she should be in class...

"Gee, I guess I'll hang out here until Giles calls me telling me about the latest demon we have to fight," She thought. Time passed.

Spike was currently lying in his crypt, bored out of his mind.

"Bloody hell," he thought. "I say bloody hell quite a lot, don't I?"

It was then members of The Initiative burst in, carrying tazers.

"This is Hostile-17's recorded whereabouts. Divide and search people! Move! We certainly don't mind running around in broad daylight wearing commando uniforms!"

"Bloody h....crap." thought Spike. "I suppose I should hide in this completely obvious place in a crypt only containing about three things where the commandos saw me enter and not leave." After a fruitless 2-and-a-half-minute search, the Initiative soldiers decided to leave.

"Come on boys, he can't be here. I mean, how could he be here and us not find him? After all we did search for two-and-a-half-minutes!"

Willow sat. The clock ticked. Time passed.

Xander was in his basement, of course Anya wasn't there, he never actually sees her unless it is at a meeting at Giles house.

"....bored........bored......wait a minute! ...A thought is forming! ...Wait for it........I want some pizza!...bored.....bored....maybe I should get a job.....nah....bored....bored.."

Meanwhile, a fiendish plot was at hand. A secret old piece of pottery crap was being stolen from a high security museum. Who was to know it would magically create a portal freeing an ancient demon. The person who released the demon was promptly killed by it.

The body of the person was found amazingly only hours later, despite it being in the middle of a wood. Mountain Lions were blamed.

Giles, upon learning of this atrocity, proclaimed,

"Hey, it must have been this demon, right here."

"Time for some serious slayage, in which I can use my favourite line: Allow me to introduce us, I'm Buffy, you're History!" said Buffy, in her pouting child-like tone. (As opposed to her "Oh my God, I hate you and feel so upset!" tone)

"Um...oh, yes, uh, indeed," Giles agreed.

(It was then Giles was given an award for his shortest time to get out a sentence - approximately 10 minutes.)

"But then Giles glanced in his many, many volumes of books about demons (who writes these books?) and found the same demon on the first page he looked at. The same music played for suspense throughout the 4 seasons so far played as he said,

"Buffy.......this demon....has killed over 489457834753 people, including 17 slayers. It is the deadliest demon ever to have existed in the history of the universe....ever.....or so it says in the book anyway."

What a bummer.

"Oh well" Buffy said, trying to see the bright-slightly-manically-cheerful side, "I will jab it with my small piece of wood till it dies."

"I am afraid I can't allow you, the Slayer, Chosen One, whom I perpetually remind of your sworn duty, to fight this monster. I, an ageing, get's-knocked-out-oh-so-often-that-by-rights-I-should-have-brain-damage, man will fight it instead."

But Buffy was already out the door, despite no noise having come from it.

Giles sighed and sat down..................a minute passed........two minutes.......then........"Wait Buffy, I forgot to tell you it is absolutely invincible unless you press it's nose three times then dance around it while patting your head!"

Buffy went out, and was miraculously yet very conveniently joined by Xander on one of his apparent "patrols". Of course Buffy's frequent habit of not telling people things in any sort of detail, mainly weird little riddles then expecting them not to offend her in any way about it prevailed, so Xander was clueless of all the demons powers and so forth.

Suddenly, from just out of nowhere, the demon appeared, and Buffy did the same, predictable move she always does on it, and it flew a supernaturally far distance. Instead of taking advantage of this, Buffy turned to Xander and said,

"Run! Even though I allowed you to follow me looking for the demon, you must now get as far away from it as possible."

Then, after an extremely short fight, Buffy killed the demon. The "most powerful, scariest, baddest damn villain in the wild wild west, invincible" demon.

All of this, from the thing escaping, to Giles finding out about it, to it being found then killed, happened in one day. (Or 45 minutes, take your pick.)

ONE YEAR LATER

Two cops were communicating over a police radio.

"And can you identify victim's cause of death?" asked one.

"Yes," said the second cop, "It appears she starved to death waiting in this room...........