WARNINGS: Slash based fanfiction! This means boy on boy action for those of you who don't know what that means, so if you are uncomfortable with that, turn back now. I won't be held accountable for what happens to you if you read this and loose your mind. So with that said, the rating for this fic will be R, as there will be language and mature subject matter (mostly in the form of sex.....) So, if you still want to read, be my esteemed guest.
DISCLAIMERS: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the other characters. All congrats for such awesome characters goes to J.K. Rowling.
RATING: R!!!!!! As there will be a bit of lemon. And a huge F for fluff. Yes fluff! There will be some major sap in this little wee fic!
EVERYTHING by Kylia Nahimana
PART ONE:
The light from the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room were dim as I sat comfortably in my favorite chair, my knees pulled up to my chest, my arms folded across one another near my ankles. It is most likey past twelve or one in the morning, but I can't sleep. I find my bed too lonely, and even the chorus of snores from my roommates aren't enough to quell the emptiness I feel in my heart. An emptiness that at times seems to burn through the very fiber of my being, destroying my chances of ever finding that one person to share my love with.
Seven years at Hogwarts, and I still haven't come close to enjoying that 'couple' status that seems to be the craze among teenagers. Sure, there had been Cho Chang, but that lasted all of a few weeks. Most of that time spent bickering and trying our hardest to make the other jealous, though never really succeeding. I think that we both knew it was just a phase, or whatever you want to call it. Truthfully, I never missed having her flirt with me, or miss the fact that I would constantly get flustered when I was around her. I always come back to the same conclusion when it comes to Cho. Too much trouble. Simple as that. I couldn't be bothered to deal with her constant emotional hang-ups over Cedric's death, or the fact that she over-reacted when I wanted to hang out with Hermione. How do you tell a girl that you've been friends with for close to six years that you aren't allowed to see her without your girlfriend present? You can't.
Pulling at an unruly strnd of pitch black hair, I sighed and cast a longing look into the fire place. Not two years ago, near this time of the year, Sirius had visisted me via floo powder. Being my godfather, he was the closest thing to a real father I had, except Dumbledore. I had only know Sirius for two years when he had been taken away from me. His life snuffed out by a crazed Deatheater during a duel at the Ministry of Magic. Of course I had blamed myself for his death, even though I wasn't the one who phyiscally pushed him through the Veil. That had been the work of one Bellatrix LaStrange, Sirius' cousin, and a dangerous Deatheater. I think the only one that took Sirius' death harder than me was Remus Lupin, who was and still considers himself to be, Sirius' beloved.
I shut my eyes and let out a long breath, erasing the images and memories of those who had left me, though not forever. Just for tonight. I stood and stretched my arms high above my head, a sudden thought coming to my mind, though I'm not sure if would prove to make me happy or more miserable. There was only one word in this thought, acompanied by a breath taking image.
Draco.
It seemed, that over the past few months, I had fallen for the platinum haired youth who called me 'scar-head' or 'St. Potter'. At first, I thought I had lost my mind, that I had finally cracked and would be sent to St. Mungos. But the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize why I had fallen in love with Draco. He never treated me like someone who was ment to be praised or worshipped. He never treated me with anything but mild indifference or sarcasm. Not that I overly enjoyed this treatment at the best of times, but he was the only person that knew me for who I was. Harry Potter; a wizard in training with average grades, no remarkable skills (unless you call getting into trouble and playing Seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team a skill), and an uncomprehending knowledge of the wizarding world that lasts even today. Though I guess that there is another reason why I fell for him. He's is one georgeous guy.
In the past year, he has let his hair grow out so that it brushed the nape of his neck, his long bangs always covering his silver blue eyes. Eyes that have softened since I meet him all those years ago in the robe shop. He stands just a little bit shorter than me, it can;t be more than an inch or two. His body is long and lean from the years he's played as Seeker for the Slytherin team, though I think that he is naturally thin as well. Draco can also wear anything and make it look good, where as people like me have to antagonize over what we're going to wear, perfect the look, then decide that it looks stupid and try again. I've seen him in a pair of torn jeans and a ratty t-shirt, when he thought no one was looking anyways, as he would never be caught around people of his own 'circle' to see him dressed like that. Yet he managed to pull it off without a hitch. If I had tried that, I would have looked like a hobo.
Returning my mind to the present once more, as I had been standing in the center of the common room for close to ten minutes thinking about Draco, I decided that I should head up to bed. Climbing the stairs slowly, I quietly made my way to my shared dorm, crossing the room with no noise. Pulling off my jeans and t-shirt, I slid under the covers and removed my glasses, which thank Merlin were no longer that round wire rimmed pair that I wore until I was sixteen. I didn't think that sleep would take over so quickly, but I soon found myself in the familair darkness, which gave way to the even more familiar dreams of Draco. Dreams that sometimes I wish I never had. Dreams that were always followed by the question, 'Why bother?', as I was firmly stuck to the idea that Draco would never feel anything but animosity towards me.
OoOoOoOoOo
I woke to the morning light of Saturday streaming in through the window and right into my eyes. Groaning, a turned over on my opposite side and snuggled further under the blankets, determined to go back to sleep. My body on the other hand, seemed to have mixed feelings about that, as my eyes refused to stay closed for longer than it took me to blink.
Cursing under my breath, I threw back the covers and swung my feet out of bed, glancing at my alarm clock as I did. It read six fifteen in the morning.
"....... Fenh...." I muttered as I headed towards the bathroom, running a hand through my hair, ".... stupid alarm clock......" I added, feeling as though I should blame something for my waking up so early. That I hadn't even set the bloody thing was beyond the point.
I took a long hot shower, letting the water cascade over me as I fought off the urge to go back to sleep whist standing, knowing that I would be embarrassed to the point of instant death if I was found curled up naked in the shower sleeping.
Wrapping a large green towel around my hips when I was done, I stood at the sink and brushed my teeth, running a hand through my hair, which to me counted as brushing it. It never did what I wanted it to do anyways, so what was the point? After finishing with that, I returned to the dorm I shared with my friends and dug out fresh pair of boxers, pulling them on and discarding the towel. Tugging on the jeans I had worn the night before, I reached for a new t-shirt and a well worn sweater, black and made from soft wool. Then, grabbing my glasses and clumisly stuffing my feet into a pair of socks and my runners, I left the room once more.
Not really feeling like staying in the common room for three hours until everyone else woke up, I decided to go for a walk, soon finding myself down near the lake after a half an hour of walking or so. I sat down on the grass and tucked my knees to my chest, something I did absently when I was by myself and thinking. The wind was cool on my skin, and I was glad that I had worn the sweater, as I could feel the bite of winter behind the breeze.
I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting there, looking out across the water, but I suddenly heard the grass behind me crunching as someone approached.
"Harry?" it was Ginny Weasley.
Turning slightly, I looked up into the face of a young girl who I considered to be one of my closest friends. She was Ron's younger sister, and it was clear to anyone that she was a Weasley. Her long red hair and round face full of freckles would have given her away even if you didn't know her name.
"Hey Ginny," I replied as she came and sat down beside me, crossing her legs and hunching into her jacket, "what are you doing up so early?"
She blushed a shade of crimson and muttered, "I was on my way back from being with Blaise when I saw you down here."
I grinned. Ginny was the only girl, out of all the girls I knew, who wasn't shy to talk about her sex life. Though at times, I wished that she would just keep it to herself. "How did you see me though?" I asked, knowing that she wouldn't have been able to spot me if she had been heading for Gryffindor tower from the dungons where the Sytherin dorms were located. "Where did you spend the night?"
Again, Ginny blushed, but answered with no hint of embarrassment, "On the other side of the lake."
"Wasn't that uncomfortable?"
Ginny laughed, "There are charms for creating comfy cushions and such Harry," she replied matter-of-factly, "you can be so dense sometimes, you know?"
I glared at her, "Shut-up."
We sat in silence for a while, both of us just picking at the grass and letting the breeze take it to the waters edge, until I couldn't take it anymore.
"Ginny?"
"Hmm?"
Clearing my throat, I asked in an almost timid voice, "Do you ever wonder if Blaise is the one?"
"The one?" Ginny repeated, and I nodded, "I don't know, to tell you the truth," she paused, taking her long hair in her hand and running her fingers through the slightly tangled ends, "I know that I love him right now, but I don;t know if it'll last."
"Why?" I asked, "because he's Sytherin?" I knew it was a stupid question even before I got her answer, but I felt like I had to ask it.
Frowning, Ginny replied, "No. It isn't that."
"Then why?"
"Our personalities are too different," Ginny said after a thought, "like, he's constantly scarcastic, while I'm........"
"..... hyperactive?" I interupted helpfully.
Ginny swatted at me and replied, "No! I was going to say........"
"..... clinically insane?"
This time she hit me full force in the shoulder.
"Hey!" I protested, "that hurt!"
She snorted, "It did not, now shut up," she said as I continued to rub my shoulder, "as I was saying, Blaise and I are just too different. We come from opposite ends of the spectrum. His parents will never accept me, just like mum and dad would never accept him."
This time I snorted, "So what they think is what's really important? That's bullshit and you know it. So is that whole crock about spectrums. I can see, and so can everyone else, that you two are really in love."
"You think so?" she asked, as if she wanted to be reassured.
I nodded, "Yeah."
There was another moment of silence between us, lasting a little bit longer than before. This time though, Ginny was the one to break the silence.
"Why are you asking so many questions?" she asked, "do they have anything to do with you?"
"What makes to say that?" I asked, fidgeting slightly as I lowered my knees and stretched out my legs, "I was just asking for conversation purposes."
"Right," Ginny replied as she rolled her eyes, a look that I matched with an unblinking stare. Then, she asked the question that I suddenly feared she would, though it still caught me off guard. "Who is she?"
"......Wha..... who...?" I stammered, blinking owlishly at her.
"The one you're in love with," Ginny said simply, "who is she?"
A sudden fear grabbed me. I didn't want to tell her that I was in love with a boy, let alone in love with Draco. Ginny hated Draco with a passion, as he was always a complete asshole towards her, and as far as my knowledge went, he still was. Even if Ginny was dating his bestfriend. Running a hand through my now dry hair, I shifted my eyes away from her and tried to think of a way to get out of this conversation. I contemplated saying that I was hungry and wanted to go in for something to eat, but Ginny wasn't going to let me off the hook so easily.
"Harry," she warned as I made to stand, grabbing my elbow to keep me where I was, "you can't keep running from things."
"What makes you think that I'm running?" I replied, anger suddenly entering my voice, though if Ginny noticed, she didn't say anything, "I just don't feel like continuing the conversation. That's all," I said, then added, "plus I'm hungry."
Ginny rolled her eyes and sighed, "You were the one who started this conversation Harry, so finish it," she said, "who are you in love with that you need reassurance over? It isn't Cho is it? Cause if it is........."
I interupted her with a shake of my head and a scrunch of my nose, "No! It isn't Cho! I think I've had enough torture for one lifetime."
"Then who is it?" she persisted.
"No one."
"Harry....."
"I don't love anyone."
"Yes you do," she replied as she picked at the shoelace of her runners, "now tell me who it is, or I'll watch you like a hawk and find out anyways. I could even get Blaise to help me out. I'm sure he won't mind," she paused, then added thoughtfully, "in fact, maybe he can get some of his friends to watch you too......."
Hanging my head, I ran my hands through my hair, causing it to stick up more than normal, letting them come to a stop at the base of my neck. If Ginny wanted to do something, then there was no one who could stop her. Not if she put her mind to it, and if she had her way, she'd be finding out who I loved by the end of the week. Sighing, I decided that I would just get it over with. How angry could she possibly be when I told her? Then I thought with a inner bout of laughter, at least it will be a swift and relatively pain free death.
"Harry?" Ginny asked, as I hadn't moved in a few minutes, her hand creeping up so that it rested on my shoulder.
"...... Draco......" it came out a mear whisper.
"...... What? Harry speak up. I can't here what you're saying if you have your head buried."
I took a deep breath and repeated louder, though it was still a whisper, "Draco. I'm in love with Draco Malfoy."
There was a moment of complete silence, and I thought I had just sealed my fate. Please oh please let me die quickly, I thought as I watched Ginny look at me with a calculating stare. Her hand remained on my shoulder, and I tried to shake off the feeling that she was going to strangle me. What came out of her mouth when she did finally decide to respond, was not at all what I thought it would be.
"How long?"
I shrugged, "Near four months," I said, shutting my eyes.
"Does he know?" she asked softly.
I shook my head.
Ginny sighed and asked, "Is that why you asked about me and Blaise? Becasue you were afriad that a relationship between a Gryffindor and a Slytherin was bound and determined to fail?"
"...... Yeah." I replied.
Ginny giggled suddenly, "I guess I didn't help by saying that me and Blaise would never stay together, huh?"
I looked up at her from under my bangs, "You're...... not mad at me?" I asked.
Ginny giggled again, "Why would I be mad? It isn't like you can help falling in love with Harry."
I frowned, "Don't you hate Draco though?" I asked, then added, "who are you and where did you dump Ginny's body?"
This made her laugh even more, though she swatted at my head as well, "Shut-up!"
I laughed with her, though it was quieter, and asked again, "Don't you hate Draco?"
Ginny seemed to think this over, then said with a small smile on her face, "You know what? I don't. Not anymore," she looked out over the lake and sighed, "ever since I started to date Blaise, Draco has been nicer to me. Mind you, he can still be a royal pain in the ass. But he's getting a lot better. He even allowed himself to be civil to me for an entire day when we went into Hogsmeade last time."
"So that's where you were," I said with a grin, "spending time behind enemy lines."
She swatted at me again, then turned her face to look at me with solemn eyes, "Are you ever going to tell him?"
"...... I'm not sure," I replied truthfully, tugging at the hem of my jeans, "Draco hates me, and I'm not sure if I can deal with the scorn and taunts if I told him."
"What makes you so sure that he hates you?"
I sighed, "If you hadn't noticed Ginny," I said with a hint of bitterness, "Draco and I have been rivals for going on eight years now. He hates me becasue I know he hates me. Why else would be go out of his way to humiliate me or get me into trouble?"
"..... Maybe he does it because it's the only way he knows how to express his emotions," Ginny stated, as if she totally believed what she was saying, "he didn't exactly grow up in a house that put love on it's high priority list."
I let out a deep breath and muttered, "Do you really believe that I would have a chance?"
"I don't know Harry. But you'll never find out if you don't take the risk."
I decided to be stubborn, "What makes you think that's he's gay?"
"What makes you think he isn't?" was the response.
I rolled my eyes, "Trust me. It'll make quite the difference if he's not."
"But you'll never know unless you ask!" Ginny huffed, clearly getting annoyed with me.
We sat still for another moment, before I suddenly stood and brushed off my pants. I had finally made the decision. I was going to tell Draco how I felt, even if it killed me. Which to be honest, I thought would happen.
"Where are you going?" Ginny asked, though she had a grin on her face that told me she knew bloody well knew where I was headed.
"To tell him." I said simply, then turned on my heel and started back up to the school.
I walked with my head down, looking at my dirty sneakers as I absently kicked at pebbles, not bothering to watch where I was going. That turned out to be a mistake, as not twenty minutes of walking later, I litterally ran into the object of my love.
He was wearing a pair of black jeans with a dark grey-green sweater that went well passed his pale slender hands, and a black scarf around his neck. The wind blew back the soft blond bangs from his face, revealing his silver blue eyes to me. Eyes that suddenly sparked with something other than hate towards me. He rubbed his nose with one hand as he looked me up and down before asking, "Don't you ever watch where you're going scarhead?"
I winced visibly at the name, wishing that I was anywhere but where I was. Which happened to be about two feet from the boy I loved. A boy that loathed me.
Clearing my throat, I replied as casually as possible, "Why didn't you notice me? Am I the only one who has to watch where their going?"
Draco huffed, "Why should I move for you?"
Sighing sadly, I answered, "Why should you indeed," I gave him a thoughtful look before brushing past him, "see you later Malfoy."
I didn't get more then three steps when I felt his grip on my hand. His fingers were cold as he wrapped them around mine, and I choked back a silent sob at the touch. It was stupid to think that he could unravel me with one touch of his hand.
"Potter," he started, harsh at first, then continuing in a softer tone, "what's wrong with you?"
I waited a moment before I turned to face him, "Nothing. Why do you care?" I couldn't help keeping the scorn out of my voice.
He didn't notice, "You've become depressing Potter. Mopping around the castle, not noticing things around you. Hell, you don't even eat as much as you used to!"
I stared at him. Has he been watching me? I thought.
"You don't hang out with Weasley or Granger as much either," Draco continued, and I was vaguely aware that he was still holding my hand in his, "now tell me what's wrong with you."
I suddenly wanted to tell him everything. How I was lonely, how I missed Sirius. How I envied my friends that they had found love. How I loved him more than anything. How I was scared shitless to tell him anything.
I tried to make my voice work, but no sound came out when I opened my mouth.
Draco took notice of this, and he raised his free hand, much to my surprise, and brushed the hair from my eyes. His fingers were soft and a little bit cold, sending a chill down my spine. A chill that had nothing to do with the cold.
"Harry, tell me what's wrong. Please?" he said.
I shot him a startled look. He had used my first name. He had never used my first name before.
"Why won't you talk to me?" he asked.
I suddenly found the voive I was searching for, "...... Draco.... I'm scared....."
"Of what?" he asked, though there was no hint of criticism in his voice.
I paused to take a breath, ".... You. I'm scared of you."
A ghost of a smile crossed his lips, "Me? Why are you scared of me?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat, then stammered,"I'm scared of you because........" I trailed off.
"Because....?" Draco prompted, and his fingers tightened on mine.
"Because..... I..... I love you."
OoOoOoOo
Author's Note:
Ooooohhhh!!!! Cliff-hanger much?! Eeee!! (clears throat) Ehem....... am done now. Wouldn't you just hate me if I left it here for a week? (rubs hands together in evil glee) ........ Don't worry though, I won't.
DISCLAIMERS: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the other characters. All congrats for such awesome characters goes to J.K. Rowling.
RATING: R!!!!!! As there will be a bit of lemon. And a huge F for fluff. Yes fluff! There will be some major sap in this little wee fic!
EVERYTHING by Kylia Nahimana
PART ONE:
The light from the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room were dim as I sat comfortably in my favorite chair, my knees pulled up to my chest, my arms folded across one another near my ankles. It is most likey past twelve or one in the morning, but I can't sleep. I find my bed too lonely, and even the chorus of snores from my roommates aren't enough to quell the emptiness I feel in my heart. An emptiness that at times seems to burn through the very fiber of my being, destroying my chances of ever finding that one person to share my love with.
Seven years at Hogwarts, and I still haven't come close to enjoying that 'couple' status that seems to be the craze among teenagers. Sure, there had been Cho Chang, but that lasted all of a few weeks. Most of that time spent bickering and trying our hardest to make the other jealous, though never really succeeding. I think that we both knew it was just a phase, or whatever you want to call it. Truthfully, I never missed having her flirt with me, or miss the fact that I would constantly get flustered when I was around her. I always come back to the same conclusion when it comes to Cho. Too much trouble. Simple as that. I couldn't be bothered to deal with her constant emotional hang-ups over Cedric's death, or the fact that she over-reacted when I wanted to hang out with Hermione. How do you tell a girl that you've been friends with for close to six years that you aren't allowed to see her without your girlfriend present? You can't.
Pulling at an unruly strnd of pitch black hair, I sighed and cast a longing look into the fire place. Not two years ago, near this time of the year, Sirius had visisted me via floo powder. Being my godfather, he was the closest thing to a real father I had, except Dumbledore. I had only know Sirius for two years when he had been taken away from me. His life snuffed out by a crazed Deatheater during a duel at the Ministry of Magic. Of course I had blamed myself for his death, even though I wasn't the one who phyiscally pushed him through the Veil. That had been the work of one Bellatrix LaStrange, Sirius' cousin, and a dangerous Deatheater. I think the only one that took Sirius' death harder than me was Remus Lupin, who was and still considers himself to be, Sirius' beloved.
I shut my eyes and let out a long breath, erasing the images and memories of those who had left me, though not forever. Just for tonight. I stood and stretched my arms high above my head, a sudden thought coming to my mind, though I'm not sure if would prove to make me happy or more miserable. There was only one word in this thought, acompanied by a breath taking image.
Draco.
It seemed, that over the past few months, I had fallen for the platinum haired youth who called me 'scar-head' or 'St. Potter'. At first, I thought I had lost my mind, that I had finally cracked and would be sent to St. Mungos. But the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize why I had fallen in love with Draco. He never treated me like someone who was ment to be praised or worshipped. He never treated me with anything but mild indifference or sarcasm. Not that I overly enjoyed this treatment at the best of times, but he was the only person that knew me for who I was. Harry Potter; a wizard in training with average grades, no remarkable skills (unless you call getting into trouble and playing Seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team a skill), and an uncomprehending knowledge of the wizarding world that lasts even today. Though I guess that there is another reason why I fell for him. He's is one georgeous guy.
In the past year, he has let his hair grow out so that it brushed the nape of his neck, his long bangs always covering his silver blue eyes. Eyes that have softened since I meet him all those years ago in the robe shop. He stands just a little bit shorter than me, it can;t be more than an inch or two. His body is long and lean from the years he's played as Seeker for the Slytherin team, though I think that he is naturally thin as well. Draco can also wear anything and make it look good, where as people like me have to antagonize over what we're going to wear, perfect the look, then decide that it looks stupid and try again. I've seen him in a pair of torn jeans and a ratty t-shirt, when he thought no one was looking anyways, as he would never be caught around people of his own 'circle' to see him dressed like that. Yet he managed to pull it off without a hitch. If I had tried that, I would have looked like a hobo.
Returning my mind to the present once more, as I had been standing in the center of the common room for close to ten minutes thinking about Draco, I decided that I should head up to bed. Climbing the stairs slowly, I quietly made my way to my shared dorm, crossing the room with no noise. Pulling off my jeans and t-shirt, I slid under the covers and removed my glasses, which thank Merlin were no longer that round wire rimmed pair that I wore until I was sixteen. I didn't think that sleep would take over so quickly, but I soon found myself in the familair darkness, which gave way to the even more familiar dreams of Draco. Dreams that sometimes I wish I never had. Dreams that were always followed by the question, 'Why bother?', as I was firmly stuck to the idea that Draco would never feel anything but animosity towards me.
OoOoOoOoOo
I woke to the morning light of Saturday streaming in through the window and right into my eyes. Groaning, a turned over on my opposite side and snuggled further under the blankets, determined to go back to sleep. My body on the other hand, seemed to have mixed feelings about that, as my eyes refused to stay closed for longer than it took me to blink.
Cursing under my breath, I threw back the covers and swung my feet out of bed, glancing at my alarm clock as I did. It read six fifteen in the morning.
"....... Fenh...." I muttered as I headed towards the bathroom, running a hand through my hair, ".... stupid alarm clock......" I added, feeling as though I should blame something for my waking up so early. That I hadn't even set the bloody thing was beyond the point.
I took a long hot shower, letting the water cascade over me as I fought off the urge to go back to sleep whist standing, knowing that I would be embarrassed to the point of instant death if I was found curled up naked in the shower sleeping.
Wrapping a large green towel around my hips when I was done, I stood at the sink and brushed my teeth, running a hand through my hair, which to me counted as brushing it. It never did what I wanted it to do anyways, so what was the point? After finishing with that, I returned to the dorm I shared with my friends and dug out fresh pair of boxers, pulling them on and discarding the towel. Tugging on the jeans I had worn the night before, I reached for a new t-shirt and a well worn sweater, black and made from soft wool. Then, grabbing my glasses and clumisly stuffing my feet into a pair of socks and my runners, I left the room once more.
Not really feeling like staying in the common room for three hours until everyone else woke up, I decided to go for a walk, soon finding myself down near the lake after a half an hour of walking or so. I sat down on the grass and tucked my knees to my chest, something I did absently when I was by myself and thinking. The wind was cool on my skin, and I was glad that I had worn the sweater, as I could feel the bite of winter behind the breeze.
I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting there, looking out across the water, but I suddenly heard the grass behind me crunching as someone approached.
"Harry?" it was Ginny Weasley.
Turning slightly, I looked up into the face of a young girl who I considered to be one of my closest friends. She was Ron's younger sister, and it was clear to anyone that she was a Weasley. Her long red hair and round face full of freckles would have given her away even if you didn't know her name.
"Hey Ginny," I replied as she came and sat down beside me, crossing her legs and hunching into her jacket, "what are you doing up so early?"
She blushed a shade of crimson and muttered, "I was on my way back from being with Blaise when I saw you down here."
I grinned. Ginny was the only girl, out of all the girls I knew, who wasn't shy to talk about her sex life. Though at times, I wished that she would just keep it to herself. "How did you see me though?" I asked, knowing that she wouldn't have been able to spot me if she had been heading for Gryffindor tower from the dungons where the Sytherin dorms were located. "Where did you spend the night?"
Again, Ginny blushed, but answered with no hint of embarrassment, "On the other side of the lake."
"Wasn't that uncomfortable?"
Ginny laughed, "There are charms for creating comfy cushions and such Harry," she replied matter-of-factly, "you can be so dense sometimes, you know?"
I glared at her, "Shut-up."
We sat in silence for a while, both of us just picking at the grass and letting the breeze take it to the waters edge, until I couldn't take it anymore.
"Ginny?"
"Hmm?"
Clearing my throat, I asked in an almost timid voice, "Do you ever wonder if Blaise is the one?"
"The one?" Ginny repeated, and I nodded, "I don't know, to tell you the truth," she paused, taking her long hair in her hand and running her fingers through the slightly tangled ends, "I know that I love him right now, but I don;t know if it'll last."
"Why?" I asked, "because he's Sytherin?" I knew it was a stupid question even before I got her answer, but I felt like I had to ask it.
Frowning, Ginny replied, "No. It isn't that."
"Then why?"
"Our personalities are too different," Ginny said after a thought, "like, he's constantly scarcastic, while I'm........"
"..... hyperactive?" I interupted helpfully.
Ginny swatted at me and replied, "No! I was going to say........"
"..... clinically insane?"
This time she hit me full force in the shoulder.
"Hey!" I protested, "that hurt!"
She snorted, "It did not, now shut up," she said as I continued to rub my shoulder, "as I was saying, Blaise and I are just too different. We come from opposite ends of the spectrum. His parents will never accept me, just like mum and dad would never accept him."
This time I snorted, "So what they think is what's really important? That's bullshit and you know it. So is that whole crock about spectrums. I can see, and so can everyone else, that you two are really in love."
"You think so?" she asked, as if she wanted to be reassured.
I nodded, "Yeah."
There was another moment of silence between us, lasting a little bit longer than before. This time though, Ginny was the one to break the silence.
"Why are you asking so many questions?" she asked, "do they have anything to do with you?"
"What makes to say that?" I asked, fidgeting slightly as I lowered my knees and stretched out my legs, "I was just asking for conversation purposes."
"Right," Ginny replied as she rolled her eyes, a look that I matched with an unblinking stare. Then, she asked the question that I suddenly feared she would, though it still caught me off guard. "Who is she?"
"......Wha..... who...?" I stammered, blinking owlishly at her.
"The one you're in love with," Ginny said simply, "who is she?"
A sudden fear grabbed me. I didn't want to tell her that I was in love with a boy, let alone in love with Draco. Ginny hated Draco with a passion, as he was always a complete asshole towards her, and as far as my knowledge went, he still was. Even if Ginny was dating his bestfriend. Running a hand through my now dry hair, I shifted my eyes away from her and tried to think of a way to get out of this conversation. I contemplated saying that I was hungry and wanted to go in for something to eat, but Ginny wasn't going to let me off the hook so easily.
"Harry," she warned as I made to stand, grabbing my elbow to keep me where I was, "you can't keep running from things."
"What makes you think that I'm running?" I replied, anger suddenly entering my voice, though if Ginny noticed, she didn't say anything, "I just don't feel like continuing the conversation. That's all," I said, then added, "plus I'm hungry."
Ginny rolled her eyes and sighed, "You were the one who started this conversation Harry, so finish it," she said, "who are you in love with that you need reassurance over? It isn't Cho is it? Cause if it is........."
I interupted her with a shake of my head and a scrunch of my nose, "No! It isn't Cho! I think I've had enough torture for one lifetime."
"Then who is it?" she persisted.
"No one."
"Harry....."
"I don't love anyone."
"Yes you do," she replied as she picked at the shoelace of her runners, "now tell me who it is, or I'll watch you like a hawk and find out anyways. I could even get Blaise to help me out. I'm sure he won't mind," she paused, then added thoughtfully, "in fact, maybe he can get some of his friends to watch you too......."
Hanging my head, I ran my hands through my hair, causing it to stick up more than normal, letting them come to a stop at the base of my neck. If Ginny wanted to do something, then there was no one who could stop her. Not if she put her mind to it, and if she had her way, she'd be finding out who I loved by the end of the week. Sighing, I decided that I would just get it over with. How angry could she possibly be when I told her? Then I thought with a inner bout of laughter, at least it will be a swift and relatively pain free death.
"Harry?" Ginny asked, as I hadn't moved in a few minutes, her hand creeping up so that it rested on my shoulder.
"...... Draco......" it came out a mear whisper.
"...... What? Harry speak up. I can't here what you're saying if you have your head buried."
I took a deep breath and repeated louder, though it was still a whisper, "Draco. I'm in love with Draco Malfoy."
There was a moment of complete silence, and I thought I had just sealed my fate. Please oh please let me die quickly, I thought as I watched Ginny look at me with a calculating stare. Her hand remained on my shoulder, and I tried to shake off the feeling that she was going to strangle me. What came out of her mouth when she did finally decide to respond, was not at all what I thought it would be.
"How long?"
I shrugged, "Near four months," I said, shutting my eyes.
"Does he know?" she asked softly.
I shook my head.
Ginny sighed and asked, "Is that why you asked about me and Blaise? Becasue you were afriad that a relationship between a Gryffindor and a Slytherin was bound and determined to fail?"
"...... Yeah." I replied.
Ginny giggled suddenly, "I guess I didn't help by saying that me and Blaise would never stay together, huh?"
I looked up at her from under my bangs, "You're...... not mad at me?" I asked.
Ginny giggled again, "Why would I be mad? It isn't like you can help falling in love with Harry."
I frowned, "Don't you hate Draco though?" I asked, then added, "who are you and where did you dump Ginny's body?"
This made her laugh even more, though she swatted at my head as well, "Shut-up!"
I laughed with her, though it was quieter, and asked again, "Don't you hate Draco?"
Ginny seemed to think this over, then said with a small smile on her face, "You know what? I don't. Not anymore," she looked out over the lake and sighed, "ever since I started to date Blaise, Draco has been nicer to me. Mind you, he can still be a royal pain in the ass. But he's getting a lot better. He even allowed himself to be civil to me for an entire day when we went into Hogsmeade last time."
"So that's where you were," I said with a grin, "spending time behind enemy lines."
She swatted at me again, then turned her face to look at me with solemn eyes, "Are you ever going to tell him?"
"...... I'm not sure," I replied truthfully, tugging at the hem of my jeans, "Draco hates me, and I'm not sure if I can deal with the scorn and taunts if I told him."
"What makes you so sure that he hates you?"
I sighed, "If you hadn't noticed Ginny," I said with a hint of bitterness, "Draco and I have been rivals for going on eight years now. He hates me becasue I know he hates me. Why else would be go out of his way to humiliate me or get me into trouble?"
"..... Maybe he does it because it's the only way he knows how to express his emotions," Ginny stated, as if she totally believed what she was saying, "he didn't exactly grow up in a house that put love on it's high priority list."
I let out a deep breath and muttered, "Do you really believe that I would have a chance?"
"I don't know Harry. But you'll never find out if you don't take the risk."
I decided to be stubborn, "What makes you think that's he's gay?"
"What makes you think he isn't?" was the response.
I rolled my eyes, "Trust me. It'll make quite the difference if he's not."
"But you'll never know unless you ask!" Ginny huffed, clearly getting annoyed with me.
We sat still for another moment, before I suddenly stood and brushed off my pants. I had finally made the decision. I was going to tell Draco how I felt, even if it killed me. Which to be honest, I thought would happen.
"Where are you going?" Ginny asked, though she had a grin on her face that told me she knew bloody well knew where I was headed.
"To tell him." I said simply, then turned on my heel and started back up to the school.
I walked with my head down, looking at my dirty sneakers as I absently kicked at pebbles, not bothering to watch where I was going. That turned out to be a mistake, as not twenty minutes of walking later, I litterally ran into the object of my love.
He was wearing a pair of black jeans with a dark grey-green sweater that went well passed his pale slender hands, and a black scarf around his neck. The wind blew back the soft blond bangs from his face, revealing his silver blue eyes to me. Eyes that suddenly sparked with something other than hate towards me. He rubbed his nose with one hand as he looked me up and down before asking, "Don't you ever watch where you're going scarhead?"
I winced visibly at the name, wishing that I was anywhere but where I was. Which happened to be about two feet from the boy I loved. A boy that loathed me.
Clearing my throat, I replied as casually as possible, "Why didn't you notice me? Am I the only one who has to watch where their going?"
Draco huffed, "Why should I move for you?"
Sighing sadly, I answered, "Why should you indeed," I gave him a thoughtful look before brushing past him, "see you later Malfoy."
I didn't get more then three steps when I felt his grip on my hand. His fingers were cold as he wrapped them around mine, and I choked back a silent sob at the touch. It was stupid to think that he could unravel me with one touch of his hand.
"Potter," he started, harsh at first, then continuing in a softer tone, "what's wrong with you?"
I waited a moment before I turned to face him, "Nothing. Why do you care?" I couldn't help keeping the scorn out of my voice.
He didn't notice, "You've become depressing Potter. Mopping around the castle, not noticing things around you. Hell, you don't even eat as much as you used to!"
I stared at him. Has he been watching me? I thought.
"You don't hang out with Weasley or Granger as much either," Draco continued, and I was vaguely aware that he was still holding my hand in his, "now tell me what's wrong with you."
I suddenly wanted to tell him everything. How I was lonely, how I missed Sirius. How I envied my friends that they had found love. How I loved him more than anything. How I was scared shitless to tell him anything.
I tried to make my voice work, but no sound came out when I opened my mouth.
Draco took notice of this, and he raised his free hand, much to my surprise, and brushed the hair from my eyes. His fingers were soft and a little bit cold, sending a chill down my spine. A chill that had nothing to do with the cold.
"Harry, tell me what's wrong. Please?" he said.
I shot him a startled look. He had used my first name. He had never used my first name before.
"Why won't you talk to me?" he asked.
I suddenly found the voive I was searching for, "...... Draco.... I'm scared....."
"Of what?" he asked, though there was no hint of criticism in his voice.
I paused to take a breath, ".... You. I'm scared of you."
A ghost of a smile crossed his lips, "Me? Why are you scared of me?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat, then stammered,"I'm scared of you because........" I trailed off.
"Because....?" Draco prompted, and his fingers tightened on mine.
"Because..... I..... I love you."
OoOoOoOo
Author's Note:
Ooooohhhh!!!! Cliff-hanger much?! Eeee!! (clears throat) Ehem....... am done now. Wouldn't you just hate me if I left it here for a week? (rubs hands together in evil glee) ........ Don't worry though, I won't.