A/N: A challenge from a friend. Inspired by a Sesshoumaru plushie and a Miroku plushie trying to stand up, when the Sesshoumaru plushie falls over and the Miroku plushie falls on top of it.

Do not – try – to – comprehend – this. It – is – pointless. UTTERLY. However, that does not mean you shouldn't read it…

Disclaimer: I do not own Inu-Yasha. Do you think I do? I do not wish to be responsible for ignorant fools claiming that I myself admitted to being Rumiko Takahashi when, in fact, I am just a relatively boring, average, drone in a relatively boring, average, part of suburbia. To conclude my short rant, I do not own Inu-Yasha.

Pairings: Sesshoumaru X Miroku

Warnings: If you don't like the pairing, or are too close-minded to try to like it, don't read it. Some OOC-ness.

Rated: PG-13 for innuendo, and much of it.

Spring

By CocaCola43

It was spring.

He. HATED. Spring. Did he know why? No.

Miroku sighed, poked futilely at the fire. It had gone out again, choosing the worst time possible – he had been left all alone to watch over Kagome's bags as she and Sango left to take a bath, Shippou in tow. Inu-Yasha and Myouga were discussing – in Inu-Yasha's case, cussing – about the ways that fleas were strong and powerful. The discussion took place in a faraway tree, as usual. Tonight, the tree in question was no less than three miles away.

It was pathetic when you thought about it.

After all, Miroku should have been able to entertain himself. He was a monk. It was sad, really, that he couldn't devote this cherished alone-time to something productive, such as looking through Kagome's – what were those called again? Magazes? – colored pamphlets and ogling at the pictures of beautiful women. Some had fair hair, like foreigners. Some of the women had skin as dark and black as a plum.

But he'd already finished ogling over the women seven times already today, and the way that the women's eyebrows pointed down toward her nose was…well, intimidating. In a strange, futuristic sort of way.

Wait. What was that? A rustling in the bushes! Miroku straightened, his hand clenched around his staff, eyes and ears on the alert. Small grumbling…a high-pitched whine…

Sesshoumaru himself gave striding out of the forest, faithful retainer and human ward at his heels. The ward was singing loudly and off-key, causing the green-skinned toad to reprimand her with a squawk. The Lord seemed not to take any notice of this, and his cold golden eyes landed on the stunned Miroku.

"Greetings, monk," he said, voice low. Everything about him was perfect. Manly. He reeked of testosterone.

Miroku gaped, then regained his senses. "Inu-Yasha is not here tonight. Would you like me to go…retrieve him?"

The taiyoukai smirked slightly, finding some sort of humor in his statement. "No."

The two stared at each other in silence, while the human girl sang and jumped about to a bizarre tune.

"I – " Miroku began.

"There is – " Sesshoumaru started.

The words hung in the air, nose-dived into the ground faster than Inu-Yasha did when Kagome said 'sit.' Golden orbs bored into violet ones. Silver hair fluttered slightly in the warm spring breeze.

"You're very handsome," Miroku said, almost without thinking. His eyes widened as he began to process what he had just said.

"This Sesshoumaru thanks you."

"And I?" Miroku drawled.

"You?"

"Am I not handsome, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

He sniffed. "Perhaps...remotely." A slight hesitation. "You are not horribly disfigured."

"Admit it." Miroku's mouth curved into a smile. "You like me." But his smile faded. "But you can't like me."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm on your brother's side. You're the big bad guy until you do something that makes us change our minds about you. And that could take years."

"That matters not to me," Sesshoumaru replied coolly.

More silence, broken by the sound of yelps. Poor little girl just fell onto a particularly pointy branch.

"Sesshoumaru-sama…"

"Yes, monk?"

The small girl tottered away, the green toad following, screaming with every step it took.

"Do you…enjoy my company?"

"Not particularly," he said stiffly.

"Why is that?" Miroku asked, crushed.

The girl and the toad were gone now.

Sesshoumaru sighed, paused, and then revealed his hidden desire. "I would like your company much better if you were unclothed," he said reluctantly.

"That can happen." Miroku stood, grinning lecherously.

"Will it?"

"Only if you ask me nicely."

"I command you to..."

"Say please."

"…On pain of death."

There was another pause.

"I'm sure you could think of a much more…befitting punishment."

"What do you say to bondage, monk?"

"Why not?"

The rest of the night passed by in a most interesting manner.

Maybe spring was okay, after all.

A/N: Hee hee. Does anyone else know of a nice Sesshoumaru X Miroku fic? I've never seen the pairing before, not anywhere. It seems no one in the fandom has ever noticed the possibilities of this…pairing, strange and outlandish though it is. It can't be anymore strange than Sesshoumaru X Sango…can it?

If anyone tells me or gives me the link to a nice Sesshoumaru/Miroku fic, I will…be their best friend forever? I will be VERY VERY grateful. How's that?

Review!