Author's Notes

I can't believe I'm writing this… .:Stares at her manuscript:. Actually, you almost didn't have this chapter. I started writing it as a manuscript the other night, and then today when I went to type it, I couldn't find the manuscript, and I don't think I could write this a second time. V.V;;; .:Bright red flush:. For those of you that don't know, this is my first ever lemon, so… it probably sucks. V.V;; Luckily my family is out right now… okay, Zan, quit stalling. .:Takes a deep breath and squeezes her eyes closed:. Here we go…

Notes before I start because I know I won't remember to do this later: Kaji means "fire." Koibito means "beloved" or something along those lines.

—here on is from the manuscript—

I decided to do this chapter in first person in Satoshi's point of view. I thought it'd be much more meaningful that way. Either way, I hope you like it and don't get too confused.

Also, this is my very first lemon, especially my very first shonen-ai one, so please go easy on me!! .:runs and hides under her bed:.

v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v

The moon was in its highest reigning position of the night when the wind from outside blew the window open with a resounding crash. I jerked awake and instinctively clutched at the nearest thing to me—I hate storms. Unfortunately, the closest thing to me was the body beside mine. Niwa-kun slept through it all, sprawled out on the mattress. His slender body took up over three quarters of the narrow bed, but I was fine sleeping curled up around him. We shared the same body heat and breathed the same air, and the close proximities were driving me out of my mind.

Careful not to wake him (though part of me doubted the need to bother—he probably wouldn't wake up if he was pitched over the head with a glass of water) I unwrapped myself from him and strode to the window. Crisp air from outside blew in and teased my hair. For a moment I stood there in the wind and just let the cold of the breeze and the wet of the rain wash over me, trying to calm my body. This is getting out of hand, I told myself firmly. I need to get control of the situation.

I closed the window and the lock clicked softly into place. Oddly it was that quiet, nearly inaudible sound that caused the redhead sprawled on the bed, tangled in the sheets, to rouse. Niwa-kun shifted and tangled further into the quilt.

I smiled; I couldn't help it. He's just too cute. The pajamas I'd borrowed from Niwa Kosuke-san were a size or so too big, and the silky fabric whispered across my skin, hyper-sensitizing the already fevered nerves. I couldn't take it any longer: I have to tell him how I feel. I'll just die if I don't.

Quietly I sat down beside him, perched on the very edge of the bed. "Niwa-kun. Niwa-kun, wake cup." I shook his shoulder. "Niwa-kun?"

"Mmm? Hmm-mm." He stretched adorably, yawning silently and squeezing his eyes closed like a cat. Then he tilted his head to the side charmingly and opened his eyes a little, kept them half-lidded. "Hiwatari-kun? Is it morning already?"

"Iie." I shook my head. "Can you wake up a little? There's something I need to talk to you about."

He pushed himself up onto his elbows and tilted his head coquettishly to the side. I doubt he realized he did it. "Nani? Daijoubu? Did you have a bad dream?"

"I'm fine, and no, I didn't have a bad dream…" Say it, baka! But my tongue wouldn't work. "Niwa-kun… kaji…"

"Nani?"

"Niwa-kun…" I took a deep breath and just said it, for better or worse. "I… I love you."

He didn't say anything for a moment, then only my name, questioningly. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair hard enough to nearly yank the roots from my scalp.

"I really do. I don't think I can go on living anymore pretending I don't, that we're just friends. It hurts, dammit!" Frustrated tears rolled down my cheeks and I fisted my hands in the pajama pants' material. I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to stop them, and bowed my head to hide the tears. "Every time I look at you, I love you so much it hurts. And it just kills me that I can't tell you."

I laughed, a dry, humourless chuckle, when he didn't respond. "You must think I'm some kind of pervert now," I said self-derisively. "Silly little Hikari Satoshi and his crazy fantasies. Maybe I am. But I just had to tell you… to make it stop… it hurts so much…" I couldn't hold the tears back any longer and instead broke down crying, leaning over so my chest touched my thighs and my arms were looped around the backs of my knees.

Still he didn't say anything. I sobbed into my knees as I tried to gather my thoughts and energy. "I'll leave," I whispered. "Just… give me a minute, okay?"

Then I felt his fingers in my hair, and then his arms around my waist, and he leaned up against my back with his cheek between my shoulder blades. Startled, my tears stopped and I froze. "Niwa-kun…?"

"Baka," he said, but the word was laced with affection. His voice was as unsteady as my own. "You are so silly, Satoshi…"

Well, he said my name, so I can say his. Slowly I sat up, and he fell away to sit at the head of his bed, eyes shielded by his crimson hair.

"Daisuke… Boko no suki?"

The redhead slowly shook his head to the side and smiled very gently. His eyes came up to meet mine. "Iie. Aishiteru."

"You love me." I smiled, but the tears wouldn't still wouldn't stop. I tried to wipe them away, but still they came.

"Satoshi, why are you crying? Daijoubu? Satoshi?" His voice and his eyes betrayed his concern, and he wrapped his arms around me. "Satoshi, what's wrong? Tell me so I can fix it."

I shook my head. "How can you love me… after all that's happened? I'm not good enough for you—"

He pressed his lips to mine, probably just to shut me up. Still… I kissed him desperately, as if my entire world would crumble if I didn't—and at that moment, it very well might have. My hands came up to frame his face, brush his cheeks ever so lightly. This is what I wanted, what I needed—him.

His skin was so soft and supple beneath my fingertips, like the flesh of an angel. He moaned low in his throat and kissed me back as thoroughly as I was kissing him. His hands pummeled through my hair. My tongue swept into his mouth, tasting its forbidden deliciousness. He tasted sweet and tangy, pure male. I brushed his tongue with my own and felt him melt in my arms.

A matching moan rose in my throat and I suddenly had to have him. Possessively I ran my hands down his sides, then reverently back up. When my fingers brushed over the bare flesh beneath his shirt, he came undone.

"Yes… Satoshi," he breathed across my cheek. The throbbing ache in my groin intensified and I groaned. I helped him pull the pajama top off. His upper body was perfect, and I pulled back to stare at him. His skin was pale as china porcelain, flawless. He wasn't overly buff, but there was an understated strength hidden just beneath the surface.

I couldn't resist. I lowered my head and pressed my lips against the hollow of his throat. The pulse beneath my lips jumped erratically as my tongue washed over it, followed by gentle nipping kisses. His head tilted back, crimson orbs fluttering closed. "Koibito," he ground out achingly.

His nails scored over my back under my shirt, and I smiled against his shoulder. The pain merely served to underline the pleasure of being truly loved and cherished. I brushed a line of butterfly kisses across his shoulder.

My shirt followed his to the floor. It blew my mind away when his lips closed around my left nipple. I closed my eyes tightly with the pleasure that rolled through my body, shaking me to my very core, when his teeth gently tugged at the sensitive flesh.

"Daisuke," I managed to gasp. "Daisuke… ooh…"

His mouth came hungrily back to mine, and greedily I took possession. I crushed him to me. Skin on skin, bodies rasping, it felt so good. My hands traced their way down his spine until I could hook my fingertips in the waistband of his pajama bottoms. Everything was a blur, and the next thing I knew, he and I were naked, writhing to be close as possible in the narrow bed.

"Satoshi," he whimpered between kisses, "Satoshi, please…"

I pressed another urgent kiss against his swollen and bruised lips, framing his face with my hands and grinding my pelvis against his. He shuddered and groaned deep in his throat.

The rest of the night was a blur to me, a wondrous mix of intense pleasure, only underscored by the slight pain he felt when I entered him. His pain translated into my being, but he didn't seem to mind it, holding onto me so tightly as to be just this side of bruising until the pain faded.

v-v-v-v-v-v-v

I woke up the next morning alone in a strange bed. I lay there for a while, waiting for my blood pressure to wake up and trying to remember how I had gotten where I was. When the memories came rushing back to me, my face burned and I wanted to crawl under a rock and die of embarrassment. Niwa-kun… Does he regret… it? And where was he, anyway?

As if on cue, the bright fire-red head poked up over the side of the loft bed. "Ohayo! Good, you're awake." Daisuke smiled and tilted his head to the side a bit. "How do you feel?"

I blinked. "I'm fine… Aren't you sore… from last night?" A pale blush crept up my cheeks.

He froze and a darker blush rose from his neck to the roots of his hair. "A little," he said after a moment. "But I'm all right." Daisuke stepped up another rung higher on the ladder. "Scoot over."

I did as I was told and scooted a bit over in the narrow bed. When I made to sit up, the blanket fell to my waist from where it had been previously at my chin, and I realized I was still naked. Oddly, it didn't bother me.

Daisuke pushed at my chest lightly, a silent request for me to lie back down. I stretched out and he did the same, resting his head on the pillow beside mine. We face each other and stared at one another for a while.

Finally I could stand the silence no longer. "Niwa-kun… Do you… have any regrets?" I asked hesitantly.

Without even pausing to consider the question, he shook his head no. "Iie, of course not." He smiled that heart-stopping smile. "I love you."

I blushed and looked away. Before last night… nobody had ever said those words to me. Hearing them in the dark of the night was one thing. Darkness was mystery, safety. In the daylight we had to face the world and all its condemnation.

"Hiwatari-kun? Do you? Regret last night, I mean."

"No! Not at all!" I protested and turned back to him, eyes wide. I wanted to tell him everything I felt for him, but I couldn't put it into words. It was like… and he was… How could I tell him that he meant everything to me?

"Then call me Daisuke. And…" Shyly he turned his eyes to the pillow beneath our heads. He traced tiny circles on the bedspread. "Could you… kiss me? Please?" his voice was soft, barely audible.

I blinked, then smiled. "Daisuke…" I pulled him closer to me and pressed him down on his back lightly, looming over him. Slowly I drew towards him, giving him plenty of time to change his mind should the notion take to his head. His eyes latched onto mine, and he said nothing. I brushed my lips over his lightly, a teasing kind of kiss, an asking kiss.

He chuckled somewhat, still blushing furiously. "Not like that," he whispered against my lips. "Like you did last night."

I raised an eyebrow and studied his face. "Oh, you mean like this?" The next kiss I gave was demanding and yet gentle. My tongue slid between his lips to duel with his. He tasted as good as he had last night, but with a faint taste of mint tea.

"Mmm…yes," he said softly and kissed me back. I growled and kissed him harder, fisting my hands in the material of his shirt at his waist.

Just as things were getting interesting, his mother's voice floated up from downstairs. "Dai-ja, Hiwatari-kun, breakfast. I expect you down here in two minutes—if you're not, I'm coming up to get you!"

I sighed, and he smiled apologetically up at me. "You'd better put some clothes on, Satoshi-kun," he said cheerfully as he sat up a bit and pressed a light kiss to my cheek.

I flushed and sat beside him. The sheets pooled around my waist. "Your mother has really bad timing."

"I know." He slid down the ladder to the ground and handed my clothing up to me. I took the clothes, but grabbed his wrist as well.

"Daisuke… Are you sure?" I asked him seriously. I had to know if he really meant it, that I meant something to him.

He met me squarely in the eye, then twisted his hand until my grip slipped from his wrist. Before I could react, however, he intertwined his fingers with mine and pulled me down a bit, not enough to pull me from the bed, just to lean over. He pressed his lips to mine firmly, then sweetly and tenderly.

When he pulled back, he smiled that adorable smile at me. "I love you, Hiwatari Satoshi. Of that I am very sure."

I smiled, flushing somewhat. "I love you, too."

"Dai-ja! I'm coming up there!" Emiko called from the foot of the stairs. "So you two had best cut out whatever naughty things you're doing and make yourselves presentable!"

Daisuke fell over from the shock of his mother's choice of words, his skin a red brighter than his hair colour. As I hastily pulled my clothing on, he jumped back up and yelled through the closed door, "Mother! Don't use such language!"

He turned back to me and smiled, then held his hand out to help me down the ladder. I smiled, and we walked out of the room, hands clasped and fingers intertwined.