{That Announcer person starts talking}

Announcer: Last time on Star Trek: Voyager {A collage of clips from the last show(With dramatic music, of course) that are supposed to be helpful in remembering what happened.}

Janeway's Voiceover: *Sounds of someone breathing into a mike* Is this working? Hello?

Janeway: (Picks her head up, looking annoyed) Yes! It's on! Just say your line!

Janeway's Voiceover: Sorry.

(Switch clip)

Tuvok: Doctor! Doc! (He sticks out a finger) Pull my finger, Doc!

Doctor: Tuvok, are you drunk?!

Tuvok: Of course not! Pull my finger!

Doctor: Certainly not!

(Switch clip)

Janeway: (Glares at Tuvok) No Vulcan philosophy allowed on MY bridge.

(Switch clip)

Chakotay: I feel a plot-twist coming.

Trekker: Boy, you're smart. In exchange, we will give you information on finding your way home.

(The bridge crew's eyes' glaze over)

Everybody: Home.

(Switch clip)

Chakotay: What's this? What does J/C mean? And why am I taking off my uniform in it?

Janeway: (Turns the screen back towards her) You are dismissed. NOW.

(Switch clip)

Harry: (Whispering to Tuvok) Tuvok, I think that there's some animosity toward the government on this planet.

Tuvok: Where did you get that idea?

Harry: Look around you!

(Tuvok looks around and sees people parading on the sidewalks holding signs saying things like "Down with Government", "Let the People Rule", "We Want a Voice", and "No More Star Trek Reruns!".)

Tuvok: Maybe you are jumping to conclusions, Ensign. You are young, and have not yet learned the ways of the world.

(Switch clip)

Guy: Sounds like we're perfect for each other. Resistance is futile, right?

Seven: You could think of a better line than that.

Guy: Best I could do. I'm just a guest star.

Seven: I refuse to continue with this romance until you come up with a good line.

(Switch clip)

(We see a door and hear Tuvok's, Neelix's, and Nameless Extra's horrified screams. Then we see the room. The three Starfleet people are tied to chairs being forced to watch...Olsen Twin's videos!)

(Switch clip)

Janeway: Hmmm...it's using letters cut out from magazines. Sneaky. (Reads) "Hello, Captain. We have three of your crewmembers. Two are unimportant, but we're sure you want the pointy-eared one. So, kill all of our government officials and give us control of the planet or we'll kill them. P.S. You have a lovely ship."

(Switch clip)

Seven: Oh darn! My bra clasp came undone. I'm going to have to fix that! (Starts unzipping her uniform)

(Back to that Announcer)

Announcer: And now, the exciting conclusion.

{We see Seven, Harry, and Guy. Seven was just about to fix her bra.}

Seven: Oh, wait. It didn't come undone. Never mind.

Harry: That's a sneaky way of boosting ratings.

Seven: Hey, it works.

Guy: What's the plan in this part?

Harry: Well, we'll deal with the moral dilemma, kill the bad guys, and tie up loose ends. Of course, it won't be as good as the first part, but then again, the 2nd part never is.

Seven: But first we need the flashforward.

{Unflashback to Janeway and Chakotay}

Janeway: I wonder how she knew there'd be a flashforward then?

Chakotay: She's Seven.

Janeway: Yes, anyway. That was the beginning of it. What she learned there would affect our journey.

{Flashback to Seven and Harry and Guy}

Harry: Well, that flashforward was pointless.

Seven: Dramatic effect.

Guy: Anyway, what's the moral dilemma?

Seven: Voyager caused the power surge.

Harry: How?

Seven: Our transporters destroyed the stability of space in the Delta Quadrant. There was a subspace burst which emitted regathon particles into the Trekkers' sun, causing a myoptic power surge to hit their planet.

Guy: And in English that would mean?

Seven: Our transporters hurt space. Hurt your sun. And your sun hurt your planet.

Guy: I see.

Harry: This is happening throughout the Delta Quadrant?

Seven: Yes.

Guy: So you guys shouldn't use your transporters anymore, otherwise lots of people will die.

Seven: Correct.

Guy: That's stupid.

Seven: Regardless, it's in the script.

Harry: We should tell the captain. (He presses the commbadge) Kim to Voyager.

Guy: They're not responding.

Seven: There must be some residual myoptic particles interfering.

Guy: Then how come you guys' tricorders are working?

Harry: They aren't. We've just been acting like they have.

Guy: Oh. Good.

(Suddenly, rebels have surrounded our heroes with primitive guns.)

Unhappy Citizen: Stop now! You are being taken prisoner until we gain our rights!

Seven: Isn't it in your best interests to let us continue our work on getting the power up?

Unhappy Citizen: We're not too smart. Just like every other alien.

{Switch to the rebel base. Tuvok, Neelix, and Nameless Extra have been put in a cell with two guards watching them. They are coming up with a plan!}

Tuvok: Then Nameless Extra will be a distraction and will sacrifice his life to let us escape.

Nameless Extra: Why me?

Tuvok: You don't have a name. You have to die.

Nameless Extra: Actually. I have a name. It's Roy Longhorn.

Tuvok and Neelix: (Gasp)

Tuvok: He has a name?

Neelix: And a last name!

Tuvok: This is illogical. He is getting more screentime than Neelix.

Neelix: And more lines!

Tuvok: The extra is becoming a well-developed character. Something is very wrong.

Roy: What?

Tuvok: Start the escape plan now. Quick! It is imperative that we get rid of him.

(Roy, obediently, starts running around the cell like an idiot. The guards look at him like he's crazy while Tuvok and Neelix start sneaking up on the guards. Roy goes up to one guard and slaps him. The guard shoots at Roy, but he has bad aim and hits Neelix. This causes enough distraction for Tuvok to do the Vulcan Nerve Pinch to the two guards.)

Tuvok: This isn't right. The rules of Trek are going haywire!

Roy: He's dead!

Tuvok: Trek doesn't kill regulars. And they don't give extras names. It was supposed to be you who died.

Roy: Can we discuss this later? I'm sure several hundred rebels are going to be coming after us soon.

(Roy runs out of the cell with Tuvok behind him)

{Switch to Voyager's Mess Hall. B'Elanna and Tom are sitting together.}

Tom: So what's the point of this scene?

B'Elanna: A bit of relief to do a recap on the plot.

Tom: Oh.

B'Elanna: See, the Trekkers have had a power surge and they asked for help. But one of our teams is being held hostage by some rebels. Now the Captain's agonizing over what to do.

Tom: Are we going to have a part in this episode?

B'Elanna: Not really. I would've gone down to the planet, but Seven took my spot...like always.

Tom: Well...since we're not doing anything in this episode...why don't we go back to our quarters and...you know.

B'Elanna: Not now, dear. My head hurts.

(Tom gets a horrified look on his face.)

Tom: Oh my gosh. We're acting like a married couple.

B'Elanna: Maybe because we ARE a married couple. Now I'm going to check on some things in Engineering. I'll be home later.

(B'Elanna leaves.)

Tom: This is not good.

{Switch to Seven, Harry, and Guy who have been thrown into a cell.}

Guy: Haven't we seen each other somewhere? I know! The assimilation chamber, right?

Seven: You were never assimilated.

Guy: I'm trying! Really hard! But you're not helping.

Seven: Our first priority is getting out of this cell.

Harry: I bet the captain is working on a plan to get us out right now.

{Scene change to Janeway in her ready room. She's sitting down and has a hat on the floor. She holds a deck of cards, and is trying to throw the cards into the hat.}

Janeway: Crap! This is harder than it looks.

(Chakotay enters)

Chakotay: Captain, shouldn't you be working on the hostage situation?

Janeway: We're only 10 minutes into the episode. We have time.

Chakotay: Yes, but -

Janeway: Remember, everything has to be resolved in the last 5 minutes to draw out the suspense.

Chakotay: Naturally, but -

Janeway: So we'll wait. It shouldn't be too hard to bust in there and get our crew.

Chakotay: They're planning on killing them if we don't respond.

Janeway: Yeah, well. The producers would never kill off a main character...

{Switch to Tuvok and Roy who are hiding somewhere in the base}

Tuvok: This is highly illogical. Why would they kill Neelix?

Roy: They were aiming for me. They just had the customary Trek Bad Guy Bad Aim and missed. They hit Neelix. It was an accident.

Tuvok: And you have a name. This does not bode well for the future of Voyager.

Roy: Can we discuss this AFTER we get out of here?

Tuvok: I suppose. Which way is the exit?

{Scene change to B'Elanna and Tom's quarters. Tom is waiting for B'Elanna to come home. She enters.}

Tom: Finally!

B'Elanna: I told you I'd be working late.

Tom: We just got married and we're already acting like an old couple.

B'Elanna: Hey, they needed a B-plot for filler. This is it.

Tom: Oh. So after this episode everything'll go back to normal?

B'Elanna: Naturally. Now I'm going to bed.

Tom: (Smiles) Do you want to -

B'Elanna: No.

Tom: Darn!

{Switch to Seven, Harry, and Guy.}

Guy: Here's one. You know what you'd look good in? Chocolate.

Seven: You're annoying.

(Unhappy Citizen enters)

Unhappy Citizen: I come to you in the hopes that we can settle this peacefully. For too long, we have been oppressed by our government. We have been forced into jobs we don't want, marriages we don't like, and reruns of Star Trek. No more. Help us. Please.

Seven: Very well. We will assist you.

Harry: No we won't. It goes against our Prime Directive.

Guy: I'm with Unhappy Citizen. I wanted to be a garbage man, but they forced me to work at the power plant.

Seven: Harry, you are just an ensign, so you have no say in this. I say we help them

Unhappy Citizen: You will not regret your decision. Come with me.

{Scene change to Tuvok and Roy, who have managed to escape from the base.}

Roy: Well, we're out. Now what?

Tuvok: We must find some way to contact Voyager.

Roy: They took our commbadge.

Tuvok: Hmmm....

Roy: Maybe if we yelled loud enough...

Tuvok: That is illogical.

Roy: I'm sure Neelix would have come up with a plan.

Tuvok: Yes. Neelix was always resourceful.

Roy: And nice. A good friend.

Tuvok: Yes. I always considered him to be one of my closest friends.

Roy: Me, too. He was a good cook, as well.

Tuvok: I always enjoyed his leola root soup.

(Tuvok and Roy hang their heads in sorrow.)

Roy: Tuvok, are you crying?

Tuvok: (Wipes a hand across his face) Of course not. Let us move on. We shall try to find Seven's group.

{Scene change to the bridge. Janeway is filing her nails while lounging in the Captain's chair. Chakotay is there, but Paris isn't. Instead, there are some extras.}

Chakotay: Shouldn't we be looking into a rescue sometime soon?

Janeway: It can wait. These nails can't.

Chakotay: But...

Janeway: Uh-uh.

Chakotay: My people have a story -

Janeway: I don't want to hear it.

Chakotay: Do you want to talk to your animal guide?

Janeway: No.

Chakotay: How about if I just go do it all by myself?

Janeway: Sure. Then you'll get that screentime you've been whining for.

(Chakotay, determined, leaves for the transporter room.)

{Scene change to transporter room. Chakotay enters.}

Chakotay: Beam me to the planet.

Extra: Can't.

Chakotay: Why not?

Extra: Transporters are offline.

Chakotay: Why?

Extra: Do you really want me to go into the technobabble?

Chakotay: No. I'll just take a shuttle.

(Chakotay exits)

Extra: (Tapps commbadge) Extra to Doc. Be prepared for a medical emergency. Chakotay's piloting a shuttle.

Doc: I'll be ready.

{Scene change to the rebels with Seven, Harry, and Guy}

Seven: The easiest way to achieve your goal is to simply assimilate all government officials.

Unhappy Citizen: I'm afraid we'd rather just kill them.

Seven: We don't kill. We assimilate.

Harry: (Holds up a hand) Uh...she's speaking for the Borg, not Starfleet.

Seven: Am not.

Harry: Are too.

Seven: Am not.

Harry: Are TOO.

Seven: Am NOT.

Harry: Are - Why are we doing this? Listen, Starfleet doesn't assimilate.

Seven: Yes, it does.

Harry: (To Seven) What are you doing?

Seven: Simply trying to do this as efficiently as possible. Having them believe that it is standard Starfleet procedure will make it go faster.

Harry: We're not assimilating ANYBODY!

Guy: Seven, you can assimilate me.

Unhappy Citizen: Maybe we don't need your help anyway. We should just kill you, too.

Seven: That would be inefficient. You need us.

Unhappy Citizen: We don't need no stinkin' Borg.

Seven: (Is highly insulted)

Harry: That's a double negative. So you're implying that you DO need -

(Seven grabs a gun from one of the guards and shoots Unhappy Citizen)

Harry: No! Diplomacy, Seven! Diplomacy!

Seven: Oops.

(Just then, a shuttle crashes through the roof, smashing the rest of the rebels. Chakotay comes out.)

Chakotay: I lost control.

Harry: You saved us!

Seven: (Approving) Very efficient.

Harry: Commander, we have some disturbing findings to report.

Chakotay: Let's find Tuvok, Neelix, and Unnamed Extra and get back to Voyager. Then you can tell us.

(Guy pulls Seven aside)

Guy: Seven, I just want you to know that I appreciate you for who you are and not just for your chest.

(Audience lets out a collective "Ahhhh".)

Seven: (Smiles) You're cute.

(Seven kisses Guy, causing ratings to soar)

Seven: Maybe you can join us on Voyager...

Guy: I'd -

(Slow motion as Harry hears Guy, he turns and starts running towards him)

Harry: (Slow motion running) NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOO!!

Guy: Love -

Harry: (Jumps in slow motion, arms out) NNNNNOOOOO!!!

Guy: To.

Harry: (Is too late)

(Guy falls to the ground, shaking. Then he lies still.)

Chakotay: (Checks pulse) He's dead.

Harry: Seven! Don't you know that at the first sign we might be picking up an extra person, that person HAS to die. Why'd you do that? You know the producers would NEVER go for that!

Seven: (Sad) He was the first person to appreciate me for who I was. Why? Why did he have to die?

(She looks at Harry with tears in her eyes)

Harry: Why don't you come back to my quarters on Voyager and I'll tell you?

Seven: (Walks past him) No way, ensign.

{Scene change to Voyager's conference room. Everybody has been gathered there, including Tuvok and Roy.}

Janeway: This has been a bad day for all of us. I, for one, am having a horrible hair day. We have lost Mr. Neelix, gained Roy Longhorn, found out that we can't use our transporters, and we have no way of helping the Trekkers, so they won't tell us how to get home. This is a sad day in Trek.

(Everybody hangs their head in sadness)

Janeway: But I prefer to look on the bright side of things. The good part about this all this is...um...well...

Roy: You have a new darned fine security officer?

Janeway: No, that's not it. Heck, there is nothing good about this. I say we just forget all this ever happened, okay? No one mention any of this to ANYONE.

{Unflashback to Janeway and Chakotay}

Janeway: Of course, I've just gone against my own orders by telling everybody about that.

Chakotay: The audience wanted one of our never-before-seen episodes. And they wonder why it's never been seen.

Janeway: Well, how's that for an episode?

Chakotay: I do have one question.

Janeway: What?

Chakotay: What WERE you reading on your computer?

Janeway: (Looks uncomfortable) You know, NOW would be a good time to roll credits...

{Roll credits. The End.}

Apologies to Neelix fans. I really do like him, but him dying was part of the story.