Serena - Sailor Moon/Serenity
Darien - Tuxedo Mask/Endymion
Inner Senshis:
Raye - Mars
Mina - Venus
Amy - Mercury
Lita - Jupiter
Outer Senshis:
Trista - Pluto
Amara - Uranus
Michelle - Neptune
Hotaru - Saturn
Generals:
Maxwell - Malachite
Jadyn - Jedite
Nathan (Nate) - Nephlite
Zachary (Zack) - Zoycite

My Harsh Reality

As I take a long drag from my fifth cigarette I reflect on what transpired a little over two hours ago at Rayes' shrine. I picture each face, each face different but all wearing the same expression – shock. They were all shocked by my decision. But for what reason did any of them really think I had any other choice?

For me to stay?

For me to forgive?

For me to smile and go on as though nothing happened?

I'm no longer, and haven't been for some time, that silly fourteen year old girl that always looked on the bright side of life, always looking for the good in people, always allowing to be treated as a doormat by people who claim to love her.

Too many battles, scars and disappointments have occurred in these last three years for me to remain that carefree bubbly Serena who insisted looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses. Did none of them realise I had thrown them away a long time ago? But then, did anyone ever see me, take notice of what I did?

Yes. Every time I failed their exceedingly ridiculous standards.

Of being a leader.

A warrior.

A princess.

A lover.

A friend.

Most times their words were thoughtless, selfish and cruel...

Amy: "Serena, we were hurt because you took too long in defeating that monster. If only you were stronger."

Mina: "And smarter."

Amara: "I wish you wouldn't act like that, it's not very princess-like."

Hotaru: "Come on Serena make a decision! Our lives are on the line here!"

Trista: "What does Darien see in you?"

Raye: "I can't believe that it's you, out of everyone here, who is going to rule the world someday. God help us all."

Lita, Michelle, Darien and even the generals (though not as bad). On and on, an endless flow of tirades. So why did I put up with it, with them, for so long? Maybe I am what they claim me to be.

No!

No I'm not!

Determined, I snap out of my thoughts throwing my cigarette to the ground, grounding it out with my heel. Turning, I head out of the park only to cross paths with Darien.

Blue eyes.

Extremely handsome.

Intelligent.

Cruel.

"I was looking for you." He tells me.

"Really? Well I'm avoiding you." I coldly reply, making a 180 turn and walking back into the park.

As usual he doesn't take the hint and follows. "Why are you being like this?"

"Like what exactly?"

"Cold. You know you made the girls cry. The generals had a hard time calming them all down."

"Well, I'm sure you succeeded in calming Trista. Right?"

For a moment he stops and looks away. "Serena, Trista and I...." He sighs. "Well, it's over. It has been for awhile now."

"So you said earlier back at the temple."

"I know you're hurt Serena. I never meant to hurt you, that's the last thing I ever wanted to do to you." I am unmoved by his words – seriously, I'm not moving for I've now stopped in my tracks.

"Serena, I lo...."

"You finish that sentence and I will rip your tongue out." I quickly intercept. He's stunned by my words and yet still moves to reach out for me. I step back. "You touch me and I will feed that arm to those ducks." Breathing heavily I yell. "Jesus Darien! What do you want from me? 'Cos I have to say I have nothing to give you. You took it all. I've given you everything! My love. My soul. My faithfulness, and yet it's never enough. Nor will it ever be. I even sacrificed my own mother and kingdom in the Silver Millennium for you and for what? Lies! Betrayal! Unfaithfulness! I don't even have my senshis because one was screwing you behind my back while the others repeatedly lied to cover for you both. So it's quite clear how little to nothing I mean to them. So tell me Darien what do you want?"

"I want to make everything right!" The nerve of the cheating bastard to shout at me. "I want your forgiveness! I want your love! If nothing else, your friendship."

"For what? To throw it all back in my face?"

"Don't be stupid."

"Why am I always considered stupid by you lot? I have a brain that functions perfectly. Granted I'm not the educational scholar like Amy or yours truly – you both being A students, graduating a year earlier than anyone else your own age and both valedictorian material. However, I'm still graduating High School without needing to repeat a year like Michelle and Raye believed I would."

"Serena you're twisting my words."

"And Darien you're wasting my time."

"Serena think about the future." Ha! I was wondering how long it would take him to play the wild card.

"The future?" I whisper walking to the pond staring listlessly at the water.

"Yes. Crystal Tokyo...your accomplishment in having people, a whole galaxy, living in peace and harmony...our daughter Small Lady." I feel Darien approach and soon look solemnly at his watery reflection.

"Rini." Such a brat when she first arrived but later maturing into a young lady who showed promise to one day become a fierce warrior but a kind Queen loyal to her kingdom. Daddy's little girl with pink hair and red - garnet eyes - which are in no shape or form, like mine.

"Our baby girl Serena." Darien carefully reaches for my hand keeping in mind my threat. But I let him take it. "Who will grow up to be kind, loving, happy and beautiful just like you. Just like her mother."

Rini. My daughter. Darien. Our daughter. Rini. I'm a mother. Darien. Her father. Rini. Darien. Me. My family.

Trista!

"Another lie!" I angrily pull away startling Darien.

"Serena...huh...what...Serena! Wait!"

I don't. I continue running but know he'll follow. I bet I knocked him for a six when he discovers my feet lead us back to Rayes' shrine. I see everyone but the one I came here to see.

Cradled in Jadyn's arms Raye gasps. "Serena."

The two groups of girls move hesitantly towards me and I see hope in their eyes. "Sorry to disillusion you all but what I said earlier still stands."

"Then why are you here?" Michelle asks warily.

I ignore her and address Maxwell. "Where's Trista?"

"If you're here to hurt her I suggest you turn around and go home." He and the generals along with the senshis, who only seconds ago were about to embrace me, gather together expecting a fight. I'm slightly insulted but not at all surprised. In the end it shows that I'm right. I do not matter to them.

"Stand down!" Now that surprised me and I look at Darien, bewildered to find him glaring at the group. "When has Serena ever laid a hand on any of us? Especially when she had good reason too. She's better than that. She's better than all of us combined and if Serena wanted to hurt Trista she could have done so this morning. Now Max, I believe Serena asked you a question."

Maxwell bowed respectfully to his prince, looking contrite. "Inside the meditation room. She wasn't feeling well." I nod and make my way to the room.

I turn back when realising Darien wasn't following. "You should come with me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

In silence and with great slowness we walk to where we'd find Trista. Did I really want to do this?

No.

Yes.

I'm going to throw up.

When we stop in front of the closed door I hear Darien ask. "What's going to happen once we go inside?"

I slide the door open and quietly respond. "I don't know."

The embers of the fire softly light the room, and in the corner is a makeshift cot with a sleeping Trista looking so peaceful. Upon reflection, no wonder Darien sought Trista out to share his bed for I am definitely no peaceful sleeper, both Darien and Luna could attest to that, I toss and turn and like to hog the bed covers. With her, he had no fear of waking up cold and without blankets.

Darien.

I chance a look and again am heartbroken at seeing him looking at her with such sadness and regret. Hey, maybe they'll reunite after we play another round of 'Truths'. So far, this game I started this morning sucks big time since it looks like I'm the apparent loser in all this and will not be going home with that brand new car, or friends or the man I love.

Yes, I still love him.

Pathetic.

"Trista." I call out.

No answer.

"Trista."

Nothing.

"Hello. Wakey, wakey. Up and at 'em."

Nada.

I sigh. Irritated.

"Trista." He says her name with a soft caress.

She stirs. "Hmm? Endymion?"

"But of course." I mumble folding my arms and distancing myself from Darien. He looks apologetically my way. I pretend I don't see.

"Endymion? What are doing in here?" Darien says nothing but pointedly looks in my direction. It takes her awhile to shift her focus off of him to notice me. "Princess?"

"Trista I have a question for you." It feels good when I hear my voice isn't cracking under the weight of my jumbled emotions. Cool Serena, stay cool.

"What would you possibly have to ask me?" Her tone is distrustful which I find absurd. Am I really going to ask this?

Yes.

No.

I'm going to throw up.

Be strong.

Be strong.

Be strong.

"Is Small Lady really my biological daughter?"

Trista sharply inhales whereas Darien grabs me, forcing me to meet his gaze. "How could you ask a question like that? I know you're hurt and angry but this is going too far with denying our daughter. Of course you're Rini's mother."

Is he really trying to play me for a fool? Granted, I was blind about his trysts with Trista but come on I now deserve some credit. "Darien I'm no idiot. Rini looks nothing like me and you know it."

"Serena, you've seen the future, you've seen glimpses of us raising Rini, you've heard stories that Rini has shared. She is ours." He's clearly flabbergasted and I see that he truly believes in what he's saying.

She never told him.

I look back at Trista who is softly weeping.

She never told him.

"She's not ours Darien." I pull free from his hold. "But, Rini is yours...yours and Tristas'."

"Serena-."

"Is right." Trista sobs. She earns Darien's full attention. "It was never suppose to turn out like this. You were both suppose to raise Rini as though she was your very own."

"I don't believe this." Darien shakes his head but soon draws near to where Trista is now standing. "Why?"

"Why? Because you chose Serenity! No matter how many times you came to me you quickly went back to her. When you found out Serenity was expecting a child there was such great joy in your eyes that I knew I couldn't tell you that I too was with child."

I lean back against the centre post, feeling a headache coming on. This was like a poorly written soap opera playing out before me but the problem was, in this one, I was the star.

"So how did Rini end up being ours?" I ask.

"Your daughter died. And the 'Time Gates' are no place to raise a baby. So I swapped them with help from Amy and the senshis before you or Endymion noticed anything was amiss. It was the best thing I could think of at the time. If I couldn't be with her at least my baby would be with her father." Trista then throws her arms around Darien. "I'm so sorry Endymion. I'm so sorry for having lied to you. To Rini. Forgive me please."

I shudder.

I feel cold.

I feel angry.

I feel empty.

I want to throw up.

Suddenly the dying embers of the fire surge back to life startling the three of us. The door slides open revealing two running cats, senshis and generals. I faintly hear Raye spouting off about 'sensing a great disturbance'. Of course all their worries and concerns are directed at Darien and Trista as they circle the two like a protective shield.

By the stares I'm receiving I guess I'm their big bad.

I shudder.

I feel cold.

I feel angry.

I feel empty.

I want to throw up - and I do.

I hear Darien call out my name and a pair of running feet heading towards me before I unceremoniously black out.

To Be Continued.