A/N: Okay, here it goes. My very first Stargate fanfic! I'm a huge fan of SG-1 and am already warming up to Atlantis very quickly (thanks in no small part to a certain Scottish doctor). I have transplanted everyone's favorite Goa'uld-killing team into the realm of Middle Earth for my own twisted purposes, but I've never focused an entire fic on Stargate characters. Until now.

That being said, if you've come here looking for drama then.....go away. I am not in a dramatic mood. And if you've come here looking for drama, then you must not have been paying attention to the summary when you clicked on this story. Because this is about as weird as it gets. Unless you've read my LotR fic, which is probably weirder.

General O'Neill: Shut up and get on with it!

Me: Okay, okay! Geez! I think I liked you better as a colonel. You weren't so bossy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: Atlantis or any of the characters. But does anyone know if Paul McGillion is married? Oh, well. I am, so I suppose it doesn't matter much. By the way, consider that this holds spoilers for just about.....every SG: Atlantis episode up to this point. But mostly for 'Poisoning the Well'.

Oh, Steve, we hardly knew ye!

We knew that you were a Wraith, of course. Your nasty blue skin, froggy hands, and tendency to want to suck the life out of anything that moved sort of tipped us off. Yet there was something more to you. For instance, your voice reminded us of one long lost to us, but not forgotten.

Our beloved Apophis. Sure, he was a bad guy. But we loved to hate him and at least he got SG-1 away from the NID every now and then. Your voice brought back memories of him. So low, so gravelly, so tender in the way you threatened to suck the life from John's body.

And what was with the beard? You must have been kind of on the cool side to have a beard like that. Do the Wraith have a fan club for Captain Jack Sparrow? Were you president?

Surely you weren't all bad. Oh, Steve. Did you have a sweetheart? A wife? Kids? Ah, I can just see the little life-suckers now. Running around barefoot, playing with the dog....Oh. Never mind.

To lose you so soon! Couldn't you have hung around for a couple of seasons at least? They could've reformed you! Teal'c was a Jaffa and he became a member of the flagship team of the SGC. Of course, Teal'c didn't go around trying to suck the life out of innocent people.

Still, it would've been cool. Just imagine all the fun you could've had with Dr. McKay. Poor Rodney. He never would've slept with both eyes closed again. And I bet that you and Major Sheppard would've gotten to be best friends. After all, he did give you the name.

Those darn Hoffans! Why did they have to kill you? Why?

They spoiled the show when they killed you off. Every good show needs a character that 'sits on the fence', so to speak. A character that could go either way at any moment. Take, for example, Daniel Jackson. Now there's a man who is just begging to go over to the dark side. You can see it in his eyes. He is SG-1's 'on the fence' character.

You could've been that character, Steve. You could've been that breakout star. But now we'll never know. And so we're only left with a few fond memories of you and a cell and that lovable arrogant sneer on your face.

Oh, Steve. We'll miss you so.

A/N: Okay, I know it's, like, the dumbest thing ever written, but I had to get it off my chest. My family and I have been talking about Steve ever since John named him. I just couldn't help it. We'll miss ya, big guy!

And one more thing. I absolutely, positively adore Daniel Jackson. If anyone took offense at what I wrote above, let me assure you I was not indulging in what is known as 'Daniel-bashing'. It was supposed to be an 'off the wall' remark. As far as I'm concerned, Daniel is light years away from being 'on the fence'. So, if you must flame me, pick something else to flame me about.