Chapter 23

"Move on?" Sara shook her head with slow exhausted shakes.

"Listen to me. Listen to yourself. We've both been beating ourselves up over what needs to be said. But we are both scared Sara." He squeezed her knee and hand simultaneously. "Scared of hearing the truth."

"We have to stop?" She asked softly.

Grissom nodded. "No more hiding from the truth. We both know what happened. We know what could have been different. But this… delay, with…" He searched for the right word, his blue eyes clearer in the midday sun. "…delay with recovering, isn't going to help either one of us from moving on from the guilt, the pain and the night we spent together."

She looked into his eyes with a startled breathe. "Gil."

"Sssh." He whispered, raising his hand from her knee to cup her cheek. "We talked about that. 'You' talked about that." He added with a small smile. "But I didn't really say much of what was on my mind."

"It was a mistake." She said firmly, not comfortable with talking about the moment they shared. She had thought about it a lot and defined what it was. Anything more, it would shatter her trembling heart if he continued.

"Was is?" He asked, just like he had the last time they subject was broached. Taking her hand again, he sighed and shook his head. "At the time, we made a mistake. I know I was the one to pressure you-"

"I was scared Gil. Not pressured." Sara hesitantly told him. "It hadn't been long after the explosion. I was hideous. I still have my doubts on whether I'll ever look the same. Or even if I can look at myself."

"You are beautiful." He said on a whispered breath.

A self depreciating chuckle escaped her lips. "Right."

Grissom instantly frowned. "Sara-"

"I know I didn't have the looks before, but as least I had smooth skin, and barely any scars. But this," She roughly released his hand and pulled at her sleeve. "This is ugly." She paused, staring at the still scared flesh. "I'm ugly." She said softly.

He grasped her wrist quickly to stop her from hastily covering up. "Don't." He held her wrist tightly against the pull she made. "What I said that night, I said from the heart."

His index and middle fingers stroked the roughened skin with affection as his voice softly conveyed his words of truth. "Beauty is only skin deep Sara. These are only scars, scars that heal, that will fade. Only you need to believe Sara. Please. Believe."

With his blue eyes following his fingers for a moment, he soon raised them to her dark worried brown eyes. He could see the tremble of her lips and the unmistakable shiny splashes of tears against her cheeks. His resolve had already snapped the minute he'd crashed and burned with sarcasm and the sight of her tears. This time it only made him want to take away all the pain she had been through, both emotionally and most of all, physically.

"Come here." He whispered, kneeling on his aged knees to pull her forward and wrap his strong arms around her. 'Beauty is truth, truth beauty. That is all you know on Earth and all you need to know.'

"I'm so sorry Grissom. For everything." She whimpered on a stuffy sniffle. "I'm sorry."

"I know. I'm sorry too." He held her tighter. "We can both get through this. I promise you."

Sara pulled back slowly, one hand wiping her cheeks while her other held onto his shoulder. Remembering her own promise to never get in his way again, or getting involved in his life, she shook her head sadly. "No. Don't make promises."

"Sara-" He stared into her puffy eyes.

"No." She said with a splash of conviction. "No promises. We have an agreement, professionally. I'd like to still have you as a guest lecturer, but don't stick around for anything more."

"Why?" Grissom asked quietly, completely confused.

"Your career at the lab, most importantly, your name and your reputation, would be tarnished greatly if you hung around me. It's already started. But I'm praying that it's not permanent."

Scoffing at the entire idea. "That's ridiculous."

"I don't see it that way."

"Of course you don't Sara. You are obviously still holding onto the guilt. It's stopping you from getting on with your life. Hell, your guilt is now holding me back. How can I not be around you? You're my best friend." Grissom's face pinched in bafflement and distress.

"I…" Shocked, she stared at him. "Really?"

Hating himself for the damage that had been caused to dispute their friendship, he nodded. "Yes. I lost your friendship a long time ago, but I'll be damned if I lose it for good after all that has happened."

Sara's heart broke, torn between pain and joy. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt you again. My life isn't going to get better than this. It's everything I've got left. Even though your friendship would mean the world to me, I can't let my involvement with you go any further than two professionals-"

"Sara. Stop. You're babbling. You're upset."

She erupted with hysterical tears. "Of course I'm upset!" She snapped. "And I'm babbling because I've lost all my energy crying and arguing with you." Bursting into tears at the absurd conversation, she willingly held onto Grissom when he again wrapped his arms around her.

He held on tighter as her cries increased. Letting her exhaust herself of all the tears, he smiled when a hiccup escaped. Pulling back to stroke her wet cheeks, he wiped a bit of the moisture away. His eyes always watching her. "Let me get you a glass of water, ok?"

She nodded silently, using her sleeves as a tissue to dry her cheeks and her eyes.

When Grissom returned with the glass of filtered cold water, he sat beside her, releasing the glass when she had a firm grip. He then lifted his arm up and over her head. "Hey." He said quietly before pulling her into his side, all the while she slowly sipped her water and sniffled.

"Thanks." She said, all stuffy and choked up.

"Anytime." He whispered.

They sat together in silence for a long time. Each gathering themselves in their own way.

"Once you open your mind to other possibilities, the answers become very clear to you."

Sophia inwardly sighed and her shoulders slumped for good measure. She may have thought she had something for the quirky man, but as she tried to get some kind of response or return from him, she was painfully discovering that he was not on the market. Whether he was taken by Sara Sidle or not.

Taking her case file and her heavy shoulders, she set about to find answers and locate Detective Brass to find the killers of the college students.

Grissom watched her go, wondering if his disinterest had suddenly sunk in. It wasn't that it didn't like her, no, it was just that he wasn't looking right then. Still mending his own emotional fence, his eyes and everything else were more focused on Sara.

"Griss!" Greg called out.

"I'm coming Greggo." He turned to proceed towards the break room. Ready to receive Greg's latest report on the case he was working.

With Sophia now looking into her case objectively, he could think about other things without worrying about Sara and any animosity Sophia had against her.

Albert Robbins closed up shop for the morning, making sure things were clean and tidy for the Dayshift. He was just exiting the building when his cell phone chimed.

"Robbins." He listened to the caller and smiled. He smiled again as he past Grissom and Brass walking down the middle of the parking lot, talking quietly. They all nodded in passing.

"I guess it's safe to say that I'll be home for breakfast, dear."

Brass chuckled at Grissom. "I'm not listening to the rumour mill Gil. Have more faith in me."

"It's hard for me to believe you."

"I didn't start it." The detective mock defended himself, his palm to his heart.

Scoffing at the false sincerity in the man's tone, Grissom dug into his briefcase for his keys. "You didn't exactly dispel any of it either."

Lowing his hand to his pants pocket as they walked between a red Ford, which had a pink engraved stripe down the side, and a plain dark blue SUV. He gave the Ford another look and checked the tax disk.

"Jim." Grissom called from the back of the SUV. "What are you doing? That's a suspects car."

Brass snorted. "I'd suspect a suspect with a car like that."

Pulling out a large bag, Grissom took a cursory look at the vehicle parked beside his. "Here's the evidence from the robbery. I have to take it in before leaving. You staying out here?"

Nodding slowly, the detective leaned forward to get a good like at the backseat. "I'm gonna call a buddy of mine. Have this car 'played' with."

"Jim, I parked here because I wasn't here ten minutes. Don't be a jerk and go home."

Straightening up with a stupid grin, he looked back at his friend. "You sure have changed."

"Death and taxes tend to have an effect on anyone." Grissom responded dryly, adjusting the evidence bag under his arm so he could pull out his cell phone from his beige jacket pocket. "I need to call Sara."

"Breakfast date?" Brass wasn't teasing with his question, he was truly curious.

Pressing the appropriate speed dial code, he looked up at the sky first before settling on Brass. "If you must know, Sara and I have been talking, a lot, about things. We're getting along and we're going to have lunch later to talk about my first lecture with her class."

"Ah." Brass nodded. "Good." He smiled. "I'm glad. That you have sorted things out. I hope it stays that way."

Grissom walked away with the evidence in his hand and his cell phone held to his ear. "Hey," He smiled softly when a sleepy voice picked up the phone. "Still on for lunch?"

Getting back into the swing of things, Grissom turned back towards the room and continued to talk about reconstructions to solve crimes and including in some places that bugs can help solve cases.

"-a few years ago I had a case north of Vegas. A metal case, or box, had fallen from a flat bedded truck. The truck was on it's way for a dump stop. When the driver of the truck got out to investigate what had fallen from his over packed load, he discovered the box in a ditch. When he got closer to it, he noticed that it was humming."

Retrieving a photocopy of one of the crime scene photos, Grissom latched it to the overhead projector and showed the audience. It was an open picture of the contents of the box.

Even when he noticed that Professor Henry Giles shifted in his seat and adjusted his glasses, Grissom continued to explain. "The driver tried to open the box with a crowbar, but was overcome with insects that flew around his head. He retreated and called highway patrol. When the police were finally called, I was brought in and discovered that the box was full of fire ants."

A hand shot up from the audience. "Doctor Grissom?"

Stopping just before he was about to speak, he inwardly sighed at the interruption. "Yes?"

"Wasn't there another case that involved fire ants? A case where a Down Syndrome kid was killed at a horse ranch and then stuffed in a metal box?"

Sara sat up straighter in her seat off to the side. She looked out at the students briefly before adding to her notes. She was almost ready to take her exams to become a professor, but she still needed to get in some written work for a late essay. With Grissom around most nights, prepping for his lecture, the distractions were starting to show in her work. Which wasn't all bad, she just needed to sit down and work a little more before classes. She'd catch up.

Grissom spoke with confidence. "As a matter of fact, there have been numerous murders, accidents, suicides, over the many years that I've been a CSI, that have included fire ants in one way or another. They are indeed a pest. A dangerous pest at that."

Placated with the answer, the student sat down and scribbled in his notepad.

Able to finish in peace, Grissom closed up and answered the many questions that were directed at him. And not all were about the course. With the famous Entomologist Gil Grissom, who wouldn't ask a bug question and distract him from the subject at hand.

Sara was hesitating from interrupting the interrogation as students started to crowd Grissom and shoot out quick fire questions before firing more. She hadn't seen him absorbed in his work for a long time and even though he was just giving a lecture, it was hard not to think back to the time when they first met and she was one of those students surrounding him.

Thinking back and trying to understand how things had progressed, she knew that she wasn't the only student that Grissom instructed, as she was now seeing that he was bound to take on more eager learners. Even Grissom couldn't back down from a challenge.

It was some time before the students started to grab their things and leave, but Henry Giles sat calmly, watching and listening, even answering his cell phone once while he waited. Sara decided she would just join him and wait.

"He'll steal your thunder, you know?" Henry teased her.

Smiling into her hand as she relaxed in her seat, Sara stared at a speck on the floor. "I'm sure he will. He's a great CSI."

Henry huffed a laugh and leaned his head to the side. "You're no less popular to these guys."

"I'm a teacher." She snorted and chuckled. "The fame doesn't interest me. I love Forensics."

"I don't suppose Gil likes the attention from his minions."

Sara laughed out loud at the idea of Grissom having minions.

Grissom looked over the heads of two students before shooing them away. "I'll give my email address to Miss Sidle and you can ask more question, but for now you should catch a break before afternoon classes start." He advised as he started to break through the crowd.

Looking up as someone approached, Sara smiled. "Having fun?"

He let out a puff of air. "It's a lot in a long time. You do realise that I haven't given a lecture in some many years?" Grissom sat down beside Sara and stretched out, his right arm pressing against Sara's as they shared the armrest.

"Well," Henry sat forward to look around Sara. "You sure know how to entertain the room Gil."

"Thank you." He nodded, offering a small smile to Sara before a frown creased his forehead and he pushed his head forward to look at Henry. "What are you doing here? Don't you have classes?"

"Excuse me, you came to my neck of the woods to help a friend. I can abuse my position by sitting in on one of Doctor Gil Grissom's talks. Besides, Sara invited me." Henry said smugly.

Grissom swung his head and stared. "You invited him?"

She smiled. "It was the least I could do. Henry did ask me to do this series of lectures. And if it wasn't for your encouragement, I wouldn't have accepted. So, as they say, the rest is history."

A smirk tipped his lips as Grissom nodded. "Ok." He looked back to the other professor. "Have you okey'd the reconstruction for next month?" He changed the topic smoothly.

Henry nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "Forms have been signed. Student letters written up. Notices posted. Four weeks and counting."

Sara let out a rush of noisy air. "That's not that long away."

Reassuringly, Grissom touched her elbow. "You've got me to help."

She smiled. "Thank you."

Henry left them to talk things over. A moment of silence passed. Sitting and looking out at the slightly elevated stage.

"How about some lunch?" Grissom asked softly, turning his head slowly to look at her.

Smiling a little and thinking for a second, Sara decided it would be nice to eat something and even with the things that had been going on between them, it would still be nice to eat with him. "Sure." She said quietly.

A few weeks into preparation and bundles of nerves, a quiet dinner and a work session led to a heated debate about something only a physicist and an entomologist would know, to which Grissom blurted out a sudden thought that was very uncharacteristic. Though for a changed man, anything was possible.

"God you're sexy when you're passionate about something."

Sara stopped short with a comeback to their debate as his words filtered into her brain. She stared, then blushed, before letting out a nervous but humorous giggle. "Oh come on!" She teased. "You're trying to distract me because you know I'm right."

He slowly shook his head in disagreement, placing his half empty cup of coffee on the breakfast bar. "No. I believe what I was saying. 'A Bugs Life' is a great way to introduce entomology to a class of nerdy students."

Sara burst out laughing now that he had voiced aloud what they were debating about. "You should use that charming wit more often Gil. You're hilarious."

"Mock me as you wish, but don't turn to me next week when I prove it."

Laughing so hard, she reached out her hand to steady herself. Her hand clamped to his arm as he moved closer. "You are so forbidden to do any such thing, Doctor Grissom."

"We'll see about that." He chuckled. "I'll have Henry overrule you."

She snorted. "Not bloody likely."

Chuckling again and this time covering her hand on his arm, he smiled. "Still," He paused, looking into her glistening with mirth eyes.

"I'd give up. You're in no way going to talk me into it." She calmed her beating heart only for it to kick start at the look in his eyes.

Another moment and they were both certain things could have gone some place, but Sara was still unwilling to let him step over the line between them. Though she wanted to, she was afraid of what the outcome would be. The feelings of loss and embarrassment were still there, which was lessening, but still a sharp reminder.

Grissom blinked and squeezed her hand gently, raising it and dipping his head to place a warm kiss to her palm. He moved past her to reach the refrigerator. "I'm hungry again." He sighed, wistfully gazing at the contents.

Waiting a breath, Sara picked up her coffee and took a sip before addressing him without turning. "There is some fruit salad leftover from last nights meal."

"Hmm," He hummed in hungry appreciation, still staring into the depths.

Another minute past before Sara rattled around and against her thoughts and left only her feelings out in the open. She set her cup down with a scary decision on her mind. Before talking herself out of her decided actions, she turned and approached the fridge.

Slowly leaning around the man blocking the way, she lifted her right hand to rest on Grissom's broad back, fingers caressing lightly against the muscles beneath . Her left hand retrieved the covered fruit salad bowl. "Gil," She said his name almost on a silent breath, turning her face towards his as he responded. "Don't leave this time." She whispered. "I couldn't bare it a second time."

He slowly reacted, pushing his head forward to brush a kiss across her lips.

With the fruit salad taken from her hand, Sara moved in to be wrapped up against his chest. Grissom placed the salad on the unit and shuffled them back a little to swing the fridge door shut. Some items on the top shook, but nothing compared to the earthquake equivalent in each of their hearts.

His arms around her and her arms around him, things held and kissed leisurely. Both enjoying the intimacy of something lost and something completely new. Contentment and acceptance, both with each other and with their lives.

Watching Greg and Nick drive off, Warrick moved back towards the softball field. Though they had only been practising, it was fun and relaxing to meet up with the guys outside work after the busy few weeks they'd had.

Snatching up a stray softball, Warrick flexed his hands around the ball as he looked out across the field towards the small metallic stands and the only two people left in the area.

"Come here often?" Grissom asked as he collected up bats that were flung on the grass around the dugout.

"Oh, you know, it depends."

Chuckling softly, he grabbed a bat bag and started putting the bats inside. "Is it the game? The bodies or the action?"

"Can't it be neither? I might actually know someone and be meeting them."

Looking up, he laughed. "A pretty thing like you? I doubt you'd be associated with sweaty, dirty, middle aged men in shorts and falling on their asses."

She laughed. "I wouldn't say that was the reason, but-"

"Sara Sidle?" Warrick called out as he walked across first base. "What are you doing here? Don't you work on weekends?" He teased her, reminding her off old times.

"Funny Rick." She countered, grinning. "I'm on a break. Thought I'd check out what you guys were doing, then snatch Gil away and feed him before he goes off to his big convention thing in Colorado."

"Ah, I get ya. You're not gonna see your bugman for two days and wanna make sure he eats healthy and give him the 'behave your ass and stay out of trouble' talk." Warrick let out a loud laugh when a softball hit him in the stomach. The power behind the throw was minimal and not meant to injure, so it just dropped to the young mans feet.

"I think it's time to go." Grissom commented with a calm small sigh. It was hot and he'd been in the sun for several hours.

Warrick grabbed the bag from his boss' hand and gestured towards Sara. "I'll finish up, you let Sara get the 'woman thang' over with."

"Thanks Warrick." Grissom headed for the stands and picked up his sports bag. Slinging it over his right shoulder, he walked up to Sara and looped his left arm around her waist. "What's a 'woman's thang', anyway?"

Sara giggled and hugged him sideways. "He's referring to me reading you your 'off limits with other woman' rights."

"Ah." He nodded thoughtfully, stepping onto the parking lot and leading the way to her car. "I guess I need to hear that, because I don't think I have the updated version."

Laughing into his shoulder, she walked with him slowly. "You think you're so funny."

"I can't help myself sometimes." He chuckled.

Stopping in front of her car, Sara turned into Grissom's arms and looked up into his eyes, watching for a moment as they wandered over her face.

"I'm buying, I'll drop you off later to pick up your car." She smiled, kissing him once on the lips.

"Warrick drove me." He kissed her back, smirking when she leaned against him. "And I'm buying."

Huffing against the side of his neck, she said. "I'm perfectly capable of buying lunch."

"I know." He smiled at her as his hands ran up her back. "But I'm not going to see you for a few days and I'm thinking we make the most of the time we have together."

Thinking this over, Sara thought it was a wonderful idea. Might as well milk the day for all it was worth. She was hungry and she wasn't needed anywhere, so dinner with Grissom sounded perfect.

"Ok. And when you get back , we have our first reconstruction lecture and field trip. So you can think that over while you're away too."

It wasn't the only thing he thought about while he was away. Re-evaluation of life and those most important in his life made him think things over and come to many realisations that would allow him to start life over.

"I should have realised." Grissom said with a bright eyed glance in her direction, the two standing and watching the bus empty.

"Realised what?" Sara asked, searching the sky for any sounds of thunder as the wind picked up and the clouds darken.

"That I'm in love." He smiled to himself and chuckled.

Sara stared at his back as he took a step forward. "Gil."

"Come on! Before the storm hits!" He yelled over the noisy wind.

She smiled and bent to pick up her case. A hand reached under hers first and grabbed the case instead. She looked up to find Grissom looking at her with no smile of amusement, only clear openness and unguarded emotion. He leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on her lips before a small smile formed. Sara returned it, knowing that things from the past, even recently, had changed and turned into goodness and hope. Both of which she thought was lost to her.

"Love?" She murmured.

"Uh huh." His eyes twinkled.

"Love?" She repeated, her voice turned teasing.

He smiled. "Oodles of it."

She laughed and cupped his cheek with her right hand. Her rough skin against his smooth shaven skin, was a reminder of how they had come to be here today, but even all that time grieving and pain, something had blossomed, something that both were now unashamed or guilty about. Something beautiful.

"Love for you, that is so deep, you are a part of my heart and my soul." His voice whispered with such a depth of emotion that it set Sara's heart pounding and her soul never before more elated by such words.

Swallowing around tears of belonging and joy, she managed to speak with a voice thick with feeling. "Gil Grissom, you amaze me. And I love you more than life itself."

He sniffled suddenly, before enveloping her in his arms and holding her tight.

Students were shuffling around in groups of amazement. The exercise of a recreation of a cold case set before them, surrounded by yellow police tape and sheltered with a huge white tent, had them in awe and fascination and completely oblivious of the display behind them.

End.