Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho copyright Yoshihiro Togashi. I claim no ownership over the series, manga, nor the characters/plots contained therein. I'm not making any money off of this. This is just art in the form of the writing to express my love of Yu Yu Hakusho.

Author's Notes: December 2010 – Completed and re-edited for sentence structure/grammar/typos. HAPPY WINTER EVERYONE! Thank you for sticking by me through my long hiatus!

Sequel to Huminshou. The tone is different from it's predecessor. This may contain spoilers for that fic, but don't worry. You can read this one as an AU-ish standalone too.

Awake

by Zelia Theb.

- - "I'd rather regret doing something than regret doing nothing at all." - -

"What's his name?"

"Aijirou."

"Aijirou Kusa-something? That fat guy who sits behind you in class? Him?" Yusuke questioned.

"Yes, him, Yusuke," his slender brunette friend Keiko replied, "He's not fat. You can't say that about everyone who isn't as good looking as you!" She blushed. What had she just admitted?

"Oh, so I'm good looking now, eh Keiko?" Yusuke teased, narrowing his brown eyes at the girl. "And that's why you're going out with him?" He did not understand his jealously, or rather, didn't want to admit that it existed.

"What are you jealous for, Yusuke?" Keiko asked, her voice raising a bit. "I have a boyfriend, you have a boyfriend, so now we're both happy!"

"You know damn well why I'm pissed off, Keiko." He stepped forward so that he no longer stood half-way across his bedroom. He gazed at her, hoping that she would be able to figure it out for herself.

There was a time when he loved her. He loved her so much, but she had never wanted to take the next step. It was hard to even hold hands with her, let alone even admit to the other that something was going on. That feeling had only given them a stronger friendship that had roots in their childhood, and the romantic interest faded over time.

There was him, Yusuke's "boyfriend" that Keiko had mentioned. A strangely forbidden love between two former enemies, between human and demon. Hiei meant so much to him, even though they had only been together for a few weeks.

A lingering idea remained in his head.

"I'd rather regret doing something than regret not doing something."

He didn't really have feelings for Keiko anymore, but he had always wondered what if. He wanted to know what it would be like to kiss her; however, he could never find out, because he was with Hiei now. Even if they did kiss, Yusuke didn't feel the relationship to be worthy enough to pursue.

Hiei needed him, and he needed Hiei, although neither of them had gone into much detail about their lives. Yusuke needed someone broken as badly as the demon; Hiei needed someone who understood pain to piece him back together. Keiko was not Hiei. She was fixed, and nearly perfect. No matter how hard she could listen, or try to understand, she never really would understand Yusuke's life, even though she had nearly lived it with him. Keiko was his best friend, and there was a reason for it.

"Yusuke…" she uttered, her lips aching to put that very same curiosity at ease. She leaned in and kissed him.

He did not hesitate to return the affection, although no lips were breached in the process. Innocent enough, it laid their musings to rest.

Keiko pulled away, flushed and embarrassed, and said, "I'm…sorry…I…"

Yusuke hushed her with an embrace. They knew the kiss meant nothing more than closure.

This moment, nearly forgotten by both, happened years ago.

Hiei had called him up to the roof of the apartment building that Yusuke lived in the past few years. His mother had gotten married to a rather wealthy man named Nenosuke, but lived out of the city in a house now. Yusuke had insisted that he had to stay in the city "for school," an excuse Atsuko actually believed and complied with, despite the fact that Yusuke declined higher education once high-school finished. She and Nenosuke picked up the rent, and easy feat due to Neno's fortune.

"So, you actually want to train up here? It's gonna pour any second, Hiei," Yusuke remarked, watching the four foot ten figure be illuminated by lightning in the distance. Despite the fact that he had been imprisoned in the human world for several years now, he still insisted on wearing some sort of cloak, unless Yusuke wanted to go somewhere in public with him.

"Actually, I lied to you," Hiei replied, black strands of his hair flying all over the place from the wind. "I'm just detest everyone's staring."

By "everyone," Hiei meant Keiko, the Kuwabara siblings, Kurama, and Botan. It just so happened to be the anniversary of their first mission as a team, and since Botan was the only one that kept track of those things, she insisted that they had another party this year for it. Hiei had pulled Yusuke away from the party below "to train," or so Yusuke thought. Any excuse to get away would have sufficed.

As Yusuke contemplated the people below, he found himself enveloped in a warm embrace from his lover, and their mouths tangled together soon after. Once their lips pulled apart, Hiei smiled at him, and held him close.

"You didn't want everyone to stare at us kissing?" Yusuke said, resting his chin into the ebony locks resting in his hands. "I don't think they would mind so much. They have rudely interrupted us while we were doing much worse, several times."

Hiei chuckled, "Hn. If you consider making love where ever we please worse."

"Worse to them, not for us."

Hiei smiled again and rubbed Yusuke's back affectionately. Years ago, such an act would have had Yusuke checking Hiei for a plague. Now, it was commonplace. "You know that I love you, right?" Hiei asked, his voice carried off by the strong winds. He had to get to the point of the rendezvous.

Yusuke tensed up for a moment. He did know that Hiei loved him, but in face of the fact that he had willingly told him everything that happened in his life—all of his pain, suffering, and hardship—Hiei hardly ever said the three meaningful words to Yusuke. The ratio was one for every ninety that Yusuke said. He didn't mind really, but something about this time provoked his mind; he knew that something was either really wrong, or something was really good.

However, he also knew that the Universe truly did despise him, and the storm was as foreboding as the three fateful words.

"Yes, I know, Hiei," Yusuke murmured, placing a gentle kiss in the demon's hair.

Hiei gently grasped his hand, placing an item into Yusuke's palm. He held it there, sandwiched between his own two hands so that it would be a surprise. The detective breathed a sigh of relief; perhaps it wasn't going to be as bad as he'd previously thought.

"This is yours now," Hiei announced, slowly letting his hands slip away. "It's a necklace from home. An eternally frozen snowflake. It will never melt."

Yusuke picked up the slender, silver chain of the pendant and inspected the small crystals of icy water. The snowflake appeared no larger than a fingernail.

Beautiful.

Hiei broke the silence. "It's unbreakable."

Yusuke didn't want to test that theory. Was this how demon's proposed to each other? Hiei had never given him a gift before, at least not one so precious that he could recall.

"Is this where you've been all day? Trying to get your hands on something so nice for me? What's the occasion?" A low rumble of thunder echoed, the sound smashing Yusuke's hopes to bits and inviting the doubts to his mind once again.

"I've always had that, Yusuke…" Hiei inhaled deeply. "And I've been with Koenma all day."

"That's why you weren't here this morning," Yusuke remarked. After falling into the habit of sleeping in each other's arms every night (to cure Hiei's insomnia), Yusuke had almost always woken up first and made breakfast for both of them before Hiei disappeared for the day to train, or do whatever he did.

"I'm free, Yusuke."

Another clash of thunder, this one louder than its predecessor.

This was one of Yusuke's worst fears. As much as he knew that Hiei deserved to be free—that he deserved to go home and breath the same air as other demons—Yusuke wanted Hiei to be locked at his side forever.

The demon was a free spirit confined to prison for several years. He had repaid his dues several times over, yet Spirit World hadn't ever let up on him. Until now.

Yusuke's composure left him. Jittery and trembling, Yusuke said, "So you're going to go back to…"

"Come with me."

Yusuke expected the invitation. He had played this exact moment in his head several times. The anxiety became worse as time passed on.

"You aren't really going to go, are you?" Yusuke asked. He pulled Hiei in, tight as chains.

"I have to. Koenma is not leaving me much choice. I have to choose today or else the special portal he's opened for me will close," Hiei said.

"I can't go, Hiei," Yusuke said, pushing himself away. Forget the chains.

"Why?" Hiei asked. Rain began to fall.

To him, Yusuke was supposed to ditch everything and not even have to think twice. Yusuke did not belong in this world, that was clear from the confidence in himself that he had gained from the Dark Tournament. He had never belonged anywhere until he became the Spirit Detective. They could have a life together in the Demon World—one which promised more than this human one.

He asked Yusuke because he wanted Yusuke to be happy. He wanted to give Yusuke that same sense of belonging that Yusuke had given him. And...well, Hiei belonged there too. Among his own kind. Living in Yusuke's city came with a certain sort of self-censorship that slowly killed him.

"I…I have a life here, Hiei! I can't just leave it all behind, especially Mom and Keiko!"

Keiko…Keiko… He understood the human infatuation with mothers due to Kurama's own complex, but Keiko struck him like a finely sharpened kodachi blade. Was it really all that possible that Yusuke still loved Keiko?

"Keiko? I'm not as important as Keiko?" Hiei yelled back. "You still have feelings for her?"

"No…no Hiei! That's not it!" Yusuke struggled to interrupt the rant.

"Did something happen that I don't know about? Is that why you won't come with me?"

The memory of the kiss that they shared flooded Yusuke's memory much like the rain flooding the stony roof. This meaningless kiss had remained a secret from Hiei all these years. Presented with the question, Yusuke couldn't lie to him anymore, even if he tried. However, Hiei had other things to say, prolonging the admission of guilt.

"I need you to come with me, Yusuke," the demon said dejectedly, staring at the puddle forming remorselessly at his feet. "I've become too soft and weak after living in this world for so long."

"Oh, I see," Yusuke spat back. "You just want me to come with you so that you can train, but I guess that I am the reason that you became weak or whatever in the first place."

"No!" Hiei shrieked, trying to overcome the sounds of the storm. "That isn't it! I need you…" To protect me. To protect him, because he was too weak to live in that world alone, not only physically, but emotionally. Hiei would not be able to survive if Yusuke didn't join him.

He had opened up to him, trusted him. In all his years of living, he had never done something so daring or risky. It was a brand new experience, and he threw everything out on the table. He allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of someone who—at their first meeting—had defeated him and been the one to capture him.

"We kissed, Hiei," Yusuke admitted. "Keiko and I…a few weeks after we first got together." He figured that if he rambled, Hiei would not have a chance to interrupt or do anything stupid. He continued, "It was noth—"

"Forget it!" Hiei exclaimed, nearly wailing. "I thought that you would understand. After everything I told you. After I—" Showed you who I truly am. "Just forget it!" He turned heel to flee, but did so at a languid pace, clinging on to one last hope that perhaps Yusuke would ask him to stay, or try to stop him.

"Hiei! Wait!" Yusuke called out. He grabbed Hiei by the shoulder and spun him back around, splashing water on both of their shins. "Here." He held out his palm, revealing the gift that he had just received. "I don't deserve this."

Hiei closed the open hand, then looked at the brown and misted orbs above him and said, "No."

"No," he didn't deserve the gift, or "no," he did? Either way, Yusuke never had a chance to inquire further, because Hiei slipped away. Yusuke remained on the roof, alone.

Several moments of listening to the utter silence in his heart and the chaos in the sky finally drove him to return to his apartment. Yusuke slowly descended the first set of steps that led down toward his floor, rain dripping sinfully in the corridor from his clothing, hair, and skin—skin which already missed the gentle touch of his now past love. His eyes and ears and all other senses closed as he thought himself in circles, the guilt of his own selfishness eating away at his brain. The footsteps that approached him, that echoed off the cement and steel walls of the stairwell, went unnoticed.

"Yusuke! You're soaking wet!" The footsteps quickened into a rapid staccato and soon their source gripped Yusuke's wrist, bringing him back into reality.

"Kurama…" Yusuke uttered, not entirely sure if the emerald eyes that stared into him, searching for answers, truly belonged to his red-haired comrade.

"What happened, Yusuke?" Kurama asked, his voice carrying concern. He had loved Yusuke for years, and Yusuke knew it. He feared that one day, Hiei would crush Yusuke's heart. Finding Yusuke in this state hurt.

Yusuke did not respond. He could not form words, as if they had left him out of karmic balance for what he'd done to Hiei. Tears fell down the perfect skin of his youthful face, masked by the rain drops that escaped the wet locks of his hair.

"Yusuke…I'm sorry," Kurama said, embracing Yusuke with every ounce of emotion that his body held for him. He had told Hiei, before both the detective and demon had begun their relationship, that he would never forgive him if he broke Yusuke's heart.

"Koenma…" Yusuke stuttered from the sobs which escaped his somewhat closed throat. "He…the Demon World…"

Kurama's own heart broke; he had never seen the normally strong willed and carefree man so torn up. He had seen him upset, or down, but never something so furious and corrosive to the soul. He tenderly pushed away from the broken detective, wanting to see him in his entirety.

It was then that he noticed a small charm dangling from a silver chain, barely clutched by the Yusuke's trembling hands. Kurama lifted those hands and inspect the item, only to find the pain in his own heart swelling.

"An eternally frozen snowflake," Kurama whispered, clasping the item tightly back into Yusuke's hands. The item was far too important to be left dangling haphazardly. He didn't want to utter the significance of such an item out loud; he wasn't certain if Hiei had made it clear, though his own knowledge of the short demon turned the odds in favor that he hadn't. Kurama had no thought or inkling as to how Hiei might have acquired something like that, unless he had it all his life, but he did know one thing: demons like Hiei did not find love as often as humans did.

So to have such an item for a proposal was rare. A priceless gift of engagement.

Hiei meant to bind Yusuke to him forever.

Kurama found himself holding Yusuke again, unsure of what to say to assure him. Unfortunately, the wrong thing fell from his lips. "Yusuke…I would never leave you, not even in death."

Yusuke could not respond. The soothing declaration only doused the despair momentarily. He continued to hold Kurama until his sadness subsided. He couldn't possibly act like this in front of everyone else. They wouldn't understand.

"Come now, Yusuke," Kurama said. Yusuke's feelings of emotional modesty weren't as important as his health. "We absolutely must get you back home before you become ill."