Author's Notes: Hmm, I just looked over SCHV, after I wrote this first scene out, and they contradict each other... not something I can account for by differing perspectives, either... oh well, I still have a chance to fix it - good thing I started writing this before I started chapter 14 (because I got stuck and this plot-bunny was in my head, so... live with it :p ).
JediGirl007: Glad you like it. Don't worry, I'm determined to finish this story, it's just a matter of how long I take rather than whether or not I do it.
Firera: Yeah, he still has some light left in him... I plan to keep it that way as long as possibly - it's easier to write DS if they still have some good in them somewhere. Yeah, I always wanted to do that to a man, too - what woman hasn't?
Pinguicha: LOL, yes I do that all the time (startle people in the same room as my computer with my cackling). And I didn't want to write a couple of characters having unprotected sex, and not mention consequences. Also, about PMS, see what I just said to Firera.
Soldier of Darkness: That's how I felt about Malak, too. Carth was an acceptable romance plot, but when I found out I was Revan, I wanted to know what my relationship with Malak had been before he betrayed me... I was pissed that I couldn't ask him outright, in the game, if we'd been lovers.
Dark Lord Daishi: Glad you like it.
Darth Arachne: What SCHV quote? I don't remember quoting it, and if I did it was accidental. I'm glad you liked HK, though - I do enjoy writing it - unfortunately, it's not gonna reappear as often as I'd hoped, as it does need to disappear off before The Betrayal (otherwise Malak woulda had it scrapped.
PadawanMage: I always try to respond to my reviews, to show how much I appreciate the feedback. Yes, Invisible Man was a brilliant show... just my other readers don't appear to have seen it. I don't wear the lenses when I'm writing - only for effect, at parties. If he hadn't rationalised it, he'd have hated Revan... it's too early for him to feel that way about her, yet. Yep, you're right about Selene. About HK, you flatter me - I'll try giving it more cameos, but I don't know if I can or not - I do suppose it needs to interact with Jawless!Malak, doesn't it? As for the Jaw Incident, read on... find out.
Cantankerous 84: Thanks. Yes, love long reviews :hugs: keep 'em coming! I can't write without comedy in it - I've tried, this fic was supposed to be serious, damnit... lol! Glad you like the humour, though. You're the second person to make a comment on that level, regarding HK... I assure you, I am not a screenwriter, and I don't have my own HK droid sitting next to my computer - however, I am truly flattered by your comment... meatbag. Yes, that's who Selene was. Hey, I don't rule my muses - they decide how fast I can write - don't be impatient. Muse says "go play KotOR2 now, and stop wasting time on fanfics", so don't hold your breath for the next one.
This chapter's song was a close competition... part of me wanted to use the Masochism Tango: "Let our love be a flame, not an ember... say it's me that you want to dismember" I couldn't resist at least mentioning it. I swore to myself I'd not use two songs by the same singer/band... but these guys are just so good, and I couldn't find any other song besides to far-too-over-the-top song mentioned above, to fit the mood here.
"It should come as no surprise,
That were you to see my eyes,
You'd dart yours away before it's dreamtime.
It may take a few tries,
But you'll cut me down to size.
And your sleek disguise of mourning won't have reason or rhyme.
I'm gonna die some day,
That's all that you never can say,
You can listen close to me,
Or just ignore my plea,
But either way I'm gonna die some day.
When problems of morality,
Make an issue of mortality,
A matter of how far gone one's mentality,
There's just no escaping someone else's reality,
No, I'm gonna die some day,
That's all that you never can say,
You can listen close to me,
Or just ignore my plea,
But either way I'm gonna die some day"
-Common Rotation, Gone Dyin'.
x x x
Chapter 16 - Pain
Malak was let out of the brig that night, but not out of Revan's sight for the next few days. Weeks passed, and more and more Republic territory fell to the Sith Empire. Weeks passed into months, and the Jedi joined the war. Specifically, one Jedi who wreaked more havoc on Revan's battle plans than Malak's temper and Derrin's meddling combined.
Bastila Shan. A precocious Padawan with the incredibly rare gift of Battle Meditation. She proceeded to use it to great effect, driving Revan's fleet back to a standstill on several key battles.
Almost a year had passed since they found the Star Forge, and the galaxy should have been firmly in Revan's grasp by now. Would have been if it weren't for Bastila Shan.
x x x
"Another one? Why do we have to get involved in these battles?" Derrin whined, "Isn't that what underlings, minions, and henchmen are for?" The battle on the surface of the planet they were currently headed to was swinging in the Republic's favour, and they were in one of their shuttles, headed for the surface of the world. Revan didn't want to destroy the ground-based station, because it was too useful in one piece, so they were going in person to drive off the Jedi who were attempting to defend it, instead of blasting it from orbit (as Tyr and Malak had both suggested vehemently).
Malak looked up and glared at Derrin, "Believe it or not, that's what we are. Revan's the Master. Now if you're not going to be useful, then maybe you could go away and practice henching elsewhere?"
"Funny. Real funny." Derrin grumbled.
"Better than any joke you could come out with, horn-face." Malak growled.
"Look, I'm not trying to be annoying or anything. You know I gave that up when Revan went all Sithy. This is just how I am. Sor-ry."
Malak threw a low-volatage bolt of Force lightning at Derrin. Derrin made a sort of 'eep' sound.
"Boys! Don't kill each other." Revan chided. 'Malak, you know Derrin is not to be killed.' "Derrin, just shut up!" she snarled.
"Yes, Master." Derrin intoned, with the sort of false cheerfulness of a disobedient child accepting instructions from a teacher.
Malak just glared at the Zabrak, for a moment, before bowing his head to Revan, in a show of compliance.
The shuttle swooped down to the planet's surface, and landed pointedly on top of a random Jedi. Revan, Malak, Derrin and Tyr stepped off the shuttle. Tyr immediately leapt into the battle. Derrin looked around for a moment, before choosing a target, and joining the fight.
Revan watched the battle for a minute, gauging the strengths and weaknesses of the enemy... and, it seemed, her own soldiers, as well... then she slowly stepped down the embarkation ramp of the shuttle. Malak kept close to her - as far as he was concerned, this planet be damned, he was here to ensure no one took Revan by surprise and hurt her. Not that she needed defending, but he still kept close to her... last time they tried taking on the Battle Meditation girl's soldiers, Revan had actually ended up saving his life. Not that he felt he needed her protection or anything - of course not.
'Don't kid yourself, Malak.' Revan's thoughts rang through his mind, practically laughing at him.
'I hate when you do that.'
Even with the Dark Lord herself as backup, they were still losing. Even the common Republic soldiers were giving the Dark Jedi a hard time. One of them actually succeeded in wounding Malak's left arm, before the fool met a painful death on the wrong end of Malak's lightsaber.
'This is getting us nowhere.' Revan thought, as she defended herself against two unnaturally fast Jedi.
'What do you suggest?' Malak asked her, cutting down one of the offending Jedi from behind.
'I... I can't think of anything else we can do.' Revan thought, confusion and fear hitting him almost physically, though their bond.
Then he really was hit physically, by a lightsaber from behind. He spun round, and almost instinctively summoned all his anger to tap into the darkest powers he could reach - he drew the life energy from the Jedi who had attacked him... killing the unfortunate Jedi, and using the energy to heal his injury. It had been a glancing blow, mostly deflected by his armour, but it had still hurt enough.
'Now there's an idea...' Revan noted in the back of his mind, 'Thanks for the thought.'
He felt something powerful build up in her. The Force bond amplified his sense of it, sending shrieks of mind-numbing anger and rage echoing in his head. It took him a few seconds to seal himself off from her and stop seeing red. Bloody hell, what was that? It felt like... like using Force Rage - a dark skill Revan had taught him... except with one hell of a feedback loop... and the chance for him to shut it off once it had started.
Screams and death behind him drew his attention, and he turned to see Revan fighting like a maniac. Literally. She paid no heed to defence, but the multiple lightsaber strikes she endured didn't phase her - didn't even slow her down. Yep, definitely Force Rage.
And she proceeded to cut a swathe through their enemies, as Malak struggled to hold his own against one Jedi. One incredibly young Jedi, too. So young he must have been a Padawan, but he fought with such focus and control that he may as well have been a Master. No measly Padawan was going to bring Malak down, though. No damned way!
Malak focused on his single opponent, as more and more of the enemy threw their collective suicidal efforts into attacking Revan. She was like a force of nature - an unstoppable blaze of crimson lightsabers, whirling homicidally like a tornado. She was distracting the Padawan, but Malak kept his focus... that evened the odds slightly, but not enough - the Padawan still had the Battle Meditation on his side, and started pushing Malak back slowly, putting him on the defensive.
The hum of lightsabers, the smell of blaster fire and death, the fear anger and bloodlust in the air... he tuned it all out, narrowing down the galaxy to this one fight. This one persistent opponent who just refused to die. Stupid thing to do - stupid Jedi-like thing to do.
Malak stumbled as he stepped on the arm of a corpse, and staggered to one side to keep his balance, his lightsaber held defensively between himself and that one Padawan. A death-cry from his left drew some of his attention, and he turned to see the lightsaber-wielding whirlwind that was Revan approaching him. Her eyes were closed and she was simply killing all who got in the way of her blades.
And she was headed in this direction... very rapidly. By the time he realised this, she was within range, striking down the Jedi who Malak had been fighting, as her other blade arced towards Malak's throat.
He leaned back to avoid being decapitated, but he wasn't quite fast enough. It seemed like time itself slowed to a snail's pace, as he felt the searing pain of the lightsaber making contact with his jaw-line. His yell of pain was cut off and he tasted fire and blood. Suddenly, he couldn't breathe. Pain and fear clouded his mind, and he reached out blindly with the Force... this time purely instinctively, he drained the life essence from whoever was closest to him. He somehow knew it wasn't Revan, even as he did it.
Then he landed on his ass, and time returned to normal. He rolled onto his side, and reached his hand to his face... then immediately tried to scream, when he felt the severity of his injury. But, since the injury in question was a missing jaw, he couldn't scream. He could breathe through his nose - just about - but... even then he couldn't make a sound. His vocal chords must have been severed.
He felt the injury, cautiously. The worst of the pain and damage had been mended when he had drawn the life from- he looked up and counted- three Jedi. But his jaw was conspicuously absent. He scanned the ground for it. He might have vomited if he had been able, just thinking about what had just happened... but some rational thought in the back of his mind blocked such notions, on the grounds that vomiting through his nose would likely be even more nauseating.
He located the severed body-part quickly, but couldn't bring himself to reach out for it. Instead he just stared, dumbstruck, slowly pushing himself up to his knees. He couldn't believe what had just happened... he was in total shock.
"Hey, Malak!" the galaxy's most annoying voice jolted him out of his state of shock, and reality came hurtling back to Malak. He looked up to see Derrin fighting against two Jedi at once, and barely keeping his own limbs intact, "We're getting our collective asses handed to us! Pick your jaw up off the ground before the rest of your head joins it, and give us a hand!"
Delightful child. A slow and painful death is still far too good for him. Though the brat certainly had a point. Malak picked up his severed jaw - lightsabers are marvellous things, cauterised wounds were so much less messy - and stood shakily. He turned on the two Jedi Derrin was fighting, and all the anger, pain and resentment he felt at his recent mutilation flew from his fingertips as lethal lightning, frying the two unfortunate Jedi to a crisp.
"Wow... scary." Derrin muttered, staring at the well-cooked corpses.
Malak shot a glare at Derrin. Want to join them, horn-face? Of course, such thoughts cannot be conveyed without a telepathic link... but the sentiment was clear.
Derrin held up his hands in a gesture of surrender to Malak. As he did this, a ship flew overhead, fleeing the battlefield. A bolt of lightening from Revan just missed the ship, and the woman herself slumped, exhausted, against a wall. The battlefield was now void of life, save for a few surviving Sith soldiers, three dark Jedi whom Malak couldn't name, Tyr, Derrin, Malak, and Revan herself.
Several seconds of silence passed, before Revan seemed to recover, and walked over to Malak and Derrin. She stopped right in front of Malak, and stared at him for a minute, "What happened to your face?" she asked in a carefully measured tone - the sort of voice Jedi use when they want to pretend to be emotionless automatons.
Malak glared at her. Warily, he lowered his mental barriers... when he didn't feel the near-blinding screaming frothing rage in his mind, he relaxed slightly, 'Don't you remember?' he thought coldly.
She tilted her head to one side, "Perhaps we should return to the Defiant." she said quietly, "Secure the area." she snapped the order to Tyr, "Derrin, Malak, you follow me." her eyes flicked to Malak's left hand, which held his severed jaw - he was pointedly tuning out that detail in his mind, though. 'Perhaps the medic can help fix that...' She turned and led the way to the shuttle.
Tyr started barking orders to the soldiers around, sparing a moment to mutter as Malak passed him, "That looks painful." Malak scowled, but Tyr simply shrugged to show he only meant his comment in a dark parallel of sympathy, rather than to be snide. Malak chose to act as if he hadn't heard Tyr's remark.
As soon as he collapsed onto his seat on the shuttle, it took off. He was having a great deal of trouble breathing, and had to focus carefully to remain conscious. His injury still hurt like hell, in spite of the fact he had sucked the life out of three Jedi in his attempt to heal it. Although perhaps 'sucked' isn't the most appropriate word to use there.
'Now tell me what happened.' Revan ordered in Malak's mind. She had seated herself next to him, and he kept his eyes closed, trying to avoid her gaze.
'You should already know.' he replied, his thoughts imitating a low growl, to convey his anger.
'I was using Force Rage. I wasn't exactly focused on the details of what was going on around me. All I was really aware of was the taste of death in the Force.'
'I guess that explains it. I just got in your way.' Malak thought coldly, before shutting Revan quite forcibly out of his mind, once again. The sudden mental barriers he created had the effect on Revan of mentally running face-first into a permacrete wall.
She was totally stunned for a second, and tried to communicate with him telepathically again, to no avail. He was aware of her seething anger, but he also sensed that she felt hurt that he refused to listen to her. Well he had every right to be mad at her, after what she had done.
The rest of the flight passed in cold and uneasy silence.
x x x
When they got to the Defiant, Revan stormed off in the opposite direction from the medbay. Malak was relatively grateful for this, as he didn't want her around, anyway. At this moment, he actually preferred Derrin's company... which is saying something about exactly how mad he was at Revan.
"You're pissed at Revan, aren't you?" Derrin asked. Malak glared at him. "I did see what happened. Don't blame you, really. Seems pretty heartless, if you ask me."
Oh great... stuck with Derrin, and no way to yell at him. Murder was always an option... so was Force lightning... or Force grip... but he was expending all his strength in the Force to keep walking, to avoid collapsing in an exhausted heap on the floor.
"I know all about how you and Revan are... well, you know-"
Malak reached out and whacked Derrin on the back of the head, low enough to miss the horns.
"Heh, sorry." Derrin muttered, rubbing the back of his head, "I'm just saying, why'd she do something like that to someone she... does she actually love you?"
Very good question, Derrin. Malak thought, bitterly... though careful not to project the thought - he was still keeping Revan locked out of his mind.
"Oh, right, you can't talk." Derrin said, in self-depreciating tone. At least he actually admitted he was an idiot, sometimes. "Well, what I'm saying is, it seems a lot worse to have the Evil Deeds done to you, doesn't it?"
Pain was nothing new to Malak, really... but this was much worse than usual. Derrin was right that it was worse to be on the wrong end of that sort of callousness.
They reached the door to the medbay, and Malak tried to get Derrin to leave by making a 'shoo' gesture... when that didn't work, he tried threats of Force lightning by letting sparks dance between his fingertips. That also failed to get rid of the obnoxious brat.
Malak glared for a second, then whacked Derrin across the face, hard, with his free hand. Derrin clutched the side of his face, and muttered, "But Revan wanted me to make sure you got to the medbay in one piece... well, relatively-" Derrin's prattling was cut short by Malak's second punch, to the Zabrak's chin, making him bite his own tongue.
Before Derrin could react, Malak turned and stalked into the medbay, sealing the door behind him and locking Derrin out.
x x x
It had been eight hours and forty-two minutes since Malak had entered the medbay. He had been conscious throughout the procedure, because he wanted to know exactly what was being done to him. He decided quite definitively that he loathed local anaesthetics - they did nothing to detract from the awareness through the Force of the work the medic was doing on his face. That awareness, while not physical pain, was strong enough to be incredibly uncomfortable.
He was most displeased with the end-result.
After hours of trying to reattach the severed jaw, the medic finally convinced Malak that it was impossible. Probably would have given up sooner if the patient hadn't been conscious and demanding (by typing on a datapad which then spoke for him) that there must be some way to fix it. They even tried a coordinated effort, using some of the Force-tricks Malak knew... but it was utterly hopeless.
There were several reasons why it failed. Among them were the details that Malak had used the Force to heal over the wound... the wound had been cauterised anyway, which couldn't have helped... and the jaw had landed in the mud, which was not very hygienic.
When Malak had finally conceded that it was irreparable... and while he distracted himself by sulking on this subject... the new Star-Forge-made medbot had installed an implant on Malak's throat. A voice-synthesiser. He hadn't tried using it, yet, though it had made it much easier to breathe. Theoretically, he should be able to speak again easily enough.
The implant was derived from the Star Forge technology, thanks to the new medbot. That gave it an intuitive element that most technology didn't possess - it was in tune with the Force, to a very limited degree. It was connected to the severed nerve-endings, so it detected the signals that would normally have told his mouth to open, vocal chords to vibrate and tongue to move... it took some intelligent programming to interpret those signals, and that was where the Star Forge technology came in.
Right now, Malak was staring - no, glaring - at the floor in front of him. His hands covered the lower half of his face, and he was contemplating ways to conceal his hideous disfigurement. A mask, like that which Revan wore, would make it look like he was just trying to copy her. The half-masks which other Sith wore wouldn't work - the fabric would not hide the fact that he lacked a jaw, only cover up the scars.
He would need to test the implant eventually... however, that would mean accepting this. Accepting that he would never again be able to taste... or kiss... or- hey, wait a second! There is one very important detail that had gone unnoticed before now. He looked up towards the door to the medic's office, and called out, "Medic?" He was startled when the implant spoke the word clearly for him, even though he hadn't actually intended to say it. He wanted to call attention to himself, so had spoken instinctively.
"Well, it appears the implant works." the medic noted, re-entering the room and approaching the- how many times must I tell you, it's a table- on which Malak sat.
"How am I supposed to eat like this?" Malak demanded. The metallic voice sounded so alien to him. It was very disconcerting.
"Yes, I have been thinking about that." the medic said calmly, "I think we can work something out. You won't be able to eat normally, but it will allow you to ingest food. It will take another surgery, however, and we should wait for a few hours to ensure that you are fit for it." Malak rolled his eyes at that. Surgeons could be so paranoid, sometimes. "So, how are you feeling?"
"I'm just fine considering I can't breathe or eat." Malak replied snidely.
"Well, at least you can speak now. And you could breathe when you came in here, so don't be so pessimistic." Malak turned a vicious glare on the medic, for that comment. "What I meant, when I asked, was is there any pain?"
"Yes. Nothing serious, though." Malak said bluntly. He reached a hand up to rub idly at the scars on his face. The only pain he was feeling was an echo of sensation in his jaw. It was physically impossible for it to be real pain, and he knew it both in his mind and in the Force - because of that, he could ignore it easily enough.
"Very well." the medic said, nodding, "If you need me, I'll be in my office. I shall arrange your surgery in a few hours. All right?"
Malak just gave the medic a sulky look, as if to say 'I really don't have much of a choice, do I?' ... but he didn't actually say anything. The medic turned and left the room again.
As the door closed behind the medic, Malak caught sight of his own reflection in the mirror above the sink. He stood, slowly, and walked the couple of steps over to the mirror, examining the damage to his face closely.
The word 'hideous' was an understatement. The scars were utterly repulsive, and the implant wasn't exactly easy on the eyes, either. When he tried to open his mouth, a light blinked on the implant... and he could still feel the edges of his jaw, where it hadn't been removed completely, move slightly.
His upper lip and teeth, and the roof of his mouth were all undamaged... but that was no consolation for the fact that the other half of his mouth was completely absent, really. He slowly drew his eyes away from the horrific sight, to meet the eyes of his reflection. Something else about his physical appearance that he had pointedly refused to acknowledge - the fact his eyes gleamed an inhuman golden colour. He really was a monster, now.
With an angry snarl, he backed away from the mirror. The wave of pure anger hitting his reflection, cracking the mirror with the Force. He suddenly felt exhausted... just couldn't stand it... he let himself fall back, landing on the edge of the table-that-wants-to-be-a-bed. He sighed, and slowly bowed his head so his hands covered his face, elbows resting on his knees.
At that moment, he heard the doors hiss open, and footsteps enter the medbay. Malak didn't look up. "How are you feeling?" Revan's voice asked from behind him, her tone gentle, almost as if she cared.
Malak didn't look up, or even move a muscle, simply said, "I can speak again." that metallic tone in his voice really would take some time to get used to. Force, he didn't want to get used to it - he wanted his own voice back!
Revan took two more steps into the room, and said quiet pointedly, "I asked how you feel. I already received the report on your physical condition from the medbot."
'How the fuck do you think I feel!' He was still quite deliberately locking her out of his mind, however, so she wouldn't have heard that thought, "I've just had my jaw cut off." he snarled aloud, turning to face her, too angry to care if she saw his face, "I'm sure you can guess how I'm feeling."
She stared at him for what seemed like an eternity, taking in every detail of his grotesque appearance. She had seen his injury earlier, but didn't seem to have really looked at it - she probably assumed it would be healed and was nothing to be bothered by. Now, however, he could sense the mild horror from her as she looked at him.
Eventually, she seemed to find her voice, and whispered, "I'm sorry, Malak."
He turned away from her, glaring viciously at the floor so as to avoid seeing his reflection in the cracked mirror in front of him. He heard a soft rustling behind him, then a clink of metal. Seconds later, Revan's booted feet were standing on the spot of floor he was trying to glare at.
"It wasn't my fault." Revan murmured.
Malak looked up at her, slowly. She had taken off her mask, and her eyes showed some genuine concern... though not much, and certainly not enough to quell his anger. "How was it not?" he snarled venomously, "It was your blade, in your hand."
"You know how Force Rage works." Revan said quietly, "You saw me sink into it, you should not have stepped in my way."
"I was backed toward you by a Jedi." Malak growled, "He was stronger than the rest. And that cursed Battle Meditation made it worse!"
Revan sighed and sat next to Malak, who turned to glare at her again. "I had no way of distinguishing you from an enemy, in that state." she said, her tone almost pleading. Begging him not to blame her, not to hate her. "You've used Force Rage yourself, you know that."
Malak turned his glare back on the innocent and defenceless spot of floor. He wanted to hate her, why shouldn't he? She did this to him, deliberately or not, he had every right to hate her!
"It was an accident, Malak." she whispered, her tone weak, still pleading.
He should just tell her to bugger off and stay the hell away from him. He really should. But he couldn't stay mad at her when she dropped her defences like this... when she as good as begged. "Don't do it again." he said, his tone half pleading, half trying to sound threatening - the combination didn't work too well.
"Don't do what, exactly?" Revan asked him, confusion evident in her voice.
He looked up at her, his gaze intense, unwavering even in the face of one he knew to be more powerful, "Force Rage. Don't do it again." he said, ice in his voice.
A wave of indignant hurt crashed over Malak, as Revan's confusion evaporated and her eyes sharpened, "We would have lost that battle, and the whole war, if I hadn't!" she snapped.
Malak looked away again, anger and resentment seething in him, drowning out his near-instinctive desire not to upset his lover. He couldn't argue with her, but he could even less readily agree with her after what she had done to him.
"It was an accident, Malak." Revan murmured softly, "I still love you."
'Why not just run that lightsaber of yours right through my heart and be done with it, angel?' She may as well have done, those words certainly hit him hard enough. There was no way she could love him, not after all she had done to him... saying she did was just rubbing salt in the wounds. She couldn't possibly still love him.
"If that were true, you would have had the will not to turn your Force Rage on me, even accidentally, it wouldn't happen. Didn't you once say 'love conquers all'?"
Revan closed her eyes, hurt showing on her face, eyes moving rapidly as she calmed herself. It looked like she was trying not to cry... but she hadn't cried for anything since Genie, he must be imagining it. Once she opened her eyes again, she directed an icy look at him and said, "Malak, if I didn't love you, you'd never have got away with your screw-up at Telos."
That certainly didn't make him believe her. If she'd loved him, she would never have left him locked in the brig for five hours, with HK-47 guarding him.
Revan tried to move closer to him, but he backed away. He didn't want her to touch him. Not now. He was a hideous monster. Even if she did love him, she couldn't possibly want to touch this deformed visage.
Before he could put any distance between them, however, he felt Revan's hand on the back of his head, putting a stop to his retreat. Their eyes met, for a moment, and he felt her tear down, with near-physical force, all the mental barriers he had constructed. She looked into his mind and soul, and saw exactly what he felt and thought - all his pain and fear.
Slowly, not breaking eye contact, she leaned closer to him. Her lips brushed against his cheek, and he saw her eyes close. His own eyes closed as well, as he felt her kiss down the side of his face, her lips and tongue touching the edges of the scars there.
She moved to sit astride him, now kissing his neck. He truly wanted to just give in and let her do whatever she wanted to him, let her continue to abuse him in any creative new ways she could concoct, let her wholly own him... just to feel her touch, her kiss, her mind, her soul. But something in the back of his mind made him push her away. He didn't really believe that she still loved him... and he couldn't really let her have him if she didn't love him. "Revan, please. I... I need time to think about this."
Revan gave him a hurt look that almost made him want to take back what he had just said. But the resigned and pained tone in her voice when she replied, "I understand." cut even deeper than what he saw in her eyes. He locked her out of his mind again, and turned away from her.
Quietly, her footsteps barely audible, Revan made her way around to the door. A hiss of metal against metal, without her even breaking stride, told him she had collected her mask on her way out. He heard the door hiss behind him, and he was alone again.
And for the first time since he was a child, he felt genuinely alone.
x x x