Disclaimer: The show and the characters belong to CBS and Viacom. They are merely being borrowed for this piece of fan fiction.

Author's Note: Thanks as always to the two ladies who are pushed to the limit with my punctuation and grammar. You are the best!

Spoilers: Alienated

Chapter One – The First Step

Two men sat in the truck, in front of a small cabin. Steve glanced at Jesse to find him hunched over, head bowed and hands clasped tightly in his lap. His entire demeanor projected fear and misery. Steve sighed heavily then spoke softly.

"Jesse." He waited for a response, but when none came he spoke a little louder. "Jess?"

The head was raised to reveal wet eyes. The pain they reflected caused Steve to quickly look away out the window, towards the sky, anywhere but at the normally bright, happy face. He composed himself and turned towards his best friend. "Jesse, you don't have to do this."

The tentative response from a voice laden with tears nearly broke his heart. "But, I do, Steve, I have to do this. I have to face this, find a way to deal with it, or it's going to destroy me!" His voice had gotten stronger and been laced with anger as he finished.

Steve held up a hand. "Ok, Jesse, I'm just worried."

Jesse offered a lopsided smile. "I know, but it will be ok. We can't stay in the truck all day, let's go in."

Steve still wasn't happy, he had not wanted to make the trip, even though his father and Amanda had thought it was a good idea. He, on the other hand, had thought they were asking for trouble. It had been a little less than six months since the horrendous time when Jesse had disappeared. Steve wasn't ready for this, so how could Jesse possibly be? In the end he had been outnumbered and found himself unable to refuse Jesse's request that he accompany him? So he found himself opening the door of the truck, retrieving his duffle bag from the back seat and following his best friend towards the cabin where the entire ordeal had begun.

Jesse paused with his hand on the knob then, after taking a deep breath, he turned it and pushed the door open. He hesitated at the threshold and looked up at Steve. "At least I didn't bring any lite beer this time."

The comment had been meant to lighten the moment, it had the exact opposite affect on Steve. He felt as if he had just received a physical blow. His feelings over the incident were kept high on his emotional shelf, not out of reach, but it took some effort to get them. They had branded his soul. The simple attempt at humor had broken the shelf and the guilt had descended upon him like a bucket of cold water. He forced a smile for Jesse's benefit, but he actually felt like dropping to his knees and sobbing.

"Good thing for you," Steve responded. "You ready to go on in?"

Steve saw Jesse's Adam's Apple bob as he gulped, he then stepped into the cabin, he moved to the center of the room and stood looking around. It was all familiar, but in a dreamlike way, the radio on the mantle, glimpses of green light in the windows. It was too much for his already strained system. Steve saw him sway slightly and dropping his duffle bag he sprung forward barely catching the young man as the emotions overwhelmed him and his knees gave way. He gently cradled his best friend against his chest before lifting him from the floor and then carefully laying him on the couch. He knelt down beside him and spoke softly. "Jess, can you hear me?" He saw the movement of eyes behind the closed lids, a tongue darted out and moistened lips that had gone suddenly dry. "Jesse, come on you're the doctor, I'm the cop, I'm not the right one to be passing out with. You need Dad or Amanda here for that."

The boyish lips curved into a tentative smile. "I didn't pass out, I just decided to take a little nap."

"Yeah, right, whatever, Travis. Are you alright?"

Jesse opened his eyes and found himself under intense scrutiny. Though Steve's words had been light, his brow was puckered with worry and his lips were drawn in a tight line. "Steve, I'm alright, I haven't been eating or sleeping well lately and it just caught up with me."

Steve observed him silently for a moment and knew what Jesse said was true. His friend had always been slight in stature, but he was now painfully thin and had dark circles under his eyes. He had been pretending that everything was normal, it was an act for his friends. They had known it, but been unsure how to help. Until Jesse admitted that things weren't ok, that he wasn't ok, there was nothing they could do. Steve offered a half-hearted attempt at a smile. "You just want me to carry the rest of the stuff in, I know your tactics."

The smile Jesse offered in return was a mere shadow of its former self. "Darn, busted again."

Steve stood up and just as he reached the door of the cabin he stopped abruptly. "Jesse, I'm just going to the truck to get the rest of our stuff, I will be right back."

It was an ordinary comment, there should have been nothing special about it, but both of the men knew it for what it was. Steve was clearly saying. "I'm not leaving you again."

Jesse nodded his acknowledgement at both the information and the hidden meaning. "I know, Steve, everything will be fine."

………………..

"Is this what they call roughing it?" Jesse inquired as he took another bite of pizza.

Steve chuckled he had been pleased that Jesse was eating, even if it was a frozen pizza. "Yes, it's out of the freezer not delivery, that means we are roughing it."

"Oh, ok, I'm glad you explained that to me. Where exactly in the campers' handbook is that information located?"

Steve laughed again. The appearance of the old Jesse was encouraging. He was eating and joking. Steve felt himself relaxing for the first time since they had left LA. Maybe this would work out after all.