Disclamer: Don't own. Don't sue. Pleeeease.
Notes: I realize that I suck at updating. I should be put in update jail or something. I have to excuses. I hope there's still people reading; people interested. This is my first GG fic, and I seem to have grown fond of it. ;)
I tried it without the time tags. It'll flip from present/past in at some point. If it gets too confusing, do tell. It's a fairly huge chapter this time. :)
Of course, thanks to the reviewers who make my day(s). Always. To Ari, Sam, and Karah. You're lovely, and I couldn't ask for better people to read this for me. And to the JJ thread. You're the bestest.
ETA: I'm so sorry about some of you getting about a million of author alerts from me. was being a little problematic, but I promise, or hope, that it's the end of it.
Perfection Through Silence
Chapter Two: Not the same
Staring at the invitation, Lorelai waits for the coffee to be done. The black paper tells her in metal purple fancy letters that she and daughter Rory Gilmore are cordially invited to Vivian Alberti's 16th birthday. Shrugging off the feeling that this party isn't going to be exactly 'Brad and Jen's wedding day' good, she hastily puts the card under the toaster.
She opens the cabinet to get two coffee cups when she realizes that she already has two clean ones sitting right in front of her screaming 'pour me a drink'. She turns the coffee maker off and takes the little jar and does pour coffee in the cups. Then, after putting the jar back in the coffee maker, she turns and takes the cups in the living room.
"There you go," she says, handing Rory her cup and settling by her side on the couch.
"Ah, hot!" Rory tells her, making a face. "You know, a normal person would think this cup is too hot to be held like this, but you don't even notice, do you?"
"Nope," Lorelai tells her happily. "Kinda like not feeling your feet after wearing heels for too long."
"Masochist."
"Just press play, Steve."
The movie begins and Lorelai roars along with the MGM lion. They sit quietly but the loud television doesn't allow the room to be silent. Still, neither of them notice it.
"Okay, this is going in the Gilmore's Must Tell Everyone About." Rory chuckles.
"Definitely," Lorelai agrees laughingly. "Ah, geez, maybe we shouldn't have stolen this car," she attempts in a rough voice.
"Oh, no! Here comes a truck... I wish I weren't half out of the car!" Rory laughs when the black car on screen hits a street light, spins and continues running. "I can't believe Luke didn't like this movie."
Lorelai shrugs and finishes chewing on the marshmallow in her mouth before answering. "Yeah, well, I guess he just isn't fond of movies where a four dudes steal a car and somehow get chased on 5th while one of them has his better side out of window."
"Mom, the guy has his," she pauses slightly, "butt out of the car."
"Again, one of them has his better side out of the window," Lorelai confirms seriously.
"You have your priorities straight." Rory chuckles and glances her mother sideways. "When did you make Luke watch this anyway?"
"Oh." Lorelai turns to Rory, who is still facing the TV. "Over the summer, on a night off. With you gone, and both of us with nothing to do... it just screamed for movie night."
Sensing her mother turned her way, watching her, Rory smiles uneasily and says, "Oh. Okay."
Relieved that Rory let it go quickly, Lorelai turns back to watch the movie. She remembers the night she made Luke watch that movie. Very well.
Relief goes away and she flinches slightly when Rory says, "Hey, mom?"
"Hmm?"
"Before the Inn test run...," Rory says, pausing to see her mom's reaction. When only an expectant glance comes, she continues, "remember how you were telling me about Liz and T.J's wedding?"
Lorelai remembers. "Ye-es. Faintly."
"Oh, you told me that Luke could waltz -"
Lorelai interrupts her to agree, "Luke can waltz."
"And then you said that you thought you were dating Luke..." Rory trails off, expecting her mother to continue.
Considering what she could say quickly, Lorelai pushes aside the thought that, apparently, she's going to be making a lot more excuses, so she'd better get good at it. "Did I?"
"Uh-huh. You did," Rory tells her seriously.
"Oh, well. I was wrong." Lorelai immediately marvels at how quickly it slips out her tongue. She wonders when Rory will quit letting her off the hook so easily, and she hopes it's not now. "He just wanted to go watch a movie. Hang out."
Rory nods and turns back to the movie. After a few seconds Lorelai does too.
"Oh my God," Rory says suddenly. "Did Luke tell you off?"
Lorelai turns to her daughter's shocked face, surprised."What? No! Where did you get that idea?"
Eyeing her suspiciously, Rory shook her head slowly. "I don't know. You were half ignoring each other this morning, something must have happened."
"Nothing happened, you're just imagining things. Jet lag does that to you."
But Rory still looked suspicious and it made Lorelai more nervous than she thought something like this would. She had actually thought she had gotten good at the hiding thing. "But. How did you realize that he wasn't interested, I mean... you did go out for a movie right? You must have done something."
Taken aback, Lorelai thinks that being good at the hiding thing probably isn't something to be proud about. "Yeah, we went out, but nothing happened and then things went on and still, nothing happened so, naturally, I assumed nothing was going to happen. And I was right. So," Lorelai shakes her head and wishes she had a drink. "Call that day hangover."
"Wow."
"Thanks. You'd think I rape all of my dates or something."
Stuffing a marshmallow on her mouth quickly, Rory shakes her had in disagreement. "No, I didn't mean it like that." She pauses and shakes her head a little more. "It's just that Luke has always... and then you went to the wedding so I figured..."
"Figured what, Rory?" It comes out as harsh as Lorelai intended, but she regrets it a second later.
"Nothing mom, never mind." They stare at each other a little, until Rory turns back to the TV. "Look, the point of view changed again," she says pointing at the screen.
Staring at Rory for a minute more, Lorelai nods. She wonders why Rory keeps letting go of things so easily. Maybe it's a new no fight policy. Rory looks extremely determined to keep her eyes on the movie and Lorelai briefly understands that the little awkwardness isn't about to just go away.
Slipping her arm around her kid's shoulder, she brings them closer together. "This movie is too good."
Lorelai groaned at the light on her face, wishing it would go away. When it didn't, she slowly opened her eyes and turned her head to the other side, wondering why her neck hurt so much. Because the light hit her face so determinately, little colorful balls formed in her vision while she adjusted to the brightness and the surroundings. Her neck, her whole body actually, felt like it was burning with a fever and she asked herself sleepily why someone would leave the lamp on so close to her. And then she realized how little space there was to move.
Maybe sleeping in a car, in the summer, with one window slightly open wasn't the best idea ever. Trying to get her back to feel normal again, she wanted to stretch her arms, but her hands ended up hitting the car's ceiling. Opening the door, she went out and locked the car, but as soon as she took her first step towards the Inn she thought her clothes felt too tight to have been slept in and she wished she hadn't been wearing heels.
"Can't run an Inn in sweats," she said, but her voice came out rough, her throat felt warm, and she realized she probably had a bad breath from not brushing her teeth last night.
Walking inside, she kind of wished there weren't so many stairs.
"Oh, you're up. Good," Sookie said cheerfully behind her.
"Aah, don't do that," Lorelai said, almost losing her balance. "I'm having trouble with my heels."
"Sorry, hon," Sookie told her sympathetically. "You look like you slept in a car."
Lorelai rolled her eyes. "You saw me? Why didn't you wake me up?"
"You're not known for being your bright and cheery self in the morning," Sookie said, wrinkling her nose a bit.
Lorelai nodded and shrugged. "It's okay. It's just, I feel like I walked a thousand miles and sat in a mini bus with twenty Brady Brunch people for sixteen hours straight, only to realize that I'm in the wrong bus -"
"And then got out and was hit by a Ferrari?" Sookie said, understanding. "I know that feeling."
"Not a good feeling."
"Sorry, hon," Sookie said again. "What happened to you last night?"
Sighing, Lorelai closed her eyes. "Nothing. I went to my house, to pick up band-aids because of the Kirk thing, and then there was the Rory thing," she said, waving the thought away with her hands, "and when I got back here, I guess I was just a little too tired to get out of the car."
"Aham," Sookie nodded, biting her tongue not to ask too many questions. She succeeded for a second, before tentatively asking, "the Rory thing?"
"Yeah," Lorelai agreed and didn't say anything else.
"Not chatty?"
"I just need a shower like Madonna needs her make-up."
Sookie smiled a little. "Then go. We'll talk about it later."
Smiling thankfully, Lorelai walked two more steps up before turning around. "Wait, Sookie?"
Sookie turned back Lorelai and asked, "Yeah?"
"What time is it?" Lorelai asked fearing the answer a little.
"About ten to eleven," Sookie said knowingly.
"Ah. Oh God, I'm sorry," Lorelai said, shaking her head and making her way back down the stairs. "I left you all alone running this place."
"Don't worry, I had Michel."
"Oh, I suck."
Sookie half-smiled and shook her head a little. "It's okay. Everything went fine. You're not the only one who can run an Inn, you know?" Sookie smiled a little more. "In an hour we're serving lunch, so everyone should be here, don't worry."
Lorelai smiled thankfully. "Thanks, Sook. If you ever need, I'll be the first to take over the kitchen for a day."
Sookie smiled and nodded. "Kitchens involve cooking."
"I'll be the first to hire someone to take over the kitchen for a day."
"I'll appreciate that."
Lorelai smiled a little and turned around.
"I worship showers," Lorelai muttered to herself as she sat on the bed, slipping her shoes on. She picked her earrings off the bedside table and put them on, and then she stopped and sighed.
She had been trying very hard to not allow any thoughts about the other night to enter her brain, fighting each one away, only to have them all come running in together, making all kinds of mess.
What if things weren't ever the same again? If she took a look around, everything was changing. Rory, the one and only most permanent thing in her life. Luke, following right behind. The Independence Inn, which she had worked on for the better part of her life was nothing but a burnt out memory. She closed her eyes and let herself feel her own slow heartbeat, and wondered if the Dragonfly could ever replace the Independence Inn.
She shuddered.
Hearing the noises coming from the guests, she groaned, held a spot behind her neck that hurt and lifted herself off the bed, closing the bedroom door quietly on her way out.
Walking down the stairs, Lorelai hears Miss Patty on the dinning room, talking cute to Davey. She walks in the dining room and smiles to everyone.
"Hey sugar, we were wondering what happened to you," Babette told her.
"Oh, I just ran home earlier this morning, had to get a few things," Lorelai lied. She smiled and saw Babette open her mouth to say something else when little Davey made a sound.
"Oops, He's got that look on his face. You might want to give him back to me," Jackson said matter-of-factly.
Miss Patty just smiled, took a look at Davey's face and said, "Oh, please, if I went running every time some guy tried to crap all over me, I never would have gotten married."
Lorelai smiled and took her chance to slip out of the dining room into the kitchen. "Hey, Sookie," she started, but as soon as she what was happening in the kitchen, she stopped. "Oh my God, what happened to you?"
Sookie and Luke turned to her, only just noticing her. Sookie had a bag with ice in her hand, and as she handled it to Luke he groaned and said, "I got hit."
"Yeah, I can see that," Lorelai said. She looked at the already purple bruise on his face and instantly awful thoughts creeped in, she remembered Jason's appearance and panicked. "Oh, God. Where's Jason? Did he do that to you?"
Luke looked surprised, and somewhat offended. "You think Jason could hit me?"
Sookie chuckled and said, "Jason's apartment was on fire."
Lorelai's eyes opened wide and then after a second of thinking about it, she asked suspiciously, "It was?"
"Well, that's what Michel had me say when we called his cell phone," Sookie smiled and in anyone else it would have been a cocky smart-ass smile, but Sookie doesn't do cocky smart-ass.
Lorelai smiled and then shook her head. "Thanks. But... what then?"
Luke turned his face down and she heard Sookie's chuckle. He muttered something, but Lorelai didn't catch it. "What? Who hit you?"
This time she heard Luke's murmur. "Kirk."
Lorelai giggled. "What was that? Kirk?"
Sookie chuckled more while she checked on her food. Luke faced Lorelai and rolled his eyes grumpily. "Yes."
"And you got defensive about Digger?" Lorelai giggled again.
Luke just shot her a look and put ice on his bruise, making a painful sound.
"But, how?" Lorelai asked amusedly.
Luke kept looking at her grumpily a little while before answering, "after you I talked, I went off to see Kirk, who fell butt first on Taylor's rose brushes."
"Ouch."
"It was bad," Sookie agreed, throwing salt in her food. She then pointed at Luke. "He had me take the thorns off."
Lorelai raised her eyebrows in a question towards Luke. "What? I've seen Kirk naked enough to last a couple of lifetimes. And then some."
Sookie and Lorelai chuckled. "But how did that leave you with..." Lorelai pointed at her own face, making circles trying to indicate his bruise.
"This morning I tried to wake him up, to get him to his room before everyone came downstairs, and he got real hysterical and thought I was Freddy Krueger," Luke told her. "I know that because he screamed 'don't Freddy!' over. and. over. again." He groaned.
"Oh, my," Lorelai said amusedly, trying to keep from laughing. "Didn't Freddy Krueger only kill children, though?"
Sookie smiled and shook her head, "That's Kirk for you. A child on the inside."
Lorelai smiled, and then took a look at Luke's bruise. "Why are you only icing it now?"
Luke shrugged. "Kirk tried to hit me so many times that I didn't even feel it. Then I went back to my room, tried a little more sleep, but your guests are really loud." Sookie shrugged and nodded. "I only noticed it about twenty minutes ago, when Babette told me that I had a 'black hole' on my face. And then I looked on the bedroom mirror and sure enough..."
"Boom, big black hole on your face," Lorelai completed helpfully. "Like a pimple."
Luke shot her a grumpy look and didn't answer. Sookie chuckled and walked towards the door. "This has to sit a while longer." She nodded towards the pan. "I'm gonna check on the dinning room."
Lorelai turned to her as she closed the door. "Okay, hun." Turning back to Luke she smiled sorrowfully. "Uh, I... uh, sorry."
"It's fine. Doesn't hurt now that I've been icing it for about twenty minutes. We had to change ice bags three times already, so I think I'll stop soon."
Lorelai shook her head. "Not about that. Well, about that too. But about the way I acted last night."
Luke shrugged and tried to look nonchalant. "It's fine. Busy night."
"Yeah, I realized that I was, um, a little distracted," Lorelai said, trying to get the point across and not quite doing it.
Luke shrugged and looked down. "No big deal."
"Uh, no, no it... weren't we supposed to be going for a movie this weekend?" she said, suddenly remembering.
"Oh, yeah, I guess when we planned that we kinda forgot about the test run," Luke agreed.
"Yeah, probably all the wedding lights got over our heads," Lorelai said, and she thought about how that didn't make much sense. "Do you think maybe, that we could rain check? For Monday? The test run will be over and I think I just might need a break," she added tentatively then.
Luke smiled a little and nodded. "Yeah, guess so."
She smiled too, and after a few seconds too long of smiling, she added, "So you concur?"
"Dear God, yes."
She wanted to giggle a little, but then she thought it might make her look silly, so she didn't. Instead she smiled wickedly and said, "dirty!"
He smiled broader and was about to say something when they heard the door open and little and saw Sookie hold it, but not walk in because she was still half talking to Jackson outside.
"I'll call you to figure out the details, okay?" Lorelai said quickly.
"Tonight?" he asked.
"Tonight," she agreed.
Sookie then went in and and told Lorelai that her mother was on the phone. Lorelai made a sound and and turned to walk back to the front desk but just as she was opening the door, she heard Sookie say, "Kirk told me about last night, how Jason chased him, and then he saw you and Lorelai kissing, before Freddy joined Jason and chased him around town."
Lorelai froze for a second before she heard Luke clear his throat and Sookie say, "crazy nightmare. Freddy and Jason aren't friends."
Then she opened the door and walked in the dinning room not knowing if she felt relieved or not that Sookie thought it was a dream. Walking to the front desk, she saw Michel the phone in his hand, pointing it at her. "Where were you?"
She shrugged. "I had to go back home."
Michel looked offended. "I had to talk to Taylor myself." Then he added painfully, "three times."
Lorelai tried to look sympathetic, but failed; she didn't want to talk to Taylor either. "Gimme the phone."
Michel handled her the phone and muttered, "that little horreur of a man."
Lorelai nodded and said into the phone, "hey, mom."
"Did you know I was on the phone?"
Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Yes, I did."
She could hear the scowl on her mom's face. "Yet, you made me wait to you could gossip about a man."
"We weren't gossiping. Taylor is a horreur of a man, fact. And good morning, mother."
"It's twelve thirty-five, Lorelai."
"Ah, look at that. I should be running an Inn," she said impatiently.
"When you own an Inn, you have to run it at all times, Lorelai," Emily said matter-of-factly.
"All the more reason why I shouldn't be on the phone," Lorelai told her.
"Fine." She could hear her mother rolling her eyes. "I just called to ask at what time I should show up for lunch. I'm getting hungry."
Lorelai raised her eyebrows. "We're having lunch?"
"Yes, it was your idea, Lorelai. When you invited your father and me for the weekend, you said it included a lunch with you and Rory."
"Well, yes, I know, but that was before you left," Lorelai said, remembering. She had actually been kind of relieved that there would be no lunch. One less thing to deal with.
"What does my leaving have to do with anything?"
"Well, when you left, you weren't here anymore. You were gone, so we just assumed lunch was -"
Emily interrupted her. "This lunch was your idea."
"Yes, I know, but -" Lorelai shook her head. Maybe just getting lunch over with would be a better idea. She rolled her eyes and said "Fine, mom. At one thirty. Is that time enough to get here?"
"Yes, that's perfect," Emily said happily.
"Well, peachy," Lorelai said in a false cheerful voice.
"I'll let you go back to your Inn then."
"Bye, mom," and she hung up before Emily could answer. Sighing, she told Michel that she was leaving and would be back in about half an hour.
"But what if Taylor wants to talk to you again and finds me?" Michel whined.
"Tell him I went to China to deal with Freddy Krueger and I'll be back on Tuesday," she said, already walking upstairs to get her purse and car keys.
"But he won't believe that!" Michel cried.
Rory heard her mom walk in and head to the kitchen, but she didn't pay attention. She was trying hard to not pay attention to anything. Lorelai walked in the living room and Rory felt her stare a little before turning.
"Here, take this." Lorelai said as she swiftly put something in Rory's left hand. Rory turned her head up towards her mother.
"What is it?" Upon a closer look, Rory recognized it. A little cream colored pill. "What? No."
"Rory."
"No, mom. I told you, we were a regular after school special." It surprised her how fast she could get angry. In a second she went from quiet and thinking to offended, feling the instinctive need to protect herself and her pride. Maybe she really was that much like her mom.
"Rory, just take it."
"Are you kidding me? No, I'm not taking it."
Lorelai closed her eyes. Oh God, how can I be this tired? "Rory, just... please take it."
Sometimes you think, 'this is as worst as it gets'. Seeing her mother, tired and disappointed, still with the remnants of the other night's anger. There are consequences to your actions. Rory really did think that the worst she'd feel was this, feeling betrayed by something that was previously trustable; feeling betrayed by herself; feeling disgusted with herself, with her actions; feeling dizzy and confused; feeling actually physically exhausted... it does get worst.
"Where did you get it anyway?"
"I stopped by the pharmacy on my way here," Lorelai said.
Only seeing her mother standing there after what was one of the longest nights of her life, she realized that besides all, she was responsible. The reason for Lorelai's tiredness. The reason Lindsay will have her life wrecked. Responsible. For the first time in her life, she felt like all the world has just settled on her own shoulder. Heavy, confusing. She felt numb with it, as if any step she could take would either be a step back or a step forward, only into a precipice.
The tears came and blurred her vision but she refused to let them fall again. She put out her right hand and Lorelai understood that she wanted to see the pack for herself.
Rory read the little kit and the more she looked at it, the more she felt her heart slowly sinking. Take the second tablet 12 hours after you take the first tablet. So impersonal, despairing really. Pregnancy didn't really worry her, they had been safe. If she were to take this, she'd do it for her mom.
Closing her eyes, she realized that it actually didn't feel much better. Why do people do it? Closing your eyes when things get bad? "Are there side effects?"
Doesn't make it any better.
Lorelai sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Yes. Vomiting, nausea, swelling...," she answered honestly. "It's not an abortion pill or anything. But if you're not, it's a prevention... you used a condom, I know you did. But it isn't 100 percent safe, Rory. But if you take this, chances of getting pregnant are slim to none."
Rory shook her head confidently. "I'm not pregnant," she said matter-of-factly. It just wasn't an option.
If only it were that easy. "Don't say that. You can't know that. I didn't know that."
Rory sighed.
Rory knew she was a child of unprotected sex; either she liked it or not. She had a pretty wonderful life but this was a little fact, that made a difference in people's eyes. It's not easy, knowing that most people think your birth was a mistake. Rory imagined all the ways a kid could be scarred knowing she was a child of adultery. The one to ruin a perfect Ivy League college girl's life. Taking the pill for her mother would be stupid.
It's a humiliation we've had to live with every day.
It's not an abortion pill.
She had that baby and ended his future.
It's a prevention to fertilization, Rory told herself. If I'm taking this, it's for myself.
"Will you take it?" Lorelai had her arms crossed in front of her chest and Rory could tell she was getting impatient. Without hesitating, she answered, "No. But can I get a doctor's phone number?"
Considering this for a moment, Lorelai nodded and thought that it was better this way. She had just stopped by the pharmacy impulsively, but quick decisions are too drastic. She isn't like that. "I have it on my phonebook. I'll go get it."
She watched her mom walk upstairs and stared at the pattern of their wallpaper. She closed her eyes and hoped it was all just a bad dream. It wasn't.
Lorelai walked back downstairs, caught the phone, and handled it to her, along with a little black book, opened on D. She watched the number and started to dial. "What? Am I a TV?" she said, and immediately felt childish.
Lorelai gave her a fake, annoyed, smile. "I almost forgot. Your grandmother is going to the Inn for lunch. She expects us there."
Rory clicked on the 'talk' button of the phone. "But she left."
"Could you just shower quickly and get back there?"
"I'm kind of busy," Rory said, waving the phone.
Lorelai cleared her throat. She didn't want to get into a fight. "Rory, this is not for me, okay? This is for your grandmother. You like your grandmother, remember?"
Rory shrugged. "Fine."
"Great." But Lorelai didn't go away. She just kept watching her and Rory listened to the persistent beat in the phone. Why isn't anyone answering?
Lorelai sighed, and her tone softened. "I really thought we could talk this out. As friends."
Rory nodded and bit her lip. "Yeah, well. We already talked. Last night. And just now, again."
"You'd think nineteen years of a great relationship would mean we're able to talk things out. But, no. Maybe it's twenty," she said bitterly.
"Maybe it is," Rory agreed spitefully.
"He's married," Lorelai told her.
"You said that already, the point's come across," Rory answered, trying to end the conversation.
"I don't think it has," Lorelai said matter-of-factly.
"Well, it did. You can stop now," Rory said. She realized how much she didn't want this. This conversation, this fight. She realized what she'd done. She regretted it. Didn't her mother get that? The point did come across. Rory felt stubborn fighting with her mom. But she did anyway. Why couldn't she just shut up? "I know what I'm doing."
"Yeah, of course. You're nineteen, you know what you're doing," Lorelai said, sarcasm dripping off everywhere.
"I do know what I'm doing," Rory said, but even to her it sounded unconvincing.
"Great. Then we won't talk."
Rory agreed. "Terrific."
Lorelai grabbed her purse from the table. "The lunch is at one thirty. Be there."
Rory smiled bitterly and waved at her with the phone. "Bye."
Coming out of her room, Lorelai stopped at the middle of the stairs, watching Rory get a call and ignore it, turning off her phone and tucking it away in her purse. Concerned, she made her way down and she was about to ask what happened, when Rory turned to her and rolled her eyes.
"I'm all done packing. Can we go now?"
Forgetting any kind of concern, Lorelai shrugged. "I thought you didn't want to go."
"Well, I changed my mind. After all, grandma wants me there, you want me there. A whole lot of wanting, and Europe. What's not to love?" Rory said sarcastically.
"Obviously."
Rory picked up her purse and bag. "Let's just go."
Lorelai nodded. Just as they were walking out the door, Rory stopped and said angrily, "I can't believe you'd ship me off."
Lorelai turned to her and then turned away again, saying, "You could have said no, said you had Yale things or whatever."
Rory watched her mother walk out the house and followed close behind, shaking her head a little. "No, I couldn't," she said softly.
She was driving, already reaching Stars Hollow, coming from the airport. The radio was on, and a Genesis song was playing. It sang in a 70's beat, though she will mess up your life, you want her just the same, and Lorelai took in the song without giving it much thought. She was paying attention to the road, and trying to focus in it, when her cell phone rang. It was dark, and she thought that she really shouldn't get it while driving, but she picked her phone from the purse next to her.
Looking at the caller ID first, when she found a number she didn't recognize, she just got more curious and decided to answer anyway. "Hello?"
"Hey."
Lorelai smiled. "Hi."
Luke smiled too, and answered, "Hey." There was a slight pause, neither knowing what to say, but it wasn't very uncomfortable.
"So, where are you?"
"Uh, driving back from the airport."
"Oh," he paused and considered that, after a while considering, he figured it'd lead nowhere. "Why?"
Lorelai's smile became sad, and she turned the radio down. "Rory went to Europe for the summer."
Luke searched his brain for an indication that he knew Rory was going to Europe and found none. "Oh. Right."
"With my mother," Lorelai added, knowing he was confused.
"You okay with that?"
Lorelai shrugged and made took a left turn. "Guess so. Rory needs time away right now."
"She does?"
"She does," Lorelai agreed. Luke thought of how odd it was that Lorelai, who could be more loud and noisy than all the population of Tokyo together if she wanted to, didn't want to comment further on something. But then, he thought about how different she was with her daughter. With her daughter, she was softer, more understanding, more responsible and more whatever the situation called for.
"Okay," he said. She'd tell him when she wanted to. "So, are you closest to your place or to the airport?"
Lorelai smiled at his understanding and at the sign she was just about to bypass. The 'welcome to Stars Hollow' sign. "Definitely to home." Then she thought about it a little. "Why?"
"Because I'm standing in front of your house, but it's a hot night, and I don't plan to do this for the rest of it," he said, half-smiling.
Lorelai grinned. "You're in front of my house?"
"Yes."
She shook her head, as if to shake away the confusion. "Are you planning on breaking and entering?"
"Depends on where you are."
"About five minutes from there," she said, looking around.
"Then breaking and entering can wait for another time."
She laughed lightly, before adding, "why are you in front of my house again?"
He shrugged. "I came to say goodbye."
Lorelai's smile fell off her face and she blinked. "What?"
Only then Luke realized how that sounded, and tried to correct it quickly, "For a week. I got a call from my sister and T.J. They're up in Maine, and they got into an accident -" Lorelai gasped and he added, "nothing major, just each one of them broke an arm and a leg."
Lorelai sighed, not knowing if she was relieved or not, because it was only for week or because if was for, well, a week. "Are they okay, though?"
He shrugged and leaned on his car. "They can't run the Renaissance Fair booth for a couple of weeks. So they asked me to come and help them out, and I, unfortunately, answered the phone, so I'm on my way to Maine."
"Very chivalrous of you," she said playfully.
He made a face and a sound that indicated he wished he hadn't been 'chivalrous'. "Yeah, I'm a regular Lancelot."
Suddenly, a thought crossed her mind. "Where are you calling from?"
"Oh, I got a cell phone."
She laughed loudly. "Oh, no, you didn't."
"I didn't?"
She laughed again. "No. You hate cell phones."
He smiled slightly and answered. "Yeah, they'll kill you."
"You should be a politician."
"Do as I say, not as I do," he provided. Then he added, "I just thought that, being away, uh, someone might, you know, want to call."
She smiled, instantly realizing what it meant. Softly, she said, "Yeah?"
"Yeah." He stopped and thought for a second. "The number is, um, 860-294-1986."
"Luke, I have caller ID. And I'm driving."
He shook his head. "Yeah, right. You shouldn't be on the phone while driving, you know?" She ignored him, something he'd gotten used to. After neither spoke for a while, he asked again, "So, how far are you?"
"Impatient, are we?" She grinned wickedly as she turned around the corner, into her street. "Um, not very far, I think," she said just as she spotted him watching her car.
They didn't say anything while she parked her car in the driveway, behind his, and jumped out of the car, locking the door. They were both still with their cell phones in close to their ears, Lorelai walking away from her car, Luke leaning on his. "Hi," she said into the phone.
He smiled and turned off his cell phone, putting it in his pocket. She faked shock for a moment and said, "I'll have you know that hanging up in a person's face is very rude," before turning her own off.
He shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm new to the cell phone thing."
She raised an eyebrow, teasingly. "Same applies to phones."
He shrugged sheepishly. "I'm new to the technology thing."
She laughed and approached him, a smirk on her face. "So, what brings you to this side of town." He just shook his head, because she kept getting closer to him. Finally, she stopped at a respectable enough distance and raised her eyebrow invitingly.
"So, wanna come in?" And started her way to the house.
"I have to get to Maine," he said, but followed her anyway. She looked back at him, smiled knowingly, and continued towards her front door. She found her keys and opened the door, walked in and realized that he was right behind her. She then dropped her keys and purse in the hall's little table.
Turning around, she smiled and suddenly felt uneasy and nervous. "So."
Sensing the change in her, he began feel uneasy himself. Then he thought about how stupid it was, because they'd been alone, in her house too, a number of times. And then he thought, not like this; never like this.
"Would you like some coffee?" she asked, for the lack of else to say.
He shot her a look, and she curled her lips in an apologetic smile. Her arm lifted in a shrug, and she said, in what to her, sounded like a weak voice, "It was nice of you to stop by before leaving."
He nodded and looked around, as if he had never seen her hall before, knowing that he had a dozen times before. She turned, and hoped he'd catch the drift to follow her (he did) and walked into the living room, turning the light on.
She watched him a minute and waited for something to happen, expectantly. He stood close to her, and she had an urge to look anywhere but him.
"So," he started. "I came to tell you I was leaving, which I did, and to say goodbye." He stopped, and she waited for him to continue. "Goodbye," he added.
"Goodbye, Luke," she said, tingling with excitement. She wondered numbly when was the last time she felt so... wonderfully jumpy. She wanted to laugh at her own cheesiness but suddenly, he looked kind of wild, and caught her hand, massaged it gently with his thumb, and it didn't feel so funny anymore.
She licked her bottom lip, and he lowered his head to her. She smiled in anticipation, one moment before his lips touched hers. His mouth moved hers slowly, it sent shivers up and down her body, felt like he had his whole life to keep doing that. She let out a frustrated sigh when his lips tentatively pulled away, but she didn't even have the time to open her eyes before he slipped his arms around her waist. She held his shoulders, as if for support, and felt his lips hovering over hers again.
"Hi," she said and it sounded cheesy and small, but she didn't care, because his lips were on hers again. She let out an involuntary gasp and his hands began roaming around her back. She felt her knees give away a little and began to push him towards the middle of the living room. He didn't stop kissing her, but he did turn them so that he was the one with his back to the room, then his lips slid down to her neck so she could watch where they were going. She tipped her head, offering more of her neck to him as she guided the both of them to the couch.
They lay down on it, her on top of him, though he was the one trying to find a comfortable position. His lips went back to her mouth as soon as he found it, his tongue slipping into mouth. She heard a moan, before she realized it was her own.
He hid his face in her neck, in her hair, his breathing thin, not unlike hers, and his heartbeat solid against her chest. Lifting herself off his neck, and holding herself up with her arms to take a look at him, to smile at him, that's when she saw it. It was just a flicker, a slight change in his eyes that meant everything. Lorelai was never one of those eye-reading girls who always appear in romance scenes, but this was pretty damn impossible to miss.
Expectation, the almost-adoration gaze he had towards her. Like she was a treasure, made to be revered and kept safely.
The fragility of it struck her cold, quickly as lightning, and she felt like running on the opposite direction as fast as she could possibly manage before turning into Forrest Gump. Quickly, thought of glass breaking and it's pieces landing everywhere, making a mess, flooded her mind.
She smiled, but it held no emotion at all. "You should go now."
He looked at her, hurt and confused, and she swallowed. She took a breath to release the knot in her belly, but it didn't work so well. "You have to get to Maine," she said, lifting all of her body and standing next to the couch.
He stood up quickly, and felt the heat rise to his face, burning him with angriness. She swallowed and looked a way, but it didn't feel a whole lot better. "It's dark, and I don't want you to get there too late," she attempted. Only after she said it, she realized that she meant it. She worried about him.
"It's already late," he told her, his voice with a slight edge to it.
She cleared her throat and to him, she looked as stunned and angry as he was, which made no sense. "That's why you have to get going," she told him again.
She faced the floor as he stepped a little more away from her and took a deep breath. "Fine, I'll go." He turned around, and headed to the hall.
"Are you mad at me?" she asked, feeling stupid.
He turned back and it looked like he was about to scream, but held himself. "No," he paused and considered what he was about to say next. "But if you don't want this, decide it for real. Stop acting all flirty and happy just to shut me down five minutes later."
She could feel her own pulse, and it wasn't steady anymore. "What is this, an ultimatum?"
He shook his head. "No, I'm telling you what you already know. You need to decide which way it's going, because it's your turn to do that." He sighed and felt a hollow in the pit of his stomach. "I already have."
Silence filled the room, and both waited for the other to say something that would put a real end to the conversation.
"I can't," she told him quickly, too quickly. Then Lorelai realized that even she wasn't sure of what it was that she couldn't. She looked sad, and he stood frozen for a moment.
"You're right. I should go," he said, turning around and disappearing into the hall in seconds, as if he couldn't wait to get away. "I'll see you when I come back," he added before she heard the front door slam loudly and she thought numbly about how impolite it was to slam a door at late hours. Then she thought about how dumb it is to leave your door unlocked at late hours, the way she did.
When she heard the sound of her door opening again, she snapped, and walked to the hall hurriedly. He didn't bring his eyes to look into hers, while he muttered grumpily, "Your car is blocking mine."
She watched him as he tried too hard not to look at her and nodded, picking up her keys from the hall's little table. "I'll move it."
They walked out, the silence speaking crudely than words could. She shivered even though it wasn't cold, and whispered, "Can I call you while you're in Maine?"
He lifted both arms in a shrug, and then nodded as if he had no choice but agree. He stopped in front of his car, waiting for her to walk to hers before going in his own. Her steps felt small, and the ground felt like it wouldn't support her. "Have a good trip," she said doubting he would hear, before going in her car and moving it from the driveway. He did hear her.
As she saw Luke's truck make its way out after hers, and continue to make its way down the street, into the night, Lorelai thought sadly that she would always run away if the slightest possibility showed. And so Lorelai knew; she couldn't.
She drove her car into the driveway again, and she could still faintly hear his truck down the street.