Chapter Three: An Ideal
Early the next morning, before he made his usual rounds to the mess hall for his third or forth cup of the black beauty known as java, McKay snuck passed Dr. Weir's office. Finding the door open he slipped along the side of the wall, glancing in from the corner of his eye to see if Elizabeth was in. Discovering the room beyond empty, Rodney sighed disappointedly and pushed off from his hiding spot, standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at the tall chair absent of Weir.
"Rodney?" The voice from behind him, though soft and greeting, nearly scaring the pants off the physicist to make him jump forward, throwing his hands out with a choked, "GNAH!" He whipped round to find Weir standing behind him, her hands resting on her hips. She raised a slow brow, questioning just what he was up to, staring into her office in the middle of the hallway.
Trying to slow his breathing down and clam his rampant heart, McKay placed a hand on his chest and let out a long slow breath before giving his boss a hesitant smile. "Morning Elizabeth." Rodney managed to stammer after a moment, regaining control over his near shattered nerves. "You know, not to challenge your authority or anything, but, you really shouldn't sneak up on people like that. Especially me. Unless you're looking for another leading astrophysicist." He remarked coyly, finding himself all too clever as Weir remarked with a formal smile in return.
"If this is about Major Sheppard, Rodney, I told you yesterday, after, I might add, you burst into my office."
"Yeah." McKay winced, rubbing the back of his neck as averted his eyes. "Sorry about that."
"Regardless." She continued as McKay moved himself, offering her to enter her own office with a raised hand before he followed closely behind. "John's been called into question by myself on a number of occasions, I simply need verification that I made the right choice."
McKay stopped in the middle of her office, watching as Elizabeth slipped passed her desk and sat down, looking over the various papers before shifting her attention back up to him. His expression at the moment was cynical, not uncommon, but this time he had good reason. "You're saying this like it's some botched business deal, this is Sheppard we're talking about here."
"I understand that Rodney, I feel just as strongly about this as you do, though I can't simply put all the blame solely on the Major's shoulders, He, should have known better. " She said finally, giving the physicist the touch of a reprimanding eye, meaning that he owned a small piece of this problem as well.
McKay, about to reply, stopped himself and quickly pulled back one of her office chairs, sitting himself down. "It was just, stupid fun. Which for me, is a real loose term but you can't fire the guy for trying to kill some time."
She paused then while organizing the documents and reports that were now cluttering her workspace from post-incoming gate teams, mostly John's it might be added. All humor lost in her tone, the gentleness that greeted him that morning washed away. "By recklessly stealing government owned equipment and shooting it off a balcony in the middle of the ocean?"
He glanced down, staring at his knees, unsure of how to respond to what was in all truth, a correct assumption of yesterday's goings on. However, Rodney himself had played part in it; he was just as guilty. Swallowing slowly, and wishing then that he had just minded his own business and continued on to the mess-hall like he previously planned, McKay began to speak, sounding rasher then he'd meant it to come out. " It's not that we needed those things anyway, and besides you'd be pleased to find I actually found some use to one of the kajillion pieces of alien technology in this---"
Rodney stopped mid-sentence, finding that Weir wasn't exactly listing to him, but that wasn't exactly something that was new nor overly insulting to him now these days. She was instead, looking down at a folded piece of white-lined paper that was under a few of the jumbled folders and documents.
Neatly creased, the letter had a yellow post-it note stuck on top with something written in black permanent marker. McKay shifted forward in his seat, tilting his chin up as he nonchalantly glanced down at the small note, reading thusly:
Dr. Weir—
Hope this makes for good reading.
--John
"Is—is that it?" McKay asked slowly, raising a finger and pointing towards the folded letter. He couldn't contain his curiosity, amazed that the Major had actually, on Elizabeth's request, taken the day and written her an essay. At least what Rodney assumed was the paper she made him write, it could have been his resignation letter for all he knew. A sudden pull knotted itself in McKay's stomach as Weir pulled the yellow post-it off and unfolded the letter. He watched as her eyes darted back and forth slowly, studying the words briefly.
She nodded afterwards, still holding on to the letter with a puzzled, almost lost look on her face.
"Well? Are you going to read it or not?" Rodney asked, growing impatient with anxiety. This tension was killing him and four straight shots of pure caffeine to his nerves system just recently wasn't helping.
"Can—can I see that---" He frowned gently pulling the letter out of Weir's fingers with more of a statement then a request. Weir though, didn't fight him on it. McKay wondered if she was that thrown off by what the letter said. He stood back up, facing sideways to her as he gave a quick glance over its contents. Clearing his throat, and taking a precautionary look towards the door to make sure no one was nearby and especially not the Sheppard himself, Rodney began to read the note.
"I think I remember in college these things always began with a thesis statement introducing the main topic of discussion. But since that topic is whether or not I deserve this job I think we can skip the intro and get right into the meat, wouldn't you agree? Why put this off any longer then I already have?
I ain't no Jack London, so if this sounds at all weird, blame it on years and years of head trauma from contact sports. See, I've even started that sentence out with a double negative. So where do I begin in the testament to why I'm a good leader? Perhaps it's not what I can say about myself, but what I can say about my fellow gate jumpers here in Atlantis, their actions speak louder I think, then any great thinker I can quote." McKay paused, inhaling deeply as he began to absentmindedly pace the room, while Weir watched him, listening intently to John's words coming out of the physicist's mouth, smiling thoughtfully at times.
"First there's Ford. I know he's young, but I've never met a person more enthusiastic about venturing out in the middle of nowhere and facing a more then possible, painful and cruel death with such a charismatic attitude. He lives for this stuff Weir, and I can't think of anyone else I'd want on my right hand side then Aiden. I haven't known him that long, but I'm quickly coming to understand just how much this all means to him, and how much we all mean to him. I'm telling you Liz, you should have seen him yesterday. I think just getting away from the perpetual exploration we tend to do on a now, on a day to day basis here just for a little while is something. Granted, nothing wrong with our little stints into the unknown, but it even wears on me sometimes. I'd never seen him so happy as when I, and yes, I admit this, quilted him into that bet with me, he loves just hanging around. And that's healthy, we should do it more often. Group hugs for all, I'm sure Dr. Beckett would agree." To this, Rodney gave his boss a strange look, briefly contemplating exactly what Sheppard meant by 'group hugs' and if he was serious or not.
He continued then. "Then there's Teyla, and what could I say about her that you don't already know yourself. I'm amazed at how excited she gets, visiting new places, talking with people, she's so eager to learn everything there is about our culture, even when eight-two percent of it goes over her head. Perhaps I'm just bad at explaining the fine intricacies of a hot dog or how a mint condition roadster can get my blood boiling in ways no one else can. She's learning day by day just as much as we are, and yet; even with leaving her people behind to stay with us, she never once; complained about it. Hell I had to flip a coin to get me here, if that doesn't say a lot, I don't know what does."
Elizabeth held her breath, turning her eyes down towards her desk, trying to put herself in the Major's shoes at that moment. She remembered then just how hard it was leaving that video message for Simon.
Rodney cleared his throat again, finding himself more the parched, but continuing none the less, more hurriedly when he spotted his own name in the letter.
"Though speaking about complainers, I guess that finally leaves me with McKay. I know it seems like we bicker more then what's considered humanly possible, even by my standards; I must say, though I'll never admit it anywhere else but here, and I swear Liz you better not let him read this. "Rodney stopped there, giving her an awkward 'whoops' sort of smile before going on. "McKay, I've come to know in this short time---" He paused there, the written words seemed to be caught up in McKay's throat as he read the sentence over again silently, unbelieving what he was reading to be actually there.
With a shaken voice, he went on, "---is an amazing man. Even though he spews more tech-logic then I can take sometimes, he's always on the ball with some snotty remark to undermine me, and I think that whole, allergy to citrus is just a sympathy con, I know it's all only because he really gives a damn about what we're doing here. More then his own health sometimes, I think Beckett would agree to that one too. He's a-----remarkable guy, and I wouldn't say this if it wasn't the truth but honestly---"
He felt so ashamed then for reading this when it was for Weir's eyes only, especially with what the Major had written next, something he didn't think she knew, and McKay himself especially had no idea. "----Rodney was the first person I chose to be on my team. His knowledge and adroit approach to things, astounds me sometimes, I don't think I would be able to do this job, without him."
Taking his seat once more, Rodney looked up to Elizabeth catching her equally thunderstruck gaze, the physicist himself looked flushed and at a lost for words. So, he rose the note up again, and continued with John's instead. "It's not all heroics that makes you a good leader, it's the people who look to you that makes you what you are, it's the people you depend on, to see the mission through that makes one man greater then the next. Because without teamwork, what can we really accomplish? I think I will slap a quote in here, something McKay once said, most likely yelling it at me mind you. That an ideal is not based on its singular actions, but the sum of its parts." He flushed further, not believing that Sheppard had actually listened to him when he said that so long ago, and more so, bothered to remember it. And, he was screaming at him at the time, something about John not understanding the way the scientific world worked. Rodney regretted it now.
"What I'm trying to say Dr. Weir is that, I don't think I'm a good leader, I know I am. And not because I'm great with the strategies, or weaponry, can pinpoint scenarios and over come the worse when it rears its all too ugly head. It's not about whether or not I'd give my life up for these guys at the drop of the dime, because more then likely I'd do it before you even let the coin go. It's because, these guys, these people as I call them, make me wake up everyday and think 'you know what, we can do this, we can survive here millions of light years from everything we're now taking for granted. Like hotdogs and sports cars.
Because, that's all we got, and I know it sounds corny, but you're right, in the end, in this universe of life-sucking ghoulies, malfunctioning equipment, and races that want to kick our collective asses; we only have each other. And I wouldn't have it any other way."
Gulping back the feeling of being overcome, McKay read on. "In Conclusion, because that's what you usually put at the end of these things, you picked me to do this Liz, just like I picked my team, because I trust in them just as much as I trust in you. I know I can be an asshole sometimes, but it's only stress. I only do it because otherwise some days I want to scream and start up that gate and give that giant puddle the bird before I get hit by that blue flush.
So if it takes some off days, some unnecessary guy stuff and a bit of theft to keep us all together; to bring us closer, and to keep the team working like one, well-oiled ideal; then so be it. Because deep down, without all the clever crap I say when I'm trying to look cool or the hard-ass extremes I push on these guys; strip it away and I'm just a guy in love with his job. Even one that forces me to use semicolons." A brief and pleasantly remembered conversation passed over Rodney's mind, again the Major had listened to him. There was one last line to go, ending John's essay to Weir simply and as eloquently as Sheppard could have ever put it. This line, McKay said slowly, poignantly as he could with a lump growing in his throat before he lowered the letter into his lap.
And that, Dr. Weir, makes me a good leader." Licking his lips, Rodney carefully folded up the letter and handed it to Elizabeth who took the note and looked down to it, speechless at the moment.
----
John made his way down the hall in the direction of Weir's office, wondering just what she was thinking now. He had left his little report on her desk sometime that morning, only a few hours after he had finished. Sheppard had spent all night writing it and rewriting it until he nearly gave up. Then suddenly he came upon a small concept that had been trying to drag itself out all along, and he feverously wrote the whole essay out in one unending rant. Finding that the truth, seemed to answer the question best.
He was slightly startled to find McKay exiting the doorway of Elizabeth's office, a strange sort of smile on his face as he turned, walking in John's general direction. Rodney glanced up, startled himself as his grin turned into a full on, unabashed and knowing smile. John knitted his brows, coming up to the physicist with a concerned frown. "And what are you so happy about this morning?"
Rodney snorted a short laugh and quickly shrugged his shoulders, glancing away briefly. "Oh, just glad to be the first one to welcome you back." Finishing with a pleasantly goofy expression, McKay gently swept passed the Major, even his steps seemed lighter that day.
John tensed up his face, perking his lips out, mid-confused reply, he spoke slowly trying to comprehend it all. It was just too damn early for McKay's mind games. "Where, exactly am I coming back from?" He asked after Rodney's back.
The man stopped short, turning back as he stepped a few paces towards John. "Why, your resignation of course."
Sheppard quirked his brows up, even his head slightly pulled back. "So she liked it?"
McKay nodded, his smile broadening as he spoke in a matter-of-fact tone. "You, could say that." And with that he turned away, only to halt a few feet down the hall and spun back round again, adding. "Oh and John----I'm honored to be the first part, of your grand ideal. Thank you."
John's eyes widened, hearing a statement most familiar to him spoken by none other then the man that was most certainly not supposed to know of it, considering he said it in the first place. She didn't---Sheppard's mind raced, considering the possibilities, Rodney did, just leave her office. Who you trying to kid John, she so did. The Major scowled then, calling after McKay's fleeting image making sure he was shouting loud enough for the man to hear him. "You're welcome. Yeah!, I'll send you a nice fruit basket filled with oranges!"
As he turned round, Sheppard found that the woman in question was standing by her office doorway, leaning on the frame. She couldn't seem to hide the amused grin on her face. John walked up to her, noticing she was also holding his letter. He glared down at it then to her, pointing. "You know, I specifically noted that he couldn't read that!"
Weir laughed, the kind that brightened her face so nicely that it made John's anger melt away as quickly as it came. He was actually happy to see her not so bloodthirsty after him, even if it was at his own expense. So, McKay knew that John considered him an asset to his team, he supposed it might be a good motivator for the man. Oh it's gonna take a whole year's load of jokes, jabs, and pranks to fix this. Sheppard thought sadly.
"I think a lot of people have a right to see this letter Major, it's very, inspirational." Elizabeth said finally, seeing a slow and subtle range of emotions cross John's face in a brief moment before he turned his light gaze back to her.
He smiled then, boyishly. "So, not bad huh? I mean we're not talking Pulitzer here, but I have to say that's one of the best essays I've written since high school. That's grade-A John Sheppard there."
Weir simply smiled before she toned down and gave him a gentle reprimand. "It still doesn't excuse your behavior, but, it does explain it. Sometimes, with everything, even I forget our individual needs. I'm so wrapped up sometimes in the running this place, I sometimes forget just who exactly runs it. It's our team Major, these, people."
"So." Sheppard cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets as he leaned back up on his toes before smoothly rolling onto his heels. "It's our team now? I guess this means I'm back on the job, huh?"
Weir nodded, clutching the note close to her, as she gave him a patient look, knowing that in truth everyone here needed time to adjust. "Yes Major, I'm reinstating you. But, don't think this is a temporary lenient period. I'll be watching you." Elizabeth then narrowed her eyes playfully. "Make sure you don't, get off topic, of your thesis."
John laughed brusquely, nodding as he backed up, slightly raising his hands in defense. " Sounds fair to me boss." He gave her a handsome wink and was about to walk down the hall when he paused, raising a thumb to point in the opposite direction, adding casually. "You know, I was about to head down to the mess-hall for breakfast----"
"Is that an invitation Major?" Weir asked quaintly, moving away from her office doorway as she waved a hand over the sensor to shut it.
John perked up his lips turning around in the hall towards the direction of the cafeteria, shrugging. "Well, I'm just saying, if you wanted to get some coffee before McKay drinks it all." He would never admit to a point-blank offer, especially to the one in command, but yeah, he meant it all the same.
Elizabeth laughed lightly, moving up along side of John as they both walked down the corridor together. "That sounds, fair."
The Major chuckled himself, imagining Rodney making a beeline for the kitchens as if sensing his precious perk-me-up juice was in danger. "I'm sure we can snag one cup away from him, I'll even get a trank-gun from the armory." John mused, making Weir burst out in a fit of laughter, so much so she had to cover her mouth.
She calmed herself down enough to give him a slightly displeased eye. "Now John, that's mean."
"What? It's true and you know it. And, if you don't believe me, how's about we put a little money down on it? Say twenty bucks?" Sheppard asked slyly as they rounded a corner and were soon gone.
The End
A/N: Ah, a fitting ending to this story, much were it started. I found that after writing this originally as a one shot, I wanted to delve more into John's character then slaving him with clever comebacks. I came out with this. Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks to all those who reviewed!