The Private Journal of Nymphadora Tonks-

Summary- Takes place during OotP. Contains spoilers. A year in the life of a loveable young witch. 12 Chapters planned, one for each month. Rather fluffy.

Chapter One- August

Hey, Journal. It's me, Tonks. Well really, who else would be writing in my journal. Today I met The Boy Who Lived! He looked just like I thought he would. So much like James, but with Lily's eyes.

I volunteered to be part of the Advance Guard, like so many others. Remus was there:sigh:. I tried doing my hair purple, I know he fancies the colour, but it didn't suit me so I had to change it back to pink. Oh Remus. Bet he has no idea how I feel. Couldn't tell him of course, he'd think I was barking. Had another dream about him last night. It was a bit racy, though. Don't know if I should tell you about it.

Anyway, we flew him to London. Oh, it was terribly cold, we were all frozen to our bloody brooms. And Mad Eye kept us looping about, thinking we were being trailed, so it took ages to get there. Don't get me wrong, I respect the man, but he is righteously paranoid.

Harry was happy to see his mates, Ron and Hermione. Bit of a thing, going on there I think. That little redhead doesn't know how in love he is. Can't wait to see what unfolds there. Kreature keeps calling her a mudblood, and Ron goes around the twist every time. It is sweet. Poor bloke, had no clue.

The meeting went well. Remus took the chair next to me again and I have to keep telling myself it's just coincidence. Almost annoying, having him there makes it hard to concentrate. I can smell his cologne. Still haven't figured out what it is yet. Kind of spicy, and woodsy, and rich. Puts me in to mood for stretching out on a thick furry rug in front of the fireplace and drinking deeply from a golden goblet. Kind of strange, I know, but remember, that is my field of specialty.

Wish I could figure out what sort of woman he fancies, then I could transfigure myself into it. But do I want to do that? Change myself just to please someone else? God knows I've been down that road before, and it never leads to good results. If only he could like me for what I really am. If I didn't have to fabricate or conceal myself, and he still could find it likeable. Right, keep dreaming, Tonks. Dignified men like Remus don't go for little punks who make pig faces over dinner.

I think Sirius knows how I feel. Never could pull the wool over his eyes. Actually, I've always like Remus, even when I was a small girl, and Sirius would have him and James and Peter over. Not that dear Mrs. Black had much tolerance for us 'by-products of filth.' Still, he was the quiet one, the gentle one. The one who would make Sirius give me my doll back, or tell James to stop teasing me. They were all big kids at Hogwarts, and I always tried to tag along. Quite the tomboy, I was, and I loved my cousin. Remus is still the gentleman.

Oh, if Mum was reading this. She wouldn't see any improvement. She'd say, 'First, you go after lowlifes and scum like those rockers and addicts, abusers and thieves, now a werewolf!' But Mum, he's not like them. He's a good man. And that's why I don't deserve him. But I can dream, can't I? Sometimes I think that's what sustains me, dreams. Fantasies. What I feed from. What I live off. Oh, damn it. Now I'm getting depressed. Well Journal, maybe it's time to say goodnight.

N. Tonks