Strong Side, a remember the titans fanfic

Disclaimer: Remember the Titans and the actual people the characters were based on are not mine, of course.

Julius knew about Gerry's strong side. It shined in difficult times, drawing his classmates and teammates to him, and making him a leader and hero of a community. It was this side that prompted Gerry to approach Coach Boone before leaving for camp, and the same side that later helped him to first accept, and then embrace, his black teammates.

Julius called Gerry Superman and he meant it.

When Gerry had declared, "I'm too strong," Julius had believed him.

That was why Alan's trembling voice over the telephone shook him to his very core.

The first time Julius saw Gerry Bertier was through a bus window, where he was being introduced to the world as Jerry Lewis. Julius saw him humbled and humiliated, but when he found himself sitting on a hard bus seat next to Gerry, he knew he was looking at a person with a tough façade and the strength to back it up.

It was evident in the way he played football, and in the way he talked to his white teammates. They all respected him and they all liked him, but on the football field, whether they liked him or not after the practice was inconsequential. He was born to play, and, more importantly, was hardwired to win. If one of his teammates was slacking- black, white, friend, or enemy- they were going to get an earful, because Gerry didn't mess around and Gerry wasn't afraid.

But Julius hadn't known this when they first arrived at camp. He knew that Gerry was a strong player (Petey had sidled up to him and whispered, "That's Bertier, real All-American stuff right there"), but beyond that, he just didn't care.

Julius didn't care about much. He didn't care about how the others perceived him, he didn't care about winning for Coach Boone, he didn't care about the unity of the team, and he didn't care about perfection. What he did care about was football. Football and hanging his damn posters where he damn well wanted to.

When Gerry pushed him, he shoved back, and all that mattered was causing the most damage. He was satisfied at the end of the fight, certain that Gerry was hurting more than he was. He shrugged off Coach Boone's admonishments and smoothed out his poster in front of Gerry before sleeping that night.

He watched Gerry, waiting to see if he would crack and come running with pencil and pad of paper in hand, demanding to know his mother's name and her favorite brand of nylon stockings. He didn't, and so Julius endured the sweat and the pain and the three-a-day practices. He wasn't going to go out of his way to make anything easier on that self-important white boy, and if that meant that life would be harder for him as well, than that was the way it was going to be.

In the end, Gerry did approach him. Julius could understand why the others respected him, but that didn't make him eager to fall in line. He hit Gerry where he knew it would hurt the most- not with a punch to the gut, but a strike with words at his strong, leadership side- and then he walked away.

That night, he watched Gerry's back as he got ready for bed, and waited for the usual loud breathing and snoring that accompanied his sleep. Julius had threatened on numerous occasions to smother him just to shut him up, but now that Gerry was quiet, he felt unsettled.

Finally, Gerry spoke out in the darkness of the room. "I'm trying."

Julius didn't reply. He rolled over and stared at his poster, and the next morning avoided Gerry's gaze in the showers.

It was lucky that football was all that Julius cared about. As it turned out, football meant a great deal to Gerry as well, and it was the only thing that could have brought them together.

The next time Gerry pushed him, Julius hesitated before shoving back. Once he did though, it was sealed forever- Left Side, Strong Side. In that thrilling moment, Julius felt what it was like to be on Gerry Bertier's strong side.

After that, there were long, light discussions about football preceding the snores and Gerry watched him back as he got ready for bed. There were light-hearted jabs and discussions of Gerry's girl (a subject he was rather reticent on except with Julius), and there was finally what Coach Boone had intended.

Without meaning to, Julius had brought about the unification of the team he didn't care about. Once the initial barrier was broken and the leaders of the two schools hastily thrown together had become friends, comradeship had fallen into place. Now Ray was the dissenter, and Julius and Gerry walked away from practices proud of the defensive end they had put together.

Adding Sunshine into the mix had done nothing but strengthen them, except for the mishap in the beginning. Julius had been astonished to see Gerry so angry, and it felt novel to not be the one on the receiving end of that desire to hit and punch and maim. When he learned why- Sunshine's little joke, ha ha- he didn't question the fact that he spent more time pondering Gerry's reaction than the kiss itself. That night he stared at the bunk above him as Gerry undressed and climbed into bed.

Had he really thought they were strong? That was bullshit. The camp was nothing more than a break out of the real world, and they eventually had to return to it. Once they did, Julius found himself standing with his hand held out to Gerry's girl and she was recoiling. Julius felt angry with Gerry and he didn't understand why.

He watched Gerry being stronger than he had ever been at camp. It was difficult to stand up to an entire school, an entire town, but Julius knew that Superman could do it. There were times that Gerry got it wrong, and Julius had to correct him. Petey wasn't part of an ambiguous "they"; he wasn't one of "those people." Then Gerry was choosing him over Emma, and maybe he wasn't getting it so wrong after all.

Soon there were only three times. Football, time with Gerry, and time without Gerry. One day when Gerry was pulling a sweaty white t-shirt over his head after practice, Julius asked him to come to the Berg. He felt uncomfortable mixing two of those time spheres, and had been almost relieved when Gerry hadn't come.

Then there had been the hurt- but there wasn't time for that when there was a football game to be played. Nothing could interfere with that third time sphere.

But Gerry proved once again that he was too strong and even managed to win his mother over to meeting Julius. Sitting in their prim living room was an odd experience, and he squirmed uncomfortably on the sofa when Mrs. Bertier burst out, "Gerry's been so happy lately. Football's been going so well. I haven't seen him this enthused about anything since his father-"

Julius winced as he watched Gerry's face tighten. She stopped there and smiled indulgently. "Well," she said. "Julius, tell me about your family."

Two weeks later, he wondered in a fit of hysterical irony what Mrs. Bertier would think about what he was doing to make her son happy at that very moment. He wondered what she would think about the way Julius had Gerry pinned up against the locker room wall, and the way Gerry's tongue was moving in his mouth. He imagined this scene taking place in the Bertier living room, and would have started laughing if not for Gerry's urgent mouth on his and his left hand clutching Julius's shoulder almost painfully.

They were winning games and so the town loved them. It amused Julius to see Gerry almost restless with the lack of animosity to fight against. He didn't like to think about what would have happened if they were losing games, especially during a particularly challenging game of basketball with Gerry, after which Gerry would make it up to him for winning. Julius had never imagined that he would enjoy losing so much.

They continued winning games, and Gerry continued waiting for him in empty hallways and dark corners. There were no longer any discussions of Emma.

Life went on this way until one day he realized that he was smiling, and anyone who had known him at his old high school would have easily been able to say that Julius Campbell never smiles. He thought then that he finally understood the look of horrified disbelief on Sunshine's face when Rev had been knocked savagely to the ground by Kip Tyler, and the tender way that he carried around Rev's crutches for weeks.

It wasn't until The Game (as Julius now thought of it) that everyone saw how happy he truly was. Winning their way to the state championship snapped the thin shield Julius had put up, and he finally had an excuse to show his bright smile and buoyant mood. Melinda sensed it and seemed drawn to him.

"Come on," she had said, smiling and arching into him. "Come on, big Julius, I haven't seen you in weeks. You're always with Gerry-" And of course, Gerry had shown up at that moment.

Julius couldn't explain later why he decided to stay with Melinda instead of leaving with Gerry, except to offer the feeble excuse that he knew that they were meeting the next day anyway. He saw a flicker of something in Gerry's eyes when he called Melinda "my girl," even though they'd talked about why, but he didn't have time to contemplate it as Melinda dragged him away to join a party downtown. He saw, as he looked behind him, Gerry talking to Emma, and his smile slipped for an instant as he remembered camp conversations centered around her.

But that had been before... well, before secret kisses and the thrill of touching the other on the shoulder in front of the team, all the while knowing that later they would touch very differently in private.

Julius wasn't worried. He would see Gerry tomorrow.

Julius got drunk and messy at the party, and officially broke up with Melinda despite the fact that they hadn't gone out in weeks. She hadn't seemed very heartbroken, but gave him a good slap anyway for embarrassing her in a room full of people.

He walked home wishing he were with Gerry, who always laughed at him when he was drunk.

Then he answered the telephone, and Alan's voice was anxious and loud in his ear.

The waiting room only offered numb disbelief. He didn't know who was talking to him. Gerry was what? Say it again. Don't say that. Gerry is what?

Julius cared. Julius cared and it hurt. He could barely see making his way over to Mrs. Bertier. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said, almost unable to get it out.

He was stunned by her calm and could see in that moment that superhuman strength wasn't exclusive to Gerry.

Through a haze, he heard, "He doesn't want to see anybody but you, Julius."

Finally, something registered inside him besides the fact that Gerry is hurt, Gerry is hurt. Gerry needed him to be strong now; Gerry needed a Superman. And Gerry had chosen him. The waiting room was filled with all of Gerry's old friends and his new teammates, even his mother, and Gerry wanted him.

Julius entered the room soberly, and bit back a cry at seeing Gerry like that in bed. He could only offer Gerry what felt like something they had always had- a quiet understanding and friendship. But Gerry wanted to remember a time when it had not been that way between them, and then Julius was fighting tears again, airing dreams and hopes he hadn't realized he'd had until Gerry was laying in bed hurt and needed to hear them.

Leaving the room much later that night, he almost smiled. Despite everything, Gerry had ended up being the one to comfort and protect Julius. Superman never gave up.

The town reacted predictably, with tears and grieving and prayers. To them, he had been their football hero. To Julius, he had simply been his hero. Julius might have retreated into himself and wandered down the dangerous path of thinking that always led to all the things Gerry would never be able to do again. Instead, Julius chose to fight, and he knew that it was because he now had the example of a superhero to follow.

"We'll win," he said, walking backwards out of Gerry's room one afternoon, after everyone else had left and he'd held Gerry's hand for hours. "We're gonna win. I promise. We'll win."

"I'll be watching," Gerry said, his voice taut with tears. Julius knew that it was gutting him to watch this football game on television instead of being there, the rightful captain of the team and king of the game he loved.

"Our time" became Gerry's time, and Julius played twice as hard. They had to win. He'd finally managed to clear his head of shaking Emma's hand with the same hand Gerry had been holding all afternoon. Now he only saw Rev with the ball and Sunshine running ahead of him, and he felt an insane flash of jealousy that he could not just knock obstacles out of Gerry's way in the same way that Sunshine bowled the other team's players out of Rev's path.

Suddenly, the running stopped and they'd won. They'd won and in a hospital miles away, Gerry would have seen.

When Julius told Gerry about making all-American and his plans for the future, he'd expected Gerry to be bitter about the future that was no longer his. If Gerry was, he hid it, and well enough that Julius, who knew him best, didn't see.

"Play football, Julius," Gerry said. "Play good football."

Julius visited Alexandria frequently, as often as he could. Eventually, he ceased being surprised at Gerry's resilience and upbeat outlook on life. After all, Gerry was Superman.

Sometimes Julius imagined that maybe he was Gerry's strong side. This thought was very near to him on the day that Gerry looked at him strangely and said, "I'm still waiting for us to grow old and fat together," and Julius kissed him goodbye, unknowingly, for the last time.

There was another telephone call the next day; much more painful than the memorable one he had received ten years ago. What kryptonite could his Superman have encountered?

His hand was cold as he held Mrs. Bertier's at the funeral, and no one could quite look him in the eye.

When it was over, he was unexpectedly calm. He wandered away from the group talking about what an inspiration Gerry had always been and naming things after him. None of that mattered because Julius would always remember what Gerry still is. Gerry is waiting for him to live his life, and Julius would do it, knowing that Gerry was forever at his left side, deflecting indifference and pain and hatred. Gerry's love was too strong to fade away.